not in love woman smiling in wedding dress

You Are Not In Love, You Just Love What He Represents

You are not in love. Let me repeat, you are not in love. I am saying this multiple times because some of you need to finally acknowledge your situations for what they really are.  Far too long many women have carried on with a relationship that shouldn’t be. You used “love” as your validation but things are not what you have presented them to be and you know it. Your agenda and/or your fears will not allow you to be real with yourself, your man, or the friends/family involved. I understand you “love” the guy as in you do care about him. Hey I love/care about everybody but I know very well that the deeper connection needed to sustain a healthy romantic relationship will not exist with everybody I “love”. So how about you confess what this is really about. Let the world know what is really motivating you to be in this relationship.

For so long many women have been taught that getting married is part of their purpose. That having a man who marries them is some sort of validation of their life. Being single or alone doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t look good. So for many women getting married is their version of the “Super Bowl” and she will stop at nothing to get that ring. What does this create? A great amount of women who are more concerned with getting married then they are with the man they are marrying. For those women it is a simple formula: find a good enough man + be a good enough woman for him (sometimes even if it means not being who she really is) +  overlook his shortcomings and lack of connection + wait long enough for him to propose = I GOT THAT RING!!!! That is it in a nutshell. She got her validation as well as finally shut up all of those family members who kept asking “so when are you getting married?”…“you know it’s about time you found a man” and whatever other crap they spew out that only further fuels these poor decisions. Sometimes the man is clueless to this. He actually believes she is in love with him, and because so many men are so out of tune with emotions they won’t pick up on the things that reveal how this woman really feels. Some women are really good at hiding the truth. They know how to do enough to make things look good and what things to say when someone attempts to call them on this relationship fueled by the wrong motives. They will do everything they can to convince you and themselves that this is the relationship for them. Don’t be fooled, they know the truth but the truth hurts and it will put their dream in danger. This man represents their chance to have a family and not be alone. He is the ticket to shutting everyone up, and validating her life in the eyes of others. She wants her damn ring and not even a unfulfilling relationship, and the fact that she is not in love will stop her from getting it.

The reality is that this is happening a lot more than you think. People are getting married or staying in relationships for the wrong reasons everyday and this is definitely one of them. A price will be paid for this decision, but at the moment the woman will convince herself that this can all work out. She may even say “I can grow to love him” which to me is a huge red flag when she has already been dealing with this man. As much as we get on a man’s case when they drag a woman through a relationship for the benefits she provides, well this woman is doing no better. If you are not truly into somebody then you should not be with them. Despite what you want to believe you are hurting them and you are hurting yourself. You can do plenty of good things for them but you will never be everything they need you to be because they are not everything you need them to be. The person you genuinely connect with will be able to bring things out of you that this person cannot and vice versa. Every person you lie to about what this relationship really is, is another person who may develop a false sense of what love and relationships should be. It’s no wonder that so many people view love and relationships with negativity and fear, they don’t even realize that in most of these failed relationships “real love” never truly existed in the first place. You can continue to contribute to the problem or you can let the truth set you free. The longer you allow yourself to hold on to a unfulfilling situation with a person you are not in love with, the longer you ensure that you won’t receive what is truly best for you.

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