The reality is that many women look at relationships as the hallway to marriage. Yes they may be currently focused on just enjoying the benefits of their relationship but that doesn’t mean they’re not hoping or waiting for things to progress. The problem is that a lot of times the man they are with is not on the same page. He is enjoying the benefits and plans to ride this out for as long as he can. Saying the word marriage to him is like you just cursed at him. It rubs him the wrong way and makes him feel very uncomfortable…but why? I mean if he is with this woman, seems to be “happy” and all that good stuff, then what is really his problem? Specifics can vary but here are four very possible reasons why he just won’t marry her.
1. Because he can get all that he wants by being her boyfriend.
Most of you have heard the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. So there you have it in a nutshell. That guy may see no real incentive in agreeing to a deeper more binding commitment such as marriage. He is already receiving “wife benefits” so to marry her is pointless and in no way works to his advantage.
2. Because he has a very negative perception of marriage.
Not everybody gets to witness a healthy relationship in their life. Many have grown up witnessing unhealthy relationships in their home and everywhere else they looked. So that man can easily develop a very negative view on marriage. He will convince himself of all the reasons why not to marry a woman. He will still desire companionship but he sees the “I do” as really meaning “What the hell did I just do”.
3. Because he still wants to have sex with other women.
Let’s face it; there are plenty of men who struggle with the idea of having sex with just one woman for the…rest…of…their…life! I promise you some men just got nauseous reading that line. So that guy may be holding off on a proposal because he isn’t ready to give up the possibilities of “new booty”. I know what some may be thinking “but isn’t he in a committed relationship already?” True, but the line of thinking is different for many when you are not officially married. (I will get in to that more with a future post).
4. Because he isn’t truly in love with her.
This is probably the hardest pill to swallow, but in my opinion the most common reason for a lack of proposal. As I stated in the first paragraph some men are just enjoying the benefits and will ride it out for as long as they can. He may care for her but that doesn’t mean he is in love with her. There isn’t a true connection, but what the woman provides is enough to keep him around. It just may not be enough to get him on one knee and speak the words “will you marry me”.
If you are a man and any of these apply to you then I say this. If you know you won’t marry her, then you should let her go. I know that sounds harsh but think about it. If you are #1 and she truly wants marriage, is it fair to drag her along with false hope when you know that you don’t see yourself ever taking that step with her. If you are #2 your negative views on something she obviously values is going to be a constant conflict which can destroy your relationship in many ways. #3 I think most would agree that you are likely going to cheat (if you haven’t already). Cheating will only cause more drama, more damage, and make it harder to have a successful relationship. #4 is just cheating her and yourself out of what you both deserve. If you are not truly in love then the challenges that all face in relationships just got more difficult to deal with. Some “survive” but you are better off with someone you connect with, not with who you are trying to hold on to for the wrong reasons. If you do truly love that woman then you should be willing to address any of these issues and in doing that letting go can become temporary. Marriage isn’t for everybody but don’t hold on to someone if you don’t value them or marriage the same way they do. You won’t marry her, so step to the side to give way to a man who will.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate