For example – I once dated a man whose independent shoulder chip was just as big as mine. Had his own house, his own life, friends, car, ideas on existence – just like me. He didn’t want anyone leeching off of him, but still wanted a companion…that was it – just like me. And guess what? I had no problem giving that to him. He knew that I would put my foot down when I wanted to, but I also simply wanted to be with him – spend time with him, share with him. Maybe not cohabitation and finances, but time and emotion and stupid things like laundry day.

We went out with his friends, and he and I had a blast seeing who could chug beer faster or eat more wings, while his friends’ partners spent their time rolling their eyes and nagging their guys about behavior or food or alcohol intake, or when they had to leave. Spending time with him was what he wanted and needed, and I was more than happy to give that to him because spending time with him was what I wanted and needed. Nothing more, nothing less.

The thing is, it freaked him out anyway. It hit that ‘too good to be true – getting too comfortable’ warning in his mind, and he kept breaking up with me…then calling me 4 months later. But I was in love, and that’s what ‘in love’ did to me. I didn’t care that he hardly ever came to see me – I always did the traveling unless I was putting my foot down. I wanted to see him. Period.

He was preparing for a hunting trip once, packing up while calling his friends for details. I sat around watching (enjoying the view and sneaking a squeeze here and there, grabbing fresh beer, changing the CD, etc.), but at one point he grumbled that he needed a rest pad thing for his rifle. Woo! Something I could help with! I made him one out of a little beanbag and duct tape, tossed it around his yard a bit to make sure it wouldn’t break (actually – shot-put it around his yard), he had a good laugh at my expense, and after the trip he said it worked like a charm. He didn’t ask me to, I just did it because I knew he needed it, and in the end he loved what I did for him without having to be asked.

Like bringing booze without being told because you know you’re going to be drinking. Like tucking him in and locking up his house before you leave after he passes out from a back rub – instead of waking him up for a goodbye kiss. Because we want to do it (and yes, we also want to go home)!

Or…after endless visits in jeans and comfort-wear, we decide to knock his socks off in that little mini-dress we’ve never had an occasion to wear. In the middle of the afternoon. While he’s working on his car. Or he surprises with the yum-yum ripped jeans that he said he threw out. And no shirt. And no underwear. He wants to please just as much as we do, independent or not.

As for being too busy – many independent women aren’t so busy they don’t have time. Some just want the satisfaction of standing on their own two feet. Some had mothers who were so dependent on husbands that their daughters refused to be the same way. They’re not rich or super active or super successful – they just choose to be captain of their own ship. They want another captain of his own ship, to occasionally tie-up to or even tandem-sail with. “Your place or mine this weekend?” “Let’s buy a side-by-side duplex and knock out a wall or two.”

The problem is that the only thing they need from a guy is the one thing guys aren’t comfortable giving…themselves. When a guy gets comfortable giving himself, it scares him. And when a guy gets scared, he runs. He doesn’t explain, just bolts.

So what’s an independent, self-sufficient woman to do when they just want someone to be there for (and have there for themselves), yet the guy wigs out just because it’s too good to be true? We want someone to give our love-vibe-emotions to. Everyone does no matter how independent they are.

Good article by the way…made me a little angry, but that’s what discussion is supposed to do.
*Always check for the preferred way to fold socks before helping with laundry*.