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Posted by on Apr 27, 2012 in Advice for Women, Dating | 51 comments Tags: , , ,

Why you should NOT go through your man’s phone.

woman going through man's cell phone

Guest Post by Only One Heaven: The other day, I posted my explanation HERE as to why I think it’s OK to go through your man’s phone… But today, I’d like to go over some reasons why you should NOT!

You are just a baby mama

Just because you didn’t take your morning after pill within the allotted 72 hour time frame, or he was a little too overzealous one particular evening and forgot to pull out, and consequently a junior popped out 9 months later, doesn’t mean you have the right to look through or answer his phone. If you guys aren’t “together” his obligation is to the child, not you. Just because he is freaking you and some other hood rats raw, doesn’t mean you have the right to know about it.

You’re not going to question him

If a dude is your “man”,  and you’re supposed to be in a healthy, committed, EXCLUSIVE relationship, and you so happen to check his phone and find something crazy, then you should step up to the plate and say something about it! I had a friend who was living with her baby daddy, and they were supposed to be getting married in the near future. She would find all kinds of craziness in his emails and his cell phone, but because she didn’t want him to be mad at her for being nosy, she never brought it up! WTF?!?! What’s the point!? Stop looking through his s*** if you’re not going to call him out on it. Why put yourself through that pain and suffering? Then she would have to just walk around the house pissed off. slamming s*** around and giving short answers to the man’s questions. All he knows is that he went to take a shower and when he came out, she had the ugly face on because of the booty pics she found in his phone. So now the poor guy has to figure out what happened in the last 15 to 20 min.

It makes sense to just tell the man that you want to talk about the sexy girl pics that was sent from a number you’re not familiar with as opposed to getting your feelings hurt every time you find something.  This will allow you to either sever ties with nasty man OR it could possibly be a bridge you guys need to cross together. KNOWING is half the battle. Once you know, you are hurt, yes, BUT it allows you to move a step in a different direction….

A woman that stays in this kind of situation obviously has no back bone and has low self-esteem. She is deathly afraid of pissing her man off to the point where he wants to leave her for violating his privacy. She rather just deal with the constant foolishness and occasional flare ups of Chlamydia. It’s a sad existence for a woman to live in denial and deprive herself from what she deserves; honesty, loyalty, respect, consideration and love.

You’re the mistress and you KNOW it

How DARE you question why he keeps texting his wife while he’s at work or while you guys are eating together at the Sizzler. B****, YOU ARE the mistress!! How could you forget that? Don’t you EVER question that man about who he is texting or go through his phone! Just be happy that he likes your coochie enough to take you to a fine dining experience.  I kept that one simple…for the simple hoes.

You guys didn’t agree to be exclusive

If you’re casually sleeping with a guy, no matter how many times a week you’re freaking him, it doesn’t give you grounds to check his phone. If you guys can spend hours a week swapping bodily fluids, I’m sure you can have a sit down convo about where you stand in the relationship. If dude tells you openly that he is dating other people and you’re ok with it, case closed. Appreciate his honesty and just know that he more than likely has some dirt on his phone, but you have no rights to it! Even if you do check it, what are you going to do about it? Ya’ll are not exclusive! Don’t waste your time getting your feelings hurt. It is what it is. You made your skanky bed, now just lay down in it and be content with your choices, or change them if you’re not satisfied…and change your sheets too, while you’re at it.

You STRONGLY feel like you guys should still be together

Just because you were once in a nice and cute long-term relationship with a guy…and now you guys have decided to just be “friends”…. or friends with benefits….but you’re secretly hoping that things will go back to the way things used to be (which is the real reason why you keep giving up that nightly booty)…doesn’t mean it’s ok to check his phone. Stick to what you signed up for. You are the EX for a reason.

So what do YOU think? Any other reasons why someone should NOT go through their mates phone? (Besides the obvious “Violating Privacy” reason of course.)

Related Article: Why I Go Through His Phone

About OnlyOneHeaven
You can catch Heaven raising hell on her personal blog at www.onlyoneheaven.com. Make sure to also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

51 Comments

  1. Only One Heaven! lady I wish you were standing next to Me this very minute I would give you 2 high fives and a hand shake. Good one.

  2. I don’t go through anybody’s phone. I just don’t want to get hurt by any means. It’s just something I never done and I will not start doing it. Even if the phone rings and I am standing or sitting near by, I will gladly take the phone and give it to the person. I don’t even want to look at the caller ID. I hate when women get upset when they find something while searching on the phone. What were you thinking? LOL I’d rather save myself from that embarrassment and wait til I have visual clues that he is cheating. Then that becomes another story :) til then, his phone is his phone and you won’t see me looking at it.

    • You go looking for trouble, you’ll most likely find it!

    • That;s what I say :)

    • Right on Joelle. I agree.

  3. Stephan: U killed me with the part ” you are the mistress, and you know it”. I read that I was like huh? did he just used the B word and said HOES on this? Lord have mercy LOL that was my favorite part from this blog LOL I’m still laughing.
    PS: sorry I posted twice

    • Whenever you see the word “hoes” used liked that then you can automatically know I didn’t write the post lol. This was a guest post by Only One Heaven. 

      • I knew you didn’t write this post! I was thinking Stephan doesn’t use this kind of language! An entertaining post and one that tells it direct.

  4. lol i love it .. you kept it real !! 

  5. I am not going through my man’s phone because I don’t want him going through mine. Not that I have anything to hide, I just think somethings should be personnel. We share everything else; bills, funds, the house, the car, the bed. I think I can have this one thing to myself. 

    •  *personal.. you are personnel is who you are to your employer.

      • Alan, I understood your comment, but your English wasn’t perfect either. Don’t try to correct someone and be wrong yourself. Besides that, I don’t like how judgemental this article is. Woman are notorious for that.

  6. very well said. sustained!

  7. I totally agree with this..She hit it on point…nothing else said.. Two thumbs up and DOUBLE PLATNIUM….Sid

  8. I write relationship books and this is one of the topics I deal with, fishing. Whenever you decide to go fishing thru your partner’s phone or emails, anything You find becomes “suspect” because of your mindset at that moment. Whether its from a friend, bus. associate or sister. The real issue is the “Trust Violation” you just violated! If you do happen to find what you seek, how do you confront the “victim” with your evidence without telling on yourself? How do you expect the “victim” to react about your fishing thru their stuff b/c of your own insecurities? P/up your copy of relationshipCPR at relationshiprules101.com

    • I am in total agreement with this. You go in like a private investigator expecting to find something. Ira happened to me before and I was hurt to think that the man I love had painted this horrible picture in his mind of me as a cheating woman when I was doing absolutely nothing. I thought wow, is that who you think I am? He apologized later and was sorrowful but he said his third eye was telling him something.
      Just like women call it intuition. Smh

  9. This is insane. When you go in your mates phone behind their back you can’t be trusted. Point blank. When people are untrustworthy they can’t trust others. It’s an inside job. They see themselves deep down.

  10. Great Post!

    I think that if a woman’s intuition is prompting her to look through her guy’s phone because she will most likely find “questionable material” on it, there are obviously trust issues! Whether the woman is the wife, girlfriend , mistress, child’s mother, or whatever the role may be, she should definitely change her situation if she’s going to constantly be worried about who’s texting him or who he’s texting….If the friendship, sex-ship, or relationship is that rocky, MOVE ON!

  11. Well I have been in both situations where I had someone check my phone and I have check their phone I think in relationship when the other party is being misleading or behaving strangely it cause a person to investigate the strange behavior and true you may get hurt but in the case of me checking the guy phone we were engaged and this man was living a double life glad to found that out before I married someone that I thought I knew but didn’t know at all

  12. Women institution… Sometimes our gut feelings we can’t shake so we must kno n since MEN are too coward to just come out with the WHOLE truth then I’ll find out myself… Yet I have back bone n I let nothing by… I speak as it come whether you like it or not … I’m all women n what one man won’t cherish another will… Tyler Perry 80/20 rule … I’m 80 n the chick he messing with is 20…

  13. Well simply if you go looking for a reason to be mad you’ll find one. If you don’t trust him don’t be with him!

  14. Been there done that.. Learned from my mistakes. I will definitely say the phones are off limit. He doesnt touch mine nor me his. Ive learned to trust. If anything thats not supposed to be going on is, it will eventually come out. No need to constantly stress myself out.

  15. look thru the phone he may be texting a MAN!!!

  16. Or for the obvious reason…u trust him, u knw his business/his phone ettiquite (sp) etc…i love my dude, I knw I can trust him and I have no desire or “itch” to check his phone. I’ve been thru hell-i recognized heaven wen I found it :)

  17. Or for the obvious reason…u trust him, u knw his business/his phone ettiquite (sp) etc…i love my dude, I knw I can trust him and I have no desire or “itch” to check his phone. I’ve been thru hell-i recognized heaven wen I found it :)

  18. What if he goes through your phone, massages ppl in it from your phone, but doesnt like it when you try to look in his…but appear to be but not in a relationship? Lacking everything but a title, tells his parents about you, having them and everyone thinking that it is a special thing going on then flips the script, loved you, but won’t leave you alone, even when we break it off. Confusing mess!

  19. If I even “feeeel” I should take a peep….that’s a sign of a trust issue…it also shows there have been other things going on that don’t add up…..happened to me…Isuspected….I looked at the phone…I was right….called him out….broke up…glad we did.

  20. I didnt get this part! – It’s a sad existence4a woman2live in denial&deprive herself from what she deserves; honesty, loyalty, respect, consideration&love.
    IF SHE’S LOOKING THREW THE GUY’S PHONE SHE DOESN’T DESERVE, honesty, loyalty, respect, consideration & love!
    Because she has NO IDEA WHAT – honesty, loyalty, respect, consideration & love is! YOU MUST HAVE IT TO GET IT FIRST!

  21. If there is nothing to hide whats the problem?

  22. i was with this dude and like four months of being with im he started going through my phone land hacking my facebook and all type of crazy stuff i have never been the type to feel like i had to check someone’s personals but why did he have to go thru mines?

  23. My mother taught me if you go knocking at the devils door he is bound to answer. Well that also applies to going thru ur mans phone yes even if u r in a relationship we are adults and we should be honest but I also know that as adults we lie and do other stuff when the significant other isn’t watching sooooo…. In this case it’s safe in some respects to say ignorance is bliss bc if u go lookin for trouble indeed u will find much more than what u were looking for. At the end of the day put his phone dwn dnt ask for the password and stop peaking over his shoulder every time he answer bc u might not like what u see.

  24. Yes the phone is private.. But that’s where the cheating starts.. The casual conversations…. The comments: “Aww Bae we’re just cool. She means nothing.” That’s usually means there’s something. It goes both ways. If you feel like you have to snoop then there’s something that was previously going on to lead you to that conclusion. If your person don’t respect you enough to keep it between y’all then move around.

  25. I’d like to add that if you already know your lover is cheating on you because you saw them with the other person and your lover didn’t deny it was a sexual relationship and yet you stay? Then you should not go through their phone. Nothing can come of that but heartache and reaffirmation of the truth. If you’re staying in the relationship then you have just decided that the 3 of you are sleeping together.no need for further proof.

  26. Here’s a question. What if he always looks through your phone? What if he reads everything your doing when he’s cheating and meeting other women while your together? And he’s playing head games ?? Cause he called me out on trying to find nerd friends to play MTG with (a hobby of mine) and Warhammer. He got mad cause their male… I’m sorry my hobby is a male hobby. Finding females who do it is really rare in my area. Hes said some nasty things then says something different later and strangely enough admitted he said to his other woman that he loved her and wanted to marry her cause that was what she wanted to hear. Hmmm… Yeah I don’t know what to take from this. I have never seen his phone. He hides it in case SHE texts or calls.

  27. O brother

  28. Don't go thru his phone because TRUST is the sole purpose of a relationship. If you don't have that ; you don't have shit. I went thru my boyfriends phone on two occasions and what I saw was taken WAY out of context. I read too deeply and although it very well may have been innocent ; I STILL felt a way but maybe the outcome would have been different had I just told him I went thru it and this is what I saw and I didn't like it. I'm just glad we've moved past it and our relationship is working!

  29. I agree with the violation part of it. Trust right? But what if you're getting played the whole time after 3yrs. if the signs were there that he gave regarding his phone. what will you do???

  30. Well, I did ho through my ex ph (that's why he's an ex to date). I have no regrets. I was with him for about 8 years then things changed, I gave him options to come clean, or even move on with his life if he felt the need to. But men has some sort of issues with coming clean (they only do so,in my view when the are caught) so I went into his ph and found the truth (I was happy I did now he's history!!. I know doing so is violating the other person,but my intuition got the best of me ,and I think saved me a lot of pain. Thank God!!

  31. why cant i go tru my husband's phone? or help him check his mail? or av access to his fb acct? why d division? we r ONE!

  32. Don't go through his phone simply because u don't need to. Darkness always comes to light. Just wait for it.

  33. Trust is trust, everything should be out in the open. Emails, phones, text, FB

  34. They only people who usually have a problem is the ones who are doing wrong. You should not have anything to hide from you love one. And them acting weirded about it is a Warning

  35. How about its childish and stupid…if I EVER come to a point where I feel like I may need to check up on you…that means I don't trust you and if I don't trust you I don't need you

  36. Indeed,Indeed, if a person give you a reason not to trust them yes!!! you should move on.. Life is tooo short to choose deception once truth has been revealed.

  37. WOW! I WAS that girl….. the “baby mama” and Engaged, live in GF. He was a cheater, abuser both mentally and physically BUT through ALL of my low self esteem issues I GOT THROUGH IT! I NEEDED to see it on his phone, ALTHOUGH I knew it in my heart. It sickened me, but I NEVER bowed down to him NOR did I allow “the other” women to be fooled by his apparent selfishness by making ME feel like “the other woman”. I MADE him own up to his foul behavior and he HATES me till this day…. but I only grow STRONGER AND SMARTER with each and every day he tries to get me upset, and at the point now that we’re fighting in court over our son who is now 10. One thing I have learned is I will NEVER give up…. I now have a domestic abuse restraining order on him, and don’t have to put up with his abuse. Going through one’s phone should not be an issue ONLY IF you have a honest relationship with love and respect…..

  38. People who say if you go looking for trouble you will find it as being the reason you don’t touch your mans phone is like saying I don’t eat at all because I might get fat. Who wants to be kept in the dark and made a fool of? No you should not be sneaking around behind each others back but you should be able to swap phones, share phones and not be afraid of anything being found if you are not doing anything. In a relationship I try to be an open book so there is no reason for suspicion. Friends…you can meet them. Cell phone…you can answer it. My location I will tell you without asking. Hate misunderstandings so why not prevent them before they happen??

  39. Call it your Intuition or the spirit of god..when he is telling something is wrong…LOOK IN his phone…..I have total respect for my husband…but the spirit of god was talking to me…the day I opened my husband phone there it was the proof I needed…he was texting another woman and starting a emotional affair with this woman. I caught this emotional affair before it blossom to a full affair. So I say…listen to god voice and don't be afraid to confront the satan demon face to face.

  40. because that would make you nosy, jealous, and most of all, pathetic, and un trusting.

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