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She’s Just An Emotional Pimp – How Women Use Men Too

emotional pimp woman kisses friend on cheek

Men are always getting a bad rap for their pursuit of sex. They are dogs, selfish, and just plain old disgusting pigs who will do plenty of wrong to get some booty. If sex was a job, then many men would gladly apply…wait, it is job and it’s called porn. Moving along, they are just despicable and many of them will simply use women for their sexual benefit. Now what about the women? Why are they getting a free pass for the crap many of them do. I mean it is hard for me to say with a straight face that they use men for sex. Only because most men would welcome the opportunity to be used sexually so it isn’t really anything most will take issue with. What many women do is take advantage of men who desire them by taking free meals, benefits, time, emotions, and his listening ear. In essence these women are what I like to call an “Emotional Pimp”.

You see many women get mad at men for taking advantage of their interest and using it to turn their hopes of a serious relationship into convenient sex. A lot of women just refuse to realize and acknowledge when women do the same thing in principle to get the things they desire or value. Now I am not trying to say that a woman giving up her body should be equivalent to a man giving up his time and hard-earned money. What I am saying is that in many cases they are valued equally to their respective genders. Basically if a man uses a woman just for some sex, and then leaves her high and dry, she will be hurt. She will feel like she wasted her time, she will feel violated, and now her guard is up even more when the next guy comes around. Well guess what, when a woman uses a man who is interested in her for his time, emotions, free benefits, etc. That man will be hurt, feel violated, and now he also will be more guarded with the next woman. Do you see what I am saying here? Men disguise their pursuit of sex with the title of “dating” or claiming to be your “boyfriend”. In principle many women are doing the exact same thing in their pursuit of companionship by disguising it as “dating” and sometimes even “friendship”. So tell me, what the is the difference?

Many women value companionship and the extra free benefits is a huge incentive to going out with some guy that she knows she has no real genuine romantic interest in. Plenty of women have taken that date just because they were hungry, bored, or wanted to talk to somebody about whatever. None of her reasons line up with the real reasons he is asking to taking her on a date (get some sex, work towards a relationship, or both). In cases where the two people are genuinely “just friends” then of course this is not an issue. Same way when two adults have a sexual agreement/understanding in place then nobody should cry foul. The problem is when one of those two people knows they are not on the same page, yet they lie or play along to get what they want. That man is hoping for a chance to be with her, and all she does is abuse his desire to want to prove his worth to her. Sound familiar to any of you ladies? So let’s stop acting as if many women are not engaging in the same kind of foul behavior as many men do. Some Emotional Pimps have several men they keep on call. Some Emotional Pimps have a “main guy” that gives them what they need and deserve in a relationship, while the man who is actually their boyfriend treats them like crap and still gets the benefits.  Bottom line, the Emotional Pimp game is real people, and at the end of the day somebody is going to get hurt.

As always there is much more I can say about this. What men and women simply have to learn is STOP LYING! Stop using people and taking advantage of others who want to be with you. Be real with your intentions and desires. We could avoid so much nonsense and unnecessary damage if we were not so damn selfish. Some of you hide behind the fact that you did technically tell them the truth, yet you still knowingly take advantage of them holding out for hope. I spoke about the women today, but you better believe I will have a post specifically for the men on this same kind of behavior (my friend calls those guys Emotional Rapists). We all need to do better by taking a better approach with how we deal with each other. To the women, if you have ever complained about how men use women, then you really need to check yourselves on what you are doing to some men. I know men do a lot of crap, but two wrongs don’t make a right. So put your Emotional Pimp hand down, and set these men free : )…it would be best for the both of you.

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91 thoughts on “She’s Just An Emotional Pimp – How Women Use Men Too”

  1. I love the fact  that your posts are short simple and to the point. This article revealed to me of a prior situation where I was an emotional b****. It really explained it to me.  I def. agree both genders need to stop stringing each other along.  

    1. Thanks man. The reality is this has happened to plenty of men whether they realize it or not. Like you said, people are too afraid to genuinely define the relationship and that needs to stop.

      1. Nice...but aware

        And, Stephan, the height of that selfishness you speak of is when they not only use you but also put forth gestures designed to make others think there’s a relationship there – or in other words, they make an “effort” to block the genuine interest someone else may have…gotta keep the “good thang.”

  2. Joelle Paule

    Damn Stephan! you went IN on this post SHISHHHH But I gotta say, once again GREAT POST. I’m not even going to front, I was an emotional pimp at some point of my life. Maybe now all the hurt and lies I told those guys is hunting me down. 🙁

    1. Thanks Joelle. That is good that you can acknowledge your old pimping ways lol : ). Just start taking the right approach now and you won’t have to worry about the past hunting you down.

  3. I don’t understand people who are not upfront. One time when I was much younger and very fullish I dated a guy for way to long, that now looking back was very unhealthy that I should have let it go.  I learned from that mistake and have been upfront since.  If I want you for your a** then I am going to tell you and make arrangements and lay down the rules.. if I want you for more I will tell you that upfront too.  If you can’t play by what I want then it is not worth either of our time, because I sure don’t have a lot of free time.

  4. Dolly

    i totally agree as i see it happening 1st hand to a friend. this girl uses nagging & reinforcement(if you love me) as well as manipulation to get him to do things & act a certain way/change who he is..she hides behind religion a lot & says she “just gonna have faith”

    1. Well if he shares her belief in GOD then he should take a moment to pray and ask if this is really a woman he should be entertaining.

  5. I wish everyone was upfront and honest as you all are. Thanks for sharing your personal stories. There comes a time, eventually, where you will have to be upfront because it will all come back to you. You know what they say about karma….

    Great post 🙂 

  6. Pooblyshus39

    This is a Great Post!! I love the real talk..The only thing is Emotional Rapist. How about Emotional Hounds..Sounds great to me!.. Rapist ,in my opinion, is too stonrg of a word. Because when a person is raped they are robbed of something that they werent willing to give. In this case the woman/man is going into this”agreement” with their eyes wide open. ..They know the way this person is from the beggining and they still think to themselves, “i can change that” Just my own personal thought!. Being real with the ladies/men might just get you what you really want.. And if  thats not what she/he is looking for. Move on. Most people need to hear the truth even though it may be ugly. Its needed. At least you leave knowing that this person has more respect for you. They may not show it at the time but its there. Like YOU said, Being Real is the only way.  

    1. I think the word needs to be strong and drive home the point of how damaging some of this behavior can be. Most men are not entering this “agreement” with genuine intentions. So in many cases some are essentially being robbed but I agree they have some responsibility to take on in the issue as well. I just posted the Emotional Rapist article so you can see how that is broken down.

      1. Pooblyshus39

        REALLY!! :-).. You know I have to read that one….kool!!

  7. Dylan

     Dr Stanley helped my marriage. The problem was not between my husband and I, but from jealousy brought on by his family. Ever since we met, they have tried to sabotage our relationship. It felt to me as if I wasn’t just married to him, but also his family, which was slowly dividing us. We were on the verge of divorcing, I consulted to find out if he could help save our marriage. I’m happy to say that he did and I can’t thank him enough. So if you have a marriage problem contact………Dylan

  8. PassedCPAEXAM

    Exactly, I’ve paid for many dinners, drinks, brunches, bought flowers to this one young woman’s job, as what I thought would be a pleasant surprise or nice gesture (as she was off that week and by time she got the flowers, they were dead), but in any case, you don’t see me writing a blog about I TREAT ALL THESE WOMEN TO DINNER AND BROADWAY SHOWS AND I DIDN’T GET ANY ASS IN RETURN! Basically, your approach is all wrong, in calling it a problem for one. It is what it is. I generally treat all women with respect and if we vibe and get to sex, so be it. If we enjoy the sex to both our benefit and respect each other, so be it. If she or he wants to put labels on it right away and the other person isn’t directly up to the label but do not want to lose the benefits of what comes with the label, so be it. I myself, do not believe in labels. If I’m around you enough, and especially if we start spending alot of quality time together, obviously I like you. There is never a reason to put a label on it unless I ask you to marry me. If you feel I am taking too long to marry you, try the ultimatum approach, which more likely than not, will get you dismissed or maybe a promise and then maybe a disappointment, unless of course he is really head over heals in love with you; even still I’m not jumping into marriage until year 3, after I’ve considered it in year 1, bought the ring and asked you in year 2. And depending on the age of the guy, even 3 years is a stretch. There is just no need for a 25 to 26 year old guy or even 30 to rush into marriage.

    1. There is a misunderstanding here. This article is not saying that a man who does these things for a woman is a problem. The issue is when women use men who they know they have no romantic interest in to extort these benefits. When they use a man’s desire to their advantage and string that man along for their convenience. People can do as they wish but understand that the lies, leading people on, and flat out using people causes a lot of damage.

      1. hanny

        Believe me we tried tried tried to have the connection at the beginning but failed because of all kind of reasons not to be discuss like body odor, etc. Do you really think MEN IS WORTH TO PLAY WHILE WE LOSE EVERYTHING??? just over nice dinner? wow… too low of your opinion in women… it is NOT worth any penny sorry…

        1. Bongstar420

          Thats retarded…there is not “trying”

          it is or it isn’t

          And you won’t lose anything over a dinner. You could decide to have sex afterwards which the female then uses to extort the male with.

          How many instances of men extorting women with sexual claims and pregnancy exist?

          My gf raised 5 children on her own in the 70’s-80’s before women were given extensive extortion power over men for childbearing. I think your fears are more related to your own lack of capacity rather than the proper conduct of a man.

          noun: extortion; plural noun: extortions
          the practice of obtaining something, especially money, through force or threats.

    1. Well congrats on starting a new blog. That is great to hear and I’m glad my blog could contribute to inspiring you : ). I will definitely go check it out.

  9. Fresh2Def

    This post make me wonder if im dealing with an emotional pimp  or if its something else. Ive been invovled with this woman for just over a year. When we first me, i had nothing. I was living at my parents house, i didnt have a job and I was not driving. When we first met she told me up front that she was single, she had a friend but it was nothing serious. We started off dating, then a few month into the relationship there was a domestic incident involving her ‘friend’ anh ahe police had to be called in when she told him she didnt want to deal with him anymore. The crazy thing about this is it seemed like she got mad at me when this happened and I had nothing to do with it. I tried to be there for her and she pulled a way for a bit and we briefly stopped talking, a few weeks passed and we started kicking it again. Now since then a lot has changed. i moved out and got my own spot, got a new job and a new car! We have been out many times, we take trips together, she has met my famyly and I have met hers. the issue is this: when we first met we were dating and things were moving along well. Then at some point, out the blue, she expressed that she wanted to be friends. She had an emotional breakdown that night and I never could quite find out what happened or what changed. I know she has been hurt in her past by men, from her father, to an ex-fiance that she found out was gay, to the physical abuse she experienced from her ‘friend”. The confusing part for me is that I get mixed signals. She will text me in the mornings, we spend a lot of time together, she got me nice things for valentines and my birthday and we go out together. We have have our arguments but we always reconcile. Lately, she has been having financial issues so I stepped in to help her with a few things. But its been over a year and she still maintains that she just wants friendship, we never had sex even though we made out many times early in the relationship. i dont know what to make of it. Cuz like i said when we first met, i had nothing and she would pick me up and let me drive her car and stuff like that. But i want more and i have expressed it to her. She once told me before that she is afraid to get hurt again and never want to be as vulnerable as she once was and that when she feels herself falling for someone she feels like she subconciously sabotages the relationship. So can you help me out and bring some light to this situation? Is it all an elaborate pimping game or is it something else??

    1. “I know she has been hurt in her past by men, from her father, to an ex-fiance that she found out was gay, to the physical abuse she experienced from her friend”…”She once told me before that she is afraid to get hurt again and never want to be as vulnerable as she once was and that when she feels herself falling for someone she feels like she subconciously sabotages the relationship.”…Those two statements say a lot. In my opinion this is not her simply wanting to Emotionally Pimp you. Yes that is what she is essentially doing but in the article notice I mentioned those people have no romantic interests yet they continue to use the person. That is where I see a big difference. An interest exists but she does not want to embrace it. Friendship with you is her safety zone. She is able to be fulfilled by you mentally and emotionally without having to risk her heart and be vulnerable. To her she has a good thing going with you and she doesn’t want to mess that up (in her mind taking things further with you will somehow end in disaster just like all the other situations in her life). She may possibly love you more than any other man but to her why would she want to put herself in a position to be hurt by the one she loves most. So she will try to hold on to this friendship and keep it as is. You obviously have deep feelings for her and you are probably not sure how long you can deal with all of this. I received your email so I will continue with the rest of my input by replying to that message.

  10. jazz

    I agree that both genders need to be honest with their intentions. However, I don’t think it’s wrong to go out with a guy for a free meal. I went on an outing with a guy. I was hungry. We hung out. It was our first date, so I didn’t know up front that I wasn’t going to like him. He wasn’t physically my type, but I wanted to get out the house and eat and enjoy some male company. He ended up boring me during dinner, so I never called him back. But I don’t think I was using him. Men casually date too, not just for sex, but just for the fun of it. Now, if I led the dude on like I liked him, then I would be wrong. But I never told dude I wanted to pursue a relationship with him. He even called me out on the “date” and said, “you must’ve was hungry tonight.” And I honestly said “yes. It’s hard out here for a college student.” Hey, I was honest lol. 

    1. Lmao spoken like a true Pimp ; ). I understand where you are coming from but come on now. “He wasn’t physically my type” so you knew you weren’t going on this date to see where things can go. You went because as you stated you were hungry lol. That man initiated this date to get to know you and court you. You used this to your advantage. So yeah you didn’t tell him you wanted a relationship and all of that but you also didn’t let him know you weren’t physically attracted to him and only agreeing to go because you were hungry (at least not until after you started eating) lol. 

      1. Bongstar420

        They do this because they have limited options relying on their own capacity and are emotionally needy attention seekers.

        Similar to a Queen…

    2. Deborrah Cooper

      The problem is men go out on a date with someone they don’t know hoping for a score at the end. Some benefit. Sheeeittt. Nothing guaranteed in this world playa. You get in where you fit in! Men want all kinds of guarantees and contracts just cause you went on a date. Not gonna happen. You take a risk and throw the dice. Sometimes you win, but most times you lose. You at least had a chance with her. If nothing comes of it means you did or said something that let her know you weren’t her type. Get over it! At least 60% of the time men were in there good but they f***’d it up by talking too damn much about crap that turned the woman off. Or they sit there like a bump on a log and are about as exciting as watching a golf match so she gets bored. If she is bored at dinner she knows she will be bored in bed too. And THAT my dears is why you don’t get no ass.

      1. Bongstar420

        Why can’t you pay for your self?

        And the phrase, “had a chance with her,” assumes that he is inferior to her…

        Its also Narcissistic.

    3. Bongstar420

      Maybe guys should go out with you for a free meal…you buy just to get them to talk to you for 40min

  11. Mr. Wiser

    I was emotionally strung along by an ex-girlfriend. I treated her bad in the past and I tried to prove I was a different man now. Well, after a few dinners at fancy restaurants, she sprung the “lets be friends” offer. I was officially in the friend zone. It could have been a revenge move, but she clarified it by saying, she didn’t want us to end up like before and she thought about it day and night. But I didn’t get anything out of that decision. Now she’s free to connect with other men, and I’m stuck looking again. I got the answer by pressing the issue, because at some point a man has to stop being a sucker. Just recognize it before you’re broke, financially and emotionally.

    Now that’s over, I’ve met better women that told me upfront what the deal is. Guys, don’t commit to a woman that can’t communicate her intentions. If it starts out as I don’t know or we’ll see, BEWARE!

    Since I loved her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, over looking the obvious signs in “hope” of things working out again. Nope. Don’t hope for anything, true love comes to you through communication with your partner, confusion and disappointment comes from hoping. I’ve learned my lesson.

    1. Happy

      That’s great, I love the way men think logically. Both men and women can gain from this. stop the game slayers and spread love.

    2. Brethren Jay

      “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. I’m learning to let these women be “unsure” on some else’s time (and dime I might add).

    3. hanny

      “I treated her bad in the past and I tried to prove I was a different man now.” READ THIS!!! It does not make sense frankly speaking… even using men emotionally still losing battle… “men always win”… women get pregnant possibly disease… most valuable her time, but what I think most men don’t understand is not the women play but she tried to love the man at the beginning and can’t love him because his attitude, body odor, sloppy, disorganize, etc. WHO KNOWS??? IN HIS CASE LOST TRUST UNABLE TO TRUST AGAIN… Please don’t judge women play like this it is for us like losing battle we have nothing to gain. Unless (exception) he is super rich like billionaires not regular people. MEN IS NOT WORTH TO PLAY WITH 🙂 SORRY…

      1. Dylan Gammons

        Wat? “Women always loose”. Bull fucking shit. Y’all get alimony, child support, preferential custody status, affirmative action, constant emotional support from men, no selective service requirement, dont usually pay on dates, and I’m sure I’m forgeting lots more. Men are just told to “MAN UP”.

        1. Joe Cooper

          they don’t get traffic tickets either

      2. Bongstar420

        Oh, I don’t know…. Getting you pregnant might be less preferable than jail time to me.

        But hey, that assumes that we would get to sex without any exchange of information since, after all, I would probably not be interested if you were the best looking woman around with billionaire status.

        You on the other hand, you are cool with an unqualified man as long as he has got $

  12. Ayanda Sithole

    Guilty as charged! I never thought a man would notice this O_O. I always felt they’ll see it as ‘the chase’ .I’ll be a better woman from now.

    1. Chris

      It’s not a chase when you have no intention of getting caught.

  13. Cleopatra Huff

    It’s so interesting that I should come across this post, because I’ve been doing some recent self-examination regards this.  I’ve met a few guys, as of late, who seem to be nice & were definitely into me but I wasn’t into them.  Yet, I enjoyed having someone around who would compliment me, say they missed me/thinking about me & liked this/that about me.  I feel this is a natural feeling but I felt bad because I had no intentions of being in a relationship with them.  So, I’d tell them that though I appreciated the interest, I couldn’t give them what they desired. This all happened within a few hours of knowing them, so I didn’t waste their time.  But there were some who said, “We can be friends,” but I quickly could see that friends wasn’t what they wanted & they were probably hoping to change my mind….which wasn’t going to happen & I told them so.

    I said all of that to say, that I don’t want to be an “Emotional Pimp” & this article has REALLY helped me see this, even more.

    Thank you for writing it & holding us women to “the flame.”


    1. Bongstar420

      “I had no intentions of being in a relationship with them.”

      Actually, you meant you had no intentions of having sex with them….you were in a sexless relationship anyways though they may not have been dedicated they way business or marriage partners would be.

      1. Bill Shakespeare

        Or, perhaps the words ‘romantic/intimate’ would be more appropriate than ‘sex’ in this regard? I was single for years and I yearned for intimacy/closeness/romance waaaay more than sex.

  14. Woman of Great Faith

    I married an emtional rapist and he did exactly what I thought he would do he was there as long as he was getting benefits when he found some else to give him that he divoiced me

  15. Nikita Thomas-smith

    I love every article that I have read on a range if topics. You are a very handsome man that only speaks the truth. Would love to meet you at a seminar 🙂

  16. Wisdom Smith

    You are the first person that I have ever heard actually use the term " emotional rapist". I use this term and people said I was silly…

  17. Lady J

    I LOVE this article. I have to admit it is definitely true. I’m proud to admit that I am always up front with men about where I stand. I don’t like being led on so I don’t lead HOWEVER after I’ve made my stance clear I am no longer responsible if that man feels that him being nice is going to get him perks & he ends up left high & dry.

    1. Bongstar420

      If you tell him why you won’t bang him, I can’t see why he would think “being nice” would get him laid unless you told him its because he was a “jerk.” If that were the case, then being nice should get him laid.

  18. Norris Osby

    This is why I don’t like women who are fresh out of a relationship. I always give them a week or two so they can sort out how they feel. If they feel they still feel like talking then its cool

  19. Taneisha Taylor

    Man I think I might be guilty… smh….what happens when you want to be friends and even pay for some of the meals does that make you guilty…. i am sure it does smh dang

  20. Wilda Maymi

    For me men have been doing it longer then women and now the women are doing it too. So what good for the ? ______ is good for the __________? Ok . but in these days with all those STD especial Aid , it best you stay alone and watch them made a fool of themselves.

  21. Popalock

    Brother you are on point. I posted a story once on a guy receiving a woman’s number and calling it after telling the woman he had a GF and the women went crazy. I let it set for 2 days and then told posted that really the roles were reversed and all I got was “SNAP”, you wrong for that, but no statement as to the woman’s action. I see both male/female on the same level to a point. Thanks for the topic and discussion.

  22. Ok. As much as I don't want to agree with this. Lol i can agree just a tad bit. As a woman you want to own up and be accountable for the things you do, how you carry yourself, things you say etc. Especially when your in the company of a Guy. But my question is What if That guy is pestering you, or settles for just being your friend? In turn thinking if he is emotionally there for you maybe one day you would become his woman. Even though youve mad clear to him, your either already attached, (in a relationship) or your just simply not interested. Is He not leaving himself open to be emotionally pimped? Just like some guys wouldn't mind being used sexually… some don't mind being emotionally pimped if they thought this Was a way for them to get the girl.

  23. The man I used to date was the emotional pimp with me and an emotional rapist to others. The dude was both. I was guilty of loving him and doing everything for him (I made it too convenient for him)

    1. Bongstar420

      “Emotional rapist”

      What are you, an ISFP?

  24. Pearl Hollins

    Bottom line, know who u dealing with cause all these randoms dude out in So Cal r broke…no money ass…looking for some free ass…posers….

  25. Jene Tillis

    The problem is men typically don’t state their intentions and still show u some form of respect….age old problem. I must say if I can find a man who wants to take me out show me a good time without any commitment I’m fine with it the difference is I’m going to show you respect.

    1. Bongstar420

      Why don’t you take him out and show him a “good” time with no “commitment?”

      By the way, what “commitment” is the on a date-sex?

  26. Pearl Hollins

    Sorry last post by me Lisa Hollins..on my mom's FB :/ please delete..posted in error…

  27. Esmeralda Montoya

    Nope. I do pursue men for sex. 🙂

  28. Relax

    Normally, I agree with a lot of the posts…but this one is not on point for a couple reasons, and I’d hate for men to get the wrong idea.

    1) Women don’t make a split decision on if a man is someone they would like to date or see long term, or have a relationship with immediately. It’s going to take a number of dates or outings to get to know someone’s personality or find out if you are compatible. So if you are dating a women extensively, don’t assume you are her b…..
    She may just need more time to get to know you!
    2) A number of people date multiple people these days…so sometimes she (or he) may make a decision while you are dating to choose someone else who better compliments her (or him). She may be unsure because you both have good qualities…this doesn’t mean she is using you.
    3) She may be working, going to school, raising children…this means she may be more focused on her own goals and dating/mating may be not as much as a priority…Again, this does not mean you are her b….., she just has other stuff going on besides you, and hopefully, you do as well. Again…nothing to make her a vampire intent on using you all up….just a well rounded person with goals…

    1. hanny

      I AGREE with what you said… it is losing battle NOT WORTH unless the man is billionaires may be worth hahaha it does not makes sense.

    2. Bongstar420

      Stop confusing the term relationship with sex…

      And if she selects to have sex with you for any other reason than for sex, she is using sex to get something else from you..otherwise, she can ask a friend who never had any sexual interest in her.

  29. Debra Williamson

    That’s why I don’t go on dates with guys that I have no interest in. People keep saying just go out with him, maybe he has friends that you can meet. Why do that to someone who you know is interested in you? I don’t go on a date with anyone that I don’t like or don’t have an interest in….period. Now, if a guy knows you’re not interested in him and still wants to be your friend, that’s different, but that can backfire too, because he’s probably still hoping he can change your mind. I’d rather just wait until I meet someone that I sincerely like.

    1. Bongstar420


      Debra is the way

  30. So true I had a friend and we were both emotional pimps , It's the trying to get what we both wanted without the commitment was too much to handle.

  31. cleefson guerrier

    Just about every man been pimp by a woman they were feeling. It’s just part of the game at least us men usually be honest with it

  32. Powerful….and so true women and men forget the context of dating, they have preconceived ideas to fulfil a desire a space and a need, if you know your worth and your value as a woman the dating scene will not be to seek a fulfilment of a desire but much rather having this mind set "I need to have such a deep connection with God that a man ought to seek God to get to me" very very powerful topic Stephan

  33. that is highly false. women have been doing it sense the dawn of time. sex has always been a woman's bargaining chip.

  34. "emotional rapist" girls that use that term are usually broken women, the one men need to avoid when dating.

  35. I do not agree with this at all. A man using a woman's body is not equivalent to a woman getting $20 off a man for a meal. The behavior may be untruthful but it is not the same. Sex has many more personal implications than money, tge fact that this author tried to equate tge two is very sad.

    1. Bongstar420

      I feel bad being used for a $20 dollar dinner that she should be furnishing for herself as my “equal”

      I feel good being used for a orgasm that results in me also having an orgasm

  36. Angel

    i was in a long distance relationship with a guy for 8 months and found that he cheated on me with a girl who was on holiday from the UK, I am also from the UK. He said he felt vulnerable why he cheated????????? We tried to make it work for a further 8 months, but at times he appeared emotionally distant when discussing moving the relationship forward. He did however say he wanted to get married and start a family, but i saw no concrete action. He is from the Caribbean islands and i just wondered if he was in it to get a passport. I started to feel like an option and became spiritually bankrupt. We did fall in love, but i questioned his overall morals and trustworthiness, i ended it and found out that the next month he went on to pursue the girl he cheated on me with. When we tried to make things work he deactivated his facebook account and reactivated it when he pursued her. I also found out that he cheated on her again. He defriended me from facebook when we broke up and kept her as a friend. The girl he cheated with me on, our birthdays are a day apart. He called me to wish me happy birthday and said he hoped that we could talk sometime. I wonder why he did this and if he’s just feeling guilty or is it case of every time he remembers our birthday it’s just a high for him to know that two girls were tripping for him or is he just being plain selfish and on an ego trip. i don’t want my birthdays to be a reminder that he cheated on me with that girl. How do I move forward and why do you think he contacted me? Do you think men play emotionally vulnerable to get attention, i mean we were practically speaking all the time on whatsapp and on FaceTime. It’s so hurtful to know you can put so much time and energy into a relationship and a man just disrespects not only you but himself in the process. it saddens me and i believe in the bible scriptures when it says charm can be deceitful. it’s so embarrassing, he showed me to his family when i went out there and a month later he was parading the next girl around the island. i just think its just a callous way of behaving and the joke of the matter is that the girl knew he was with someone. I do believe women do take advantage of boys weaknesses, but these boys need to Man up & have more respect for themselves. How can they then aim to be role models for sons and daughters they want to raise. I also believe that once a man has you as a side chick (rebound) and makes you a main chick there will always be a side chick in the waiting. It is such shallow behaviour based on insecurity, rather than taking the time out to heal, he just went on to hurt others and it appears like a revolving door syndrome. That’s not playing to win, it then becomes meaningless game of whirlwind romances, so immature.

    1. Bongstar420

      Your friend cheated on you?

      Or is the only way you get friends is by promising sex that can’t hardly happen?

  37. Anonymous

    A man pouring his heart and soul out, telling secrets he has never told anyone, letting someone in under his armor to where he will offer whatever is asked for?

    A woman claims she wants to be with a guy, claims she loves him and paints all kinds of pictures about hopes and dreams (however absurd a woman can be very persuasive)… and then running off leaving a string of other guys she has wrung dry of secrets and trust?

    Spare me this "not the same" crap. A woman doing this can and does hurt a guy in ways he might well never recover from. The most terrible part is that this happens to guys who are the most honest and well-intentioned. Their only crime is trusting the other person not to take what they want and then drop the pretense of sticking around. Sound familiar?

  38. Anonymous

    I think I know how to make sense of this. Lets compare two examples that are similar in terms of magnitude:

    A guy falls head over heels for a girl who says she is head over heels for him, that she wants to stay with him in the long-term and that she loves him. She claims she will stick around and suppose we have an inexperienced guy who believes her. She then systematically wrings him dry of "firsts" (as in first time he has told someone about X or Y event/person/place/etc., first time he has been able to do X or Y with someone else). She does this after promising up and down to stick around for what is looking to be a long term relationship. Then she finds an excuse (or not) to cut things off and not speak to him. The guy then finds out that he is only the latest in a long line of people who she has made runs at and also damaged plenty along the way. The guy, in short, thinks he won the lottery but then realizes it was just a cruel prank so someone could manipulate him. The girl was able to be special to him without him EVER being special to her.

    Switch the genders, and put in sexual experiences in the "firsts" category (also secrets/trust is one for women too, but for a guy that makes secrets/trust all the more precious) and you have something truly awful. I am NOT saying that this is always the "gender direction" that things go in. The male/female line is fluid enough (biologically and even culturally) that there are counterexamples of everything… a statistical skew is all you would see.

    Let me be clear that some guys are never capable of really letting a woman in the same way some women cannot handle being around men at all let alone having sex with them. They are not the ones who get hurt… the ones who actually are willing to trust are. Also I have noticed some of the most "despicable womanizer" type men have extreme trust issues with women they refuse to talk about. I am glad I did not deal with how I was used like by becoming one of these but the pain made me understand the temptation.

    I have dealt with unrelated but genuinely intense PTSD and mental illness that almost killed me. In ordinary life being emotionally used like this is hands down the most pain I have been in since recovering from a multi-year baseline depression.

    1. Bongstar420

      I don’t know about you, but sex is the only deciding factor which makes a relationship different between one person and the next.

      I’ve known quite a few people who maintained toxic sexual partnerships because they couldn’t make emotional connections outside of sexual relationships. Thats their fault and is why I don’t have those issues. My problem is meeting women that don’t make me feel like they are trumping up the cost of sex to their advantage. Part of it is time, resource, and status dedication to them and the other part is the emotional dedication to them that is required just to get laid. It wouldn’t be a burden for me if I felt they were equal- spending equal time, dedicating equal resources, had equal status, and were equally as emotionally involved in the same ways as me.

      In fact, any profit dynamic for either sex makes me feel like its prostitution. Marriage for sex is just a really, really expensive prostitute.

  39. Anonymous

    I wish it was just a common understanding that almost every "gender thing" is a statistical correlation that tells you nothing about a given individual.

    There are men who become vulnerable by the act of having sex like women… it is up to the men and women who pursue sex to do so responsibly: being honest about their intentions and watching out as best they can to avoid people who have a hard time keeping love and sex separate. Ultimately though the most important thing to

    As a guy I get concerned about my motivations for saying "you go girl!" when a when a woman says she pursues men for sex… but I feel like it is a good thing from a neutral point of view because it means both genders are free to do as they wish without fear of labels that apply to one and not the other.

    I personally believe that the expectation that women do not go after just sex is a HUGE problem and contributing factor when it comes to women who feels used. Sometimes people feel okay about what they felt and experienced until they start applying gender specific labels like "slut" instead of "player".

    1. Bongstar420

      There are entire industries built around women trumping up the cost of sex…like no sex before marriage.

      Or is getting married not a big industry?

      Which is more profitable, selling ltr child bearing lifestyle or selling birth control and std tests lifestyle?

      approximately $245,340
      The average cost of raising a child born in 2013 up until age 18 for a middle-income family in the U.S. is approximately $245,340 (or $304,480, adjusted for projected inflation), according to the latest annual “Cost of Raising A Child” report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.Aug 18, 2014

  40. Esmeralda Montoya

    I appreciate the thought that went into your comment. It was well thought out and I can understand the struggle between what to think of women that would want a sexual encounter with men as opposed to always thinking it will lead to a relationship.

    I should explain myself. When I say that I do pursue men for sex, what I mean is that if I find someone sexually attractive, I am not going to shy away from the idea that this could be just a fun evening that might end as just that. It isn't something I go out looking for but if it happens, I want to walk away from it knowing that it was my choice and that there was never an expectation of anything more lasting.

    Do women tend to want to be in a relationship more than men? I'm not sure anymore. The more I discuss subjects such as this one with both genders, the more I think it is a very individual choice based on experience. So, I definitely agree with you there.

    Unfortunately, we do live in a world with stereotypes. Being labeled unfavorably because of your choices as a woman is something that will always happen if it isn't what society sees as acceptable. I just hope that more women realize that nobody can place a definition upon them that they don't place themselves.

  41. Waithira

    I love your articles. Always make sense. – but could I request you kindly break down the paragraphs. Like instead of three long ones, have about 6. Kind makes it easier on the eyes.

  42. hanny

    It does not make sense frankly speaking… even using men emotionally still losing battle… “men always win”… women get pregnant possibly disease… most valuable her time, but what I think most men don’t understand is not the women play but she tried to love the man at the beginning and can’t love him because his attitude, body odor, sloppy, disorganize, etc. WHO KNOWS??? Please don’t judge women play like this it is for us like losing battle we have nothing to gain. Unless (exception) he is super rich like billionaires not regular people. MEN IS NOT WORTH TO PLAY WITH 🙂 SORRY…

  43. This book is amazing sisters, if you want to get it right this time …………….. I encourage you to b-u-y t-h-e b-o-o-k!

  44. So very insightful& admittedly was aware already. However, just as woman want to blv that the next guy isn't abt using her. Same applies for us men. Matter of fact. We are WAY more vulnerable because women will use men for so many more reasons vs men. You'll never here of a guy using a woman for emotional fulfillment. My heart goes out to any other man going through serious heartbreak being used for just that. Emotional fulfillment & it's my opinion. That this is borderline evil. To manipulate & control someone that is in love with another. To lead them. So unbelievably disgusting& I blv worst than any other form of being used. It crushes your spirit. Rattles your soul. To the core.

  45. paula drakeford

    This is perfect for me to read. I realised I was doing something hurtful so took to google to find the answers. This post came up and I realise this is exactly what I’ve been doing. An emotional pimp! Harsh! But exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve recently become aware of this behaviour amd likened it to an addiction. Doing something you know isn’t good for you but doing it when you feel most vulnerable.. Then once I’ve had my fix I don’t want it anymore. I’ve been using men’s desire to be in a relationship with me to help me though times of self doubt and loneliness.
    Unfortunately not only am I hurting them I then feel incredibly guilty and sad.
    Now I need to find another way of meeting my needs unselfishly. Any advice would be welcome.

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