I know the ladies are ready to hear this one. Curious to see what can possibly be said to help them understand why so many men lie and play games with a woman’s mind, heart, and emotions. I get this question all the time and be prepared because you may not like all of the answers. Side Note: this is not an attempt to validate lies, this is to explain some of the reasons it happens.

1. Because many women can’t handle the truth – many men feel like telling the truth just leads to backlash or hurt feelings even when there is no ill intention behind it (i.e. Woman: “honey do you think I gained some weight” Man: “yeah I think you could hit the gym a little harder”). If it isn’t what the woman “wants” to hear, then men run the risk of paying a price for their honesty. I have even been told by some women that they rather have men lie to rather than be hurt by the truth. Funny thing is, once the lie is discovered it’s not like they go thanking the man from trying to “protect her” from the pain. Their reaction is still never a good one so the logic doesn’t add up. Some men would love to be more honest, but if you are going to flip out when he does, he figures what’s the point.
2. He wants Sex – most men realize that simply saying all he wants is sex is not always the most effective approach to getting it. It may work sometimes, but typically it will work against him. So with that, men lie to get that ass. I know it’s not right, but can you women really be surprised when men take this route. Especially when he sees you deal with guys that weren’t worth your time simply because they knew how to tell you what you wanted to hear. So he then feels the need to sell you a dream to get what he really wants. Some men will go as far as playing the “boyfriend” role, when there is no intention of ever being serious with you. Sex can be a powerful drug, and as long as there are men who want it bad enough, there will be men willing to lie to get it.
3. He is immature, insecure, & selfish – With true maturity comes the understanding that honesty may not always get you the best immediate results, but it is what’s best in the long run. Maturity also helps you realize that lies just aren’t worth it. There is too much trouble and potential drama that can come from it. If you have yet to realize and acknowledge these things as a man then you will view telling a lie as nothing serious. Getting past the insecurities allow men not to feel the need to lie to get what they want. Not to lie to compensate for their shortcomings, but to be honest about them and be willing to make progress in that area. An insecure man can be an unstable one, and that can always lead to many unnecessary lies and actions. If he is selfish he could care less or simply overlook the damage that his lies can do. He will disregard the feelings of others, and justify his actions by saying that he has to do what’s best for him, and look out for himself. Again, a mature man will not exhibit these characteristics and the temptation to lie will decrease immensely.

I know this is cliché but honesty is truly the best policy. Some people think that some lies are necessary, but in most cases it is due to the issues within yourself that you choose to lie instead of speak truth. I know many people will say this honesty issue goes both ways, and it absolutely does. I just like to address one gender at a time, because I don’t want anyone to try to justify their lies due to the actions of the other gender. I will address the women, trust me. It will be similar, but there are always some slight differences.

None of the reasons above validate lying. If your woman can’t handle the truth, then understand “truth” is not the issue, but her inability to handle it is. If you have to lie for sex, then maybe you need to fall back from it. I’m not promoting your pursuit of it, but trust there are enough women who you can get sex from without all the unnecessary lies if you know what you’re doing. Men, understand we have to do better. Women, understand the reasons above and eliminate contributing to the temptation of lies in the ways that you can. Let us all create an environment where people can be open and honest and put an end to the unnecessary madness.

Stephan Labossiere

Certified Relationship Expert & Life Coach. Author of the book “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”