black dad kisses baby happy to see his kids

Why She Won’t Let Him See His Kids

Look around you, and there is a good chance you know at least one person that has a child with an individual they are not in a relationship with. Sometimes the situation is being handled well, but many times the situation involves two parents that are at constant conflict with each other. There are many reasons that may be causing the issue,

but today let’s talk about when the problem stems from a mother who won’t let the father see their kids. I’m not talking about the father who is being a deadbeat dad, but instead the man who is willing to step up to the plate and embrace his responsibility. A man who loves their kids or is trying to establish a loving relationship with their child/children. The man who has become completely frustrated, and discouraged because this woman will stop at nothing to make things difficult for him. So why is she doing this? What could possibly be causing this woman to take such a negative stance? Here are a couple of deeper rooted issues to consider:

She Is Upset That He Is With Someone Else

I have come across many situations where the woman has not gotten over the fact that her kids father chose to be with someone else. She feels cheated, betrayed, and sometimes it is an overwhelming feeling of defeat that she struggles to deal with. Not having healed from the issue, she lashes out at the man by using their child as her weapon. She may try to validate her position or cover it up by looking for any possible reasons to fuel the idea that she should not allow him to get the time he desires with their kid. Yet no matter what she claims, the unaddressed lingering hurt is playing the biggest role in her actions.

She Resents Him For How He Treated Her In The Past

There are many stories of men who dropped the ball earlier on with their child and the kids mother. It may have been his absence during her pregnancy, and even flat-out dismissal of this being his kid. I could add more to the list, but at the end of the day it boils down to him doing very hurtful things to this woman. Then somewhere down the road he decides it is time to step up. He wants to do right by his child, but the sting from his previous actions have not worn off. She still remembers what he put her through and she feels that he shouldn’t be allowed to just waltz back in her and their child’s life when he feels he is ready. She doesn’t trust him, and she may want him to feel the pain she had to endure.

If you are a father facing this issue, I want you to embrace the deeper issues that may be at play in your situation. I know this woman has been difficult to deal with, but do not fight negativity with more negativity. Take an honest, compassionate, and open-minded approach to handling this type of situation. Your ability to acknowledge her feelings, and understand her emotional struggle, can take you a long way to bringing this battle to a resolution. Don’t let pride stop you from taking a positive approach that will benefit you both, and most importantly your children.

If you are a woman who can see herself in this article, don’t run from the deeper issue. I can understand why you have lashed out the way you have, but that doesn’t make it ok, or in your best interest. Don’t lose sight of what is most important, which is allowing your child to receive the love and presence of both of their parents. Make time to address and heal from the lingering pain. Do not allow it to get the best of you any further, and place a greater focus on progress and resolution.

As parents who are not in a romantic relationship, you still have to learn how to have a relationship with each other. Taking your anger out on each other by using children isn’t right, and isn’t fair to that child. Many issues that people face stem from their upbringing, and by continuing this battle you are only setting the stage for more issues to come. Sit down and talk to each other and address all the issues in an honest and positive manner so that both of you, and your child, can get what is best out of this situation.

37 Comments
  • Oby Odeh
    Posted at 16:35h, 17 February Reply

    In a situation where the man doesn't contribute a dine to the child's welfare, what is expected? Yet he claims to still love the mother and child. He should wait until the child is old enough to see him cause he doesn't care if he's breathing, schooling or feeding.

  • E-dawg206
    Posted at 12:18h, 17 February Reply

    ^^^I SEE YOUR THE Woman He SPEAK of… ITS 50, 50 MAKING A KID. Who made you the controller? Wake up. That’s why kids are killing these days,cause of your dysfunction. ..grow up. MAN or woman. Both parents should have the same rights…talking to Oby…

  • TstormVA
    Posted at 21:53h, 17 February Reply

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say again ladies…YOU PICKED. Picked him to date when you saw all the signs that told you to run like hell. Picked him to have a child when he wasn’t emotional or financially able to take care of child and he never committed to you.

    Now you have a child and unless he’s put the child in an unsafe environment you both have to work it out.

    • S Orser
      Posted at 17:38h, 26 February Reply

      I completely understand what your saying people make mistakes. When you love someone you try to look past the negative…
      I wanted to work it out with my kids Dad but my kid isn’t safe there so I decided on supervised access until he learns how to be safe.

  • Jennifer King
    Posted at 06:15h, 18 February Reply

    I completely agree 100%. For me it's actually the other way around, it seems that now that I am trying to move on he is doing everything in his power to create drama between us, but I will not let that happen. I have already decided that no matter how many blows I have to take, what's best for my children will always come first and I will never allow them to see animosity between their father and I. They have a destiny to fulfill and I will not allow offense, bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness be passed down to my children.

  • Wilda Ramos Maymi
    Posted at 16:31h, 18 February Reply

    My son's fathers I have left the door for him to be a father to my son, but he never bother, he stated that he will wait until my son is older and he wants his son to look for him. Well what does he think that he going to live forever , by the time my son is eighteen he just might be dead or in jail again for not paying his child support. I have left my door open for my sons father to communicate with their son's, but the bother here is that they don't know how to let go, their want me back but I did not , so for this reason my son father has not come though the door. So it not away the woman who want the man back , sometime it the man that wants the woman back. When you have a good woman and you treat her bad, why should she give you another chance. will that was the case with me.

  • Maymi562
    Posted at 11:33h, 18 February Reply

    Sometime the father want the woman back , and she doesn’t , but I have left my door o pen for my son father to come and be a father to his son , he stated that he wants his s on when he older to look for him. which I hope he never does.

  • Ruthy Nyaga
    Posted at 12:20h, 04 March Reply

    After I learnt that he raped my daughter since she was 9 years, not even supervised custody. He was denied by court as there was all evidence to sustain the ruling. Some men are just beast. How do you rape your own daughter? abomination.

  • Chris Hines
    Posted at 18:24h, 16 March Reply

    I think its definitely harder the younger you are. Due to the fact that it takes longer for some people to mature than others, that can add more negativity to the situation. It takes a lot of patience to deal with this new breed of woman.

  • Jamilliah White
    Posted at 18:25h, 16 March Reply

    I appreciate your article, but I for one would love for someone to write about those fathers and mothers who refuse to see their kids because they are ordered by the court to pay child support. My son has not seen his father since October 2013 all because I refuse to stop the court ordered support, in case you wondering why I won't stop the support is becuz after the breakup I went to him asking for money for our son he gave me $40 and told me if I did not have money for food I can take his son to his mom's house and she will feed him. My son's dad makes over 100k Ivy league educated and can afford the 17% that is state mandated but only wants to give when he wants and how much he wants, which is not enough to cover tuition. So, what am I supposed to do, he come see his son anytime he wants but chooses not too.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 18:48h, 16 March Reply

    My particular situation is Extreme.. I was awarded the first ever Lifetime Restraint order, in my state, against my children's father. He always showed great love, compassion and care toward the children. The issue was how he treated me, and in front of the children.
    – He is violent beyond control. With capabilities to take another person's life from their body. He used the children as a pawn in his sick little game to try to keep contact with me.
    – He went as far as to stalk me across country.
    – My own family had no clue where we were for 6 months. This guy was in prison when I moved to the place he tracked me to. I was not in need of financial assistance for the first 5 months I lived there. As soon as I signed up for Food Stamps and Medicaid for the kids he knew where I was down to my home address. The day after He was released from prison, on Federal Parole & State Probation both, he showed up at my door unannounced, unexpected and uninvited demanding to see the kids. (Kicker – He had his KNOWN Child molesting drive him to my door). I informed him this is unacceptable. To go home and I would send him a letter in a weeks time to arrange visitations with the children. – He did see the kids in our Living Room that day, but left without incident. He showed up a few days later driving himself. He seemed civil and friendly. I agreed to let him see the kids. Boy was that a horrible mistake! He ended up trying to murder my room mate, while the children looked on from outside.
    – I spent the next few months being stalked about that town by him on and off, until he was finally arrested – He lived for months in the local Jail till after the divorce.
    – When he was released to the state of GA, in the custody of his older sister, he was told not to come back to this state and follow through with legal responsibility through GA parole office for this state. – He never fulfilled his obligation – Now faces a min of 20 yrs in Federal Prison if ever caught in this state doing wrong.

    There is much more to this cliff notes story, but you get the jest. If you are in an abusive relationship call 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) and get help. It will save your life, or the lives of your children.

  • Stacey Szep
    Posted at 19:35h, 16 March Reply

    If ur a dad and have done all u can to be positive and unerstanding to a woman who refuses to let u see ur son then what pls answer I need help with this my friend may go to jail because of his not seeing his child

  • Adrienne Davis
    Posted at 21:58h, 16 March Reply

    I don't let my baby daddy see his kids because he not consistent. I'm not going to keep allowing him to walk in and out my kids lives when he feel like it. My kids have an amazing step dad and they are not missing anything.

  • Victor Oluyomi Ajayi
    Posted at 14:53h, 17 March Reply

    That woman needs to allow the father of those kids to get access to them first,visit them ,then talk about the welfare of the kids after,

  • Crystal Rhae McCormick
    Posted at 16:26h, 17 March Reply

    Well that is all nice and all but I can see where a woman who doesn't get child support and assistance with the kids won't let the father see the kids to be the so called "Disney Dad" (there only for the fun times). However, I have allowed my daughter to do so with her father (when it is convenient for him). She is 16 now and could care less about spending time with her father because she only sees him when it is a matter of convenience to him. I believe that the fathers (and in some cases mothers) show their true colors in the end.

  • Bre Wilson
    Posted at 13:01h, 18 March Reply

    Too bad these women don't realize that later on the kids will harbor resentment towards them good luck with that.

  • Jacqueline Scott
    Posted at 11:03h, 02 May Reply

    Victor Oluyomi Ajayi What planet are you on?

  • Jacqueline Scott
    Posted at 11:04h, 02 May Reply

    He is not a father he is a loser.

  • Jamilliah White
    Posted at 12:32h, 02 May Reply

    Thank You Jacqueline Scott, I wish ppl would realize that is not always the mother who is denying access, but there are fathers who just refuse to deal with their kids because they don't want to support. My son is suffering greatly in school and emotionally.

  • Lola Patli
    Posted at 17:55h, 05 May Reply

    Many women seem to have the notion that if the father dont pay maintenance then he shouldn’t be allowed to see his kids. Seperate the two, maintenance and access to your kids are two different things if he doesn’t pay take him to court, but dont rationalise by saying if he doesn’t pay then ge wont see the kids, both are unacceptable.

  • ash
    Posted at 23:13h, 30 May Reply

    See my kids father says he loves the kids saidd he will take one kid.one weekend and the other kid on the other weekend. he took one kid foor 1 day instead of the full weekend. when the.following came he said he was on his way n never showed up thay was 2 weeks ago. i text him what happen to coming and i got the full blown evil message back that i keep the kids from him I’m a horrible bitch. like no fool i want u to take ur kids because they need time with u and i need thinga.to get done. but I’m the horrible parent working n financially taken care of the kids alone. i don’t ask him for a dime all i ask is he take his kids so they can enjoy time with their father. but I’m horrible

  • Larissa Cervantes
    Posted at 22:33h, 21 June Reply

    Yes I agree bc my dad was not in my life at all and when my children's dad made it clear verbal and with actions that if "I can't have u then I don't want the kids" All the years until 18 men get in their feelings too! He held a grudge against me for not wanting him and used it against me to make it like I kept his kids from him!

  • Michele Wormley-Wright
    Posted at 23:01h, 21 June Reply

    It's a damn shame when one feels they made the child by them self . My grandson isn't in my life or my sons life for whatever reason. We love and adore him! He is now 14. Child support is in place. It's killing me that his mother forbids him to acknowledge our side of his family. It's heart breaking.

  • April DeJerinett
    Posted at 02:07h, 22 June Reply

    Amen! I'm going thru the same thing. I will keep enduring what i have to until he understands just because we dont like each other i'm not going to let you do anything detrimental to hurt our child. I'm in a new place with someone else and he needs to grow up!

  • Carol Davison
    Posted at 15:51h, 29 July Reply

    Yay Jennifer King and April DeJerinett. You sound like loving moms who behave in their kids best interest. Guys-these looks like a good women to have a relationship with.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 06:45h, 09 August Reply

    You have the right to say "I will not tolerate this in my life or the lives of my offspring." You have the right to stand your ground. You have the right to choose to be happy and create a copacetic living environment . The children have a right to grow up in a well balanced, stable, copacetic living environment. You are strong and you know it. Never let go of the love you have for yourself that keeps you fighting the good fight to be free of abuses.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 06:48h, 09 August Reply

    I can share my experience with you on the children. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try , no matter what you do there are some people born with a certain inherited DNA in them, leading them down the road to be abusive. All we can do is our best. Never give up; Unless it becomes a detrimental danger to your health & welfare or could end fatal to you.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 06:55h, 09 August Reply

    Children are very impressionable and resilient. Children can be shown kindness and love and how to not harbor resentments. They are just small homo sapiens. Shaping them through life's experiences are what happens to everyone. Its what you do with what you have that counts. You have to keep the faith in your ability to show the next generation how to be kind, love self and others and not harbor resentments.

    While teaching them to be self sufficient, strong, productive, positive & contributing members of society.

    ISN"T That the ultimate goal? No matter how you have to do it, I say just do it because it can be done. It is being done.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 07:00h, 09 August Reply

    He's using your child as a pawn in his sick game of manipulations. I would recommend that you get your paperwork together, to to the child support office and show them that he isn't abiding by the court order. This complaint will need a judge to order garnishment of his wages. Then they send you the money. It can be done.

    And don't be so concerned about dad not visiting. Making choices, which you describe above, are the perfect example of what a kid doesn't need influenced by any way. If dad doesn't want to be part of son's life, you can't force him to. Just have to accept things the way they are and deal with life on life's terms.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 07:05h, 09 August Reply

    Unfortunately in your case Dad views daughter as a pretty little china doll on the shelf, waiting right where he left her, till he gets ready to take her down off the shelf and play with her again. I know this scenario well and have lived it.

    I view the visitations as growth and connections for the kids. I can not envision any amount of money being worth not allowing a child to know their parents growing up, unless this is detrimental to their health and welfare or could end fatally.

    The whole denying visits because you get no child support is manipulation. It only hurts the kids the most in the long run.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 07:08h, 09 August Reply

    I view the visitations as growth and connections for the kids. I can not envision any reason worth not allowing a child to know their parents growing up, unless this is detrimental to their health and welfare or could end fatally. No matter how frequent or infrequent the visits may be.

  • Kandi Ranson
    Posted at 07:09h, 09 August Reply

    And here is the flip side of the scenario when visitations are denied.

  • Jacqueline Scott
    Posted at 11:07h, 09 August Reply

    Jamilliah White I feel your pain. My son is 6 and his father has not paid him a penny since the day he was born other than 200.00 dollars. He was floating in and out and I stopped it. He is now not allowed the pleasure as it screwed up my kids head. It seems like mine your son has a caring loving mother. Represent yourself in court to go for the support on a regular basis and organise visits in a centre so that it is monitored and you dont have to deal with the loser if he doesn't turn up then cut all contact. I can support my kid and told him to keep his money which was never coming anyway. It allows you to get back on track and your emotions not to be in turmoil fighting with him all the time. It also channels you to be a better mother to your kid taking away all his drama……your kid one day will work out who was there for him they are pretty smart. Think of your sons emotional needs and yourself. He is not a father he is a waste of air space. Know you are doing a great job one parent is better than one good and one axxhole….

  • Jacqueline Scott
    Posted at 11:08h, 09 August Reply

    Too true Crystal.

  • Erica Howard
    Posted at 11:01h, 22 August Reply

    No parent should use their child /children as pawns because you mad at whatever,if that parent isn't hurting the chil or putting them in dangerous situation,then you're only hurting that child in the long run. My mother took that from me and my father died over 20 ago and I'd only seen him once. To this day I know nothing about him or my other family and I feel incomplete. Ben trying to find them but with no luck and my mother refuse to tell me or talk to me because I look like my father ,I got mistreated because she was angry with him.JUST CRAZY.IMMATURE.

  • Silvia Jeannette Mejia
    Posted at 22:16h, 22 February Reply

    For the safety and we'll being of my children, and despite him being a deadbeat for the last 19 years, I set conditions of visitations….this man was more concerned with me being controlling than the chance to spend time with his children. Yes, I did need my children to be in a controlled safe environment..,.he chose to not agree, and I chose to not put his needs above their safety.

  • Moretsi Kereditse Karels
    Posted at 13:56h, 23 February Reply

    its true my partner is facing this thing with the babe mother who still wants him back

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