I know the ladies are ready to hear this one. Curious to see what can possibly be said to help them understand why men lie (not all) and play games with a woman’s mind, heart, and emotions. I get this question all the time and be prepared because you may not like all of the answers. So here are 3 reasons why men lie. Side Note: this is not an attempt to validate lies, this is to explain some of the reasons it happens.
Because a lot of women can’t handle the truth.
One of the biggest reasons why men lie, or feel the need to lie, is because they feel like telling the truth just leads to backlash or hurt feelings even when there is no ill intention behind it (i.e. Woman: “honey do you think I gained some weight” Man: “yeah I think you could hit the gym a little harder”). If it isn’t what the woman “wants” to hear, then men run the risk of paying a price for their honesty. I have even been told by some women that they rather have men lie to them, rather than be hurt by the truth. Funny thing is, once the lie is discovered it’s not like they go thanking the man from trying to “protect her” from the pain. Their reaction is still never a good one so the logic doesn’t add up. Some men would love to be more honest, but if you are going to flip out when he does, he figures what’s the point.
A Desire For Sex Is Why Men Lie
Most men realize that simply saying all he wants is sex is not always the most effective approach to getting it. It may work sometimes, but typically it will work against him. This is why men lie to get that ass. I know it’s not right, but can you women really be surprised when men take this route. Especially when he sees you deal with guys that weren’t worth your time simply because they knew how to tell you what you wanted to hear. So he then feels the need to sell you a dream to get what he really wants. Some men will go as far as playing the “boyfriend” role when there is no intention of ever being serious with you. Sex can be a powerful drug, and as long as there are men who want it bad enough, then this will always be one of the reasons why men lie.
He is immature, insecure, & selfish
This point is not an attack on men. It is just an honest attempt to point out some of the traits that play into why men lie, and people in general. With true maturity comes the understanding that honesty may not always get you the best immediate results, but it is what’s best in the long run. Maturity also helps you realize that lies just aren’t worth it. There is too much trouble and potential drama that can come from it. If a man has yet to realize and acknowledge these things, he will view telling a lie as nothing too serious. When men are able to overcome their individual insecurities, it will allow them not to feel the need to lie about certain things. Trying to compensate for their shortcomings is another reason why men lie, and growth can teach those men to be honest about them, and be willing to make progress in those areas. An insecure man can be an unstable one, and that can always lead to many unnecessary lies and actions. If he is selfish he could care less or simply overlook the damage that his lies can do. He will disregard the feelings of others, and justify his actions by saying that he has to look out for himself. Again, a mature man will not exhibit these characteristics and the temptation to lie will decrease immensely.
I know this is cliché but truly honesty is the best policy. Some people think that some lies are necessary, but in most cases it is due to the issues within yourself that you choose to lie instead of speak the truth. I know many people will say this honesty issue goes both ways, and it absolutely does. I just like to address one gender at a time, because I don’t want anyone to try to justify their lies due to the actions of the other gender. I will address the women, because we all know that women lie too. It will be similar, but there are always some slight differences.
Side Note: None of the reasons above are trying to validate why men lie. If your woman can’t handle the truth, then understand “truth” is not the issue, but her inability to handle it is. If you have to lie for sex, then maybe you need to fall back from it. I’m not promoting your pursuit of it, but trust there are enough women who you can get sex from without all the unnecessary lies. Men, understand we have to do better. Women, understand the reasons above and eliminate contributing to the temptation of lies in the ways that you can. Let us all create an environment where people can be open and honest and put an end to the unnecessary madness.
40 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why Men Lie”
Great post once again Stephan. I will set myself out of this group because I hate lies. I am sorry, I’m very blunt and I would like to meet somebody who is like me. I hate when people cannot keep it real with me,especially when I ask to know the truth. if I ask, it means I want you to tell me the truth and I am ready for that. I always say, I respect a man who approaches me and say” look honey, I want to sleep with you because you are attractive” than a man who will say “I want you to be my girlfriend/boo/wifey etc… but not back up their words, and at the smallest thing, runs away like a bitch… That right there makes me want to choke some guys LOL(just kidding). I think I’m just going to remain single because nowadays nobody I say nobody keeps it real. SMH
Thanks Joelle : ). I feel you completely but just because you respect him doesn’t mean he will get what he wants lol. You know you weren’t playing about the choking part lol but I will play along. As for you “I’m just going to remain single” do not start up with that. Yes many people struggle with keeping it real but with the right person and the right attitude by you, that issue can be fixed.
The right attitude by me? Can you please elaborate on that? LOL I wasn’t playing about the choking part but I am not violent( I talk a lot but cannot hurt a fly) 🙂
What I meant by “I respect a man who says what he wants” was the fact that if I accept his proposition of sleeping with him, it means I know what I am getting myself into and no feelings involved. But the guys who lead women on and on into this roller coaster of feelings but do not back it up; that right there gets me very upset. Do u have any matchmaking skills??? LOL
Yes the right attitude by you! lol : ). Meaning that you have to contribute to an environment that makes a person feel comfortable with opening up. You can say “I want to hear the truth” all you want, but if your attitude is not in the right place, that person will still feel the need to hold back. I agree with you about the men that lead women on, it is just dead wrong. As for matchmaking skills, I just feel like GOD is the greatest match maker. So I don’t do too much of that : ).
I get it now. Thanks for elaborating. You got me thinking with this comment 🙂 ummmm….
Thanks Stephan. 🙂
I understand both points…I would be more likely to sleep with a guy if he had the decency to be honest about what he wants..(and have!). THAT is a million times more respectful and therefore loving. Lies just mislead and confuse and that’s messed up to do that just to get sex from someone who would otherwise likely walk away. It’s nothing less than unnecesary “stealing”. And Stephan, I understand what you’re saying about the value of creating the environment/space for honesty, but ultimately, it’s ALWAYS screwed up to intentionally mislead in order to get sex. It’s just plain selfish.
God doesn’t exist….
Truth. Now you know why people don’t like it
It’s not Truth unless you can prove it. You can say you don’t BELIEVE God exists….and THAT can be Truth (if you’re not lying!) lol
Truth = Fact.
What do you define god as? How you define it bears significant implications onto its probability of factual accuracy.
As per my earlier comment, I assume the term god refers to omnipotence and various other logical impossibilities.
The fact is that an omnipotent, benevolent creator does not match the reality in which we live. Either there is no god, or god isn’t omnipotent, or isn’t benevolent. A good god wouldn’t create a universe with mechanics like this unless they had no power to alter it or couldn’t foresee the results.
I am voting that there is not evidence for presuming design and that if I designed a universe, that does not make me the thing people call god.
First of all God does exist and as for any relationship a man or a woman is not going to go far then what the other one allows them to once you are on to them you can either leave or stay it’s not a real hard choice to make unless you really gave your heart and love this person people these days are not serious it seems like it’s all about games but people who have their minds out to just play people always remember what goes around comes around so if you’re not playing on being in a relationship and committing to it don’t waste nobody time get with someone who wants what you want
What do you think “god” is and how do you have knowledge of this?
I can say I have knowledge against it because omnipotence is what people typically describe god as, and such a state of being is literally impossible.
I will give it to you that a universe could be created, but that is nothing like what the common concept of god is.
Your so right God is the greatest match maker but us as people have a hard time waiting on God and think we got it down pack when it comes to what we want and need we need God every step of the way that’s the only way any relationship will ever last when it comes to God putting it together because biblically he wants us to do things right when it comes to relationships
i can definitely agree with #1 we do flip out and overreact, great article Stephan!
Thanks Karmah and I appreciate your honesty about #1 : )
An old friend told me that men will ALWAYS lie bc women will ALWAYS nag. And it’s very true. If my brother, who quit smoking YEARS ago, has one cigarette, there’s no WAY he’s telling his wife willingly bc she will yell at him for HOURS!!! & I don’t blame him!!!! Women do make life difficult….hell…for men. I’m NOT innocent but I try hard, from being raised with a twin brother, to do better. I don’t think we realize just how easy we have it…just how easily our men can be spoiled & made happy… I’m talking about the good men…good men are not hard to make blissfully happy!!! Thx for your comments & honesty, Stephan!! Cheers!!!
i’d say # 3 sound like woman to me…as far as # 1 i always tell the truth, i dont believe in lying. #2, if i want sex i dont need to lie or any thing, i just get fresh and get it.
This Post is wonderful! and i can really relate to everything in this post from what i was going through with my newly ex. good job!
It’s the truth, but I would say these are “boys” , your referring to not “MEN”. And your age does not justify you for being a “MAN” that’s where some males have it all confused with a certain age like turning 18yr is consider being grown adult/man. Which is not TRUE. I’ve seen and heard stories of fully over-grown “boys” who lie for no apparent reason, cheat, or whatever to use women to get what they want.
People lie in business to protect their assets. Doing it in a relationship isn’t ok? Some people think staying quiet about something is lying. How do you approach that?
I personally do not believe it is in the best interest of the couple. Creating a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship requires being open and honest. The lies may get you by until someone finds out it was a lie. At that point it gets harder to trust, open up, and take a positive/loving approach to things. In my opinion staying quiet isn’t telling a lie. There are some instances where I can see how it is but for the most part a lie to me is telling misleading information. Now if your silence is misleading then you are telling a lie.
Women can’t handle the truth, I agree, but men can’t handle women’s emotions as well, and that’s why they tend ti lie to women (https://www.howtogetaguytowantyou.com/why-men-lie-to-women/)
I think this was very well written..loved this. We can get technical w/ working out the details of lying but this read here should open up anybody’s eyes really to look at them-self.. Two thumbs up.
Bravo! I enjoy your articles, and your approach. Thank you for sharing this prime information. Dealing with an immature, insecure and selfish (and irresponsible) man is enough to wipe you out – in EVERY way. It blows me away to find what certain grown folks deem to be appropriate/acceptable behavior within a relationship. Eeeek!
Good article. I would like to share this on my facebook wall! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing
Very Much Impressed
THAT WAS AN EYE OPENER I JUST GOT. AM A VICTIM OF THESE LIES, BUT LUCKY ME I HAD JUST BROKEN UP WITH A MAN AVE HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOR A ROUND 8 YRS BECOZ I FELT HIS LIES WERE BECOMING TOO MANY. THANK YOU FOR UR ADVISE, AM WISER NOW.
I agree with the information but I don’t think it is ok to blame women if men take advantage of them.
that is disgusting, especially when that “type ” had a lot of exercise lying and does not give a toss about what he does to a woman as long as he gets what he wants.
how are we even supposed to tell when someone is honest to us or not ?
I just believe that it is not ok to label decent girls as sluts when they were just victimised by the the common player, that is just not fair.
PEOPLE lie. and EVERY PERSON is different. dumbasses.
My m as n is a liar. Tries to make me look crazy..
Gee i wonder why…
I am one of the few females that prefers honesty. Tell me up front or when something changes. I can deal. Drag me along with half truths or non responses…that hurts & pisses me off. When simply all they had to do was be honest with me. I think I preferred it when I was age 5-9 when I would punch the breath out of boys instead of kissing them.
If women want honesty, they can put out when he says stuff she doesn’t like.
He lies because he wants that vag
You seem to be saying because he wants “that vag”, it’s perfectly acceptable to deceive a woman….as if what that woman wants doesn’t matter. I realize there are baby/men out there who have yet to discover the sleaziness of this attitude…and for them I would just say….try being honest. There are women who will appreciate it and who will sleep with you regardless. And then there are those who will walk away…and that needs to be o.k. with you. If you can’t deal with this, you’re a selfish and immature child who shouldn’t be having sex in the first place.
I agree that women in a RELATIONSHIP shouldn’t be stringent with sex but UNTIL you’re monogamous, a woman owes a man NOTHING. Your ignorant logic is that men lie because women don’t put out enough for RANDOM LITTLE BOYS LIKE YOURSELF…..WHO HAVE EARNED NO RIGHT TO HER “VAG”. The fact that you even CALL IT THAT shows you have ZERO respect for it and haven’t a CLUE what to do with it once you’ve LIED to get in it. So NOT ONLY are you LYING to get it, you’re doing these poor women a disservice to their VAGS by not pleasing them. You couldn’t possibly know how to please a woman to whom you’ve ZERO respect for. I’m a grown woman; I can ASSURE you of this fact. I’d bet you my right toe you don’t get 2nd dates…by rational women…maybe crazy ones who like men that can’t love them, but no sane ones who know what REAL men & pleasure mean. Btw, we’re not vacuums. We don’t have BAGS….VAGS much?? Grow a pair son. I’m 36 so I can smell your type a mile a way. For the less experienced, all you are is a REGRET, I ASSURE you. A, “DANG!!! I wasted my body on THAT!!?? UGGGGH. Shower!!! Block that picture out please!!!” 2nd dates much? Yeah no. I didn’t THINK so. We only crave amazing sex.
The 420 probably attracts REALLY high quality babes though. I know high quality babes that smoke….but they don’t use it as their SCREEN NAME. U just gave away your maturity level. Do you have arm pit hair yet btw? Don’t comment on what MEN are like until you do booboo bear.
I'll try to be constructive. Stephan – why didn't you write an article FOR men – to help them understand the impact of their lying on their wives, and advice for men to break their habit of lying?
Ok, that was me being constructive. I wonder if *you* can handle the truth. This article is shit, and it's woman-hating, and it's utterly counterproductive.
"Can't handle the truth", my arse. This is a lie that men like to tell themselves, because it gives them an excuse to keep on lying. It's something I've been tryign to work through with my partner for years – and articles like yours just make it harder for us.
The Internet is full of stories from women that could have been written by me. About how they woudn't have minded if their husband had told them he'd relapsed in his smoking, drinking or gambling – they'd have been disappointed but at the same time they'd have felt included, in-the-loop, and empowered. About how it was *the lie* that hurt. About how finding out you've been lied to is devastating – and how it destroys trust and intimacy in relationships.
Lying to your spouse is vitrually guaranteed to destroy your relationship. Men (and women, but seems it's mostly men) need to understand first, the seriousness of the impact of their deception. They need to undrestand how much harm they are doing. Second, they need solid advice on how to kick the habit.
Maybe there's someone out there who's able to put such an article together.
I don’t understand how a guy can approach a woman that he feels as if he has an interest in and immediately tell lies. I don’t believe it is a situation where the guy is telling her lies to protect her feelings because he approached her she didn’t approach him. I think overall guys nowadays are liars and women have to be carefully who they choose as a mate.
Dealing with a man who dont know how to move on. He keeps texting me delusional lies which he makes up to get a response from me. He also went on a sex web sight and sent me a pic of a female which he keep saying it’s me but in reality its not. I can go on and on. I’m just sick and tired of his chaos.
The first man I dated was brutally honest and upfront. We didn’t work out because he had anger problems. Then I dated again and this person is the opposite. We have broken up but remained friends. Or so I thought. Until I had a gut feeling he was seeing my roommate. Today I caught them not inn the act but leaving our place. So I don’t understand why he is not owning up to it. My roommate is denying it but all evidence points to what I know is to be true. I just don’t understand?