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Posted by on Oct 30, 2012 in Advice for Men, Intimacy, Marriage | 9 comments Tags: , , , , ,

Your Wife Doesn’t Like Sex

wife-sexI can hear the poor men sobbing as they have convinced themselves that their wives no longer desires or cares for sex. What used to be a sufficient amount of sexual pleasure in the “boyfriend/girlfriend” phase has tuned into night after night of “I’m too tired” “the kids may hear us” or the infamous “I have a headache” just to name a few. Married men all over are left frustrated and confused at this transformation that they hoped they would never fall victim to. So what is really the problem? Do women really just lose sexual desire after getting married? Does your wife really not like sex anymore?

As easy as it may be to simply say your wife doesn’t like sex, the reality is this is likely not the case. She still likes sex; she is just struggling to enjoy sex with you. Now before you get offended understand that this is a problem that many other men face as well. You are not the only one and this issue can be resolved. Many marriages are suffering from a lackluster sex life due to a lack of understanding by many men and a lack of honesty by many women. She doesn’t feel like she can tell you what you can improve because she fears damaging your ego and dealing with the backlash. Some women simply feel that they shouldn’t have to tell a man what he needs to know; he should be in tune with the woman he has been with for years and figure it out on his own. Now I know that this isn’t completely fair (there is some truth to it) but it is the reality of how many women feel. So since she may not tell you (or you simply don’t understand what the hell she is talking about) let me point out a couple of things that can possibly help move your marriage in a better direction.

  1. What happens outside the bedroom effects what happens in it – to us men, sex is sex. We want it, let’s do it, we’re done. For many women it isn’t always that simple. You need to be in tune with her emotionally if you want to make her more receptive sexually. If your woman isn’t really in the mood then you have to learn to pick up on that or how to get her in the mood. If your woman has been burdened with handling so much, she will not have the energy or desire to deal with sex (especially if you haven’t mastered satisfying her physically). If she is bothered by something or has too much on her mind, she again will not be as receptive to sex. As her husband you have to know how to clear her mind by removing some of these burdens (i.e.: clean the house sometimes without her asking). You have to know how to tend to her emotionally which will help her to not take these issues into the bedroom where they will only serve as a distraction. Solving problems in the bedroom a lot of times starts with solving problems outside the bedroom, so remember that.
  2. You need to learn her body – a lot of husbands do not explore their wife’s body nearly enough. They remain stuck on the same spots that turned her on when you got intimate in the early stages of your relationship. Their bodies can change and sometimes there are spots on her that even she is unaware will turn her on. By taking more time to learn her body and get in tune with her sexually you eliminate the need for her to have to tell you what to do and what she likes. Many women will not tell you and direct you, so you must pay attention and “push the envelope”. We men get so caught up in “getting ours” or even trying to “show out” that you overlook and ignore the subtleties that express when she really does like it or when that action by you just isn’t doing it. Focus on satisfying her needs and trust your needs will get taken care of.

Those are just a couple quick things to take into consideration. There is more to understand and if you are interested I would suggest taking a look at this great book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband. At the end of the day realize that your wife can still enjoy sex, but you as a man have to make sure you do your part to make that happen. Also for those that wish their wife would just tell them, good luck. I mean some will and you can try to get her to open up by showing that you won’t get sensitive and upset if she says some things you may not like. Still I encourage you to control what you can and make the improvements. A happy wife will equal a happy husband. So if you find yourself unhappy sexually then maybe, just maybe, it’s because you haven’t made her happy enough. Think about that.

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

9 Comments

  1.  

    Stephan this is indeed a huge problem—especially in this
    era of paradigm shifts where many men are acting similar to women as well as
    women acting similar to men. The structures of divine order are out of place
    and not in sync as they used to be. Multimedia outlets such as broadcasts
    television (TV) has bestowed the illusion of women being in a form of makeshift
    power simply because they have what men essentially want between their legs (as
    they use their bodies in close-to-nude representations of exploitations to keep
    men stimulated.) Basically like you said in relation to marriage: A happy wife
    equals a happy life in relation to a happy husband.

     

    Ah hah, that would rank true if we were in “The Times of Then” *sigh* but too many women in reference to wives are simply RATCHET AND RECKLESS INDIVIDUALS who have fallen victim to having their own personal hidden agendas
    within the marriage THANKS TO THE INTERNET and SOCIAL NETWORK PLATFORMS accelerating the types of bullshit one can get into far faster than it was back Then.

    As
    stated “what happens outside the bedroom effects what happens inside the
    bedroom” but this is not gender-specific, nor does this issue fall only on the
    man not doing his part. Marriages are the legally-defined relationships that
    are unique between two people and nothing states that SHE is the greater of the
    two. A wife who doesn’t want sex with her husband is a woman in trouble OR already getting into troubles of her own doings. Just as there are men complaining about wives not having sex…there are
    just as many women complaining that their husbands are NOT ONLY having sex with
    them. So this issue is twice-folded!

     

    Meanwhile SHE is remaining silent and waiting on him to
    re-invent himself? Um not a good look because HE is re-inventing himself elsewhere–where there are mouths hardly silent about what they want and need to be satisfied: “Closed Mouths Truly Never Get Fed!”—so she can play that game all she wants just to
    experience the result of being cheated on. Sadly many of today’s so-called wives are hardly angels—they
    will cheat in discreet proportions (accelerated by the means of the Internet!) Have you seen the types of Profile Pictures so-called wives display on the Internet? Wives of the great times back then WOULD NEVER exploit themselves in such a way because they KNOW for facts that it stinks with disrespect and attracts unwanted attention outside of her husband.

    Without a deeply-routed “Spiritual Relationship” sex will always end up being a
    non-factor to either gender regardless. Sex is both the problem and solution (and in that exact order!) So ladies/wives DO UNDERSTAND the man/husband finds just as many excuses as SHE to
    not have sex. I.e. hanging in the streets ALL the time, always busy, watching
    sports, having sex elsewhere, etc.

     

    “The point is THEY are BOTH responsible for
    communicating their sexual needs. If he truly is the HUSBAND: this man
    should not have sex issues with his wife unless it falls within the guides of
    menstrual cycles, yeast infections or occasional inconveniences such as
    parents, children or friends present. If SHE lacks desire for her husband: one
    of these two made a horrible choice of choosing one another…one or both simply
    settled for known or unknown reasons (and that does happen!) If a man can’t get
    between the legs of the woman he chose to love and marry then he has truly lost
    the stick in his back that stands him upright as a man because it should not be
    rocket-science get sex from his wife.”

    • I agree that he should explore her body until there is
      nothing left to explore BUT and I do mean BUT: SHE has to be just as willing
      and open to exploration. Some men do try to explore but she closes up and that
      forces him to stick to the basics (with HER that is)  because as soon as another
      woman comes along and DESIRES to be explored: Guess what? Damn right she gets
      explored! Right or wrong: we live in a fucked up society where “What You Don’t
      Do Someone Else Will” So again this is not gender-specific because SHE too (if
      she knows what’s good for her) must explore her husband as well (before another
      woman does) or it will definitely be “Wifey Does Not Like Sex” (Because Hubby is not giving her any!)

      The rule of thumb in a decent-to-great relationship
      normally applies when one is satisfied by the other. For instance: If my woman
      wears a bad ass dress that may be seemingly too skimpy for me to feel
      comfortable out with her in BUT she wears it for me and to impress, attract, lure,
      tease and drive me wild: If another woman was to come along or pass by wearing
      something equally attractive my mind would say, “DAMN MY WOMAN WOULD LOOK GOOD IN
      THAT!!!”

      Meaning I don’t truly SEE the other woman as I normally would…she’s
      invisible to me…all I see is MINE WEARING what she has on (like a mannequin in
      a store window!) WHY THO?

      Simple: Because MINE got to me FIRST (before another woman
      could!!!) It’s called being an EVERY WOMAN! The same goes for a woman: NO MAN can buy a woman in a relationship things
      when she already has HER MAN doing it! Her mind says, “F-OFF MY MAN DOES THAT…NO THANKS…THIS
      MF THINK HE SLICK TRYING TO GET SOME ASS…I’M GOOD!!!”

      The problem gets REAL STICKY when in a relationship and her
      man IS NOT DOING but another man IS DOING or at least ATTEMPTING TO DO! Shit gets a
      real QUICK as she slowly gives in until she is completely swept into another
      situation. Yes it is indeed selfish but when you take a real deep breath and
      swallow the REAL PILL of life that delivers the realest message your ears will ever hear >>“humans are incredibly unpredictable”<< …you
      CAN believe just about anything GOOD or BAD happens and SEX or the lack thereof
      is not exempt from those rules!

      • Thanks a lot for this explanation to this issues which have been a problem to many young relationship or marriage…
        I am one of those who believe in true power of sex in a relationship or marriage…sex have a major role to play to achieving the desire marital life…
        I have seen women who never had sex with their husband before marriage, it’s then becomes a big problem for the man to get satisfied with his wife sex life which is “when I want”…how would you explain this?

  2. Wow, reading this I am so glad I am not one of these wives. I have been married 17yrs this December and I feel like I am more sexual now. I am a therapist and work on open and positive communication. Might I add that this is key for GREAT sex, and, showing your man, hubby what you like and how you like it. Sex…..its a wonderful, delicious thing.

  3. I think at times there is too much onus on the man in sex,
    we have to satisfy,
    we have to push all the right buttons and be observant and caring,
    we have to be helpful outside of the bedroom as well as within it…
    none of this i disagree with
    However it would be nice if women felt the necessity of doing this for their partners as well,
    So many of my ex’s have just laid there and took it and enjoyed it, lapped up the attention for as long as i would give it
    but if i wanted attention in the bedroom it was always too much effort or they simply focused on one or 2 moves,
    god forbid they think about how much i enjoy it and watch my reactions, and if you try and comment or gently guide them you ain’t getting it for a long time.
    Fortunately my current partner is excellent at give and take and genuine caring,
    but i do think there is a huge responsibility placed on a man to be excellent within the bedroom and without, where as not all women realize they should share that burden…
    as one girl so classily said to me “i got the pussy so i make the rules”

  4. I find it hard to want to be very sexual when my partner is a negative person who yells or is constantly (and grossly) farting or wants to wait until after he watches his nightly programs. Im the one getting the kids up and taking them to school and then on to work, picking kids up from school, to school activities, then to make dinner, listen to his yelling and negativity about my kids and blah blah blah. No matter how gentle I try to be in helping him understand any of this it all stays the same. It gets old. Its all about his needs it seems like. How can this change?

  5. This is food for thought. I hope that the offerings here really touch someone like they did me.

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