A woman comes to me one day looking for advice on her relationship. She explains how she is having issues with her boyfriend and they constantly get into arguments and negative behavior. They have been together for some years now and have had good and bad times (for the record almost every relationship has “good times” so let’s stop using that as the basis for holding on). She then says how she has stuck by him through it all; financial issues, verbal abuse, and all the other women because she is a ride or die chick.
Ok let’s stop right there. Do you see what this woman did? She basically used the glorified label of ride or die chick to validate and defend her staying in an unhealthy relationship. Let me make this clear, it is in my opinion that you don’t get a badge of honor for sticking through nonsense. You are not exhibiting strength by holding on to a man who treats you like crap and/or disrespects you consistently by having other women. You don’t earn points for this at all, just a lot of pain, frustration, emotional damage, and more time that you are not getting what you truly deserve. Don’t get me wrong, I do think there are some things that I feel deserves a lot of admiration when a woman works through it.
A ride or die chick to me doesn’t drop her man because his money isn’t right. She understands that we all go through rough times and what that man needs right now is your love and support. At the same time she doesn’t hold on to some man who wants to sit his behind on the couch and make no effort to provide for the couple. He should have a desire to make something of his life and if not then you should not be expected to sit there and be his mother.
A ride or die chick to me won’t allow others to destroy her relationship. She will stick by her man and the relationship will stand or fall based on his actions not the words and actions of others. On the flip side she won’t just make herself oblivious to his disrespectful behavior and view others calling it out as them just “hating”. She won’t sit there and act like it’s all good when in reality it is destroying her on the inside and causing so much damage.
A ride or die chick will defend her man against other people trying to tear him down and attack him. She won’t stand for you disrespecting her man and she will have no problem checking you on the matter. Yet she doesn’t sit there and let this man think his unhealthy behavior is really ok. She will have no problem addressing the issue and expecting better from her man. She will be that chick you need but she will not continue to accept him being less of a man than she needs.
This is all just my opinion. Maybe I have it wrong and a ride or die chick is truly supposed to embrace all the nonsense that a man wants to throw at her. If this is truly your definition, then so be it, just don’t use that label like it’s a good thing when it really isn’t. Too many women think they are doing something special or commendable by holding on to situations that are not best for them. Sometimes it’s not even a man who does all this wrong, just a man who the woman deep inside feels is not for them regardless of how “good” a guy he might be. Ladies do not use the label of ride or die chick to hide the fact that your motivation to hold on to that relationship and that man isn’t really about how loyal you are. Most of you are scared and acknowledging that may help you see what you might need to do next. Many of you need to ride your behinds out of that relationship, or you will die being a chick that doesn’t get the love and relationship that you truly deserve.
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65 thoughts on “Ride or Die Chick: What I Think That Should Mean To You”
Great article! I’m definitely up for sticking by my fella but not when his behavior is rude, abusive or disrespectful.
Love it. Some women think they have somehow, “beaten,” the other woman and she is so great that’s why he CHOSE her…I’ve seen it so many times before…She is shamed and humiliated until she is a shell of a woman…BUT she got her man!
Stephan, this is VERY much needed. And this applies to men even more. I say this because I see too many men wanting to have a woman to accept their vices, participate in them, even go down with them. If a man screws up, his woman should let him know she is there. But she has to let him know where he messed up (privately). A man should respect his woman, and elevate her, not drag her into his muck and mire. As far as physical abuse, I have even less tolerance.
A woman should NEVER take crap from a man because she feels he is the only choice she might have, or she is supposed to stick by him no matter what. Verbal abuse, infidelity, disrespect, financial irresponsibility and more should never be accepted by a woman. I see this in unmarried couples way to often. I have 10 nieces, 5 sisters, 13 aunts and have seen both sides. In the old days, there might have been the blind eye towards the evenings at the pool hall, or going to work at the farm for 3-4 days but that wasn’t right then, and its not right at this day and age. Add to that the example that gives our children. That should more reason to redefine this “Ride-Or-Die Chick” mentality. The absence of positive men in children’s lives is bad enough, let alone allow a negative example be present.
Women, you have a great deal to offer, so don’t let yourself be dragged, disrespected, abused (mentally or physically), embarrassed. There is a MAJOR difference between (peaceful) solitude and loneliness. You can have a man next to you in bed and still be miserable and lonely.
Well said brotha!
Yes say it again so many women just settle for in house d just for the sake of it.If women focus on being the best they can be and live their dreams and try to reach their full potential in life. The best man for them will come in due time.They will not have to regret not living their dreams due to time wasted.
Love it, this is waht I have saying all along! Very well said!
I cant say any names, but a lot of us woman allow men to use The “Remeber its For better or For worse!” as a way to beat the living crap out of our hearts, souls & minds. Oh thats right! Dont forget the beautiful bodies that they trample on. I know that… (US)woman do the craziest things and then blame the man. When all along we have control. We have to take a stand and say “I love myself enough to say THATS ENOUGH&GET OUT!” or like you stated ” Many of you need to ride your a**es out of that relationship, or you will die being a chick that doesn’t get the love and relationship that you truly deserve…ROTF LMBO!!.(veryfunny)But he does speak the TRUTH. I know the marriage phrase very well. I like the phrase “She will be that chick you need but she will not continue to accept him being less of a man than she needs.” This is the state of mind we all need Ladies. So Thanks:-)
Who gets to define a “healthy” relationship?
everyone is entitled to give their perspective on what makes a healthy relationship. I feel most would agree with the idea that a healthy relationship should contribute to producing more positive energy than negative energy within the two individuals.
Very well said, thanks for the follow, and I will be RT-ing this.
CHUCH!! I always give a side eye to anyone who uses the term “ride or die”. We women are too quick to give our undying loyalty and devotion to guys who really aren’t worth half of the energy. As a woman I don’t feel the need nor desire to tell my man I’ll ride or die for him. If he’s putting good things into our relationship then I have no other choice but to follow suite. If it’s foolishness I’ll ride right on out the door. You are so on point with this one!! We don’t get brownie points for putting up with nonsense from men. IMHO it’s a sign of weakness and insecurity. Great article Stephan I couldn’t agree with you more.
I love this. Literally, love this. I had to find out the difference for myself over the past year, and there’s frankly nothing subtle about it. Hindsight is, admittedly, 20/20. But that being said, there are too many women who don’t look at relationships as bonds, they look at them as sporting events. They’re trying to win fans out of people who spectate on their relationships on social media, or even in real-life, and get people to be on their side. But at the end of the day, that doesn’t change what the woman deserves, doesn’t change the man’s behavior, and more often gains the woman pity than respect. After all, who cares if people think the guy is wrong? We teach people how to treat us, and as long as there are women willing to be martyrs for the cause, there will be men waiting to take advantage–until they decide they’ve had enough of the unhealthy relationship, and move on to make themselves happy, leaving the woman to pick up the pieces.
Stephan, this is valuable information, and it is so true! By the grace of God, I am celibate (many years), single, saved, and satisfied waiting on God to reveal His purpose and plan. We need to focus on riding and walking around our city helping and ministering to others who are in pain and in need, and then prepare to die prayerfully after seeing all of our days serving God and living out our divine purpose in life.
It is funny how we used the term "ride or die", especially the word "die". When a relationship is unhealthly and toxic it is a slow kill..which will utimately lead to the death of it. Good piece Stephan.
If the end result is me dying, the deal is off. Just sayin'.
Finally someone putting this in perspective…..
Lol !!!! I so see you sayin something like this !!
I have heard that too…some of my family members got upset with me because I divorced my husband of 17 years after years of cheating and not showing me the love and respect I deserved…ride or die..yeah right I was slowly dieing inside….
I was this chick in the name of ♥. I stayed with him through 3.5 years of emotional & verbal abuse, him disrespecting me with other women, accusing me of cheating & me supporting our family financially while he shopped & saved his $. I finally said enough, broke up w him & took back my control. He blamed me for the relationship going down the toilet instead of taking responsibility for his selfishness & actions.
I was this chick until yesterday. I gave my all for 3.5 years while he emotionally & verbally abused me, did the minimum at supporting our family financially & threw pictures & other women in my face. I thought because he said he loved me, it was love. I thought because he moved from Fl to NY for me, it was love but it was control. He hated everything in my life…my son, amimals even how I washed the dishes & coughed. He's a miserable man & I'm happy that I finally grew some sense & kicked him out my house.
Just sad…..with women constantly yelling they're smarter than men……..then why did a man need to put this in perspective??? Seems a lot of women really didn't know how to conduct herself as a "Ride or Die". Too many were living off the definition they get off rap songs….LOL
Wow! Hits close to home!
Female relationship experts have tackled this issue, so it's not solely about a man having the ability to put things into perspective. You just happened to read an article written by a man. By the way, please get your punctuation, grammar and syntax together. Your inability to string together a proper sentence makes you seem less than intelligent.
Love this! ❤
Kasson Graham…..I see you do the typical black woman attitude attack him personally tactic… lol According to the responses of some of the women….they apparently don’t and needed this guy to put it in perspective for them……apparently he felt that it needed to be explained to womanhood or he wouldn’t have wasted his time posting the article…sh And if female relationship experts tackled it already, then they are doing a poor job disseminating their findings. As for my grammer…..smh….If that’s the best you can respond with……….smh
Love it. Love your thoughts. I pray that you continue to be inspiring to so many of us xoxoxo
You are correct Sir, a ride or die chick should not tolerate unhealthy behavior and staying with a boy friend that cheats is nonsense because it's physically and mentally unhealthy.
Mary I am so glad you made a healthy choice regardless of the people around not being supportive.
You are on it.
Comes a time in ur life u have to living with
Comes a time u have to stop being thst chick …life was so nuch happier without a man to bring me down use me make a fool of me..I'm better off..
Profound… I think many women receive that title from their mates, and wear it as a badge of honor as such… Smh.
it’s good to know what this person thinks you should internalise, but the hunting down of easy targets is just a waste a time. maybe this person does not possess the cultural awareness to know when this phrase was first used it had various connotations, with the targeted Aunt Sally being one of them. It also meant someone who was going to go on a journey with a person from beginning to end, through good and bad, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. As tupac used to say, I aint mad at ya though, sell the book, the image, and beef it up with something that does not dumb down the audience to the point of internally struggling with those things that should take no more than a “come on”, and in the process try not to disregard (and I’m sure many will be more than happy to let someone of your stature disregard) entire cultural nuances that are positive for the sake of, well, heck if I know what this was for the sake of…
Yes indeed no need to perpetrate if the situation isn't truly right ladies
know what you are riding for and if the ride is worth it
Amen, Amen! lol
Hahaaaaa – that would be me!
I have been through that myself……. shame shame shame I agree with that comment
Author Stephen, thank you so very much for this post. MANY women just – dont – get – it. You can ride and die by yourself. You don't need someone to go down with you – unless misery truly enjoys the "enchanting" company. I am happily divorced and living a purpose-driven life. I am tired of hearing married women say that they are willing to accept just about any and everything from this husband who…..after five to ten years of cheating and lying, continues to cheat and lie. Ladies, it's not going to end. Ever. My super advice: Don't be the wife who has the bills paid but get's cheated on. Eventually, he will bring a gift home for you that you wont be able to rid of. It's called a disease. And dont be the chick on the side: that hasnt ever been worth a damn of anything. It's all relative and it's all real. Recognize it…then be strong and bounce. You can do bad all by yourself. This applies to both genders. Peace & Love
Very very true.
Brought tears to my eyes and you are soooo right. God bless.
It's true, we as the woman believe we must," Stand my our man." Even if he is a bum", Cut him lose, throw him back. Run way fast.
This is a MUST READ!
BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND
Yup! Wearing your suffering like a badge of courage just because in reality you don't have the balls to get out and do what is right is not a strong woman….just the opposite. It is a weak woman who is too afraid to stand up for herself.
i am in shock! thus is exactly what i just went through and its real. The emotional damage can be unbearable because of the love and devotion i had. But i had to walk away and it was the most painful decision i made:(
Well said! Not too many women understand they need a boaz.
wow weak woman are just like weak men good runners. Ride or die means to submitte to him in all ways. But modern woman wants to be both the woman and the man. prime example micheal jacksons mother. she went through a great deal some may say. But her life has also reflected that as well. We suffer to become great or better. Not to be in a worst position than we started. If his drive is leading you into a worst position than what you started then run of course. But to run because you cant handle the struggle. Then its you not him. No man is perfect, but there isnt a good man out there that dont have a strong woman behind him. Its easy for the author to say leave him. He had a woman support and believe in him. keep running after awhile you win and every one is happy and you still end up settling for a companion.
This is exactly how I feel. I enjoyed reading this article.