In today’s day and age sex dominates our society. Yes I think waiting till marriage is the best thing to do (which I will discuss in a future post) but I still acknowledge the fact that many of us make a choice to engage in sexual activity before marriage. Men “getting around” has pretty much been accepted as it is. Women on the other hand get slandered, disrespected, and chastised for their choice to be promiscuous at any point in their lives. I feel this is an unfair double standard and I refuse to judge them or cast a negative light upon them for their choice. Too many people use the fact that this woman has slept with a certain number a men that they personally deem too high as validation to dismiss this woman as a potential mate or a future great wife. Why are we so stuck on this? Should the number of men she has slept with really help determine if a man should be with a specific woman? I say how many men she has slept with should not matter.
What do her previous partners have to do with who she is today? Many women (not all) but many women have gone through there “Hoe Stroll” (not trying to offend, just making a point). “Hoe Stroll” is defined as a period of time where a woman is much more promiscuous than she has ever been or will be again. Many times the stroll occurs in high school or college, but it varies for different women. With that said, don’t expect all these women to reveal this information. This is why the whole idea of using her number of past partners as criteria is unnecessary. You can be with a woman who only tells you she only slept with 3 guys when in reality you may have to add a 0, or two 0’s. You may never know and either way it shouldn’t matter. What should matter is if she is STD free. This should matter in the sense of being fully aware of it, but I support any man being with that woman if you love her regardless of what she may have. There are women who have been with one man, and have gotten an STD. While the next woman can be known around town and still have managed to not catch any STD’s. So again basing her value as a woman off of numbers shouldn’t really mean much.
Some may argue that it speaks to her character. I understand where you are coming from, but I do not fully agree. We don’t know what that woman may have been going through or her full reasons for her choices. Some may just love sex and wanted to explore. Others may have been dealing with some deep issues and did not know how to properly handle it. Either way I think all women when put in the right relationship (and have taken time to heal & love themselves) are capable of operating as the best women they can be. Now if the real reason you hold this against a woman is because you don’t want to have to compete with the level of pleasure her past lovers provided, well you just need help then. That should not deter you, if anything let it motivate you to just be better and become the best lover she has ever had.
All in all I just don’t feel we should be looking at the amount of men she has slept with in the past as evidence for if she is someone to be with. I have seen women who had only slept with one man end up being “loose” while in a relationship. I have seen women who may have once been viewed as “hoes” be the most faithful in a relationship. Her past had less to do with either scenario, but her current relationship had plenty to do with it. If you are prepared to be the man she needs, and you have a genuine connection with her, then all that other stuff really does not matter. If you can’t provide a woman with certain things you will always leave the possibility of that relationship going in the wrong direction. Nothing wrong with knowing who she was with in the past, but understand and respect who she has become in the present. We block love sometimes for all the wrong reasons, and how many men she has previously slept with should never be one of them.
Related Article: The Double Standard
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate