13 Apr Why Did I Get Married?
I’m married with one child and I met my husband when I was very young. We both worked together and I didn’t like him at 1st, but he still pursued me. He was tall and skinny, just not my type. I was friends with some of his family so we started hanging out and things progressed. Of course he lied about having a girlfriend but I was young and dumb. They ended up breaking up and we started being serious. He ended up moving in with my mom and me in our townhouse, which I later purchased from her the following year. He comes from a LAZY family!! My mom never really discussed relationships with me & neither did my dad. It was just me and my mom – she worked before sun up and till sundown, so being an only child I was always on my own. He comes from a family where all the grown folk live together (his dad, aunts, etc).
We ended up getting married. He had asked me before, but I was always telling him no because I didn’t like a lot of stuff he did. I get “saved” and didn’t want to live in sin so stupid me, I was like “you still want to get married”, and of course he said yes (I’m his meal ticket). It’s like I got so scared and worried about what God would say about me shacking that I married for the wrong reasons. It’s like I forgot about the reasons why I didn’t want to marry him. A few days before I went to the courthouse I talked to my mom and she was just being negative and well you know marriage is hard, blah blah. I kind of just shut down and did it anyhow. She was upset and hurt because I did it without her. My mom was never straightforward to me about why she didn’t want me to marry him. I thought maybe because he was lazy and moved on his own time.
A couple of months later my cousin was visiting with her kids and husband. We had a falling out and I guess I didn’t read all of her emails during the back and forth. When she emailed me on day to make amends it came out that she previously sent an email saying my mom told her she didn’t’ want me to get married to him because he was cheating on me. I confronted my mom and she’s like I didn’t’ tell you because you wouldn’t have listened to me. So my cousin tells me my friend told my mom. I asked my friend and she’s like it wasn’t her business to tell and apparently my aunt knew too. I always had a feeling of him doing something, but could never catch him. It has been years since and I still think about it! He admitted to cheating, but never said with whom. I got mad and admitting to cheating too. Only because back then I thought he was too and I was bored with him.
Over the last couple of years I’ve kicked myself and keep reminding myself of why I never wanted to marry him in the 1st place. He’s not a hustler like me and I feel like I’m the man in the relationship. I bought the 1st and 2nd house myself. His credit has always sucked and I’m always the decision maker. He never likes to go anywhere or do anything, and there are so many more complaints I can list. We have been to therapy to discuss these things (not the prior cheating). The therapist asked him why he was so complacent and he didn’t know what it meant. Once we broke it down to him, he said he just doesn’t like applying for jobs and going to interviews. Yet he says he wants to make more money. We did 3 sessions and when we left the last one he asked if there was anything that he does that I like. I couldn’t find much to say other than when he cleans or cooks. He has wasted my time! Ever since then I changed my attitude and I really don’t care. When we first moved to a new city and state I had just graduated with my BA. Years later I graduated with a MBA and he’s still the same stagnant person! Everyone says you should push him and motivate him. I’m done with doing all that! I remember trying to get him to do Corrections & Rehabilitation work before I even got pregnant with my child, but all he ever wanted to do was hustle. Three of his friends died from foolishness, so he’s know it’s because of me he’s still alive (of course God 1st).
Well I’m tired of this city and I’m ready to bounce! And bounce from him! I can’t do what I want now because our company is about to lay us off, so I told him to get something he can afford if I have to leave. I’m miserable!! These men don’t want to be men, they want a meal ticket! Everything we’ve attained has been by my merits. His last few vehicles have come from my help. And I’m not staying because of my kid – its timing. We split the bills in 1/2 like we are roommates. Nookie is good when I fantasize about someone else.
Signed – Tired of this mess
Message from Stephan: for anybody who reads this and questions if marriage is for them, please look at this correctly. Marriage was not the issue, but the reasons why and the person she allowed herself to marry were the real issue. Also take into consideration that we only get to hear one side of the story.