1. Not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc; thinking or acting for oneself
2. Not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free
Going by definition 1 (Webster’s Dictionary) I think many would say there is nothing wrong with being independent. Definition 2, I can find some issues with but let us just focus on 1 for today. Personally I love an independent woman, and there are a lot of me who do as well. We respect them, and truly appreciate who they are. It is definitely something that would catch my attention and make you more attractive. However once we enter into a relationship, that independent woman stuff to some degree has to go!
Seriously, once you have a man then it is time to allow him to step up and do his job of properly taking care of you. That isn’t about money or “gender roles”, but moreso about showing his love by providing in various ways. Unfortunately it does not happen like that for many women. Why? Because they suffer from what I call Independent Woman Syndrome.
That’s right ladies; some of you have this issue and may not even realize it. It is hindering you in relationships and in trying to find a relationship. So how could being an independent woman which I first praised, turn out to be such an issue? Well let me give you a couple of examples so you can better understand the issue.
You Try To Do Everything Yourself
Don’t get me wrong, I commend and love that you can hold your own. I applaud that you don’t make yourself a burden to others and have learned to handle business correctly on your own. The problem is you are making things harder on yourself. You are allowing more stress and mental fatigue to enter your life when it is not always as necessary as you make it seem. If you truly do not have anyone to help, then ok it is understood. For those of you in a relationship, then there is no excuse. That man is supposed to be there to lighten the load and help keep you feeling as best as you can. A lot of the men want to help, but your Independent Woman Syndrome causes you to deny his attempts. You not only make it harder for you in the present, but if you have married or end up marrying this guy you have now set yourself up for more frustration. You are basically programming this man that you can do it on your own. So do not be surprised when he continues to assume “she got this”. Most women if not all women want a man who can step up, but if every time he tries you basically tell him to sit his butt down, well guess what he will now automatically do.
You Have a Hard Time Giving Respect
What I mean by this is that, when you get so wrapped up into being an independent woman, you are not as easily impressed. So if someone or more importantly a man does something that you feel you could have easily done, you are not going to applaud it or respect it the same. You figure you could have done it, no big deal, so he should be able to do it. When he looks for that appreciation or admiration from you (especially when this action was done out of love no matter how simple it was), you are going to look at him like “what, you want a cookie” lol, such a sarcastic line. In doing that, you decrease your ability to do something that most men need from their woman, stroke his ego (you may not like that term, so lets just say making him feel valued and appreciated). You have to let a man feel like a man, or you can do some serious damage to him and the relationship. Not to mention, many women who suffer from IWS (Independent Woman Syndrome) also can become very aggressive in how they speak to their man. If you are quick to come at him in a negative way, and are constantly “chopping his balls” when he does something you do not like or approve of, then trust there is going to be a problem. Many times a man who is constantly having his manhood crushed by his woman well then look for any opportunity to assert himself and get his balls back. Unfortunately, men tend to do that at the very wrong time and in not a smart way. Which then leads to more issues, but had you not chopped them off so much in the first place, well then we could have avoided the whole problem all together. Side note: if you are with a man that you can’t respect, then ask yourself why are you still with him.
As always there is much more I could get into and point out. I just gave you a little insight into IWS and the downfall of this. I am in no way telling the ladies not to be independent women. I just want you to learn how to balance being an independent woman, as well as the “right woman” for the man you choose to give that honor to. I also do not want single women to have the same thing they pride themselves on, continue to possibly contribute to what is pushing many of the men away. Yes the right guy will love you for who you are, but don’t make it harder for him to commit to that love. To me a great relationship consist of two independent people who recognize and embrace the value of their partner, and allow themselves to be comfortable, willing, and appreciate depending on each other.
**Have you ever felt like guys always overlook the good girls? Well find out why, and what you can do about it by purchasing your copy of the “Why Men Overlook The Good Girls” teleseminar audio here. It is worth the listen**
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate