Comments on: My Husband, His Baby Mama, and I https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/ Helping men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. Tue, 20 Oct 2020 15:33:14 +0000 hourly 1 By: Cindy Ballou https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-12012 Fri, 22 Dec 2017 21:57:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-12012 I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years and lived together for 2 of those 4 years. He has an ex high school sweetheart/baby mama who is married with 3 kids with her husband, which gives her 4 kids total. My S.O. and his ex have a daughter together who just turned 11. They was high school sweethearts he went off to college she ended up cheating on him messing around on him she got pregnant they had to find out who the dad was(it was either her current husband’s baby or my S.O.’s baby) he end up being the dad she stayed with the man that she’s married to now but her and my S.O. continued to see each other behind her husband’s back for probably the next 10 or 12 years and I often wonder if they still have something going on just because of the late night texting or texting throughout the day. He’s not ever been in another relationship besides her I am the second relationship he’s been in now he’s dated around or had flings but never wanted to get involved because his ex is crazy and runs everyone off. We’ve known each other since 2006 and when we got together I thought that I would be able to handle this but I guess I didn’t know the extent of their relationship he would go to her house while her husband was at work or I’m at work but he says he’s there to see their daughter and that if he doesn’t go around there he doesn’t know what’s going on I told him I didn’t like the fact that he’s there while her husband’s at work it doesn’t look good I told him I don’t mind you stopping by there when her husband’s there but when you stay there for 2 or 3 hours I’m sitting at home you spend all the holidays with them but I’m not allowed to be around cuz she don’t like me she has no reason not to. His daughter and I we were very close at one time but in the last 6 months to a year it’s all turn for the worse because I found messages on his computer through his iPhone from the two of them meeting up talking horribly about me and her husband, my s.o. going to their house and meeting her upstairs but give her a few minutes because she just gave her kid some melitonin, asking him what she should tell her husband when she leaves the house so they can meet up, and how they were going to bring me down and for her to keep doing what she’s doing and to not lose her cool and that everything will be back to normal to all be a family again(this is just a small portion I’m giving you, so much more but I know I’ll run out of room) and when I confronted him about this he said that she got his Apple ID number and made up all these text messages that none of it was true and I told him everything the dates and times matched up to the times he would not be home or he would have to leave all of a sudden and he says it’s just coincidence that he swears on his daughter that nothing’s going on between the two of them that he just tries to get along with her so he knows what’s going on around their home otherwise he doesn’t know anything but yet I looked at his phone the other day and which I don’t normally look at his phone and he says he never talks to her she won’t text him he don’t text her she don’t respond she don’t call then there’s text of him asking her “how her day is, what she’s up to, who you doing hahaha” so I confront him about this about this and he gets a little upset saying “I have to send her a text once in awhile throughout the day and try to be nice just to see what kind of mood she’s in that way I can go see my daughter since my daughter doesn’t want to come to our house anymore because she’s tired of the back-and-forth she’s tired of the two of them fighting she’s tired of her mom always talking about me and she’s tired of the constant questioning when she goes back to her mom’s it used to be she wouldn’t want to go to her mom’s when she was with us she would beg and cry she didn’t want to go back to her mom’s but my s o would tell her you have to go see your mom you have to yet her mother is not standing up and doing the same for him and making their daughter go with him there’s no co-parenting at all in which he has tried I’ve been around psycho on the phone. The babymama / X has caused so much turmoil between the two of us talking about me on social media yet sending all these flirting text to my boyfriend and when I told her husband about everything that’s going on I’m the bad person I’m the one that’s lying none of this is true or when her husband goes on a hunting trip and I see that my S.O. is at their house at night time he won’t answer his phone and when he finally does answer he’s pissed at me because I show up there wondering what the hell’s going on and I’m the bad guy “answer your phone then” Am I in the wrong? I text the husband to him know what’s going on. He calls her and they get into it because he’s wondering why her ex is at their house at this time and most of the lights are out but my s.o. says he’s there to turn their water on because their water was shut off. Really(it takes that long to turn the water on) for over 2 hours you didn’t tell me that you was going to her house he had told me he was going to a buddy of his. He told me afterwards that she text him to come over to turn the water on. I said to him so why wouldn’t you call me or send me a text and say hey f.y.i she needs me to come turn the water on it shut off because her husband is out of town so I just want you to know that if you happen to drive by and see my truck there that’s why but no he never tells me that never but yet I’m in the wrong for feeling the way I am or am I in the wrong someone please help me am I going crazy???? Another time her husband’s on another trip this was not too long ago and he’s over there again supposedly talking to his daughter because she was being disrespectful to her mother and so he went there to talk with her which I totally get I can understand that it doesn’t mean that I like this situation because I do not trust his ex. I see that my s.o. is over at their house so I text her husband after an 1.5 of calling my s.o. because I’m broke down ( he never answers his phone or text when he’s there and he says its because he don’t want to have to hear her mouth run because it’s constant drama he doesn’t want to hear it from her calling me names because it does no good argue with her because she don’t listen) to tell him to have my s.o. call me because he won’t answer his phone and he tells me that he’s out of town so my s.o. finally calls me he’s screaming at me because I’ve told her husband about all those IM messages and my s.o. told me that she supposedly hacked into his Apple ID and made up all these messages between the 2 of them. Now she’s told her daughter and other kids that I’m breaking up a family and I told all these lies yet I’ve shown her husband all of these messages he wanted to see them so I sent them to him and I’m the bad person now. We’re supposed to be moving to some land to build a house together and now that’s been put on hold because his daughter just wants him and her to move out there and he tells me that’s not what he wants but he has to do what’s best for his daughter and I told him the same thing I just told him I feel like we’re going backwards now and now he says that he don’t even think that his daughter will go out there to the property but if she does that eventually I’ll move out there and we’ll all live together again. Am I being played, am I out of line???? I’m about to lose it I don’t know what to do anymore I am in love with this man he’s talked about marriage being married in less than a year yet he’s off on Fridays and he’ll go in to see his daughter and hang out there at their house while her husband’s at work for 3-4 hours the baby mamas ex has caused so much turmoil between the two of us talking about me on social media yet sending all these flirting text to my boyfriend and when I told her husband about everything that’s going on I’m the bad person I’m the one that’s like none of this is true or when our husband goes on a hunting trip and I see that my s.o. is at their house at night time you won’t answer his phone and when he finally does answer he’s pissed at me because I show up there wondering what the hell’s going on and I’m the bad guy answer your phone then am I in the wrong and so her and her husband get into it because he’s wondering why her ex is at their house of this time and most of the lights are out but he says he’s there to turn their water on because their water was shut off for over 2 hours you didn’t tell me that you was going to her house he had told me he was going to a buddy of his and then she text him and then another time for husbands on another trip this was not too long ago and he’s over there again supposedly talking to his daughter because she was being disrespectful to her mother and so he went there to talk with her which I totally get it I can understand that but when I’m sitting here trying to call you because I’m broke down for an hour and a half and see that you’re over at their house so I called her husband to tell him to have my soo call me because he won’t answer his phone and he tells me that he’s out of town so um is so finally called me he screaming at me because I told her husband about all those I am messages that she supposedly hacked into him is owes Apple ID and made up all these messages and now she’s told her daughter and other kids that I’m breaking up the family and I told all these lies yet I’ve shown her husband all of these messages he wanted to see him so I sent them all to Him and I’m the bad person now supposedly his daughter won’t come to her house because of me so now he’s over there house every evening we’re supposed to be moving to some land to build a house together and now that been put on hold because his daughter just wants him and her to move out there and he tells me that’s not what he wants but he has to do with the best for his daughter and I told him the same thing I just told him I feel like we’re going backwards now and now he says that he don’t even think that his daughter will go out there to the property but if she does that eventually I’ll move out there and we’ll all live together again am I being played in my eye out of line I’m about to lose it I don’t know what to do anymore I’m in love with this man he talked about marriage being married in less than a year yet he’s off on Fridays and he’ll go in to see his daughter and hang out there at their house while her husband’s at work for 3-4 hours while I’m sitting at home. Someone please help me has anyone been in the same situation please be respectful of your comments I’m not trying to bad mouth anyone I’m not I just want everyone to be grown adult I’ve tried to talk to this woman from day one to be adults about it to tell her I’m not doing anything through text I’m not doing anything over the phone we need to talk in person as adults I get it she doesn’t have to like me I don’t have to like her but his parents we have to look out for the kids it’s in the best interest for the kids my ex husband and I coherent great we get along great the kids do awesome we get nothing but comments about how well behaved our kids are and how wonderful it is that to parents that couldn’t work it out between the two of them and had a divorce could still make things work having kids and not have a custody battle because you couldn’t put aside your personal feelings and I told her this I understand tell another field one another woman comes into your ex’s life when you have children together I do because I have felt that and it is a terrible feeling but you learn to communicate with each other. HELP ME???

]]> By: Morava https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11918 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 16:20:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11918 In reply to jodi.

Omg leave him!

]]> By: Rudi https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11727 Sat, 16 Sep 2017 20:54:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11727 In reply to Charles McField.

Yeah, pretty much. Do you need to get out of the suburbs for a bit ? Kids before marriage, get married, mess around, have a kid with a pro baby mom, get BACK with the “wife” who was banging other guys then be saddled with all of the drama bringing that aaaaaall back to your home… Ghetto as a dice game on a sidewalk.

]]> By: Charles McField https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11726 Fri, 15 Sep 2017 17:14:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11726 In reply to Tosha.

Somebody with some sense bless you sweety

]]> By: Charles McField https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11725 Fri, 15 Sep 2017 17:12:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11725 In reply to Rudi.

Ghetto? So non ghetto whatever that is people don’t go through this? Lol silly rabbit

]]> By: Charles McField https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11724 Fri, 15 Sep 2017 17:11:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11724 In reply to Lynettedvs23.

Be prepared for a vice versa situation. God forbid something happens to your family and you need support don’t get mad if he says that’s YOUR family you’re a grown woman figure it out on your own.

]]> By: Charles McField https://www.stephanspeaks.com/husband-baby-mama/#comment-11723 Fri, 15 Sep 2017 17:09:00 +0000 https://www.stephanspeaks.com/?p=1599#comment-11723 In reply to Kbaby0910.

While the wife may be dealing with a lot. It pales in comparison to what the man is dealing with. Basically the wife has a choice or a cop out to say I’m going to let you deal with it I’m tired. The man does not have that option it’s his child he has to deal with it. So in my opinion it’s pathetic to remove yourself from a situation because it’s not handled how you want it to be or as fast as you want it to be. In marriage you support until it’s resolved plain and simple. Show was on the other foot wife would want support no matter how long it takes. Unwavering support is key because while you may decide to give tough love (cop out) he may respond negatively to that and feel alone or betrayed which leads to a host of other problems. Never should you remove yourself from a situation as such until you are requested or demanded.

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