giving heart in hand

Give What You Expect To Receive

There seems to be an epidemic of people who are just plain selfish. Me, me, me is all they care about. They believe the world revolves around them, and everybody else is just a side note. They could care less about what is best for you unless it fits into what they “think” is best for them. Some have this issue on an extreme level and some to a much lesser degree. One way or another it is having much more of a negative impact on life than they care to realize.

It isn’t good to operate this way when you are single but it is absolutely unacceptable to bring this mentality into a relationship. People are running around focused on finding the person who can give them what they want. Their perception on what the relationship should be is all messed up yet they blame “love”, “relationships”, and “marriage” for their pains and disappointments. They are not willing to look at themselves because it is always everything else and everybody else’s fault as to why they didn’t get what they wanted and hoped for.

How can you as a man complain that your woman isn’t sexually satisfying you when you have not taken the time to make sure you are truly sexually satisfying her? How can you as a woman complain about a man’s lack of honesty and openness with you when you have spoken lies and held back in the name of “protecting yourself”? How can we as a people expect anyone to fulfill our needs and desires if we are incapable or unwilling to fulfill theirs? The answer is we shouldn’t expect it. If you are not going to provide what you are looking for in a partner then don’t be surprised when you don’t get it. I know some of you are thinking “well I am open with him sometimes” or “I have sexually satisfied her at times” (let’s just hope she wasn’t faking it). Ok cool, well think about this. Has he not been open with you “sometimes”? Has she not sexually satisfied you “sometimes”? Guess what, they sure have, yet you still find time to complain because you feel it isn’t enough. Which you are right, it probably isn’t but unless you are putting in the same kind of effort then you need to sit down and think about how you have been handling this. Continuing to be consumed about getting what you want will only guarantee that you won’t get it. Yeah it may come from time to time. It may even keep flowing in for a good amount of time, but it will eventually become an issue. Because if you are so focused on getting what you want, then you are not as focused as you should be on giving what they need. It will catch up to you, and that person who has been doing the giving will either walk away or no longer give like they should. Regardless of their choice your relationship will now be on its way to failure.

Once in a relationship your focus should not be on you, it should be on them. If both parties took that approach then both would get what they need and desire. Being selfish has no place in a relationship that you wish to be successful. We all have to go in with the mentality that if we give then we will receive. Before any of you say, “well I gave plenty and received nothing in return” let me make something clear. Giving was not your issue; it was “who” you chose to give to that was the problem. Always focus on doing your job and if your partner refuses to step up then you need to just walk away. Staying in a relationship that you are not prepared to do what is right is simply pointless. You only ensure that things will continue to move in the wrong direction and that you and your partner will not be as happy as you both deserve to be. Relationships are not 50/50 they are 100/100. You have to give it your all if you expect for your partner to do the same.  So if your relationship or past relationships haven’t been reaching its full potential then take a moment to ask yourself: Have I Been Giving What I Want to Receive?

24 Comments
  • RichFoeva!
    Posted at 22:06h, 27 July Reply

    Mighty funny how the truth isn’t shared or commented on smh…Thank God for this substance #NECESSARY!!!

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 03:29h, 02 August Reply

      That is an interesting observation you just made and thank you.

  • Jeff
    Posted at 08:44h, 13 November Reply

    This is an excellent article.

  • Nttell
    Posted at 15:54h, 03 December Reply

    makes a lot of sense….you give what you want to receive…I do strongly believe this!….I do have another thought as well….I think for marriages there is a little more sense of security in seeing this come back to you (or at least supposed to be that way, we know that sometimes it’s more complicated than that). When you are single you have a job to guard your heart! There is only so much giving and sharing you can and should do because honestly, I personally believe that until there is that covenant of marriage-first introduced through an engagement, too much giving and sharing isn’t wise. (And the giving could be a rage of things, I think you did well in pointing out some specifics)… It’s a tough balance, it really is..you want to give to show that you CAN give more…you want to share to show that you CAN share more. I feel that as a single person your job is show that you most certainly CAN and WILL  be there for your partner but with the understanding that full benefits only come under the most covenant relationship “marriage”….  But to give to the point of no return and to keep giving is not wise. This is not being selfish..this is being smart.  

  • Pooblyshus39
    Posted at 04:34h, 16 December Reply

    “Giving was not your issue it was “who” you chose to give to that was the problem”…Huge point. I had a feeling I should have read this before I comment.. I know better next time. Great post!

    • realadi228
      Posted at 21:43h, 11 November Reply

      Exactly…who you are shouldnt change unless it makes you greater…are choices determine our outcomes, or hopefully another lesson to learn.

  • @TheDatingStory
    Posted at 23:36h, 20 February Reply

    Stellar article!

  • louievbaby21
    Posted at 03:09h, 15 May Reply

    I’ve been doing above and beyond for a woman that is not even my girlfriend yet (and at this rate never will be.) Example, I’m supposed to hit her up all the time (and get attitude when I dont.) but i can wait until midnight to see if she will reach out to me first and it won’t happen. I make sure her holidays are nice. I took her out for her Birthday last week… thats the last time I heard from her. I usually wouldn’t go out of my way for someone that I’m just talking to, but I thought it would be different considering that I’ve known her since I was little and we were friends before dating. I guess you don’t know someone until you date them and you truly know them when you marry them (but lets not talk about marriage in this situation lol).

    I hate giving up, but I think I have to. If she can go a week without talking to me, then we aren’t really “talking”. and why should i have to act like a boyfriend when you don’t want to be my girl. That waiting game is the most selfish bs anyone has created. “I’m not ready”. If you arent ready then dont string me along.

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 04:19h, 15 May Reply

      You don’t necessarily have to give up. You just have to change your approach. You should express how you feel and hold her to the standard she holds you to. If she isn’t willing to “step up” then that is when you have to walk away. When she is prepared to match your effort then you can go back to entertaining a potential relationship with her. Ultimately if you continue as is you likely won’t see much progress. Put your foot down and don’t allow her to continue to take advantage of you. You deserve better than that.

      • realadi228
        Posted at 21:55h, 11 November Reply

        Its takes some serious mature practice to seperate our feelings and desires from the reality of how someone else may or maynot feel for us in the same way…..but even when reality may hurt us or be disappointing someone once said…”reality is your friend”….I added……it also needs to be embraced and accepted…..without judgement sometimes its best to just fallback.

        • realadi228
          Posted at 21:58h, 11 November Reply

          Thank you…for your wisdom and continuous guidance….revelations with confirmations are gifts from above.

  • Maroro Geoffrey Gisore
    Posted at 20:33h, 12 August Reply

    giv ua best if nothin changes.its natural things can be that way nway.walk ahead.

  • Linda Walker
    Posted at 10:45h, 04 September Reply

    Thanks for sharing this powerful message! Many of us need to read and implement "Give What You Expect To Receive" in all aspects of our lives! #FinallyTruth

  • Denise Vela
    Posted at 13:35h, 06 November Reply

    But what IS your job? What are unselfish acts?

  • Torrey Holman
    Posted at 04:05h, 09 January Reply

    Have you been reading my thoughts????

  • LG Kathy
    Posted at 04:39h, 09 January Reply

    This may well be the best advice/comment on relationships that I have ever read.

  • Fiona Bailey
    Posted at 04:39h, 09 January Reply

    I really enjoyed reading this article

  • Gail Roddy
    Posted at 19:00h, 09 January Reply

    Yes, as a woman, as long as I think and act like a princess, I will attract a prince (aka) a man waiting for someone to die or abdicate for him to step into life as King. No Queen should even try to give up her Queeness for a prince to become King. Even Queen Elizabeth isn't going for that.

  • Sybrandt Davis
    Posted at 13:30h, 09 March Reply

    I'm known to give so much in a relationship and get nothing in return. It has nothing to do with finance or sexual. Love the article.

  • Dawn A Archer
    Posted at 13:44h, 09 March Reply

    Great article. Time for reflection and self questioning! Am I a selfish person?

  • Wendy Pisani Rendon
    Posted at 13:59h, 09 March Reply

    Great article. I am one who gives with all of who I am only to be met by selfishness. It's a sad sceen when you give 100 and the 50 given is only to get what they want. Thank you for this eye opening article.

  • Debbie C Logan Womack-Baldwin
    Posted at 15:18h, 09 March Reply

    Every couple should read this and ask themselves ?

  • Dawn L. Wright
    Posted at 08:42h, 08 June Reply

    Very good read!!!! #iagree

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