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I’ll Be Your Boyfriend…Now Let’s Have Sex!

boyfriend with thumbs up after sex

No need to waste any time. I’m prepared to give you what you want by taking the title of “boyfriend”, so bring that booty over here!…I mean it is that simple right? Not much else to it. Basically that’s how it seems to go down with so many women. You know the women I’m talking about. The “I need to be in a relationship to have sex” women. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely against their position. I agree that if you want a relationship then it is smart to be cautious about give up the goods until you actually get it one. It makes perfect sense that a woman wants the security of an official relationship before giving herself to a man. She also wants to make sure you are serious, and really, who can blame her for that?

However here is my issue. Just because a man calls himself your boyfriend that does not mean he is actually behaving as such. Some guys just play boyfriend because they already know that’s what it takes to get sex from a lot of women. It’s one thing if he is actually doing his part as “your man” (or putting on an amazing act). However, how many people know or have known a woman who is with a man who completely disregards the relationship, and in no way is being a real boyfriend. Yet despite his nonsense, you still allow him to be entitled to having sex with you simply because he continues to carry the title. He isn’t really your boyfriend, he is just the man you are having sex with disguised as your boyfriend. He has no problem carrying the title with you or with anybody else.  Why? Because you don’t require him to back it up with action. This fact makes it the easiest con move to pull off. Meanwhile you continue to hold strong to your position of “I can’t have sex with you if you’re not my man”. So the other men who are actually honest with you, treat you with respect, and are even there for you more than your “man”, are in your eyes unworthy of getting some sex from you. Why? Because they are not willing to lie to you by calling you their girlfriend, and taking the title of boyfriend just to get something they probably desire as much as the next guy. Please understand that I am not saying go have sex with any guy who treats you nice and presents himself well. Especially when he isn’t prepared to step up and enter into a real relationship you. I much rather you give your body to neither, but if you feel you “HAVE” to get your needs met, and feel the need to engage in sexual activity, then I much rather you sleep with the guy who shows you some respect. He is a much better choice than the guy “playing boyfriend” and treating you like crap. At least if unexpected things happen (such as getting pregnant) with  the respectful guy, you have a much better chance that he will own up to his responsibilities. The fake boyfriend is much more likely to leave you hanging and act like the child does not even exist.  Some of you are probably thinking “well then what is the solution?” Well I am going to give you my suggestion.

If you want to only have sex in a relationship, well than make sure you actually have a relationship to begin with. Allow some time for the man to not only say he is your boyfriend, but actually back it up with action. Now personally I will tell you all day that I think waiting until marriage or as long as possible is best. Helps weed out a lot of the nonsense, and eliminates so many issues people face from focusing and engaging in sex too soon. I still understand that just as I have failed to uphold that in the past, many others are going to struggle as well. So at the very least start making better choices with who you have sex with. Stop giving yourself to a man who does not value you one bit. A man who has respect for you will be willing to give you that regardless of whether he is your “boyfriend” or not. Just taking on that title and doing the minimum should not give anybody a free pass. Unless as a grown woman you are truly ok with that exchange, then that is your choice to make. Just please make sure that when that fake relationship inevitably ends, you don’t go screaming there are no “good men” around. Because while you were continuously having sex with that man who was obviously doing you wrong, the good guy was watching, lost some respect for you, and moved on to the next. Sounds harsh, but it’s just the reality many people face.

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27 thoughts on “I’ll Be Your Boyfriend…Now Let’s Have Sex!”

  1. Joelle Paule

    Beautiful post …
    I actually hate the word boyfriend. I call everybody “friends” because that’s what most people are. I often hear people say “FALL IN LOVE WITH RESPECT” Most women nowadays do not care about that respect thing and rather have a man to call “boyfriend” instead of commanding respect. Thank goodness I passed the age LOL If I don’t feel respected you are damn sure I’ll be cutting you off the next chance I get. That’s how I roll 🙂
    Stephan I want to try that no sex before marriage thing but I’m not sure I can do it.Especially if my feelings grow with whoever I am with. I want to try but I am scared any suggestions?

    1. Well you just have to do it Joelle. If the man respects it and goes along on the journey with you then you may be surprised at how it can work out. Don’t defeat yourself before you enter the challenge. Just do it, and let GOD guide you through it.

      1. Joelle Paule

        Ok Stephan I will try. I agree if I don’t try I don’t know if I can do it. Anyways I know how to contact u for more info. Thank you, my journey starts today…

        1. Ms Sadly

          Hey you can do it girl!! I did not think I could but I did and its now going on a few yrs! I am so excited!!  The last guy I was with I did not have sex with and when we broke up I was grateful especially when i found out that he was doing other thingz! So girl protect your body and you will feel better in the long run! God is able to help you!! Protect yourself out here!!

  2. guest

    Great post! ladies stop giving it up to boys who play fake boyfriends…lol

  3. Mosesjustmoses

    Excellent Post! Requiring a man be your “Boyfriend” actually puts you in a vulnerable position. If a man knows a woman will only have sex with her BF, what’s to stop him to allow that label be placed on him, and have sex with you a few times, then realize he cannot commit? But if a man knows this woman he met doesn’t seek anything but share opinions, have interesting conversations, dinner, hang out and nothing more, and still wants to be around after getting to know you (minus the facades), you might have found a gentleman worth sharing your temple with…

  4. lindsey

    If a guy is truly showing you any decent amount of respect, would he really have sex with you if he wasn’t at some stage of commitment with you (preferably marriage)? I would see that as him taking advantage of you…. and in my opinion that would put him in the same category as “boyfriend” that’s just faking the role for the sex. 

  5. Monz

    You had me until, “…waiting as long as possible or until marriage.” I don’t agree with buying the car without taking it for a test drive! Some people simply are not sexually compatible, and the only way to find that out is by doing it.

    1. Lol I feel you but I disagree. We can find out a lot about a person sexually without having sex with them. Also the foundation to long term great sex is more about the connection we share outside the bedroom. I’m going to do a post on it and I’m going to use the “test drive” analogy to better explain my point.

      1. Jasi

        I agree, Stephan. But can you elaborate on finding out about a person sexually without having sex with them? Like how? lol…. 

        1. I don’t want to get to deep in to it because I am saving it for a future post but I will give you something to work with right now : ). First thing is knowing yourself sexually. The more you are in tune with your own sexual energy the easier it is to pick up on the energy of another. Just the other day I was speaking to a person and I could sense their sexual energy is very low. Turned out I was right, and in their eyes they didn’t care for sex (they just have untapped potential in my eyes). Another thing is simple communication. It won’t give you all the answers but it can give you an idea to the type of lover this person is. There is much more to it but ultimately it can be done.

  6. PassedCPAEXAM

    Problem is, love is hard to find. So if a man wants to keep up a healthy sex life, he must pretend to be the boyfriend, otherwise he’ll find himself sleeping with a bunch of hookers. Myself, I like familiarity, so whether in love or not, I must play the boyfriend to keep the relationship active and the sex coming. And the emotionally attached, inhibited sex of a woman who knows she’s not your girlfriend, most of the times its garbage. You are right, I will not waist time with a woman, whom I do not trully like, who is not acting appropriately to my agenda, I disgard them and move on to the next. So I suppose women could hold out, but then, they’d never have too much great sex themselves because what she won’t do someone else will.

    1. I believe that a man can get plenty of sex without playing boyfriend. I agree it won’t be as consistent and may not be as enjoyable for some as sex with a woman who is in a relationship with you. I personally don’t think it is right to play with a woman’s emotions just to get a better sex life. It causes a lot of damage and it is simply selfish to take that approach. I know there will still be plenty of men who do it anyway but I can’t agree with that approach.

      1. Ms Sadly

        Totally agree! Thank you Stephan, like seriously why fake like a boyfriend when you can be the real one and enjoy the benefits. Just like if a girl fakes her “O” moment with you, now would you have wanted her to be real from jump or keep faking it to make you feel like some king in the bed??

  7. PassedCPAEXAM

    And the “No sex before marriage” thing, you’d have to be bringing a lot to the table after marriage for me to fall for that one, especially if you are not a virgin. For example, LoLo Jones, self proclaimed virgin, not having sex before marriage: she has money, respect, great social scene to offer and ambition to do much more in the future. In that case, I may be inclinded to wait. But for the average woman: baby, average or equivalent job and income to mine, bringing nothing to the relationship but an arm piece (hopefully she won’t get too fat in the future), companionship, combined financial resources, respectable partner. I could find that anywhere, so why would I wait for you?

    1. Exactly, so what you have shown is that if you find value in the woman then she becomes worth the wait. So an inability to wait (at least based on your response) would clearly show that this specific woman just doesn’t have enough value for you to put your sexual needs on hold. So for the woman who is looking for a man that is truly in to her and values her as an individual, waiting will not scare that man away. I think your position is shared by most men. So I completely understand it.

  8. Caroline

    Ok, this article COMPLETELY contradicts your other recent article about the guy who won’t commit but acts like your boyfriend! a 150% contradiction! LOL (i.e. in this article you say it is better to have sex with the guy who ACTS like your boyfriend than the one who holds the title but doesn’t ACT like it at all) However in the other article, you advise to stop giving up the goods to the guy who won’t commit even if he treats you like his boyfriend! lol

    But still some great points in this write-up! 

    1. Lol I can understand why you may see it as a contradiction but allow me to clarify why it is not. Yes in this article I am saying that just holding the title should not be enough to give the man benefits. He should respect you and be the man you need him to be in that relationship. I am not saying a woman should go sleep with men who show respect but aren’t there man but I am saying if you insist on having sex then let it be with a man who at the least shows that respect. I would much rather the woman wait as I stated in this article. In the other article you reference I am explaining that if you want a relationship giving the man benefits while he has not commited to you is essentially shooting yourself in the foot. If you are genuinely OK with that arrangement than that is the choice you are entitled to make. The reality is many women in those situations want more and are providing the goods in hopes of keeping him lose and eventually getting what they really want; a committed relationship. My overall position is that it is always best to wait. I feel if you want a relationship then you wait till he get a real relationship that comes with the title and the respect you deserve. So with that said, there is no contradiction : ) lol

  9. Tamm

    Boy did I just learn this the hard way. I’m in my late 30s and had only slept with 2 men on my life. My former boyfriend many years ago who passed away & then my now ex-husband. He moved really fast, I told him I don’t sleep with men that I am not in a relationship with, boom. played. Things are so different now, maybe due to easy pickings with on-line dating. i don’t know. Just can’t trust anyone at all anymore, period.

  10. lala

    I must say that it’s really upsetting to know that my sexuality and whether or not I “give it up” has that much power over whether or not a man is serious about a relationship. I’m honestly to the point where I will point out up front that I’m ready to enter a relationship and see if he’s on that same path. If not, then bye. Whether or not I “give it up” should have no baring on his ethics. He should live by his own standards and not be a dog constantly waiting for his “bone”. I have seen people go into relationships the “right way” and the “wrong way” and both have equal amounts of failure and success. We put so much stock on every little action our partner does that it blinds us from actually getting close to a person. I can’t stand the fact that I can get so worried and caught up about every single freakin’ stage of the relationship that I can’t even enjoy the process and I can’t let things happen organically. That I have to worry that he’ll think I’m a “slut” or “unworthy” because I slept with him much sooner than he deemed worthy. I shouldn’t have that much power over him and he certainly doesn’t have that much power over me. It takes a mature man to work on himself to prepare for marriage (which is hardly ever discussed) so that he can welcome a woman into his life as she must do the same to welcome him into hers. It takes a mature man to see people as human beings and to see if they have the tools that show they have learned from their mistakes. It takes a mature man to see if a woman is trying to validate herself through sex and therefore doesn’t engage in sex with her because he follows his own moral code. It takes a mature man to not judge a woman for what she once was but to vet her for who she is now. It takes a mature man to not expect anything from her that he doesn’t expect and practice himself. And to those who would believe I am “attacking” men, I’m not. Switch the sex and the same is said of a mature woman.

  11. LG Kathy

    Every young woman should be told all this the day she turns 16, by someone in her life that she respects- father, older brother, uncle. We are failing our young women by not telling them this truth. Thanks, Stephan for being honest.

  12. Devon Hamwright

    Hearing this sooner in life could have spared me some time can't agree more with @LG Kathy

  13. Well said. But the problem with many of our gals, there are pulled down by cultural and religious norms. She keeps the bad guy because a few of her firends and relatives have known him and culturally respect him. the gal thinks that sleeping with another good guy who may not want to be her "boyfriend" but is doing more for her than the "boyfriend", they will think she is sluting.

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