dating a friends ex

Dating Your Friends Ex

Doesn’t suck when your good friend dates someone who you are extremely attracted to. I mean you really would love nothing better than to have them to yourself but you know you have to respect the boundaries (hopefully). They belong to your friend and it would look real bad for you to make a move on that person. Fast forward and now they are no longer with your friend. They broke up for whatever reason and it turns out the attraction is mutual. You want to act on it but maybe you feel it is a violation of your friendship…Give me a break! I mean c’mon people. You are two adults and neither of you are obligated to anyone. So why not just go make it happen? Is it really wrong to date a friends ex? Who the hell made up this rule anyway?

Honestly, when it comes to dating a friends ex I think it really depends on the situation. There are different variables that in my opinion make it understandable or make it a very questionable. Let’s take a look at some of these variables and how they tilt the scale towards do it or walk away.

DO IT because they were just a rental anyway. Yes you heard that correctly, that ex was simply a rental. What that means is that the relationship was never that serious. That man or woman simply wanted to have someone at their convenience and that person was who they chose to fill that void. Maybe it was cuddle season (fall holiday season to those who are not familiar with that term) or maybe they were just a rebound from the last failed relationship. Whatever the motivation, it wasn’t that serious. So why should it be hands off to you?

WALK AWAY because it really was something serious. I would never advise crossing this line when that relationship was something deeper or had a lot of history. It just isn’t worth taking that route and possibly hurting your friend with your decision. For all you know they still have not resolved certain issues from that relationship. Now they would have to deal with seeing you with that person and that would not be cool at all. So if you know that this dynamic existed then just leave the ex alone.

DO IT because they are so damn fine! I mean look at them, can you really pass this up : ). I’m joking people. How they look should not be what does it but if there is a genuine deep connection (not some we get along really well stuff, I mean much deeper than that) then I can understand the decision. Obviously this can get very complicated if your friend isn’t on board with this but a true connection should not be ignored. People find love in some crazy places and sometimes in some very difficult situations. I always support the pursuit of real genuine love but don’t let infatuation and lust get you caught up.

WALK AWAY because all you really want is some ass anyway. I mean if all parties are ok and on the same page then that is up to you as adults. I’m just saying it isn’t worth ruining a friendship over some sex. Yes you may be very curious and maybe you even heard great reviews from your friend. It is still not worth it. There are plenty of other people you can choose to have sex with if that’s what you want. It doesn’t have to be the person that was your friends’ ex. (Side Note: it is likely that if a man wants to date a friends ex then he just wants some ass. I will not say this is always the case but most men will not want to “wife up” the girl who already slept with his close friend. So when most men do make that pursuit it is because they want a piece of the action. I have seen far too many women sleep with a man’s friend still expecting for a real relationship to come. While he is thinking the whole time “is this chick serious?”. Unfortunately they won’t tell her that flat-out)

I didn’t go too deep with this one. We could have discussed factors like how long has it been since they dated?  Did they ever have sex or become intimate? Are you two really that close to begin with? As well as if the friend has moved on to better things or even married now. All these factors play into making this decision. Ultimately if you are truly friends with this person then you should be able to openly talk about your interest with them. Dealing with their ex behind their back will always be a recipe for drama. If everyone can handle it and is ok with the situation, then do what makes you happy. If you two can’t agree then you have to make a decision on what is more important to you; pursuing the ex or keeping your friend. Some people will say it is NEVER OK to date a friends ex. I feel that is for you and your friend to decide.