Contact info:

4 Reasons Why He Won’t Marry Her.

Posted by Stephan Labossiere in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Marriage | 45 comments |Tags: , , , ,

he wont marry her jumps out of window

The reality is that many women look at relationships as the hallway to marriage. Yes they may be currently focused on just enjoying the benefits of their relationship but that doesn’t mean they’re not hoping or waiting for things to progress. The problem is that a lot of times the man they are with is not on the same page. He is enjoying the benefits and plans to ride this out for as long as he can. Saying the word marriage to him is like you just cursed at him. It rubs him the wrong way and makes him feel very uncomfortable…but why? I mean if he is with this woman, seems to be “happy” and all that good stuff, then what is really his problem? Specifics can vary but here are four very possible reasons why he just won’t marry her.

1.    Because he can get all that he wants by being her boyfriend.

Most of you have heard the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. So there you have it in a nutshell. That guy may see no real incentive in agreeing to a deeper more binding commitment such as marriage. He is already receiving “wife benefits” so to marry her is pointless and in no way works to his advantage.

2.    Because he has a very negative perception of marriage.

Not everybody gets to witness a healthy relationship in their life. Many have grown up witnessing unhealthy relationships in their home and everywhere else they looked. So that man can easily develop a very negative view on marriage. He will convince himself of all the reasons why not to marry a woman. He will still desire companionship but he sees the “I do” as really meaning “What the hell did I just do”.

3.    Because he still wants to have sex with other women.

Let’s face it; there are plenty of men who struggle with the idea of having sex with just one woman for the…rest…of…their…life! I promise you some men just got nauseous reading that line. So that guy may be holding off on a proposal because he isn’t ready to give up the possibilities of “new booty”. I know what some may be thinking “but isn’t he in a committed relationship already?” True, but the line of thinking is different for many when you are not officially married. (I will get in to that more with a future post).

4.    Because he isn’t truly in love with her.

This is probably the hardest pill to swallow, but in my opinion the most common reason for a lack of proposal. As I stated in the first paragraph some men are just enjoying the benefits and will ride it out for as long as they can. He may care for her but that doesn’t mean he is in love with her. There isn’t a true connection, but what the woman provides is enough to keep him around. It just may not be enough to get him on one knee and speak the words “will you marry me”.

If you are a man and any of these apply to you then I say this. If you know you won’t marry her, then you should let her go. I know that sounds harsh but think about it. If you are #1 and she truly wants marriage, is it fair to drag her along with false hope when you know that you don’t see yourself ever taking that step with her. If you are #2 your negative views on something she obviously values is going to be a constant conflict which can destroy your relationship in many ways. #3 I think most would agree that you are likely going to cheat (if you haven’t already). Cheating will only cause more drama, more damage, and make it harder to have a successful relationship. #4 is just cheating her and yourself out of what you both deserve. If you are not truly in love then the challenges that all face in relationships just got more difficult to deal with. Some “survive” but you are better off with someone you connect with, not with who you are trying to hold on to for the wrong reasons. If you do truly love that woman then you should be willing to address any of these issues and in doing that letting go can become temporary. Marriage isn’t for everybody but don’t hold on to someone if you don’t value them or marriage the same way they do. You won’t marry her, so step to the side to give way to a man who will.

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

Tags: , , , ,
  • Miacurtiss

    Great True Post!

  • Kmajor034

    As always, great post!!!!!!!!!

  • quest

    Good post as always, but all this happens because the bible has just become another book on our book shelves, no one reads it or follow it’s rules.

    • Sarah

      Your so right<but if everyone would read the bible  men and women would know there role in relationship..

  • Concrete gladiator

    On point,that is exactly why i question the relationship of those who have been together for 7+ years, have kids and are not yet married

    • laurel

      That’s my life. Been with my guy for 9 years we have 4 kids together and bought a house together 3 years ago. I’m starting to

      • Jessie

        Me too! Been together 9 years. 3 children & a dog, house, car, all banking all in both our names, taxes done together… I make sure he has RRSPs, life insurance, medical benefits etc. Intimacy is certainly not an issue, I am a very loving and serving partner. He gave me a promise ring for Christmas many years ago, and expects me to wear it all the time (questions me if I do not). He knows I want to get married. He knows I’ll say yes. He knows I am willing to do it just the two of us with the kids, doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. He knows he could buy a used ring and I wouldn’t care… why doesn’t he want to get married?

        • A sound mind

          for laurel and Jessie’s girl. If you have a loving family, house, a man who loves you what is there to question? Just because you don’t have a piece of paper making it legal you question your relationship? Right there is a good reason they probably don’t want to marry you. You are so insecure and flighty that unless you have a piece of paper legally binding him to you you are questioning your relationship with a guy who took the plunge and actually had kids with you. That already potentially screws him over financially. No you want the whole enchilada or it may not be worth your time anymore? Women like you are the reason men are going MGTOW. Men are crucified in divorce courts. Divorce is filed about 3/4th of the time by women. Divorce is up over 50%. Take your pick why a legal marriage is a mistake.

          • ”Jessie’s girl”

            Well, I am not having any second thoughts and I am Canadian, not American. I do not think it is fair to generalize, but you are entitled to your opinion based on your experiences and I respect that. We live our lives very old-school and try to stay away from mainstream society values or lack there of. We’re a play outside-read a book-road trip-VHS 80s movie night kind of family. It was just a question and confused why some stay common-law for so many years and the man doesn’t ask. It’s an issue of communication and opening up to the real reasons that may be different for everyone.

            Married or Common-law, we had nothing when we met and everything we have together we have earned together side by side, penny for penny. We make the same salary and put equal effort. God forbid we ever did separate, we would still have to separate everything as if we were married and it would not be financially beneficial for either of us. We’re better off staying together and working as the team we’ve always been.

            I asked my partner to give me an honest answer and what it all came down to is affordability and if he does it, he wants it done right with his whole family present. He doesn’t want to just elope. We’re both teachers and he doesn’t want me going to work with a cheap or used ring (even though we are strong environmentalists, pro non-conflict, and very thrifty garage sale type of people). Also, there are vacations and house repairs that we normally spend our savings or extra funds on. Which is why I wanted to keep it really small – just us 5. When it is just two people it is easy to spend all kinds of money on a wedding shower, StagNDoe, wedding and reception and honeymoon before you have the added financial responsibility of house and kids, their education funds, your own retirement and pension and going on trips and doing house repairs (especially all those different insurances like house insurance, mortgage insurance, life insurance, auto insurance and extended health and dental insurance etc). There is no money left to spend on a wedding. Even when you get an income taxes return (if you get one), there are like 10 important things you need to spend it on and there is not enough to cover all 10 things; then the prioritizing comes in.

            At this point in the relationship, it is hard to spend money on a proper wedding with both sides of the family when you know 1) it could be going to other things, 2) your extended family has grown and you don’t want to make anyone feel excluded and 3) you probably will not recoop the cost of the wedding and reception from gifts and cards knowing that family are not going to buy you something you likely already have being parents and homeowners, and it is hard times for everyone, everyone has kids and their own bills. Meals and drinks alone could cost 50-75$ per person, even if you did it cheap at 30$ a person. One of your family guest comes with their 3 kids, that’s 5 x 30$ cheap is going to cost 150$ not including all the other associate costs like the hall rental, decorations, Dj etc. No family of 5 has 150$ to put in a card to cover even the cost of food for just one night, and we would not want to put anyone in our family in that position.

            Soooo what do you do with MINIMUM 130 close extended family members from both sides not even including any friends? And that’s really cutting it down when we see one another a few times a year, and these are non-excludable family members and does not include any of our friends. Just for food and beverages per person at 30$/person is going to cost upward of 4000$, and that is below the 5000-7000$ average food cost for a 20000$ wedding. We could renovate our bathroom for 4000$.

            Starting to think maybe we should use the money it cost for the wedding and reception to finish fixing up the house and landscaping then just have a backyard wedding and big potluck, skip the engagement and choose matching used wedding rings found in the Classifieds (Kijiji, Craiglist, whatever).

            I reread those 4 reasons, none of them apply to our family. We call one another hudband and wife anyway, and in his eyes we are already married, a piece of paper is not going to change anything, yet it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to get married. Numbers 3, and 4 definitely does not apply to us, and Number 1 goes both ways and I would change the number 2 to Because we both have negative perceptions of divorce. We’re both against and ask married couples of 25, 35, 45, 55 years, what is the secret. Apparently it’s love, tolerance and forgiveness.

  • Nttell

    #4 seems insignificant but it’s HUGE….I have asked when I was in a relationship if the guy was in love with me….I never got a straight yes. Need I say more?

    • Joelle Paule

      They never answer that question for some reasons, they don’t seem to know if they are in love with their partners or if they “like” the benefits their partners offer. More confusing than anything and more reasons for me to remain single. Im not sure I’m ready for the headaches really! smh

      • Stephan Labossiere

        Joelle typically a man knows. It’s just that telling the truth may jeopardize being able to keep you around. I’m not condoning it just explaining what happens in many situations……You desire a relationship but if you hold on to those negative feelings and perceptions you will only hinder your ability to receive it.

    • Stephan Labossiere

      It most definitely is huge. If he continuously can’t give you a straight answer then he either does not feel that way about you or he isn’t willing to embrace it.

      • A sound mind

        or he does not want to rush his feelings and dive right into a situation that fails half the time. I guess him playing it safe and testing the waters before he says something that big and meaningful is inconsiderate huh? “I love you” is thrown around so much today it hardly means anything anymore. Would you rather him rush and say “I love you” to women when he doesn’t know?

    • Sarah

      if you have ask him if he love you most likely he dont, love is action

  • Mbright

    Now when you say “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” are you referring to having sexual intercourse with your partner or are you referring to playing house (living together, sharing bank accounts, pets, kids, etc)? how do women differentiate and at what point is the line drawn? More specifically how does a woman know when she is giving a man too much, so much so that he see’s marriage as pointless?

    • Stephan Labossiere

      That’s a very good question. Honestly I do feel the sex and tending to him like wife would her husband is giving away free milk but I think it gets even worse when you do live together. I know most relationships are going to involve sex and “tending to” so make sure discussions are being had about the progression of the relationship. Make sure you two are on the same page and if not then you may just have to walk away. Trust your intuition as a woman. You can tell when the man is too comfortable and starting to just drag things out. If he is truly embracing marriage with you then it won’t be too hard to tell.

      • kc

        I think what you say is true, but interestingly, even if a sexual relationship is giving away the milk, I know an equal number of men who would not marry a woman they had no physical relationship with.  So where is the line?

        • Stephan Labossiere

          I honestly used to have the same position. I would always say I could never marry a woman I have not had sex with. Now that I have a deeper understanding of people, relationships, and sex I don’t see it that way anymore. I also believe that if this man is truly into who you are as a person then he will not walk away from the idea of being with you because he has to wait for sex. So to the woman that is waiting I say the best man for her will respect this and she does not need to compromise herself. If the goal is to just “get a man” then have sex. If the goal is to get the best man for you, then stay true to yourself.

  • Realtalentradio

    Men and women need to give up all the fantasies; there are no perfect men, women or relationships.

  • TruthBTold

    Please make a post why she will never marry him!! Thanks if you actually know those types of situations would also be great not just your make believe opinion. 

    • Stephan Labossiere

      Why would you request for me to do a post on a certain topic if you feel my opinion is “make believe”? Is that the real issue or are you simply not happy with my work because you feel some of the post you have read have placed some responsibility on the woman and focused on where they may be falling short? If that is the case please understand that I have many articles doing the same to men. Both sides have to recognize their part and there is always something that both sides can do better. I will address all angles but I like to address one gender at a time (in the article). I will write “reasons why she won’t marry him” in due time. As people we should be willing to look at ourselves in the mirror and recognize what issues may be hindering us. We should not try to find comfort in how to blame the other side but in how we can make ourselves better. I do not write to “blame” I simply point out what is happening to many people and in many situations. So that we can better understand what is going on and how we can better approach it and handle it.

    • Pooblyshus39

      I know this is not my business! But I have to say that since I’ve been reading Dr. Labossiere’s blogs and tweets, he’s been helping me to see the flaws/issues in myself. So when that time does come and I am single again. I will know how to handle things. Trust! If he wasn’t REAL, I would be the first to let you know…
      He wants to help us women. We need one of them on our side anyway, so that we can find out where we’re coming up short. Example: I don’t have to worry about my girls anymore. They go straight to his blogs when they feel that “Mommy don’t know” or “mommy is too old” .lol. And by Mr. Stephan being a young man, helps them in a good way. Don’t get me wrong! They’re father is very active in their life. But the generation of our children is crazy. They say “Parents don’t know anything”. 
      So give him a chance! What harm could it do? You will find yourself spreading the news about this man just like me. Telling every woman I care about how to make things better for themselves in this area. I focus more on our girl’s future.
       We had the power.. Forget that! We still have the power!..So lets use it the right way this time!..
       Hey Dr. Love…Don’t beat me!.. I apologize IF Im out of line..Just keepin it REAL..:-)

  • stace

    Like Bobby Womack sang in his song. If you can’t give her love,  give her up… and if you can’t give her up,  make yo mind… give love, or give her… her freedom”

  • Jacobim

    What a load of trash. Simple minded article written by a simple minded individual.

  • Shelbe Hinton

    You cannot get a man to marry you,no matter how good you are. They are scared little children,they are afraid of commitment. They will use you till nothing is left. They want their cake and it it too. They want the benefit of having a make believe wife and side pieces. It’s has nothing to do with the bible it has to do with the maturity of that man. To be honest some men just don’t know how to be a man. They will do things to keep you interested,but won’t fully commit to you. They will string you along until you really put the pressure on them and then they make you seem like your the crazy one. It’s sad they rather do all that than to see you happy with someone else.

    • Marius

      It comes to no surprise why he wont marry you. if this is how you see men, I would be more offended by you than, in love with you.
      It is true men dont want to commit, but its also true women dont follow on their commitments. Women file 70% of divorces with dissatisfaction as the main cause. Therefore while women are the one trying to force the man to marry, she is also the one to run away first.

      The reason is because its easy for her, she gets the children, child support money, alimony, half of what he mostly was working for, and he gets the court cases, and the 12 times greater chance of suicide.

      Women and their, bitchy and insulting attitudes towards men they know they can get away with, their obsession with women’s rights and controlling men’s lives have put women into this position, you only have yourselves to blame.

  • chocolatewoman

    Stephan, my boyfriend and I have been together for the past 5 years. We also have a 7 month old son, and we’re not even engaged yet! He knows that I want to get married, but he keeps saying we should wait until we have money saved up, and I think he likes to throw the word ‘marriage’ around from time to time to get me excited. I think all 4 reasons apply to him. He wants to have a second child, and I keep telling him “not until we’re married”. Since I now know better, I’m going to do better.
    I don’t know though… we’ve had some rough patches in our relationship and even admitted to each other the starting this relationship was wrong. He’s a good man who provides for his family, but (for many more reasons) deep down in my heart, I don’t want to be married to him, but I want my son to live in a happy home with happily married parents.
    Awhile back, I saw a post on Facebook that said something along the lines of “a woman who is not married to her king (and is not the queen of her castle) is merely just of loyal peasant”, and that stuck with me because that’s kinda how I feel.

    • A sound mind


  • chocolatewoman

    And wouldn’t money be another reason why men don’t marry?

  • Cassie La Reyna Bloom

    How do you know for certain that a man is done with cheating and exploring his options? ?

  • samiam

    Y r u looking at the percentage rate’s on marriage,that has nothing to do with u it ur with someone and u been with that person for yrs,y not get married it not right when someone love’s u so much that they r willing to spend the rest of their LIFE WITH U AND ONLY U,u should b HONORED!!!
    Marriage wont stop u from being who u r,if u r a good man or woman ur still going to b that same person after marriage,and if u r a f–ked up man or woman ur going to b that same f–ked up man or woman after marriage,so stop using excuses as to y u dont want to b married!!!
    Ur shacking up,paying bills,having children,sharing,having each others bac,going to family gatherings,calling her family ur in-laws,calling his family ur in-laws,being there for each other through sickness and health,now yall doing everything a married couple do only thing is that u dont have the documents of a married couple ;-)!!!!

  • Marius

    The justice system became very bias against men, on many levels. From child custody and liabilities to domestic disputes, to sexuality. Marrage is a bad deal for men only by observing the trends and gender politics. I will never marry.

    • A sound mind

      Smart man MGTOW videos on youtube talk a lot about that. Sandman is a great analyst on videos.

  • A sound mind

    Marriage is financial suicide for a man. Period. Men get crucified in family divorce courts. Divorce is up over 50% in the USA. Over 70% of the time it is filed by women. Nearly all the time the house, kids, cars, furniture, alimony is given to women. There is your real reason men don’t want to get married. “Wife privileges”…..what an utter load of crap. I know single guys that have more sex than married guys. Why the hell would any man of sound mind gamble it all for nothing with the very likely hood that he will get screwed in the end? Feminism killed marriage. Sorry ladies but you made your bed. Sleep in it.

professional singles tour stephan speaks
god where is my boaz relationship book ad
Get life and relationship coaching from relationship expert  and coach Stephan Speaks
book speaker stephan labossiere for your next event