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  • Christine

    I met my DH 5 years ago. At that time he was married and expecting his first child with his wife. I didn’t know he was married and 4 months later I was pregnant with our first son. Long story short they tried to make it work but he chose to be with me and left her. She took their son ran off to another state and DR DIDN’T find out till a week later. This was in 2011 come 2013 he filed for divorce and custody here we are 2 years later $18K in Atty and court fees etc., $625 a month in cs for 1 kid, and so much back and forth with BM including 1 time of us filing Contempt for her withholding his son for visitation. BM has sent me harassing emails as well as just plain trying to start stuff emails. I’ve ignored them but they’ve gotten pretty ugly. I’ve been the one who’s pushed DH to file for divorce, custody and pay cs since the beginning. Even went as far as to use my tax return last year to pay off his $5K in arrears. BM has managed to turn his family against him and our family mostly me they use to like me but BM posted a fake hate you post on thedirty.com and made it look like it was me since then all his sisters and his mom have gone off on him about me and our kids and have chosen to be on BM side. Now DH and BM are cordial but I think know DH let’s BM take things too far. I feel it’s OK to Co parent but joking over text or being around each other during his visitation is too much. I feel that by him letting and participating in this is sending her the wrong message/giving her the wrong impression. Am I just being selfish/jealous or am I right? I’ve been divorced from my oldest sons dad for 12 years and we never joke and we aren’t hanging out during his visitation. I’ve respected those boundaries and always rested on the side of Co parenting never letting go past that. I have no one to talk to about this and when I try with DH he says I’m just like that cause I’m holding on to the hate I have for BM and to get over it cause she’s going to be a part of our lives forever. Any kind words or helpful advice would be appreciated.

    Feeling alone and hurt.

    • Collette

      Wow, I am sorry you are going through this. You have to understand you have allowed this so now you have to love yourself to let go. You are not jealous. I feel he has no respect for you. I would have never gave him my income tax money to pay his child support. He could have made arrangements. He knows that you love him and he is taking advantage. Start getting your hair done, your nails done. Buying nice clothes, look good for you. You lost your self esteem. You have your children that need you.

  • Troi Jazmine Cluse

    Hello I really need some advice on this matter,

    I am in a bit of a pickle here with a guy that I am interested in. We haven’t been talking for very long, but I feel a really great connection with him and I honestly do care very much for him. And he has even told me that he really likes me and has feelings for me. He’s come over to my apartment twice. The 1st time he came over was a bet, and we didn’t do anything but talk and I showed him my artwork. the 2nd time he came over, we had an intense make-out session that almost turned into sex, but I told him I wasn’t ready, and he seemed fine with that. He tells me how beautiful I am, calls and texts me everyday and talks to me like I’m his girlfriend, but he’s never invited me to his house and hasn’t taken me out on a date yet…What gives?!?!

    He was actually the one to bring up the conversation about how I felt about him and where I wanted “us” to go. I was honest and told him that I could see us being in a relationship and that was what I wanted with him. He told me that he had feelings for me and could see us being in a relationship, but wasn’t sure if he was ready. I told him, that I wanted to be certain that this was going to become serious and that I was willing to take things slow, but I wouldn’t wait on him forever. He never really gave me a definite response to my statement.

    The day after our conversation, things went right back to the way they were before. it seemed like we never even had the conversation. A predicament came up to where I though he had a girlfriend already, but it turned out to be a jealous friend of his. We dove into the same conversation again, but this time he stated,”I really truly like you a lot! You make me smile and I’m happy when we talk. But I don’t know if it will be 1 or 2 years until I know when I’ll ever be ready for a relationship…”

    My response was..”I understand you’re not ready for a relationship, but it’s not fair to string me along and to keep me around as a ‘friend with benefits’ if you know that’s not what I want. I deserve better than that. I want something that you’re not willing to give me right now. and I understand, so I think it’d be best if we stopped talking to each other.” He kept telling me that he didn’t want to lose me and wanted to continue talking, so I told him that we could continue talking and that I will always be there for him as just a “friend.” Of course he didn’t like that either, but he stated that he really didn’t have a choice.

    The next day, things got really irritating….

    He called me trying to convince me of his feelings for me and I told him the same thing as before, but I also mentioned to him that if he really cared for me the way he said he did, that there would be no uncertainty. I calmly ended the conversation by telling him that I’d talk to him later. He tried to call again, but I missed the call. When I tried to call back and ask him what he wanted, he stated…”I was going to talk to you earlier about what I was thinking. I was thinking about ‘us’, and relationships in general, but since you didn’t answer me the 1st time, I’ll take it as a sign…” He of course refused to tell me what he meant by that, so I left it alone. I responded in a way to where it seemed like his mind game didn’t phase me at all, but it kinda did…..later that night, my phone rings with him on the line, but ends before I could answer it. I then proceeded to text him, to see what he really wanted. I told him that if he had something to say to me, to be up-front and talk to me. All he had to say was, “You’ve already made up you mind.” So I text back asking him why he was continuing to call me like this, if we already discussed and settled things. I told him that he didn’t want to discuss it on the phone earlier and that I had just squashed the conversation…he hasn’t respond back yet.

    All of this happened happened YESTERDAY. I don’t know what he really wants from me to be honest. I know what I want and I’m sticking to my guns about us just being friends, since he isn’t ready for commitment. But I don’t understand why he’s playing games like this with me? A man that only wants sex can easily drop a girl and find someone else, right??? I don’t know if he’s doing this because he really has feelings for me or if he’s just being a baby because he didn’t get his way????

    Please Help?