Time and time again I get to speak to women who are trying to figure out where they stand in their relationship. Sometimes it isn’t even an official relationship. Just a situation with a man whose words and actions don’t seem to line up. They are left confused because they want to believe the words coming out of his mouth are true. Yet when the time comes for him to step up and show her he means it, his actions or lack thereof have her questioning what in the world is really going on here. How can this man say such wonderful things like “I love you” “you’re the one for me” or even “I need you in my life”, but continue to fall short with what is needed to validate these words?
Because he is telling you a lie…plain and simple. I don’t want you to feel bad when I say that, but I do want you to grasp what the likely scenario is. I understand there are some men who struggle with showing their love. I am not dismissing the possibility of this, but as you continue to read I will show you how the situation still needs to be handled in a similar way to the liar. For now let’s focus on the man who is simply playing a game and telling you what you want to hear. Both men and women should understand that words mean nothing if they aren’t backed up with actions. I could tell a woman that I would fly to the end of the earth to go see her. Knowing very well I wouldn’t even entertain driving 45 minutes to go see her. There are some men who will say whatever is necessary to keep you around, and drag you along for the ride. He is being honest if he says “I want you in my life”. Because he wants to keep those benefits you provide that don’t require him to make any real effort in providing you what you need. I know many of you are thinking how this is just horrible. How could a man be so selfish and not just let that woman go in fairness to her. Well I have a question for you. If you applied for and got hired by a job which then proceeded to let you do whatever you wanted. You can come when you want, and put minimal effort into your work. Despite your poor performance they will still give you a full paycheck every two weeks. How many of you will still be “mature” or “righteous” enough to leave that job because it isn’t fair to the company? I’m not condoning this negative behavior by anyone, and I do say it needs to stop. Just please understand how tempting it is for a person to take advantage of this. You can wait for them to take the high road or you can put the power in your hands and do what is best for you.
Now let’s quickly discuss the man who struggles with expressing his love properly. For one most men struggle more with saying “I love you” over trying to show you their love (what they know love to be). So that already works against the chances that this man has a genuine issue. That kind of guy just needs the directions and his actions will be adjusted if they don’t currently line up with what you need. If he is genuine about his issue then the key is him making an effort. If you express to him how you feel in a loving manner and he still doesn’t step up then he is likely playing you. It’s like telling a man you want to hear from him more often by him giving you a call. He then says “well this is how I’ve always been and I don’t know how to change that”. What does he mean he doesn’t know how to change that? Pick up the damn phone and call your woman sometimes, end of story. I mean his unwillingness to make adjustments when you give specific requests is a huge red flag. He is making excuses and you should embrace that you deserve better. Still let’s say I am wrong and this man has a deeper issue that is blocking his ability to show love with actions. Well that means he isn’t ready to be in a real relationship which you then have to walk away from him just like you should from the liar. If you feel you should try to help him then do it as his friend. Not as the woman who gives him everything while you receive nothing or not much (so no friends with benefits). If he can’t learn to show love to you as a friend then he will never do it as your “man”.
Ultimately this boils down to this; is this guy willing to be the man you need. Is he willing to put the same effort you are prepared to put into this relationship. We all have our off days but is the guy consistently good with some days off or consistently bad with some good days sprinkled in there. If he is the latter than it is likely you should walk away. When he is ready to step up with actions and not some sweet talk, then you can consider entertaining being with him. You have to embrace your worth as a woman and what you deserve from a man. If you accept less than you will get less and it is your responsibility to correct that.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate