I am Christian woman, and about three years ago I was in a really low time. I didn’t really think a lot about marriage and meeting anyone. I was trusting that it would happen, and just put it in God’s hands.  I suppose I was looking for direction to what was the next step and at that moment I met my ex.

The first thing I would like to say is it is very important to trust to your first instincts.  When I first met my ex I had reservations, but thought maybe I was wrong so I allowed friendship.  He pursued me which of course I liked and very soon I found myself in a relationship before I had really got to know him.  There were times early in the friendship when he would say things to me that I thought were wrong but because he was from another culture I did not challenge him about it.  I also did not see him all the time as we lived in different countries and I would visit every few months.

Early on, he started to show aggressive behavior towards me if I did not do what he wanted. He also would remove affection, which left me feeling very confused.  He would then blame me that I was the cause of our problems.  This happened a lot and over time I began to doubt myself even though deep down I knew the truth.  I did at moments try to challenge his behavior in a gentle way but this was quashed and I became completely controlled by him in pretty much every way. Taking our relationship to levels I was not happy with and giving him money.  I did try many times to leave the relationship but each time he would tell me he would change, it was always temporary.  There were moments when I was scared.

Fortunately, I made some good friends who really helped me.  They helped me to see that this behavior was not right and that he did not love me. He liked what I gave him; sex (which I felt awful about) and the money.  In essence I was his meal ticket.  Eventually I had the strength to end the relationship and stay out of it.

In the last year I have had time to think about everything and why I allowed stuff to happen.  To be honest I can see that I made many mistakes, I lied to my myself as I wanted to believe he loved me.  I hope that my story will help any women in similar situations.  There is a fallacy that says an abused woman is a weak woman, but I am a successful woman.  In an abusive relationship the control comes gradually.  I hope that if there are any women in a relationship that the partner belittles you, criticizes you, shows cruelty or tries to dominate that you realize this is not love but rather control.  Do not feel that you have to be with him out of fear which is why I stayed in the relationship so long.

Stephan Labossiere

Certified Relationship Expert & Life Coach. Author of the book “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”