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Posted by on Jun 18, 2012 in Advice for Men, Intimacy, Marriage | 57 comments Tags: , , , , ,

Your Girl’s A Freak!…Just Not With You

Girl Freak Holding Sex Handcuffs

So you are married to a woman and man is she a prude. She is boring in bed and on top of that she barely gives up the booty. She actually thinks twice a month is normal and sufficient (no offense to the ladies that really believe this). I mean she isn’t even willing to try anything you saw on “How Stella Got Her Tube Packed” or “Blowjob Impossible” (these are actual porn movie titles, I have not seen these movies, just looked it up on Google). Really this woman is horrible sexually, and for some of you it’s confusing because she used to be much better than this. So what’s the problem? Is she really this conservative? Has she simply lost her desire for sex? Or hold up now…could the problem be YOU!

That’s right my friend, too many men are quick to put the sexual ineffectiveness of his woman all on her. You don’t even know or realize that either a) she not only is a freak but there is or have been other men that may have previously received that side of her b) there is a freak in her but you just have not realized how to bring it out of her c) you have seen the freak previously but your lack of sexually satisfying her has caused the freak to go away. Now I can discuss many things that play into this, but for this article let’s focus in on what I feel is the most important aspect for many people. The issue is how comfortable is she with you. Sounds simple right, but trust me so many of the men are overlooking this. When you can make a woman feel comfortable she becomes more open mentally and emotionally. I always like to say “open her mind and her legs will follow”. By her being more comfortable she also becomes more receptive to you sexually and allows herself to properly enjoy your sexual actions. For example, if she isn’t as comfortable as she needs to be with you then talking dirty and saying something vulgar may get you a funny look or completely shut down. Whereas the next man (who she is more comfortable with) can say the exact same thing and it will turn her on. Same rule applies to physical advances. You could attempt to smack her ass or grab her neck (in a sexually assertive way of course) and this may turn her off, frighten her, and cause her to be very offended. Whereas another man can do that same action and it makes her wet and more sexually submissive.  The difference again is how much you have succeeded in making her feel comfortable with you. All the things you say or do to her won’t matter if she is mentally or emotionally disconnected. She may still have sex with you at those times, but she is just waiting for you to be done, and she isn’t likely to make a return to the bedroom very soon. Some men may have a woman who is always ready to go, but that isn’t the norm, so don’t expect to find that. That freak you desire is there, but you have to put in some work.

As a married man don’t assume that she is automatically comfortable with you. If you are her boyfriend, don’t assume because she is comfortable today that she will be just as comfortable months or years later (side note: this is one of the reasons I believe waiting is best, because you need time to truly recognize and nurture the connection needed to create great results in marriage). If you want your lady to be a freak then you have to constantly do your part to create an environment that allows her to bring it out. She wants to let it out, but letting other parts of your relationship fall off can quickly make her hold back. Let her find that comfort in some other man and he will be the one getting the freak you complain your woman isn’t. You can’t just blame your woman, you need to check yourself and really evaluate if you are doing what she needs from you to make it work. Again there is more to it than just this, but this is a great start. Understand that sex is an art; your woman’s mind and body are your canvas…so learn how to paint!

Side Note: I personally believe there lies a freak within all women but in fairness I will say that there may be times that you truly have a woman who just isn’t sexually receptive. To make a fair assessment you still need to do your part as a man and then let’s see what happens.

Learn the keys to her heart, mind, spirit, and Body by getting your copy of the award-winning book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband on Amazon HERE

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

57 Comments

    • : ) Glad you enjoyed it.

  1. I Feel Like When Entering a Relationship Men Put On This Facade that Us Women Get Comfortable With and That Is Wat Makes Us Willing to Hand Over Our Goods but After a While the Dude BeComes Comfortable and If He’s Not the Person He Showed at the Beginning Then He Has Lowered His SuperHeroNess that Made Us Feel Like He Was SuperMan When He’s Really a Boy at Heart and That Kills all Respect That We Had for Him…So He Actually Does Become a Stranger and the Flame Starts to Die!!!!

    • You are right about that, this issue definitely exist. That’s why we have to stop with the “act” and be true to ourselves from the beginning. Take the time to become the men we need to be, and then we can have better relationships and more consistent and fulfilling sex lives with our partner.

  2. Great post!!

    • Thank you very much : )

  3. AMEN, sharing this with my husband asap.. :) 

    • Lol good and I hope he takes heed to what is being said. 

    • Thank you LaQuita : )

  4. I don’t wanna be a freak~but I can’t help myself..LOL…u said a mouth full…it takes the right person to have a lady in the street & a freak in the bed!!!

    • Lol…It really does take the right person, or sometimes the right circumstances. Hopefully more husbands can learn to be that person for their wives.

  5. Very interesting post here. All I can honesty say, is that it takes two to tango. I think married couples need to remember what happened when they first met, and all the efforts they went to, so that each moment was perfect. It seems at times that once they get married, they get stuck in an old routine which gets boring for each other. 

    As an example, when you first met, would you wear that old smell night-dress (yes, I’m exaggerating to make a point) for 6 weeks like you do now? Would you wear that old head-scarf all day/night around the house like you do now? Would you slap the dinner down in front of the TV like you do now? I guess the answer would be No. That’s because you both kept it fresh before the ring was upon the finger. 

    Now that you are married and I know how busy couples can be,  why not continue to do all you can to ‘strike that match’ that causes sparks. Buy some nice underwear, wear perfume or aftershave and entertain each other. You managed to find the time before so why not make time now. Do your hair nice just like you use to. Prepare the evening, light the candles, do a nice meal, set the table nice and talk like you use to. Make it work, just like it use to. 

    If one person is not committed, it will never succeed. Sorry to ramble, but it was a good read. 

    • You make a great point Rum Punch, and I agree. People have to learn to continue to do some of the things that worked for the couple when they first got together. I think the reason it changes so much is because 1) that was never truly who they were, it is who they showed you in order to “get you” 2) the are certain aspects that typically come into play after marriage that wasn’t there during dating. I can give more reasons than that, but regardless your point is accurate and definitely something more people need to adhere to.

      • I hope your book (How to get a woman…) can elaborate further into how this is done. What a great teaser! I enjoy your stuff. Keep on!

  6. Another good article to make people talk, a good conversation starter.

  7. This is the truth

  8. I like the part about opening up her mind and her legs will follow. I think that it is essential in a relationship that both parties are comfortable with each other because that’s when magic happens.

    • Exactly but men and in some cases even women tend to overlook this fact. Some people are so focused on the physical that they forget about other important aspects to having great intimacy.

      • Stephen you are so right I think a lot of men approach sex from a physical stand point and women approach sex from a mental one– if you cause me to believe I’m desired, wanted, sexy, appreciated for who I AM, not just another female to relieve yourself in, then I’ll be more comfortable and willing to give you all my love. But if you (married or not) as a man just come at me with your physical needs in your view just to get off, you are cheating not only me you are cheating yourself! Men don’t realize the lunar experience a woman in love with you can give you– if she loves you because you make her believe she’s the one that makes your heart sing, she will take you to the moon, baby!! :)

    • Just as much as women like there feelings and thoughts and desires respected, they should have the same mind set about their men too. A relationship is about give and take. And it should be done with love by both parties.

  9. I like that in part two of the example of the bottom smack or the neck grab, Stephan uses himSELF as the second man! Classic! Of course the rest of the blog is on point as well. Accountability plays such a huge role in a successful relationship. Recognizing YOUR shortcomings and working on them is the easiest way to get your partner to do the same…..this may even make them more freaky. Ijs……. ;-)

    • Lmao! I knew somebody would point that out eventually : ) you got me. You are correct, when you focus on putting your best foot forward it makes it easier for your partner to do the same : )

    • You know what, I decided to edit that. I did it cause it amused me and to create intrigue, but I don’t want to give the wrong impression or in any way take away from the message and its purpose. Thanks for pointing it out : )

  10. I agree 100%. I’m not sexually active, but I know I have a freaky side. lol. But I agree, a woman must be comfortable. The last guy I dated wanted my virginity bad. And honestly, there were times I wanted to give it up, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel comfortable enough, because I felt like he didn’t value my virginity. I felt like it was all about sex to him, that he didn’t see it as me giving him something precious. And sometimes he would handle me like a porn star. lol. I wanted my first time to be special, but he was always in a rush to do it, which turned me off! He never fully saw my freaky side because of that. That’s probably why he isn’t that into me anymore, but hey that’s his problem lol. I tried to tell him, but it went through one ear and out the other. 

    • I’m happy you didn’t give in to him. Take your time, and definitely beware of those that will sweet talk you just to get it. When a man values who you are and not what he is trying to get from you, then you will know you have found a guy worthy of your time and “one day” (it would be great if it was after marriage) your virginity as well.

  11. I agree, women do have that inner freak in them, but in order to be truly comfortable with someone, they have to trust you. How do they trust you? By you handling your emotions, not being to worrisome all the time. Men have to allow her to say what she likes without clowning or ridicule. Honestly, I think that can only come when he himself releases his own pretense. Women are under pressure to be respectful and sometimes they are not sure when its safe to take that hat off. Men have fantasies too and can bring the words to tell her he wants a finger in his butt, or whatever freaky porn fantasy he has.

  12. Experience has taught me that being a good listener always helps. I don’t usually have problems with a woman opening up to me, they are able to be themselves knowing that I am not looking for her to be America’s next top model. It’s all in the communication..unfortunately, some of my homeboys may not agree with me but at the end of the night…they will be the ones missing out.  Excellent article, you made a lot of great points.

  13. “By her being more comfortable she also becomes more receptive to you sexually and allows herself to properly enjoy your sexual actions. For example, if she isn’t as comfortable as she needs to be with you then talking dirty and saying something vulgar may get you a funny look or completely shut down. Whereas the next man (who she is more comfortable with) can say the exact same thing and it will turn her on. Same rule applies to physical advances. You could attempt to smack her ass or grab her neck (in a sexually assertive way of course) and this may turn her off, frighten her, and cause her to be very offended. Whereas another man can do that same action and it makes her wet and more sexually.”

    That whole thing just proves women are crazy! How is she going to be more comfortable with someone she just met or barely knows over a man she’s been with for a long period of time? We can do the exact same thing and it gets a completely different type of reaction? Lets be real. Most women are freaks like most men. Sometimes they get tired with the same old playground and wants to swing on some new monkey bars! Best bet is to keep it exciting and different with her. Women realize, you may not always want to have sex with us. But understand, we dont always want to go shopping, or watch “reality” tv all day, but we do. Why? To get some ass later! So stop being selfish and reciprocating!

    • Lmao! Sometimes it does seem that way to us men. It is very possible to be more comfortable with the new guy compared to the man she has been with for years. Some guys have horrible communication with their women, make them feel judged, are close minded, and never try to listen to what she has to say. Yet that woman may still remain in a relationship with that man regardless of these things that make her less comfortable. I agree that most women are freaks or have a freak in them. I agree with basically all that you are saying lol. Still the fact remains that as a man we should not overlook the importance of making her feel comfortable. Some guys are missing out on consistent sex with their wives simply because they continue to overlook this very important aspect.

    • No my friend its not that women are crazy at all it just we are built so different from men. Its just the way it is! Not condoning affairs at all (not my style under any circumstance) but to be real and frank with you, the new brother probably is pulling out all his best moves and Jedi mind tricks to impress her, while you (generally speaking) settled in your mediocrity and approaching sex with the same old nothing! Just like when men go looking for someone new and exciting the same principle would apply. Men a lot of times approach sex purely from the physical standpoint but women from a mental one which activates the physical. Some women just settle for it and hopes it gets better (in which a lot of times it does not!) and he thinks everything is good! NOT!!

  14. I couldn’t agree with you more. You need the right person to bring out the freak in a woman. Communication becomes a big factor when the fire starts to fizzle. Both parties need to be upfront and be able to communicate what they want and need with their partner and be open to try new things to keep the bedroom HOT!!

  15. This is so true, I have said it a million times if I am happy and content in the relationship then I am freaky & open to experimentation all the time, If there is a disconnect in the relationship Im not going to feel very sexual when that times comes. How am I suppose to connect & communicate with my mate sexually, when we are disconnected in the relationship?

  16. Yes!!!! Preach mr. L!! Lol. I wish more men would take responsibility for their women being a little less enthusiastic in the bedroom as they used to be. Sometimes, we not only feel uncomfortable by the way we are approached about it, but often we don’t feel motivated to ‘give you any’. Women are like roses, water us and give us sunshine and we’ll bloom. But we can be very thorny if handled with anything less than care. :)

  17. Very good read. And quite dead on. Kudos~~

  18. Sex from the 1800 up to the 1960's sex was a subject not brought up in many american homes many older women have told me they thought they had cut themselve some how when they had gotten their period for the first time any mention of any thing sexual got you a pop in the mouth people treated it like something to never talk about stories was made up when it came to having babies which none of them was true so it not surprising of anything you say here women was treated as if they were to avoid all of the opposite sex and even up to this day americans are still ashame of sex in some unnature way you talk about women being freaks many men are too there is men who would ask other women to do things to them that they dare not ask their wives or girlfriends let just keep it real.

  19. I love this post. It speaks a lot for me as a single person how important the intellectual mind is and how it can stimulate a woman’s sex drive. Great post.

  20. When it comes to sexuality, Comfortability is a funny thing. Simply because I once watched a buddy of mine by the name of Mr. Succexxxful walk into a The Jupiter Bar in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and walk up to this girl on the dance floor whom had on some leggings and grab a handful of her pussy. And though she resisted to slightly lesser extent, she was so aroused by the way he did it that what ever he was doing to that area of her leggings between the inner / upper thighs she allowed him to dew it live on the dance floor. They was strangers. It's not a matter of making her comfortable, It's more of a matter of making yourself comfortable in sexually expressing yourself in a completely natural way. A woman is more like a mirror, she's already ready, but she can only project that which you reflects. So when you are comfortable in doing what you wanna dew, She will be ready in a deep and intuitive level. ~Mark My Words http://www.facebook.com/hddcm

  21. So True….coming from a women who's been both

  22. Nailed it bro.

    28yrs nyc female

  23. It would also help if men would realize – can only speak coming from a wife's side – there are different stages in the marriage that will change and it may change "her needs" from time to times in life. For example, if your wife is home all day raising kids, cleaning house, ect for that time of life – coming home and grabbing her behind in the kitchen while she's cooking dinner might get you in trouble. If she's been busy all day long, and she's tired, to her you maybe coming across as "one more thing" she feels she has to do today. >.< Trying to being a little more understanding. Just being sweet and helping her with the dinner dishes, might get you one of the best nights you've had in awhile. ;)

  24. You are so right.the more comfortable you feel with your mate the more open.and yes some women do want it all the time.Thx for your wonderful advice

  25. Great point but what if roles were reversed (your mans a freak just not with you)

  26. When he sneaks n watches porn this destroys all my freak in me. After to many years of this happening I have shut down. As mkuch as he loves me is not enough for me to just let lose n be myself. I miss me dearly. He knows this affects me but he just finds new ways to watch porn n I caught him n he sneaks again. This is a horrible addiction that can n will take the woman n freak from you

  27. "God where is my Boaz" i should read this book. Funny. My name is Ruth and ive found my Boaz. The most wonderful and spiritual man. A godly man.

  28. I couldnt have said it better. Also when a man gets mad because you wont let that side out because your not comfortable with him, it destroys everything when he calls you a prude and many other comments.

  29. The key word you mentioned was comfortable….if that level is nurtured and secured you can have and experience what you fantasize about…

  30. Now, I must start this response out with the old adage, "The definition of a lady is a woman in the streets and a freak in the sheets…" We as women have to get back to the very definition. When and why has the responsibilities of a woman become too much to handle? It's my opinion that women should analyze their partner. You don't have to sleep with a man to know if you'll be into him sexually. Why not have to 21 question game, and see how he responds then, base you decision to continue the relationship from there. But you can't know that chemistry until you understand yourself, your body, and your sexual needs. Now, I've been in relationships where I was a little too intimidated and bored to go all in. Guys don't understand how big a void is being created between the two when she feels she is judged in every aspect, then expected to respond confidently in the bedroom. It's funny I find myself being a little expressive in conversations or in response to something, and I am always being told to calm down, or told I'm embarrassing… so, after I've pulled in my reigns and learned to walk to straight and narrow, I just would rather not even tap back into the real me…. It's funny because some women are so dedicated to making the man feel comfortable and satisfied till she'd ignore her internal instinct for pleasure and happiness… that's why the sex toy industry is on fire.

  31. better that he sneaks to watch porn than sneaks to see another woman, just saying

  32. Boy you preaching right on!

  33. This was one of the problems I had with my ex

  34. Every woman has some freak in her. It just takes the right man to bring it out of her. I don't doubt that at times, it could be him. Doing the same ol, same ol in the bedroom makes for a dull sex life.

  35. I hate the word freak. Ugh.

  36. Wow!!

  37. Ha ha Idelia walker. Lol. Funny. Remember this name. Ome u will c me and u will say, hold up aint that the girl grom FB. Omg im gonna get her autograph. Yup

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