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Who Should Pay On A Date

couple at movies deciding who should pay for date

Once upon a time the question of who should pay on a date was not up for debate. Plain and simple it was taught that a man should always pay for the date. It was on him to take that initiative and that was simply how it was. Nowadays, not so much. More and more people have opened the door to the idea of women taking on some of the financial responsibility in dating. Good or bad, I wanted to take the time to give my view on this topic and allow you the reader to jump in and share your thoughts.

I believe the argument that both men and women should pay on a date is absolutely fair. I think to put the entire financial burden on men when it comes to dating may be asking too much. I mean, he doesn’t fully know you and he is taking the full financial risk of this process. If there was some sort of guarantee of benefits he would receive (talking to you for a couple of hours and being out with the woman is not a damn benefit) then maybe it would justify the investment. The reality is, many women are simply running a “Dating Scam”. Yes I said it, a “Dating Scam” where they have no interest whatsoever of entertaining this man past a free meal and a free outing. They are taking full advantage of this man’s desire to want to impress them and court them (see Emotional Pimp), while knowing the entire time when they are done they will probably be calling the next man to actually give some “benefits” to. So with that said, it isn’t fair for men to constantly put themselves in a position to be taken advantage of because you never know where this woman’s head is really at. By going Dutch, or alternating who pays for which date, you definitely decrease the chances that this woman is just running game because she was bored, hungry, and that man was available to satisfy those desires at the moment.

I do think splitting the cost is fair but I have to admit that personally I wouldn’t let a woman pay on the date. Maybe it was how I was raised, or some level of pride, or just an extension of how I view the role of men in relationships. I just know that for me, I am always prepared to pick up the check regardless of the circumstances. To me if I can’t afford to pay then I am not taking any woman on a date that I can’t afford. If money is that big of an issue, then I say get creative and find inexpensive ways to find entertainment and get to know the woman. Men have to start thinking past just dinner and a movie, and start looking at other options. Try a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach, going to a museum, or anything else that can minimize your cost while increasing your interaction with her. One way or another going on a date that won’t break your pocket can be achieved. You will be able to impress her with your creativity while still showing her that you are always willing to handle the costs. You also won’t be committing the dating mistake of selling this woman a dream of fancy restaurants and lavish living when you know damn well the 99cent menu is your best friend, and you can’t even pronounce the names of the food in some of these fancy places.

All in all, I vote that the man should pay but I totally understand the “we are equal” approach to paying for the date. I also understand that if the two people are going on a date and the woman offers to handle it this time, then to me that is ok. Personally I would decline the offer a couple of times before I allowed myself to accept. It will all boil down to what works best for that man and that woman. Just be mindful that whichever route you take, you could potentially be setting the stage of what will be expected of you down the road. A woman who keeps paying for those dates may find herself with a man who always has his hand out and is not pulling his own weight. A man who goes over the top on his dates can find himself with a woman who expects nothing but the finer things, and will give you a hard time when you fall short of that. In my opinion the best way to approach it is to be honest about your expectations and your limitations up front. The right person will embrace it and you both can be happy regardless of who is paying for what. Let your first impression on that person be an honest one. This will set the stage for better dates and possibly a better potential relationship with them.

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76 thoughts on “Who Should Pay On A Date”

  1. Dalma

    Very interesting post today Stephan. My take on this is if a man can’t pay on a date why ask a woman out? No man has to worry about me running a dating scam on him because if i’m not interested am not even going to the park with you to give you the wrong impression. If I were to ask a man out on a date I would pay for it. Somethings we should just let it stay as there were like the man ask the woman out and pay for it…lol ijs

    1. StephanLabossiere

      I agree Dalma, or they simply can find some inexpensive alternatives to making it happen. That is great you don’t subscribe to the “Dating Scam” but because there are many women that do I can see where some men become more hesitant with picking up that check on every date. 

  2. Dee

    Great read… I absolutley agree if the finacial responsibilty is too great then maybe some are not ready to date or need to find other alternatives. I guess women have been groomed to believe it is the man’s job to handle the bill when it comes to dating. I was groomed in that way of thinking a man should always handle the bill. However times have changed and it should be discussed before the date takes place who will be taking care of the bill. In the past I have offered to pay for the bill and was told that I was out of line and it was their responsibility. However I will offer to take care of the tip. I guess it just depends on the persons involved.

    1. StephanLabossiere

      I can tell you that a woman just making the offer to pay or showing concern for spending to much, is enough to get you a lot of points from me. I still won’t let you pay but I greatly appreciate the gesture. I have some concerns with the woman paying for dates, but as I stated in the article I completely understand why many feel they should at times.

  3. Joelle Paule

    A man who doesn’t pay on the first date is a boy LOL I read that somewhere. But really, if a man asks a woman on a date, he is the one paying. It’s the way it is. If a man doesn’t have money, then do not ask a woman on a date. It has nothing to do with being fair. Personally, I took my date out once and he was surprised that I paid the bill. He thought I was joking when I said I am paying for it, the check came in, he was about to grab it and I snatched it in his hands and repeated: I told you I am paying for this”. He was surprised and said OK go ahead.
     This is my thing if I go out with a guy then I like him. if we go out multiple times, then once I will pay for it. But let’s be clear, the man HAS to pay the bill on the first date. 🙂

    PS: Stephan next time I am in Atlanta, I am taking u out and I am paying for it. Don’t care if it’s a date or not LOL

    1. StephanLabossiere

      What if the woman brings up going on the date, does that mean she should now pay? I’m all for the man handling the costs, I’m even iffy about the whole because she asked she should pay. Maybe I’m just looking at it incorrectly lol

      P.S, lmao!!! how could I say no after such a stern & straight forward “order” being given lol.  

      1. Joelle Paule

        If a woman asks a man on a date then yes she should pay. But the man can be a gentleman and pay for it too lol. Women usually do not ask men on date the first time, maybe after they met multiple times. Or maybe i’m just old school?
        PS: glad u take my demand as an order lol because it was… 🙂

  4. Mochadlyte

    Great read! Men had no problem with paying until now! I don’t get it? I dating this younger guy who would always say ” money ain’t a thing” he implied he had it like that, so I had an emergency and couldn’t get a DIME!! I may have set myself up for that but if you put it out there, hey! MEN ARE NOT CREATIVE!!!!!! They feel like well we can’t go eat let’s do something at your place. That’s the best you got? I’m all over the place but I roam the papers and net to find alternative ways to entertain myself!!

    1. StephanLabossiere

      I honestly think that the men not paying started more with women, then it did with the men (I could be wrong). If a man says “money ain’t a thing” he better have things to show that can back up his claim as well as his actions should be consistent with that. 

  5. AKC

    I’m old fashioned and believethat the man should pay initially. If that relationship develops then discuss who should pay. Although I believe the man should be the pursuant, if it works that you split the bill then so be it. I don’t think dates have to be costly. Spend the day outside, go to a vineyard and have a picnic, etc but then what about gas? This debate could truly go on forever. Haha I also think one way to solve this for initial dates is that whoever asks the other out should pay. In the end it’s whatever works the best for your relationship and doesn’t matter what others think.

  6. Pooblyshus39

    Ok, I’ll give that one to you…(it isn’t fair for men to constantly put themselves in a position to be taken advantage of because you never know where this woman’s head is really at.) Thats fair. But the one thing you didnt mention was men taking advantage of women. You go on a date(McDonald’s)..The woman offers to pay for the $8 meal. But he stops her. Then a walk on the beach. Do you feel she should give up the goods(I feel thats an insult) or just give hime back his 8 a thought. Now what’s yours. :-)~smile~

    1. StephanLabossiere

      Well I don’t think that is an example of a man “taking advantage”. A man wants those “goods” regardless of who paid for the date lol. Some do have an expectation if they have spent a certain amount of money that they should be given those “goods” but nothing he can do if the woman chooses not to. So he may have unjustified expectations but in no way is he able to “take advantage”.

      1. Pooblyshus39

        OK!.. you got me..lmbo.. Im kool with that…Oh yeah! Yes my

  7. I agree totally. There is nothing wrong with going dutch. But just the fact that he can afford to pay IF he had to shows me he is a gentlemen and he comes prepared. That’s a turn on in itself!

    1. StephanLabossiere

      So is it safe to assume you feel the man should always offer? If not, how else will you really know if he is prepared and able to pay for the date?

      1. Marcha L Price

        I think this is an interesting post. Its funny how all the women on here EXPECTED the man to pay. Not once did they say they would offer. To  a lot of men just offering to pay goes a long way. It shows that you are equally invested in this potentially turning into something more. Is that not what dating is for? To find an EQUAL partner. Of course as a gentleman your going to pay but knowing that you potentially have an equal that is willing to cover hers and your half lets me know that 1.) shes is an independent women that can take care of herself and not have to rely on ANYONE else 2.) she is considerate enough to break out of these social conforms and take the first step towards true EQUALITY…. just my thoughts

        1. See you took this to a different level which IS very interesting. Cause MOST women feel that they shouldn’t have to pay for ANYTHING at all. It’s just not gentlemen like? Again see just like women look for certain things in men we look for certain things as well. Me I can say I’m a conversationalist I like to engage in conversation and yes the topics I talk about most women aren’t on their GROWN woman status like they claim. Soon as a man says the word dutch he’s automatically a NO-GO some people say ooh just take risks blah blah…could you imagine IF men were just like oh we going out only as friends lets go dutch how many women would be fuming? lol Just saying double standards is what drives us to do the STUPIDEST things let alone SAY.

  8. Laurice

    Hey Stephan,
       Great post! Women shouldn’t Pay!  I’ve done it in my past and I always felt bad.  A woman once taught me that you always let the man pay.  I totally agree especially if he asked me out than hands down no questions asked he should pay.  I even went out with a guy once and his card got declined it was so embarassing I told him you pay for yourself and I’ll take care of me.  I wasn’t about to pay for his meal.  It was our first date and he really thought he was following me home after that.  No way!LOL!!!   I think EVE said it best in one of her songs: he pays you owe! at least thats how immature guys feel.  Grow up men and pay for the ladies.  Why would you care who is trying to take advantage the point is you get to enjoy someone’s company for a few hours see the best in each situation not worry about how you’re getting taking advantage of. Besides its a meal.  You would feel worse if you just gave up your goods for food now thats being used. Not cool!
       I do believe women should always come with cash no matter what; just in case.  If the date didn’t go well pay your half and leave.  It is what it is!  We pay for boys not MEN! Get it straight and not twisted… Ladies stand your grounds.  
      By the way nice comeback Stephan you had me heated at the beginning of your post until you said you wouldn’t let a woman pay.  Thats what I’d like to hear this world could use more gentlemen just like you.  Mom raised you right 😉

    1. StephanLabossiere

      Why would you care who is trying to take advantage” because nobody likes to be played Laurice lol. I always find it funny when women say “it’s just a meal”. No it is not, it is a meal, our money, and more importantly our time. Trust me, as bad as a woman may feel for giving up “the goods” there are many men who feel just as bad when they realize they got played and gave up our version of “the goods”. I’m all for a man paying, but still the madness of the “dating scam” needs to stop lol.

      1. jada

        Stephen stop playing that is not an equal loss. You can get money back you can’t get your “cookies” back. Men run a “dating scam” too taking women out wine n dine them etc than get the drawls and bounce. lol but true.. So all playing each other really.

        1. Lol I’m not saying there is equal value in money and a woman giving her body, but there is equal disappointment when a woman feels played after giving it up vs. a man feeling played after spending his time and money for nothing. I agree that men do some nonsense too, both sides need to check themselves. So maybe the answer is people should go dutch, that solves all of it right?

      2. beccaA

        Honestly I think you are right money is the goodies for men.

    2. jada

      lol so true. Men lost is a few dollars our lost is our bodies. Its not equal. We get played more by giving up our goods than men would by paying for a meal. 

    3. avro

      Gold digger suits you quite well you know.

  9. Gorsuchauto1

    I wouldn’t let a woman pay on a first date… But if I sense she’s not interested and wants to continue to go out just for free meals… I’ll just completely end it…, it’s simple, it’s hard to hide your feelings for a person I’ll catch on

    1. StephanLabossiere

      I’m with you on that. I definitely agree

  10. MsLeLe4444

    I Believe That the First Date Sets the Tone for Getting to Know Each Other and Laying It On the Line What Each Persons Expectations are because Its Important to Know If the Person You are Dating is Wanting CompanionShip or a RelationShip that May Grow Into Marriage…When I Go Out on the First Date, I Will Offer to Pay My Half Because I Don’t Like that Expectation Card Even Being an Option…If There’s a Second Date and We Go to Dinner and a Movie, If He Picks Up the Tab for the Dinner, then I Will Pay for Our Movie Ticket….There Shouldn’t be Pressure on Any One Person and I for One Like to Show the Man that I’m Enjoying Our Time Together Also!!!!

    1. StephanLabossiere

      I like your approach, and I think it is an effective one to have : ).

    2. I like that approach as well because really how many men would know if a woman is REALLY having a good time? We don’t know yet some say we SHOULD take a chance… I know this guy that ALWAYS ask a lady if she would like to go out and he ALWAYS coming out his pocket yet complains he always broke. I told him hey guy stop showing them your pockets hell regardless of the fact if you have to WORK for the goods (my opinion only) then you have to work for what’s in my pockets. I have NEVER taken a female out on an expensive date. Like the person above you states:

      “To me men have 2 options, get creative n dont go out n a bunch of expensive dates (but a few).”

      So if I NEVER take a woman on an expensive date what I’m not a man? I’m actually creative women say the small things count which I don’t really believe because again IF a man does those said small things they are given this is that it look. Here is the thing some or most women preach equality yet when the time comes oh hell naw a man BETTER do this or THAT if we wants to date me! Yet if a woman says oh I don’t mind going half or treating a man guess what? You have those females get on that female talking about oh she dumb or stupid but guess what? NEWS FLASH! Some men like women at LEAST offering that shows us hey she just not hear for her own amusement.

  11. Apple

    I think it goes both ways. As a woman who can earn her keep, I never go on dates that I can’t pay for, even if the guy offers. No, I’m not some staunch feminist trying to stake a flag, but I was raised to be a decent person who doesnt need to have anybody pay for me. On the other hand, yes, I have let guys pay for dates, the same way I’d let my friends treat me from time to time. But I have always offered, and one date once told me to let him pay because it would help his ego a bit. As far as I know it’s not my concern how he boosts his ego so I let him pay. I’m neither diminished nor insulted if my date pays for me, or if I pay for the whole thing. 

  12. I know my sweetheart can afford more than I can. However, I look for opportunities to show him I appreciate him and his awesomeness by picking up the tab (after wearing him down) and finding things he likes that I can surprise him with. I won’t ever make him feel like I don’t think he can provide, but I can’t stand women who think that they are owed for the pleasure of their company everytime, all the time. I make sure I’m as pretty and charming and generous as I can be for him because I want him to feel as lucky to be with me as I feel to have his full attention.

  13. MofeTheGreat

    Whoever initiates the *First-Date* pays for the *FIRST-DATE* plain and simple.

  14. Morgan

    I was raised under the notion that a man is responsible on dates. But, I think there should be times when a woman treats her man. It makes him feel appreciated and shows him that she’s interested in him for more than his ability to take care of her. My bf doesn’t like for me to pay. But, he doesn’t fight against me if I decide to do so. He understands that I wanna spoil him a little sometime. Dutch or total responsibility. I’m good with both.

  15. Girls should look at this…! I think everyone should be responsible. That will be great.

  16. KT

    *gives this post a standing ovation*  I’m glad someone else finally sees that it’s time for women to start sharing in the financial risks of dating.  Besides, if things go well, they’ll have a lifetime to spend up the man’s money.

  17. NatalieJ

    Although 10 times out of 10 I am confident that I could pay for the date, I prefer a man who can take the lead and to me, that starts from the very beginning. He can show me that he is a man with a plan if he has carefully planned a date that he knows is within his means (not too extravagant or flashy, but enough too get noticed). If I have to ask for the date, plan the date (meaning I need to try & determine where to go based on his budget) and then be expected to pay for half at the end…he is not a love interest, rather a friend.

  18. Lachellebarnett

    Ummm no. I would not go out with a man that expected me to pay for part or all the meal. Im all for switching up n sharing once were a couple n have been dating a little while. To me men have 2 options, get creative n dont go out n a bunch of expensive dates (but a few). There r plenty of ways to get to know someone better and not spend $50 every time. A grown woman understands the balance. Or dont freakin date! I mean seriuosly if you cant afford to take me out or your mind set is set that you shouldnt have to ur probably not ready to date n be in a committed relationship. In my opinion dating n spending money is a risk a man should b willing to take when looking for a potential partner. As time goes on we get better at picking partner n therefore should be wasting less time and money.

  19. Gerarobinson

    I believe the man should pay esp when first dating a woman. I am tuned off by any man who make a big deal out of paying for a date. Men don;t make a big deal out of getting a woman goodies. If you cant afford it than don’t try to DATE women get your money up or like you said become creative and do “free” or low cost dates. The reason I can say women can offer to pay is because women are making more money now than before but I don’t think it should be the norm. Its just something gentlemen like about a man taking u on a date , opening your doors, pulling your seat out, etc and taking care of it. But I have paid for dates when I took a man out because I TOOK them out . I don’t expect to pay if a man asks me out.

  20. Lynn

    I agree. I always take my card out to pay, but the men that I have dated, always makes me put it away.

  21. mosesmoses

    I think a man should be prepared to pay, and be willing to pay, regardless. By the 3rd-4th time you should know if you and the lady will continue as a couple, friends with benefits, or just casual, or nothing. If a man can’t figure that he’s being played by 3rd date, he needs to quit dating, period. If you only hear from the lady you want to wine and dine when her stomach is empty, and you spring for a nice restaurant, but after the dinner, and a walk around Broadway sleep settles in, or that perfectly timed call from her girlfriend occurs each time, it’s time to bounce. But, be ready to pay, and make the best of it if the opposite is true. Be creative, learn to budget, make her laugh. laugh with her and it doesn’t always have to end in the sack, but if it does you can rest assured she will make it the best meal you ever had. If the check arrives, and she says, NO, I GOT THIS, let her, and the man should leave a GENEROUS TIP, and get a bottle of wine, and dessert for 2 (TO GO!).

  22. TheTruthKills

    Whoever initiates the date should pay.

  23. Ms Tré

    If it’s a first date, then I totally agree that the man should pay. Now if he don’t have it and the woman wants to go out, then she should pay for it. What I don’t like is when a man act like he do have it when he really don’t. Now if you guys been dating for some time now, then she should definitely start picking up the bill. But under no circumstances, should a man ever ask a woman to pay for the first date or even half, and I don’t care if she make more money than him.

    1. The thing is MOST women feel that they shouldn’t pick it up at all….but however it is the TONE that you say it that makes a man feel like oh well keep it movin lady! Seriously think of it this way IF men that the way you women did can you tell me how things would really be? If women were the pursuers and we made women feel the way they make us feel now then there would be some equal visual there. Yet I agree IF a man/woman ask that person should pay….but If I’m going to dinner and I say you are welcome to join me does not in anyway say “I will pay for you” Many women get that confused and that’s from experience.

  24. Guest

    Kind of a moot point, historically men paid for the date because women didn’t typically work. We don’t live in that world anymore.

  25. deeotchey

    You want a blow job, or sex of any kind…you pay.  The end.  

  26. Ms.Wright

    If he can’t afford to to take her out..he shouldnt ask.  Nothing wrong with meeting at Panera’s or Starbuck for coffee. If he asked me to pay half ( I can afford to pay for his and his mother’s too) he will automatically be placed in the friends lane. I will however, offer to pay for the next meal and let him know I will cover the next date. Hint: interested in another date.

  27. Tweet Me @_teeCheifington ♡

    Personally, I think that the person who asked (whether they be male or female) should pay for the date. They’re the one that has the night lined up, so why should the other person worry about paying? They’re just out enjoying the night you planned. On a Side Note: I eat every single one of these posts up! Not only for a male POV, but to see what I may be doing in my own relationship. Best advice/real talk ever.

  28. Ms Mia K

    Awesome article! I have this debate ALL the time with me and women. I was raised by a providing Father so I just have an overall expectation for men to provide, and those are definitely the types of men I choose to date. When it comes to “benefits” I think it’s sad that we see men’s benefits as money and women’s as their Vaginas. We bring so much more to the table in dating relationships and our focus should be on the deeper aspects of a person. I really loved the part of the article where Stephen speaks about creativity! It’s just so attractive! The point of a date is not to eat or have sex, it’s to learn more about one another, and the experiences a man brings to my world speak to his values and character; an lets me know if we should continue. Thanks for the insight!! Love reading your articles:)

  29. Nttell

    I would only pay half or all if the outting were my suggestion…other than that, a man should pay.  If he cannot afford it…get creative…my issue is when there is no money AND no creativity.  At that point you are giving me absolutely nothing to work with. 

  30. refilwe

    Men just pay. Moving right along …don’t use the equality arguement when it suits you.

    1. And women should do what again? women have a choice afterwards and this is real talk. They have a choice to take it to the sack or NOT…sooo moving right along.

  31. Ok I have posted and read some of the comments lets make this VERY clear why don’t you all instead of using the word PROVIDE why don’t you say HAVE MONEY?! would that make you sound shallow? I’m sure it would but seriously keep it real…moving right a long.

  32. this wasn’t as scary as I thought this would be..LOL.

    But seriously, I’d expect the man to pay for the date 90% of the time. After considerable time & we’re in a relationship, I wouldn’t be opposed to paying the bill, sometimes…but in the beginning, it’s going to be him.

    Until recently, I wasn’t aware of the the “dating scam,” as you call it, where women would use guys just to go out on a date. It makes sense, as I’ve met a couple of guys who either wanted to go dutch on the 1st date (didn’t go out with him) or go for drinks (I didn’t find this out, until I got on the date..sigh). While I can understand guys getting fed up with this, it ticks me off, that I, someone who wouldn’t do that, gets the short end of the wallet because he’s had that done to him.

    That’s why I’m a fan of purposeful dating. Don’t go out there just picking people willy-nilly but wait until God shows you who you’re supposed to go out with & court, that way, you won’t get taken advantage of.

    I am glad, though, Stephan, that you do feel the way you do about paying for dates, personally. It keeps hope alive that chivalry is not dead :-).

    Thanks for the post!

  33. jack

    Of course not. Women scream equality on a daily basis, even more-so now with younger women recognizing feminism as a respectful avenue. Not to mention you can go to any city in America and find a higher percentage of women working in corporate America than ever before. Maybe not in terms of equal pay, but the antiquated laws that separated women from the workplace, and required men to be financially responsible for women and the family are also still in place. Therefore, women must step up in the arena of equality, because unfortunately men are not going to compromise their cash flow and chivalry at the same time.

  34. Jmeekz

    If he ask you to pay never let him play!!! I personally am deeply turned off by this due to the fact the world has change and woman are the new providers to SOME MALES not men . It mostly depends on the man and whether or not it’s his birthday. Clearly I have experienced trying to prove I’m down for a man n let them live off me don’t do it ladies. They should pay where were made for them to protect n take care of! CONVERSATION WITH ME OR ANY REAL QUEEN IS AN ABSOLUTE BENEFIT! YOUR IN MY PRESENCE LOL SEROUSLY.

  35. Thomas Huggins

    It's up to each individual to make that choice. I was flat out broke when I met the woman I've been married to for 13 years now. We dated 5 years before marriage so 18 years later I have to say she understood my financial burdens and I am glad she paid for our dates in the beginning. Two kids later we are raising our daughters to look at the inward man and not the outward. Often times we want to deny biblical principles and my wife showed me from the start that she was indeed my Genesis 2:18. A true help me we are always destined for greatness because we both know our roles in our relationship!

  36. I would add that whoever initiate the date should take care of the bill. Since this is an initial step of getting to know the person, going out for coffee has never broke the bank.

  37. Ria Ramcharan

    Seriously? My time is not valuable, so talking to me for a few hours is not a benefit…….hahahahahahahaha. Steve Harvey would disagree immensely and so do I. Make my own money and don't need a man to pay for my entertainment, fancy or no,t but please, if I dress up to meet you, take all the time to look pretty for you, you better believe you're paying! If not, I can call up my girlfriends , dress up and have me a good time on MY TIME! By the way, love this page 😀

  38. Wendy Lawrence Bethea

    I agree with you about who pays for the date, I was always told the man pays for the date I can respect a man that can be honest about his situation and we together think of something we can do for the date. I like your examples, and I am the type of woman who love walks in the park and on the beach, I enjoy and love creativeness….

  39. Jerry Smith

    He / she who has the cash should pay the bill

  40. Kristy Lee

    Split the bill. Always!

  41. this post seems to be coming out of nowhere. it's kind of negative in the beginning and then suddenly but more positive. I personally don't pay that often. as men most of the time just pay up front. since I'm looking to get married my expectations are not for a man just to take me out to build up my self confidence or support my emotional needs. I'm looking for a lifetime partner. a cup of coffee is pretty much all I need usually a hot chocolate, and a glass of water. after that a $2 taco is fine with me. and of course a walk in the park. whenever I pay its usually my way of trying to tell the guy I'm not interested ( going Dutch).

    I taught my nephew that he should pay even asking the young lady he takes out on that date what she would like that she doesn't even have to go through things I was wondering if she should the $4 for a cup of coffee for him

  42. I prefer to go DUTCH for the 1st year. In my experience, if the man pays, he is expecting sex in return, or better yet, we end up dating and he throws in, 'I always pay, when are you going to start?' Which like Stephen says, someone looking for a handout or someone to take care of them. If you meet that someone, each pay for their own. This way each one can't expect anything from the other, you get to know each other on better terms, neither one of you are breaking your pockets, and neither one of you is co-dependent on the other.

  43. Jacquline-Charlemagne Broyles

    It depends on the situation, such as is it a meet n greet blind internet date thing or a co worker coffee or someone who really wants to date you. I have offered to pay on casual dates so the man is not feeling stuck with a bill when we are not really into one another, and when in love it's nice to treat your man. However, if a man asks you and pulls out all the stops and you offer he will feel defeated and then possibly take you for granted. Ironically, many men like to date high maintenance women because it makes them feel they have made it but then again going out with someone who has more confidence and love on his mind means he is a bit old fashioned and wants you to appreciate the thought. All in all this is a difficult question because men are not that simple particularly when it comes to their pocket book.

  44. I still like when you buy me a coffee and a cookie luv—–and you want a parade!!

  45. Jacquline-Charlemagne Broyles

    I need a parade when I open my wallet… glitter and confetti…

  46. Divorced Kat

    For the first 2-3 dates, I expect to be treated. There, I said it. It doesn’t have to be super fancy dinner, but I want to be treated like a lady and know that the guy is financially secure enough to treat me. I *might* buy a round of drinks after dinner, but that’s it. But after the first few dates, I am totally fine with taking turns.

  47. RAS

    If a man asks a woman out, he should pay. If it is a blind date, they should split the cost. I find that this takes the pressure off what I am expected to “give” when I may not even like him.
    If we continue to date, I think a woman should always reciprocate. Invite him to dinner. Make dinner for him at home. Prepare a picnic lunch or dinner for two. Buy the wine. There are so many ways to bring things into a healthy balance. It used to be that men paid because women did not have careers. Those days are long gone and we need to adapt. If you really like a man, you should WANT to pay some of the time.

  48. lle

    I didn’t appreciate this article. Firstly, if a man ASKS to take me on a date, I’m expecting for him to pay, period. However, I will offer to pay for my meal when the bill comes… If he allows me to spilt the bill, that will be my last time allowing him to speak to me; it’s that easy and my comment isn’t up for debate

  49. beccaA

    I dont like that this is being put out like all woman are trying to get materialistic things , or food , or whatever from a man and that they are using men because then I could simply say men use women for sex . Men go and use emotions for granted to get sex from women knowing very well that they arnt going to call her or be serious and put a ring on it .

    Now I have been in both type of relationships and I believe that men should still pay. If its real he will pay. Now down the road I might consider treating him but I wont set a trend wherehe expects me to pay.

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