I can hear the poor men sobbing as they have convinced themselves that their wives no longer desires or cares for sex. What used to be a sufficient amount of sexual pleasure in the “boyfriend/girlfriend” phase has tuned into night after night of “I’m too tired” “the kids may hear us” or the infamous “I have a headache” just to name a few. Married men all over are left frustrated and confused at this transformation that they hoped they would never fall victim to. So what is really the problem? Do women really just lose sexual desire after getting married? Does your wife really not like sex anymore?
As easy as it may be to simply say your wife doesn’t like sex, the reality is this is likely not the case. She still likes sex; she is just struggling to enjoy sex with you. Now before you get offended understand that this is a problem that many other men face as well. You are not the only one and this issue can be resolved. Many marriages are suffering from a lackluster sex life due to a lack of understanding by many men and a lack of honesty by many women. She doesn’t feel like she can tell you what you can improve because she fears damaging your ego and dealing with the backlash. Some women simply feel that they shouldn’t have to tell a man what he needs to know; he should be in tune with the woman he has been with for years and figure it out on his own. Now I know that this isn’t completely fair (there is some truth to it) but it is the reality of how many women feel. So since she may not tell you (or you simply don’t understand what the hell she is talking about) let me point out a couple of things that can possibly help move your marriage in a better direction.
What happens outside the bedroom effects what happens in it.
To us men, sex is sex. We want it, let’s do it, we’re done. For many women it isn’t always that simple. You need to be in tune with her emotionally if you want to make her more receptive sexually. If your woman isn’t really in the mood then you have to learn to pick up on that or how to get her in the mood. If your woman has been burdened with handling so much, she will not have the energy or desire to deal with sex (especially if you haven’t mastered satisfying her physically). If she is bothered by something or has too much on her mind, she again will not be as receptive to sex. As her husband you have to know how to clear her mind by removing some of these burdens (i.e.: clean the house sometimes without her asking). You have to know how to tend to her emotionally which will help her to not take these issues into the bedroom where they will only serve as a distraction. Solving problems in the bedroom a lot of times starts with solving problems outside the bedroom, so remember that.
You need to learn her body.
A lot of husbands do not explore their wife’s body nearly enough. They remain stuck on the same spots that turned her on when you got intimate in the early stages of your relationship. Their bodies can change and sometimes there are spots on her that even she is unaware will turn her on. By taking more time to learn her body and get in tune with her sexually you eliminate the need for her to have to tell you what to do and what she likes. Many women will not tell you and direct you, so you must pay attention and “push the envelope”. We men get so caught up in “getting ours” or even trying to “show out” that you overlook and ignore the subtleties that express when she really does like it or when that action by you just isn’t doing it. Focus on satisfying her needs and trust your needs will get taken care of.
Those are just a couple quick things to take into consideration. There is more to understand and if you are interested I would suggest taking a look at this great book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband. At the end of the day realize that your wife can still enjoy sex, but you as a man have to make sure you do your part to make that happen. Also for those that wish their wife would just tell them, good luck. I mean some will, and you can try to get her to open up by showing that you won’t get sensitive and upset if she says some things you may not like.
I encourage you to control what you can and make the necessary improvements. A happy wife will equal a happy husband. So if you find yourself unhappy sexually then maybe, just maybe, it’s because you haven’t made her happy enough. Think about that.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate