Getting married is a big step in a person’s life. It shouldn’t be taken lightly and we all should make sure we do our due diligence before moving forward into this great commitment.
The goal going in has to be about creating a great and long lasting relationship. To be ready to embrace all that comes with this union and be prepared to put in the work necessary for positive results. Part of making this happen is to be mindful of how you choose a person to spend your life with. Understanding what are some important things to examine and address if you want what is best to come out of this.
Well here are some core question you can ask yourself before getting married that I believe will help you in making the right decision.
1. Do I Understand What Is Required Of Me
Everyone has their perception of what marriage should be like. They have their expectations and desires, but that doesn’t always line up with how your partner may see it. One of the biggest mistakes people make is not discussing in advance what they require from their partner once married. We could say not much should change from your current relationship, but that is definitely not always the case.
With that said, be mindful of having that talk before getting married. Do not make assumptions about what is required of you. Be prepared to listen carefully to what your partner has to say about it, and be honest about how you feel in regards to it. You want to make sure you two are truly on the same page and understand all of the expectations and desires. Once you have that taken care of, then you ask yourself the next question.
2. Am I Willing To Give Them What They Need
A lot of people go into marriage focused on what they can gain. They make it more about them, and this approach isn’t truly in their best interest. Yes it is clearly a factor, but marriage needs to be more about the giving, not the getting. If you are not prepared to pour into your partner what they need, then you are not going to experience a very happy, fulfilling, and long lasting relationship.
You should be marrying a person who you are prepared to be selfless with, and not selfish with. When you do this you increase your ability to get all that you need in return. That is of course if you are mindful of the next question you need to ask yourself.
3. Do We Share The Same Values
Sometimes opposites attract, and that isn’t always a bad thing. When we can embrace each other’s differences then we may find a great balance in that relationship. Just understand that not having things in common like our favorite foods, hobbies, and certain personality traits is not the same as being on two different pages with our core values.
If you embrace the principle of giving and being selfless, while they think the idea is silly, well you two are going to have a major conflict in the relationship. If you desire kids, a big family, and certain family values; but they don’t want kids and could care less about that structure in their life, well you are going to have big problems. Before getting married you should make sure you both value and understand the things that are most important to each other. Overlooking that step is a set up for disaster.
4. Are There Any Unresolved Issues
The last thing you want to do is get married to someone you have unresolved issues with. Marriage isn’t going to make the issues disappear, it will only magnify them. Many times it is those same issues you had before getting married that end up destroying the marriage.
No matter how difficult it is, it’s in your best interest to properly address and resolve any lingering issues. Don’t just move past them on the surface like a lot of people tend to do. You have to go deeper than that to truly resolve the issue and minimize the chances of it reoccurring in your relationship. No couple is perfect, but that should never be an excuse to ignore the issues that do exist before saying “I do”.
5. Am I Truly In Love With This Person
Far too many people marry a person they are not truly in love with. They may do it for the kids, or because the individual is a “good person”, or simply because they figure time is ticking and this is currently their best option (in their mind). The list goes on, but bottom line is the foundation of a genuine true love doesn’t exist there. Some may say that shouldn’t be a factor, and you don’t have to marry for love. Personally I believe that this is one of the biggest mistakes people make.
In my opinion it isn’t money, sex, or cheating that are the biggest causes of divorce; it is a lack of connection that is the true #1 reason. When you lack that foundation you open the door to the relationship being easily damaged. You make it harder to endure difficult moments that all experience to some degree when you are trying to get through it with someone you’re not really in to like that. Being mindful of having the foundation of friendship and true love/deep connection can take you a long way to experiencing the marriage that you will feel is truly right for you.
There are plenty of other questions you could ask yourself before getting married, but I believe these are the fundamental questions that must be addressed. The wrong answer to any one of these I believe warrants a person stopping dead in their tracks and thinking twice about moving forward with their partner. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but when people don’t take what I believe is the correct approach, they will add to the negative perception many others have of it. So do yourself and all around you the favor of being honest with yourself, and making sure you walk into marriage with the right mindset, and the person that is truly best for you.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate