My Husband, His Baby Mama, and I
At one point, I thought things would get better between the three of us (my husband, his baby mama and I). I thought we could come to a mutual agreement for the child. At this point, I believe in the statement “Things get worse before they get better”. Let me break it down for you…
My Husband and I have been married since 2008. We were High School sweethearts and prior to us getting married we already had two children together. During the time we were apart we both saw other people (The Rebounds). Long story short, he had another child (#3 for him). Prior to the child he had with Ms. Rebound; she also had two other children from different men (3 “baby daddies” total). Neither one of those fathers were actively in their kid’s lives (no child support, visits, NOTHING). My husband only stayed with her for the child (so he says). They stayed together during her pregnancy and a little over a year after that. My husband is a “Stand Up Guy” who filed Child Support on himself shortly after we split and he had his third child added as soon as he was born (he & Rebound were still together). He has paid Child Support since day one. He always did his part with our kids and hers. I never kept my kid’s from their Father, EVER!
So, after things did not work out between the two of them, they split and we eventually got back together. Honestly, we hooked up a few times during both of our relationships with other people (always safe) but that was up until he told me about the other baby. We got back together maybe a month or so after he split with Ms. Rebound. A year later we got married and one year after that we had our third child together. THIS IS REALLY WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!
They were supposed to have a mutual agreement as far as the child was concerned. Unfortunately Ms. Rebound knew the only way to get to my husband was through their son. So she started saying we couldn’t pick him, you’ll never see him again, blah, blah, blah. Then she would send text messages to our phones just wanting to pick her son up for no reason. She would also makeup lies to tell the daycare which would cause them to not allow my husband to go there and see his son. She would keep him away for weeks at a time but when she would call she’d expect him to jump. When he didn’t jump that would infuriate her more. This went on for two years. I know you are probably thinking “why didn’t your Husband just get a Court Order to see his son?” I use to ask him that all the time too. The only defense I have is that he is such a non-confrontational…Okay, I have nothing. He says “we will pray about it” but I think it takes more than just prayer. Don’t get me wrong prayer + action = results *shrugs* well that’s what I always say.
Last year she was still keeping his son away from him. She has not been in a stable relationship (I lost count) since the two of them broke up. She claims to be in love with EVERYONE that she hooks up with and at one point she even dated MY BROTHER! (Her and my brother used to go to school together). The couple of months that she was in love with my brother was the ONLY time my husband didn’t have a problem seeing his son. My husband didn’t care that my brother messed with his baby mama because we both knew my brother! She went from dating men to women and then back to men again. Constantly moving and changing her cell phone number. Late last year we found out she was a in and out of jail and just had so many issues going on. Needless to say that this was a very unstable environment for the kids and for herself.
My Husband has not seen his son in a month. Ms. Rebound’s cousin called us the other night and filled us in on most of the above. She told my husband “if you have any ounce of love for your son, PLEASE do whatever is necessary to get him”. So after that phone call my husband decides to give Ms. Rebound a call. When she finally answered he confronted her with everything he had just been told. Of course she denied it and refused to tell him where they were staying or what school the child went to. FINALLY, my husband filed a report with the Department of Children Services. Now I have tried to tell him that I’ve had his back since day one but am I wrong for just being TIRED and NOT CARING anymore? It has taken him five years! I’ve put up with her constant disrespect and flat-out bullsh*t. I’m NOT going to leave my husband but I just feel like showing him some tough love and having him handle that all by himself. We currently have the child with us (Temporary Court Order), he calls me mom and I have never treated him any different from my three. I’m just ready for all the drama to be over.
Stephan’s Side Note: Sometimes we are so busy holding on to the past that we can’t even notice the blessings in the present. This woman had not forgiven her husband for how he had handled the situation and for simply having to deal with all of this. Rather than see that finally things could be resolved and that things would be much better, the frustration of the last few years had her prepared to take a position of payback (which she perceived as tough love). Tough Love comes from a good place but the reality is this was coming from negative emotions. This would have only caused issues in her marriage and pushed her husband away when he needed her by his side. She should openly and calmly express how she feels to her husband. As a man he has to be willing to acknowledge all her efforts and how this situation has made her feel. Both have to agree to now move in a positive direction together and let Love not frustration guide them. Always address your issues, forgive, and embrace taking a positive approach to your situations. A goal in marriage should be to grow together…not let the unresolved negativity push you two apart.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate