Guest Post by Carlos Harleaux: There’s no denying that women are more independent these days and able to call their own shots. Gone are the days of meek and mild. Women are speaking up and speaking out on what they really want, think and feel. The ladies are dominating in the boardroom, the music charts (remember “Independent Women” and “No Scrubs”)…and in relationships. When it comes to dating and relationships, it seems like the old saying “less is more” is thrown out of the window. Don’t get me wrong, a strong, independent woman is admirable and even sexy, but telling a man what to do, when to do it and how to do it will only lead to a dead-end street. Ladies, men want to hear what you want and need, but HOW you say it is the key.
I once had a woman tell me in the very early stages of getting to know each other (no official dates) that she knew we were going to be together and I just needed to accept it. Ha! I’ve always believed in the “I can show you better than I can tell you” mindset and we never ended up being together. Not because I didn’t like her. She was attractive physically, goal driven, and intelligent….but a total turn off mentally. Only 1 of 3 things will happen in a situation like this:
- He will verbally tell you no right then and there…possibly in a way you won’t like.
- He will go along with what you want, but you will have to live with the fact that you made him do it.
- He will not waste time arguing with you and do what he wants to do….which is not in line with what you want him to do.
“Ooh, that Coach bag would go great with my new dress.” “I need a vacation, when are you taking me on a trip?” “My ring has to be 3 carats or else”.
How about we rewind some of these statements and remix them a little bit? We’ll go with the ring example first. Telling a man how much you want in material things (especially related to marriage) will only set yourself up for disappointment. Again, the man will either tell you no right then and there, go along or do what he wants. Let’s just say for kicks that he goes along with it? Ladies, do you really want that on your conscious that you made your man do something? If you can sleep at night, then go for it. But just know that it’s always better to have someone do something without you coercing them to do it. How about just expressing what you like in conversation? Or better yet pointing it out if you’re looking at rings together? Just a thought. Incorporation and not isolation is key. In the vacation example, why not present the idea that you both need a break (which you probably do) and it will be something great to do together? Even present some sexy attire you’ll be wearing on the trip and some ideas of places you want to go. Once he sees you’re serious about a romantic getaway that benefits the BOTH of you, plus something that will benefit him, you’ll be much more likely to get what you want!
Ladies, if you are not making these types of statements, I applaud you. Please spread the word and share your secrets with the other women you know, lol. But if you are and you don’t want just a “go along” man, then the demands may have to be saved for the boardroom only. Make the man think it was his idea and you will get more of the things you want out of him. Less is more and too much will get a “no” from a man every time. It’s amazing to me how many women (and people for that matter) don’t understand that, but believe it because it’s true!! It’s not so much what you say, but how you say it…so choose your words carefully.