woman proposing should women propose

Should A Woman Propose?

HELL NO! Absolutely not! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! Ok now that I got that out, seriously I think in a majority of cases it’s a bad idea. I believe there are too many risks or negatives that come along with a woman taking it upon herself to propose. I won’t dismiss the fact that there are some women who have done it and all is ok. In my opinion those are exceptions, and for most it is still very risky business and something a woman should avoid doing. I’m sure you are wondering why I specifically think it is such a bad idea for a woman to propose. Well before I break that down let me explain what I do think is ok.

Last night I appeared on KISS 104.1 FM’s “The Jennifer Keitt Show” and “should a woman propose” was one of the questions asked. One of the other guests mentioned that the woman should be able to approach her man about the issue. She should be able to let him know that if he isn’t prepared to get married then maybe this relationship needs to end. This is something I completely agree with. If you know as a woman that you are looking to get married, then you should not have to be dragged along by some man who isn’t prepared to give you that. If you have reached a point where his unwillingness to take things to the next level is genuinely bothering you, then you should openly talk about it. It isn’t about pressuring him to do it, but it is about getting a clear picture on where his head is at and where he intends to take things. If he doesn’t have some sort of plan to spend the rest of his life with you, then maybe you need to plan on removing him from your life.

Some women see that their man is holding off on proposing. It’s been several years and he still has a million and one excuses why it isn’t time yet. In some cases the man isn’t even given the opportunity, but the women figures she wants to take matters into her own hands. STOP! If it has been a few years and plenty of discussions about getting married with no result then why would you want to take this route? The man is showing you he isn’t willing or prepared to take it there, so realize that if he says yes it is simply because you backed him into a corner. Is that what you really want? Honestly, I think that is exactly what you are willing to take at that point. You have become so obsessed with validating this relationship with a marriage, or simply achieving your dream of marriage that you have lost sight of what is really important; being with a man who truly wants to spend his life with you in this union of marriage. If he isn’t truly invested into that concept then what is the point. You will find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled when the smoke clears. You also may cause resentment or frustration in him because you put him in a position to “give in” with a situation he wasn’t man enough to handle correctly in the first place. It just isn’t worth it for you to take the initiative to propose.

If a man wants to truly marry you then he will propose and take the necessary action to make that happen. If he hasn’t then either he truly is not ready (which it is up to you to determine if he has had enough time) or he simply isn’t the one for you. Most of you know the answer to that deep down inside but you choose to ignore it for many different reasons.  We all have to be honest with ourselves and accept our reality. Sometimes we spend years with someone who we should have never held on to for that long. His unwillingness to marry you is at times the confirmation that you refuse to acknowledge. It is better to walk away and prepare yourself for the man who will want to marry you, then for you to propose to the man who just isn’t prepared to take that step. At the end of the day the choice to propose is yours.

Side Note: If you want a man who is able to lead you and take initiative on things in life and your relationship, then don’t take that responsibility away from him by deciding to propose. You set the stage and the wrong standard by taking this action. He either mans up, or you have to accept that at this moment he isn’t man enough for you.

**Get your copy of my bestselling book God Where Is My Boaz: a woman’s guide to understanding what is hindering her from receiving the love and relationship she deserves – on  KindlePaperback, or Audio Book format HEREYou can also get the PDF version HERE**

Watch me on The Huffington Post Live as we discuss if proposing is reserved for men.