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Posted by on Aug 28, 2012 in Advice for Women, Dating, Marriage | 58 comments Tags: , , , ,

3 Reasons Why Men Text Message Instead of Calling

men text messaging texting

In today’s age of technology our phones have become our everything. It is our computer, our organizer, our video game player, our camera, and more. Lost in all of that is its original function, the ability to call and speak to someone with your voice. Seriously I think we spend more time on the phone doing everything else instead of actually talking on it. The main replacement to our phone voice conversations is the text message. So simple and convenient it has changed how we communicate in everyday life and especially in our relationships. So lately I have received the same question from so many women. Why do men text instead of just calling? Does it mean he is not interested? Does it mean he is just too busy? They really want some clarity on this issue and I will now attempt to give it.

He texts because he can.

Look I am just as guilty as the next man for over using text messaging to communicate. It is quick and convenient so we take advantage of that fact. If a woman takes no issue or does not express the fact that she has taken issue with all the text, then some men simply won’t stop.  Why would they eliminate what works for a lot of men if you don’t say you have a problem with it? The position of many women for the need to verbally communicate is not shared by a lot of men. To some men as long as you received a message from him and some form of communication, well then mission accomplished.

He doesn’t feel like talking to you.

Sometimes when women talk, all a man hears is womp womp womp. So to eliminate that problem he just sends you a text. It will minimize the need for a long drawn out conversation that he may feel is pointless. It could also save him from what he feels is some incessant nagging that he knows is about to come. So he simply will use text messaging as his shield. Again it’s just too convenient and if he believes it can help him avoid some unnecessary talk and backlash, well then he will put it to use. There are plenty of men who have uttered the line “I’ll just text her for now until she cools down”. May not always be the best approach but the thought process makes perfect sense.

He doesn’t like you like that.

I know that sounds harsh and mean, but I have to be honest. Sometimes a man will mainly use texting because you are not a priority to him. He may desire to have sex with you but for some women all it takes is some texting to get that ass. So guess what, that is all he may give you in his quest to get some. There are some cases where you may not start off as priority but you get “promoted” to the top spot. So initially while he hasn’t fully determined your value to him you may still mainly get texts instead of phone calls which take more effort and time. Time is precious, and a man isn’t going to give a woman a more time-consuming action such as talking if he does not see the value in it. You as the woman have to set your price, and then he will decide if he wants to pay it or not.

If you notice I didn’t get deeper into a man just being too busy. Because most people would agree that people make time for what they want or feel they need to make time for. If a woman accepts less, then most men will give less, and you can’t only blame him for getting less. Also take heed to the main message in the first reason. If you have an issue with texting then you should express that concern. Not every man who starts off texting is doing that because he isn’t interested in you. It just may be what he is accustomed to and does not realize there is an issue. If you make it known, time passes, and it is still the same. Well now it’s safe to come to the conclusion that he isn’t serious enough about being with you. Don’t get mad at a man for a lack of communication if you are not willing to properly communicate. Make it clear what you desire and allow him the opportunity to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t well then maybe you can send him a text goodbye on his way out : ).

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

  • Mosesjustmoses

     I have to agree on all of these. Especially No. 2! I do like making a morning call, and letting her know I’m thinking of her. But when I call, and all I hear is Blah Blah Blah over the same issues daily, and those are part of daily life (in D.C. (traffic, rude people, woke up late)), that just deflates the whole morning. So, a text letting you know I’m thinking about you will have to suffice. When asked why I text when I used to call (oh hell) and I say why, all of a sudden I’m not supportive! LOL. We are doomed….

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Thank you Moses. Looks like some of the women are not happy with this lol but I am just trying to make them aware of some truth. I completely understand where you are coming from and I think plenty of other men do as well.

      • Mosesjustmoses

        This is just another small sliver in the man-woman relationship cycle.  To expand,my scenario is one of millions. I love teasing and flirting with a woman, verbally, physically,and now technology gave me another tool. I enjoy texting at 4:00 am when I wake up. And at night before crashing. Is it because I have another woman there. No. But all comments above are true/valid.

        • Joelle Paule

          Moses I think I asked if you were single some weeks ago. I am still waiting on the answer please. Stephan can you help me find out that answer from Moses too I’ll appreciate it. :)

          • Mosesjustmoses

             Good afternoon Joelle, I never received that question. But the answer is yes. Why do you ask?

          • Joelle Paule

            Thank you for answering. I want to know because I read your comments on articles quite often and I like what you say. I don’t know if that’s exactly how you are but you seem to be a good guy. Why are you single? :)

          • Mosesjustmoses

            Joelle, Thanks for the kind remarks. Much appreciated! The reason I’m single at this moment is by choice. And I will be elaborating in the very near future, (very cleverly if I say so myself) in replies I make on this forum. I’ve read many forums, but never replied. This form is the best by a wide margin, therefore I decided to put my opinions/thoughts on Mr. Labossiere’s blog.

          • Joelle Paule

            Alright then. Thank you very much for answering. I will continue reading your remarks as well and will keep asking you some questions if I have some. It’s that ok?

          • mosesmoses

            Truly flattered! I will answer truthfully and sincerely!

  • Kimberly

    Can another reason be because he’s not available to talk to you because he’s with another woman?

    • Jspot22

      I believe that’s reason number four. He’s currently texting or with someone else trying to get some a$$ from her

    • Joelle Paule

      I know right? Good point #4

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      I left that reason out on purpose because I didn’t want every woman to jump to that conclusion too fast. I do agree that this is a possible reason, but chances are that if this reason does apply then there are some other things he is doing to support that thought.

      • AskThatChick

        What’s implied is already understood. Unfortunately that kind of behavior leads most women to come up with all sorts of scenarios on our on. And I’ve found that when men aren’t wanting to talk, especially during hours when you know they can, aren’t working etc., it’s usually something or someone going on.

  • Jletticiaww

    So if all you hear is blah blah blah or womp womp womp, it makes you men seem like you just want us to sleep with you make u a sandwich and not say shit. Sounds to me like men lusting after themselves wanting women to be more like them.

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Honestly there are a lot of men who do say that is all they want. The thing is most men you come across are not going to have a connection with you. Therefore they will be less likely to want to “talk” unless they are just a person who enjoys talking. The guy that is best for you will want to listen and hear what you have to say. That doesn’t mean that a “womp womp womp” moment won’t occur, but they will have no problem correcting the issue of text abuse and having more real conversations.

  • Pooblyshus39

    I see where us as women can use this for our advantage :-). My  #1 reason is they are texting another woman or they’re in front of another woman and texting you. Oh yeah! You can use the other reasons. They could be true as well. I do understand the blah, blah, blah/ nagging , because men love to nag about what they want. Just like women..lol. So lets put on the hush, hush and listen more to really see what they’re all about.. So that we can use our power of nagging to run the wrong guys away lmbo. Just a thought.:-D~E2Esmile~

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Lol there is no good power in nagging. Nagging can run the the good and the bad guys away. 

      • Pooblyshus39

        Come on you know that will work.:-D~cheese~. I truely believe that nagging is the kryptonite that us superwomen need to use from time to time. But only on the wrong guys. lol. I repeat “Only on the WRONG guys.. Dont you think?. lol

        • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

          But how do you know if you are doing it to the “wrong guy”? If you already know he is wrong then why bother wasting energy with nagging, just walk away and end that situation. If you are doing it to figure out whether he is wrong or right, well that is an ineffective practice because no man likes being nagged. Also I have seen plenty of the “wrong guys” stick around even with the nagging so you still lose that battle. One way or another I will not co-sign on nagging as an effective tool. You want positive results you have to implement positive methods.

          • Pooblyshus39

            Lmbo! You got me! I was soo wrong on that. Why waste my energy on nagging when I have better things to do. He’s right gurls. Nagging is a big headache, It fustrate you more than anyone else.. Well ladies DO NOT USE MY METHOD.  I can admit when Im wrong! :-)~smile~ 

  • Chefpamme

    A Bunch of crock…. Go figure that’s why a man is speaking this BS!!!!

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Is it crock because you don’t think these are the actual reasons why some men text instead of calling. Or is it crock because you just don’t like those reasons and feel they are not valid. Just for the record I am not saying these are good or valid reasons not to call somebody. Just explaining why some men do what they do.

  • http://www.our12footblanket.com/ David

     I would think that another solid reason would be because of the convenience to the woman.  I enjoy sending a quick text just as a “thinking of you” moment for a woman in the middle of HER busy day.  Then it gives her the option to either reach out and make a phone call, indicating she’s got some spare time on her hands, or just to enjoy the thought for what it is, no pressure to communicate back implied.  If I just picked up the phone, I could be intruding at an inopportune time, which then brings the whole requirement for her to have to give me the “I’m busy, can I call you some other time?” thing, which is no fun for either of us.

    • K’chele

      The I’m thinking of you text is wonderful!!! However I always tell a man, if I’m interested in you, I will make the time to talk to you when you call. Of course there are the genuine times when someone is unavailable, however if I like you!!! I’m answering the call and having a conversation!!!

  • Dylan
  • C-Red

    LOL!!!! Love this man. Men are simple creatures, we say what we gotta say and keep it moving. Texting alows me to say my message and that’s it. No small talk or wasteful convo lol And if i finally do use the phone, then it’s b/ i’m actually in the mood to talk and have something to say, so it leads to better phone conversations

    • http://www.facebook.com/kaniakennedy Kania Kennedy

       All I can say is that if men want to get close to women, they need to be in communication because women like to talk LOL

      I had a dude get upset with me b/c he thought we had been “talking” for 4 months when all we really did was exchange text messages.  It was fine with me, but from my point of view we were not making any headway in terms of getting to know each other.  So when he wanted to come over and kick it, I was like “No, I don’t invite strange men into my home.”
      Needless to say, he faded to black, but still asks me why “we” didn’t
      work out.  And YES I did clearly communicate that texting was not the
      hotness, he just didn’t care.

      He was one of those, “I’m not trying to be used for dinner” weirdos so he wasn’t trying to date me until we had established a rapport, I just don’t know how you establish a rapport w/o conversation and/or face-time. 

      • Tropicanajuice4u

        head on… dudes really burn the road up with the “can I come over or do u want to come over” line… there is nothing as a new person I just met need to be doing at each other house. Also going out does not always = spending cash. If u can’t pick up the phone and call, be ready to spend some $$ (No not ball out but be ready to take me out) and or have a creative mind for alternative spots (non spending) where we can chat, spend time and get to now each other then you should not be out approaching ladies saying, “I want to get to know you”. Random, off and on texts does not equal getting to know each other.

    • AskThatChick

      In my opinion, adult men, especially those over 35 who use texting as a primary means of communications are lame. Its impersonal, shows disinterest and gets annoying after a while. If you’re texting to just say “hey thinking about you’, confirming details or something like that, it’s fine. But if you’re an infrequent communicator, call ever so often and/or text sporadically, best believe that woman is not going to be impressed or want to deal with you. She’s already lost interest–if she ever even had it. Texting is the no. 1 reason for miscommunication. I’ll leave it to those born past 1985.

  • http://twitter.com/TerrillCharming Skyfall

    Mostly its easy to text in any situation. You cant always talk. Its also less invasive. It makes for easier rejection too. You can type thing that you won’t say. There usually isn’t an instant response. Add this to all the other reasons above.

  • Guessing Games

    I do think that miscommunication can happen if both parties don’t get on the same wavelength. It seems men assume they were busier than women; and both may assume various degrees about the value of texting. So clearly a conversation about texting is in order.

  • El

    I read through the comments and was surprised I didn’t see “Men like to text over talking so that they can come up with better lies” ….lol….when on the phone they may have to tell a dumb lie on the spot, but when texting they r able to really think of a good lie. I believe this is true, or am I talking bitterly right now? Lol

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Lmao that was a good one. Makes perfect sense but I will say some bitterness is still showing at the moment lol : )

  • Guest

    I’d like to add a fourth entry to the piece on Why (some)
    Men Choose Text Messages Over Phone Calls…The guy in the relationship prefers
    to call instead of text but more times than not, she doesn’t answer.  And when she does reply it’s not by returning
    his call, but she replies with…You guessed it…a text message.  “What’s up?” or “What do you need?”  So in that situation he has no choice but to
    text instead of call.  Not because that’s
    how he wants to do things, but because SHE is the one who would rather text
    instead of call.  So in this case, she’s
    flipped the script…1. SHE does it because SHE can.  2. SHE doesn’t feel like talking to HIS
    ass.  3. SHE just doesn’t like HIM like
    that.  

    • guest

      Wow, don’t know how/why my post ended up fragmented like that.  But oh well…

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      Well that wouldn’t really be #4 on the list lol. That would be a separate article “Why Women Choose Text over Phone Calls”. I agree that there are many women who don’t text for the same reasons on this list. The reason I wrote from this angle is because you don’t hear men  take issue with the texting nearly as much as women do. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000083310271 Cleopatra Huff

    THIS RIGHT HERE:  “If you have an issue with texting then you should express that concern. Not every man who starts off texting is doing that because he isn’t interested in you. It just may be what he is accustomed to and does not realize there is an issue.” #BOOM!!!

    I LOVE that statement & advice.

    I’m one who will text & use technology to the FULLEST because I’m a techno-geek & it’s convenient. I also have the unlimited text plan because if not, I’d have an $800 cell bill!

    BUT, when it comes to relationships, I understand some texting, but in the beginning, I want to speak with you..hear your voice: the tone, inflection, timbre, breathing pattern..LOL.  I want to HEAR from you.  That’s how I best communicate with you & get to know you.

  • Lau–K

    funny enough there are women who too prefer texting with the growing tech whatsapp fb viber kik messeger hangout etc why wont your fingers not want to text. further more text is evidence if not deleted

  • Seriously?!

    Stephan I love your work brotha I have read the remarks from the majority who are women and instead of looking at it from afar I have seen some negative comments. I understand ladies when these type of topics come up you want to throw out there what YOU have been through I get it and most of us MEN get it. Some guys aren’t conversationalists and don’t know how to talk to women why complain about texting when you do it just as quick? You want to get rid of the texting thing then you stop texting. Now I understand people can’t pick up a phone ALL the time but the time that you can make a call try it it works (guys/gals) I don’t really reply to these kind of things I just like to read some of the comments some of them are way out there. Stephan keep up the good work you know what I have noticed?!! Your topics are unbiased and to be frank most people can’t or won’t accept that but that is the start of trying to understand one another. Me on the other hand as old school as this is hell I would go as far as to writing a note saying “do you like me?” circle yes or no. Texting has in some ways ruined people. They don’t talk any more they just look at their phones and text away what to expect next?

  • Lara

    ~ Thank you Stephan, I needed to read that, explains it clear and simple, yes there are probably ‘other’ factors for texting over telephone conversations, but these seem fair and reasonable to start, much appreciated to help understand. :) ~

  • Queen

    Thank you so much for putting this out here now I know thank you

  • Falisha

    To me sometimes I just want to text. it’s not really all that serious to me especially when you spend face to face time together, I’d rather have that than a phone conversation…I stay busy myself so sometimes it is easier to text. If women want to talk to men over the phone then they should take the initiative to call, if a man shows you little interest continuously over the phone then there you have it, make a decision based off of the actions he is showing you, that simple!

  • Khrystle Nichole

    I happen to like the “hey babe, I’m thinking about you” text. But of course this may depend on how well you know the man. However, I have been known to send text messages for all the same reasons listed above, lol. I don’t think these reasons are limited to male behavior. I just think it’s human behavior.

  • ElegantScolder

    I loathe texting and I told this guy to stop doing it and he continues so recently he did and I didn’t reply. The second time I said, “Who is this?” He replied “Who is this?” To make a long story longer, I acted like I didn’t know who he was. I told you once, I am not telling you again. Meet my two fingers and keep it moving.

  • Jolanta Monique Peters

    Hi Stephan. I text my guy sometimes but there are times when I want to hear his voice. Now I do agree that if I let him know that I want to talk to him sometimes, if he still texts afterwards, it may mean he doesn’t feel the same for me that I thought. Do you have anything else that I can do to get my point across?