“Why can’t I find a good man”…”All men are dogs”…”Why does dating have to be so difficult?”. I hear this from plenty of women all the time. I’m going to leave the first two quotes alone for now but let’s answer the last one. Dating is a mess because YOU make it that way. I’m not saying that the other party involved doesn’t play their part in all of this. It’s just that I see so many women constantly set themselves up for failure but they only want to focus on the dating mistakes or bad intentions of that man. If you truly want to solve the problem then taking that approach isn’t going to help you. There is plenty we can discuss on this topic but here are three dating mistakes that constantly get overlooked.
1. Expecting him to chase you
I always hear women say “if a man wants you nothing can keep him away” this isn’t entirely true but I get it. What women who are dating fail to realize is YOU”RE JUST DATING. That man barely knows you so he may not know if he really wants you. He knows he is attracted to you and that you have caught his interest. He is willing to explore the possibilities but again he has yet to determine if he truly “wants you”. So expecting him to jump through hoops isn’t helping the process. You don’t need to make things difficult on purpose to test him. Some good men just don’t have time for all of that and will quickly drop you from relationship potential. I am in no way saying that a woman should chase a man or be ready and on call for him. I’m just saying that expecting him to run after you while you put little to no effort yourself could be a setup for failure.
2. Believing he can read your mind
There are men who have been married for years who still struggle to know what his woman is thinking or what she is expressing non-verbally. Even when she speaks he doesn’t always know what the hell she is talking about. So how can you expect a man who does not know you to understand you and what you are not verbally expressing. What you may feel is common sense may not be so common to that man. We all express and interpret things differently so you have to take time to get on the same page by actually saying what you mean. Some men may not be big fans of engaging in long conversations but most men (if not all) appreciate a woman who can present a clear message. All the unnecessary guessing games and confusion may simply lead to his and your frustration. Which then may lead to the end of a potential relationship.
3. Not giving what you expect in return
If you want respect then you should give respect. If you want honesty then stop telling lies. If you want a good man who will put forth effort and show he genuinely wants you then stop thinking you can sit on your butt, act like you’re not interested, and bring no true value to the table. How can you expect to get what you need when you are not willing to give it yourself. Too many women have convinced themselves that number 1 and 2 on this list are acceptable simply because they are tired of getting played. Tired of putting good out only to get bad. So in the name of “protecting themselves” they now hold back and put walls up. The issue wasn’t what you put out but who you chose to give it to. The issue wasn’t that all men are dogs but that when your intuition told you he wasn’t best for you that didn’t stop you from convincing yourself to entertain him anyway. By holding back now because of the mistakes in the past you are now creating a bigger mistake that will cause more damage.
Continuing to implement these dating mistakes isn’t likely to do you much good. It will hinder your ability to find a relationship or you will start the relationship with some lingering issues. The same issues that you have been ignoring which is why you feel the need to act in this way in the first place. When you have yet to heal it will be very difficult to fully embrace what I am saying in this article. Nobody likes to get hurt but we have to be mindful when we are simply causing more damage to ourselves and to others. Embracing a more positive approach will help you get more positive results.
Related Article: 3 Dating Mistakes Men Make
34 thoughts on “3 Dating Mistakes Women Make”
Hard lessons noone ever learns. If you’ve allowed past hurts to turn you into the kind of person that won’t make an effort in a relationship then Stephan’s right again, you’re doomed to failure.. What advice for getting past these things though? It’s easier said than don’t you know . . .
Please read an excerpt from my new book at http://www.defieldsbooks.wix.com/loveandlies
I hope most of all some of them listen and not be in there pride on the matter. Whenever change is needed please make change happen..
Very informative and honest.
I totally agree!
I think these mistakes are still valid in marriage. In fact, maybe even more so! For example, with #1, don’t make him chase you – this strategy is sometimes employed because wifey wants to be reminded that she is still loved. When the daily grind starts wearing her down and the relationship isn’t as spicy as it once was, some women will test their man to see if he’ll come running. Not a good idea, for reasons you lay out, but I definitely think it happens!
Uggh Stephen, you’re an uninvited guest to my pity party but you so nailed this point by point!
Hi, my name is Cathérine,
And I must say..you are compleetly wright..
If you approch someone in a positieve way, not expecting things, but exploring each other..
not reacting out of the past, but giving chance for a new beginning..
And see further dan only physical attraction, then your soul can express itselve..
And communication, is like cement in a relation..without it..you ca’nt build a base for your relationship..
Becouse we feel lonely..we expect somethimes things to get quickly..pass steps that are essential in getting to know erach other.., and so..we run..before we can walk..
Taking time..is wat we must do..
Cement is also good for hiding a body after you’ve committed a felony. It is also really hard to run in cement…also hard to walk in it…so in the case put forward for moving in cement… walking is harder than running…but cement is a good foundation for a building, or a high-rise car park.
Lol and where’s your 3 things men do wrong? Oh wait there isn’t any because woman are to blame. You men “relationship advisors” are damaging us more than helping. Smh a damn shame
If you click on the “Advice for Men” category you will find many articles directed at men and what they need to improve. My current book out actually is about telling men how to be better in their marriage. I have not written the specific “3 Dating Mistakes Men Make” but it will come. I wish a person such as yourself would look deeper before you make such claims. Both men and women have things we can improve and my intention is not to lay blame on one side or the other. I just like to write the articles targeting one gender at a time but that in no way means that I am overlooking the other gender in that particular topic/issue. I understand how you may have gotten the wrong idea but I am confident that if you take the time to read more of my work you will see I am not what you have assumed I am.
A lot of women focus their energy on blaming externally as well. Who cares if they don’t have a list for men (which they actually do) this list was about us. Lets acknowledge and embrace the validity. I think we need to add that to the list too.
You haven’t found time to write the article yet because misogyny is exhausting, and your little man eyes are tired after a long day of ‘targeting’ women. Poor man. You most likely don’t have a Queen waiting at home with a roast cooked and her legs open for you after a long day of you women-blaming. What a hard life for you, being a creature with all the testosterone and external genitals.
The link to “3 Dating Mistakes Men Make” is actually right below the article but I will add it to this comment to make it easier to find -> https://www.stephanspeaks.com/3-dating-mistakes-men-dating/
This article as with your others sounds angry, demeaning and extremely condescending towards women. You set yourself up to act as if you are some know it all God when in fact you were born as the rest of us were: from a woman. Who are YOU to judge women and tell them they are the failures for their relationships? Were you there in each and every single one of them? No. Therefore you cannot generalize what you THINK you know by a small sample to a majority of the population. I agree 100% with Prettyyes10. You “experts” do indeed cause more damage than you help and truthfully, its really not your place. You are a man. Since when does a man tell a woman HOW to BE a woman? Save it and preach to the men. Its obvious to me you have deep seated issues against women and a particular type. You seem to target a specific genre: Black women. Why? Is it because they are the most marginalized in society and are shown the least respect? No need to answer. You are boring, condescending, judgmental and your articles are completely full of feces and so are you. You don’t have a doctorate. You are no psychologist. Leave it to the professionals, stop bashing women and grow up. Strong females don’t need you and the rest are just as weak and pathetic as you are. Your insecurity is barely hidden underneath the articles you write.
Wow Jessie I’m not sure how I come off as angry or demeaning in this article but I’m sorry you feel that way. I indeed do not “know it all” and anyone who has taken the time to actually speak to me understands this but again I apologize if I have come off like that to you. I am certainly as flawed as anyone and in no way do I want you to feel that I look down on others or believe that anything I have written applies to “all”. I do also write articles for men as well so in no way am I only trying to target women or imply they are the only ones that need advice. I’m also not sure why you feel I target black women. I write the articles for all women and men. I have people from all countries who email me because no matter the race we all share many of the same issues but sometimes in different ways. Maybe it is the use of picture that has a black woman but that is not the intention. I try to mix up the pictures and its random with which race appears on the picture. If you do not feel my experience coaching individuals for several years is sufficient than I completely understand and respect that. You are entitled to that opinion and I can understand your position. If you want to insult me then fine but please don’t insult the women who seek guidance from me or are open to what I have to say. They deserve no disrespect from you but you can throw that my way if you wish. It’s unfortunate that this is what you have taken away from reading this and other articles. I believe if we actually had an opportunity to speak that you would not feel the same way. Either way I only want the best for you and everyone else out there. Maybe one day you will gain a better understanding of who I am and what I am attempting to accomplish. Be blessed.
You should not waste your time replying to these stupid people. We all see you clearly write post for both genders so it’s annoying when bitter women who feel defensive try to attack you. Just let them stay lonely & keep offering relationship advice for the rest of us. If they hating
so hard & clearly hurt…af! why do they bother reading it.
I appreciate you speaking on this but I want you to look at it differently too. If indeed the person is hurt and bitter the only way I might be able to help them is to engage and respond in a positive manner. If I always ignore then the chance for progress is less likely. If I allow myself to get too offended and respond in a negative manner then again the chance for progress isn’t likely. My genuine goal is to help no matter who it is. Unfortunately I’m in a position where I will get verbally attacked but thankfully GOD prepared me and equipped me with the ability to endure it. I really do appreciate you sticking up for me though.
Omg Jessie what a lucky girl this guy only wants the best for you, now don’t be a silly independent woman and cut him down or ignore what he has said. A man is a man
Its so good to know that there actually are some smart women out there. I can tell you I have been going through this jokers articles and most women are say ‘omg totally’
I totally agree with the articles you’ve posted. People don’t understand that you don’t direct everything on ladies mistakes. You’ve already noted that you post things about mens mistakes also & there’s more in your book. Where can I find your book?
Thank you very much Jessica I really appreciate that : ). You can find my book here -> https://www.stephanspeaks.com/relationship-expert-books/
I can admit that I have done everydamnone, lol. I am an unfinished work of art, still on the path to greatness.
Us Why is It So Hard for Women to Grasp that Wat and Who We Allow in Our Lives along With How We are Treated Solely Depends on the Decisions We Make!!??!! I Mean We are the Ones Who Either Accept a Guys Number or Gives Ours Out…We are the Ones Who Decide to Date the Guy…We Decide if We are Going to Listen to that Guys Sweet Compliments or Simply Watch His Actions… We Decide If We are Going to Have Sexual Relations With that Guy Before Marriage…The Most Powerful Words I Heard on Dating is That if the Man Truly Cares about U…Loves U and Cherishes Ur Soul, He Would More than Want to Make an Honest Woman Out of U because God Wouldn’t Send a Woman Less than She Deserves…I Now Live by Actions and Not Words!!!! Dating Gets Easier When U Know Wat U Want…Know Ur Worth and Won’t Settle for Empty Words…I am Single and Will Continue to be Until I Get That Man that Shows Me I am His Most Prized Possession on Earth because He That Findeth a Wife…Finds a Good Thing!!!! Thanks Stephan for Taking the Time Out to Help Us Progress!!!!
Thank you awesome article. That hold true to what us woman do when dating while still being hurt by our past failures
I can truly say that I am guilty of 1 and 2. Looks like I need to work on some things. Great Article!!
Good reminder!!! & things to think about
OMG …………….OMG………..guilty of the second point.lord help me fix this and some hit home from the third point made too. woow time for some soul searching. thanks you
Many girls want slaves not boyfriend..they are screwed up themselves.So immature.