Ladies, ladies, ladies. How many of you have had that experience where you meet a guy and it gets off to a good start. He seems attentive, willing to talk/have good conversations, and seems genuinely interested in wanting to get to know you. He is flat-out coming correct and you like how things are progressing. Then at some point (either before having sex or after having sex) things start to change. He isn’t as willing to entertain conversation. He isn’t as available as he used to be.He just seems less interested but he still engages with you from time to time and it usually revolves around sex. Do you know what I’m talking about? Have you wondered what is the damn problem here? Did you start to think that maybe this guy is just confused or simply just a dumb ass? Maybe you even thought to yourself “if this was all about sex then why didn’t he just say so from the beginning?”.
Here’s the deal. Though there are plenty of men who know from the jump that all they want is sex, but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes a man is genuinely open to having a relationship and trying to get to know you. Settling down is not an issue for him at all and for many it is truly what that man wants. What we have to understand is that every woman he gets a long with won’t be a woman he can actually see himself with in a relationship. He may be attracted to you and think you are a good woman but just not the woman for him. So his initial actions were genuine. He did want to get to know you and see how things can progress. He just reached a point where had seen enough in his mind to determine this isn’t going to work. Unfortunately many men in this position will not clearly communicate this. They are not likely to say “hey I honestly think you’re great but this isn’t going to work for me”. One reason is because many women would struggle with handling that answer especially if all looked well on the surface. So the guy doesn’t want to deal with all that would come from that conversation. The other reason may be (and I’m not condoning this behavior) because he still wants to collect on the consolation prize… getting that ass. Now if he already got it then we can change that to “keeping a convenient piece of ass”. Now I know there are plenty of women reading this who are just disgusted by what I am saying. I understand and agree that this is not good behavior but I am simply trying to honestly explain what is going on in many situations.
For a lot of men they don’t have to want to be with you in order to want to have sex with you. You look good to him and he is still curious of how good you are in bed. He figures why let a minor technicality like not being serious about a relationship with you get in the way of trying to blow your back out (that’s a sexual reference for those that may not be aware). Whether you agree with this mentality or not it is how many think. So this man is not confused. We can argue if he is truly a dumb ass (the way many women would see it) but he is fully aware of what he is trying to accomplish. What a woman may perceive as confusion is in that man’s eyes just the game he chooses to play. Once he has determined that this is what he is going to do then naturally most aren’t going to put in the same amount of effort he initially gave. The quest for ass vs. the quest for love does not require the same approach. This is why there is a clear difference in most cases on how the man will behave when he has determined which one is the main goal with you. All of this may be a tough pill to swallow for many women reading this but the truth is needed.
To sum this all up, it wasn’t always about sex initially. Plenty of guys are interested in having a relationship but will just have sex with different women in the meantime. I will discuss in a future post how I feel these men should better approach these situations. Today was just about explaining what is really happening in many cases. Men are not always as confused as many women would like to believe. They just feel being honest about what they want will decrease their chances of getting it. So in playing that game a big mess is created and the negative cycle continues.
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