husband wont have sex with his wife

There’s A Reason Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You:

EDIT 2/18/2018: I originally wrote this article seven years ago. At the time I had not fully come to understand my purpose. I didn’t have a full grasp on the proper approach I should take when writing articles like this one. Looking back I can see how the tone and wording can be hurtful to some. As well as hinder my ability to truly provide some clarity and assistance with an issue you and many others may be facing. So today I am going to do some revisions. I don’t want to completely change what was written but I will make some improvements to my delivery…

I’m browsing the internet one day looking to see what pops up when I Google my book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband. I come across this article titled “Reasons Why A Husband Does Not Want To Have Sex With His Wife”. I decided to read it since it’s an issue I have been asked about. Also, it’s a topic I plan to touch on in my future book. It was very interesting to see what was listed. I can acknowledge there was a lot of truth to it. However, I decided I wanted to do a blog on this topic and put in my own two cents. So below, I will list the reasons the article stated and respond with my views to it.

1. He is depressed and not feeling like he wants to have sex

I don’t know about you but a lot of men I know would love some sex when they’re feeling down. Part of his depression might be due to the lack of sex he has already been previously experiencing with his wife. In some cases he may be using his “depression” as an excuse because there are other more genuine reasons why he continuously refrains from getting intimate.

However, I don’t want to dismiss the reality that some men will lose interest when they are battling with depression. I have seen men get into a “funk” and not want to be bothered with anything. I do believe that many can still be seduced into “giving it up” if you know the right buttons to push, and the sex has been consistently good up to this point. Regardless, if he is clinically depressed then that is a completely different story, and that should be tended to accordingly.

2. He is no longer attracted to his wife

Now this I completely agree with. The article mentions how nagging, always putting him down, and just being an overall source of a lot of negative energy contributes to a man desiring his wife less. She also correctly points out that weight gain and changes in appearance contribute to the issue. I know a lot of women & some men who like to believe that love should be unconditional and not contingent on how much you weigh and I agree.

The problem isn’t love, it’s sex. For most men, sex is not as connected to love as it is for women. It is more so about physical attraction, and that can waver based on a woman’s appearance. A man can love you forever, but putting on many undesirable pounds of weight (key word is undesirable, because some men may like the extra weight) will make it harder for him to sexually desire you. So please do not get the two confused. Also if you’re going to throw unconditional love in his face, then look in the mirror and ask yourself  why your love for him and for yourself isn’t strong enough to want to look your best and be healthier. I know it can be tough for many, but with the right effort, this is a fixable issue in most cases.

3. He may be having an affair 

Unfortunately I would have to agree that this is a possibility. I do not think it is the reason you should first explore, but when all else fails then this should be examined. I cannot condone cheating on your wife for any reason. However, the point can be made that if he is having one, there is a good chance your actions or lack thereof have contributed to this occurring. Before you get all up in arms, I want to reiterate that an affair is never right. It is just that we as people just have to be willing to be accountable for how we contributed to the issue. I believe if the other reasons that have been listed and will be listed in this blog are remedied, then it will go a long way in decreasing the chances of an affair occurring.

Again, that person is dead wrong for stepping outside the marriage. I just don’t want you to ignore if you have overlooked not being the wife that you are supposed to be, and that he needed you to be. Be willing to address the issue with a willingness to make corrections on both sides. Side Note: the affair he may be having might be with himself. As in he is engaging in too much masturbation. This issue can definitely contribute to him feeling less concerned with initiating or accepting sexual contact with you. So that may need to be discussed as well.

4. He could be gay

This is another one where I can’t dismiss the possibility of it being true. I just wouldn’t want you to entertain this until you have explored all of the other listed issues. You have to understand that if you choose to openly use the gay card against him, and you’re wrong, you can do a lot of damage to your marriage. So please, even if you’re thinking it, be very careful in how you look into it. Wrongly accuse him, and you may end up with a new issue on your hands.

With that said, it is a still a reality that you unknowingly may be facing. He may have always had desires that he hasn’t known what to do with, or just flat-out living a double life that you were completely unaware of. Either way, this is definitely one issue you have no control over. Proceed with caution, and in the case where it ends up to be true, do not internalize the issue. It isn’t your fault, and the focus will need to be on healing on how to properly move forward.

5. He has an undiagnosed medical condition

Yeah, and it’s called “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis”. Seriously, I do not want to dismiss the possibility of there actually being a medical condition. The article mentions a few possibilities. A common overlooked one may be erectile dysfunction. This could most certainly cause him to shy away from intimacy. Other than that, if the man honestly can’t put his finger on what the problem is, then definitely go get checked out. Now let’s revisit “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis”.

Understand that if you have been married for many years, and you have repeatedly shut this man down when he wanted sex, this will have a damaging affect on him. You can’t expect that now that you’re ready to be consistent, that he is going to be all over you. You have programmed him for letdown, disappointment, and/or very mediocre sex that wasn’t worth it when he finally did get it from you. That can very well put him in a place where he just doesn’t care much anymore. He doesn’t want to bother with the process or lackluster results. He may then turn to other ways of getting his satisfaction (see #3).

6. Weight gain and unhealthy eating

This is absolutely true and a very common issue. It is a fact that higher fat percentages can lower a man’s libido. If he is gaining weight and eating bad, then he is probably out of shape and therefore is too tired to deal with sex regularly (too much work). Throw in the fact that a man’s testosterone levels start to decrease after a certain age and that only makes it worse. I definitely believe if you can get him to buy into taking better care of himself and getting in better shape, that it will increase the desire for sexual activity and his ability to perform at a higher level.

Also there are a lot of natural supplements available to help with this issue. Definitely do some research and see what he may be open to. One more thing in regards to exercise. A lot of men may go to the gym and lift weights, and that can certainly help. However, it’s a great idea to encourage doing cardio while in the gym. This can have a great impact on his libido and stamina. Which will create great benefits for the both of you.

7. You’re not tapping into his desires

Originally #7 was “You’re not as good as you think”, which in all honesty can still hold true. However, I felt a more accurate point to make is that you’re not truly tapping into his desires.  The article I read did not include this reason, but I feel it’s an important point to make. Society constantly talks about a man’s lack of performance, and jokes about it all the time. When it comes to women, you really don’t hear it as much, but that doesn’t mean the problem isn’t as real.

Have you really taken time to find out what he really wants in the bedroom? If not, then he may have reached a point where the quality of the experience just isn’t worth his energy. Also, it can create resentment when someone feels their desires get overlooked and neglected. You will need to change that, as well as find ways to truly be more into the experience yourself. I understand that how much you’re into it has a lot to do with what he is or isn’t doing (in and out of the bedroom), but you have to try to be more passionate and engaged in the experience. This will give him the push he needs to be more consistent, and desire you more, as well as help keep you motivated and willing to participate.

A great resource to check out to get things moving in the right direction, or see clearly what the issue specifically is, is my bestselling book “How To Get A Man To Cherish You…If You’re His Wife“. Women are loving this book and finding it extremely helpful. You can use on of the links below to get your copy:

==> How to Get a Man to Cherish You ebook ❤️

==> How to Get a Man to Cherish You paperback 💖

So there you have it, I hope this sheds some light on the issue for the many of you suffering from this. There are a lot more women than we think that are dealing with this problem. It isn’t cool when a wife or husband is being sexually deprived. It can open doors to worse things and eventually destroy that marriage. So though I make jokes from time to time this is a serious issue that I would like to see improved. Better relationships will contribute to better marriages, which then contributes to a better society. Sex is an important part of that equation, so let’s do what’s necessary to make things right.

107 Comments
  • wiggens
    Posted at 23:36h, 04 March Reply

    My husband wants nothing to do with me. We have been married 45 years and that was the last time we had sex. Day After wedding night he went right back to work and he chose the midnight shift. Then he moved all his things down to the basement and thats where hes been all these years. I told him this is not how a marriage should be. He said we had sex once and that was enough for him, it was way to much work, wasn’t at all exciting, has no meaning and disgusting and messy. So all these years hes lived like a hermit, goes no where, hasn’t any friends, no TV, phone, or computer. Just stays cooped up in his shop making things, and working on his old junky car. I’ve been frustrated,confused, angry, depressed, unwanted and lonely.I only hung in here for the money he made and the medical benefits. I should have left him but I was young, stupid and I made a mistake by marrying the evil person.

    • RelationshipExpert
      Posted at 18:30h, 07 March Reply

      Wow, I have to admit Wiggens I have never heard a story quite like yours before. I know of couples that haven’t had sex in many years, but for 45yrs and not since the wedding night, that is interesting. There is so much I want to say and ask, so if you don’t mind email me at contact@StephanL.com  

    • Established0589
      Posted at 20:29h, 31 March Reply

      Wow, I’m afraid to get married. I don’t understand why he didn’t file a divorce if he felt that way. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Us women deserve so much better.

      • RelationshipExpert
        Posted at 21:03h, 31 March Reply

        Don’t be afraid to get married, just take this as a lesson to be more aware of the person you choose to marry. 

    • Tash
      Posted at 17:30h, 07 May Reply

      how can you stay married to someone like that? Marriage is about reciprocity. Money is not everything!
      Great article Stephan!

      • StephanLabossiere
        Posted at 20:35h, 08 May Reply

        It is unfortunate, but trust me she isn’t the only one…Thank you

    • Lcisinc
      Posted at 00:45h, 04 August Reply

      That’s impossible! I don’t believe you. Is your husband gay? There’s more to this than your telling. You sticked around for the money? I don’t feel sorry for you..

    • Mosesjustmoses
      Posted at 07:03h, 11 September Reply

       That seems like a serious case of clinical depression. I’m not making an excuse for him. I know a very intelligent man, loved his wife, and behaved like that for 2 years. Now, he sought treatment, and they are together, 40 years.  I would do something about that, it’s never too late to start again. Believe me!

  • Terrill #nXtGt
    Posted at 15:00h, 28 April Reply

    Pretty accurate

    • StephanLabossiere
      Posted at 17:15h, 28 April Reply

      Thanks Terrill

  • Zarny03
    Posted at 15:26h, 28 April Reply

    You seem to enjoy putting down women, most of your blogs cconsist of you speaking about women in a derogatory , whilst u address some real issues you come across quite offensively at times.

    • StephanLabossiere
      Posted at 17:14h, 28 April Reply

      I understand how you may feel I “Enjoy putting down woman” but I think if you really took the time to read all of my blogs you may not feel that way anymore. Also this article isn’t about putting down woman, these are real issues and real complaints. I am the same way with the men and I try to be fair with it. It’s just that I address one gender at a time, so in a specific article I may come across as being hard on one gender. Some articles I am a little harsh and I apologize that it comes across as offensive, because my intention is not to offend. I encourage you to read more articles such as “Ways To Show Her I Love You” and others. I am confident your view of me will change 

  • Ginger
    Posted at 17:20h, 07 May Reply

    This article was a good read, and a fresh look at some research I have
    done for myself. I have been married for 7 years, and this is one of the
    reasons I left my husband 6 months ago. In those 7 years, we have went
    9-10 months without any intimacy. The only reason he could offer is “he
    just didn’t want too. For years, I thought it was someone else, he had a
    medical issue and just didn’t want to say, or just didn’t desire me
    anymore. Finally, I said I deserve better and to be fulfilled in every
    aspect of marriage.  

    • StephanLabossiere
      Posted at 21:22h, 08 May Reply

      I’m sorry to hear that things went the way they did. These droughts on no intimacy happens much more often then people think. It is a shame, but hopefully this trend can change for more couples.

  • Shariffgold
    Posted at 02:17h, 10 May Reply

    this is absolute right

  • Pooblyshus39
    Posted at 19:01h, 09 June Reply

    The bomb is TRUTH, so drop it when and where you need to. When you said (“Society constantly talks about a man’s lack of performance”) That in itself can stop a man from wanting his wife. The women I’ve seen make themselves look ugly to their spouses because of the teasing and jokes about their husband’s performance and/ or duration.  Women have flaws just like men. And ppl dont think about how others feel. “Yes this is my wife/husband and they know that I’m just playing!!”..It doesnt matter. All the same you could be hurting their feelings… I dont think they talk about where the women lack because the men know that the woman will keep the GOODS from them..lol. And a lot of men dont want that to happen:-)~smile~

  • Bruce Vann
    Posted at 19:14h, 19 July Reply

    Good article.

  • Lcisinc
    Posted at 00:40h, 04 August Reply

    Your articles are based on secular relationships; you put the responsibility on women & it’s our job to always look good & give the man great sex.. I’m wondering what are your relatinshipS like? Are you happily married?

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 02:14h, 04 August Reply

      It is obvious by your comment that you have not read enough of my articles and are coming to a conclusion based on the few you have read. I completely understand that but I encourage you to continue reading and let’s see if you still feel the same way. I also have a book out which is my first, and it clearly speaks to the men and what they need to be doing for their women. I just like to speak to one gender at a time, so if you only read certain articles it will come off as me putting all the responsibility on the women and vice versa. Check out my article “You can’t change her, you have to embrace her” and there are many others you can look at as well. I am confident your perception of me will change.

    • melissa
      Posted at 12:08h, 04 November Reply

      I actually disagree. I find a lot of articles are like that but this one was very fair. I understand women ans men are created differently as far as most women are willing to put uo with more sexually when the physical attraction is lost than men but many men wont. At the same time i feel like our society is very centered around what men want and women need to put up with those whims and its sad. I appreciate the author looks at things from both sides as a male secular author.

  • Ndomnic
    Posted at 13:01h, 14 August Reply

    What a crock. a majority of the reasons make the man look like a selfish asshole. Maybe your husband doesn’t want to have sex cause you have had sex to much for too long and now it’s mountainous 

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 20:26h, 14 August Reply

      Would you not think that if a man is refusing to have sex with his wife that the reasons may come from a selfish or unhappy place. He isn’t going to reject her out of love in a situation like this. Now you make a good point, but that plays in to the sex not being as good as she thinks it is. Many couples get bored but the reality is that there is so much they have not tried that could possibly breath some life into their sexual relations. 

      • Kh8377
        Posted at 09:51h, 16 September Reply

        As far as your last point, men need to know how to pleasure a woman as well. When you talk about women not being good in bed I can tell you from experience its usually the man who has absolutely no idea what the heck he is doing. Pornography has a lot to do with this, heavy thrusting and fast rabbit pumping does not feel good. There is no rhythm in that for a woman to be “good” with, so if a man wants great sex with a woman and wants her to be responsive he must first ask her what she likes and HOW she likes it. If she hasn’t explored her body this could be difficult but communication is key to the issue you brought up, explore each other and sex will be great, Make LOVE and stop F–ing.

        • Dr Lodge 85
          Posted at 10:05h, 16 October Reply

          Your are talking some real stuff!

      • Josalee
        Posted at 14:17h, 21 October Reply

        I have never had this prob. in my life until my current relationship. I still get hit on a lot by guys and get told I am pretty but, something about this relationship doesn’t make me feel that way. I just don’t get why it’s such a problem. He has told me all kinds of excuses. He has told me he was bored with it like right away…? and then denied saying that and not wanting to do anything about it. I was told that he didn’t want to be the one to start it because he was shy about it. So I got new sexy lingerie and attempted to seduce him but he walked away and left me standing there humiliated (he did this more than once) he made himself unavailable in every way possible… We have a child together and I hate the idea of splitting but at the same time, even though it’s so against my character I have found myself considering cheating…It’s certainly would not solve anything. I just want to know what it feels like to feel alive, passion, and to be wanted. The thing that sucks the most is that deep down. I know it wouldn’t make me feel better because I already know other guys find me attractive, The one guy that I care about is the one I don’t know that from.

  • Mosesjustmoses
    Posted at 21:29h, 10 September Reply

    LMAO! Stephan, I just saw this on your TL. I’m an early riser, so its too late for me to comment but rest assured first thing once I get in the office!

  • mosesmoses
    Posted at 07:41h, 11 September Reply

    I agree with all of your points Stephan. One point I did not see was how the man might be just worn, and not have a supporting spouse, or a spouse that understands his role.  The former, oh well, but the latter is not a stab at women. I’ve been around a minute, and have seen ignorance be a brick wall. I STRONGLY believe in the man having certain roles in the house, as well as the wife. That’s not saying each of us should switch responsibilities when needed. In the traditional family, the husband is supposed to be, correction, SHOULD BE a strong emotional supporter, spiritual partner, physical security provider, role model, and if at all possible financial provider to the point if the wife decides to stay home after childbirth to rear the children, maybe allow for that. That’s just between husband-wife. Then he better be able to put it down in the bedroom, or be left alone on the wetspot, and have funny stares from her sorors when they come over to watch Housewives. These roles cannot be delegated. Bring in the children, he must be an example of what a man should be for his son, and an example of the man he wants his daughter to marry. Hopefully he has a wife that feels & does the same. The man has that position. It’s ours, period. And even though we have that big ‘S” on our chest, we might be struggling with saving the world, and then going to work in the house. Add this role, and then add the points listed.
    NuffSaid

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 19:58h, 14 September Reply

      Agreed, it kind of falls into “Imsickandtiredofherass-asitis” but you brang up more of the emotional component. I think sometimes women forget that men have feelings too lol. So a lot of what you mentioned gets overlooked. It’s like society wants the man to “suck it up” or “deal with it” but it doesn’t work like that. So excellent point Moses.

    • Justwoman
      Posted at 20:00h, 29 November Reply

      Well said! Coming from a married woman’s point of veiw, we do have our own particular jobs in the home/relationship too… and that job is to take care of my man no matter what, especially If he’s handling his business like he’s supposed to – the “shop” SHOULD never be closed and he should always be ready to “shop”. That’s my duty, thats my job. He takes care of me, my needs and my wants. You can be damned sure whatever he wants and needs imma handle it.
      !

      • Mosesjustmoses
        Posted at 11:12h, 30 November Reply

         Thank you, and lucky man that has you!

      • Candice Bell
        Posted at 01:17h, 02 February Reply

        What if the man has no job for 8 years and you been supporting you both then he wants to deny sex

        • slsunfrog
          Posted at 17:22h, 14 August Reply

          Has a mistress?

          • Candice Bell
            Posted at 17:26h, 14 August

            Has no money to have a mistress

          • Caveman
            Posted at 05:37h, 07 September

            Then you should treat him like the b*@#! that he is. Grab him by his hair, slap, punch, elbow, knee and kick him a few times and ride him like Seabiscuit. Do that a few times and he might be obliged to return the favour

    • AliceRice
      Posted at 01:08h, 10 June Reply

      Okay, but here is the deal. Women, nowadays, myself included often earn more and pay more for shared stuff than men. We all share pressures. That is important. But when the man says for years he can’t get it up and then one night drops on you that he is suddenly willing to get it up. How much do you trust that guy? Nada. It is nothing. After 10 years of no sex, except when required to stay married and NONE of it more than getting himself serviced, I think I send him packing. Should have done it long ago.

      • Caveman
        Posted at 05:56h, 07 September Reply

        Sorry ma’am, it’s not a matter of WILLING or not to get it up. It’s not like a finger or arm where it is in complete control by it’s owner (what men would give for such control). It’s like this organ has a mind of it’s own. At times it chooses to stand attention despite your utter embarrassment and efforts to get it down. Don’t waste your time trying to communicate with the owner. Find a way to communicate directly (eliminate the middleman)

  • PrydeWater
    Posted at 20:50h, 07 November Reply

    Honestly, you sound like a politically correct Corey Holcolmb. The article has a bunch of points that I as a married man agree with. We all know that the truth hurts, but ladies, stop getting offended if a particular statement doesn’t apply… That IS why you’re offended, right? (because it does NOT apply to your particular case.) Yup…

    • Christine Carlson
      Posted at 22:32h, 18 October Reply

      Agreed. Hard to hear some of the honest reasons he may not want sex – especially weight gain.

  • Tony Jefferson
    Posted at 15:50h, 21 January Reply

    I agree with 1 and 6!!! I suffer from both.

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 14:12h, 22 January Reply

      I’m sorry to hear that Tony. The good news is you may be able to kill two birds with one stone. I know how the depression can affect you and your willingness to take certain actions. If you can get yourself on a regimen of better eating and exercise you can help combat the depression as well as see the benefits in your marital sex life. Even some small changes to the diet can help and there are even some good Natural Fat Burners that also work to fight depression. You can email me at advice@stephanspeaks.com and I will send you the link to one that I saw many people on anti depressants switch to this fat burner and saw great results.

  • wiggens
    Posted at 16:23h, 21 January Reply

    My husband and I have been married 45 years and we only had sex intimacy once since we have been married. So in 24 hours I was married and forgotten all in that short time. I was told the morning after we were married that sex with me is gross, disgusting pointless , meaning less and way to much work for so little. He promised me it will never happen again and it hasn’t. He told me that he was moving to the basement and starting the midnight that night. I pleaded, screamed and cryed, I wanted to know whats wrong with him. All he said was don’t talk to me and leave me alone. I was left wondering what the heck is wrong, did I do something wrong? The answers never happened. So I’ve lived like this (which is my fault) all these years, wondering and trying to find answers. In my mid 60s now and hate all men, no matter how good they are. The only thing I have is my anti-deprssate meds and my shrink, these are the only things I trust.

    • Livi
      Posted at 20:45h, 24 January Reply

      I’m so sorry why didn’t u leave him?

    • Can Hu
      Posted at 19:33h, 05 December Reply

      What a prick. You really should’ve left him. He wasn’t worth your life.

    • Anchilla Rouse
      Posted at 09:32h, 26 January Reply

      Oh my love, I’m so sorry to tell you this, but he is so obviously GAY and I suspect your marriage was to cover that fact up. I’m so sorry you have had to live such a heart breaking life. You are worth far more than what you have received. Good luck for the future.

    • Penny
      Posted at 05:52h, 07 August Reply

      I think I would have liked it better if my husband would have at least come out and said we will never have sex again, but no the first time it was because he had to much to drink but he New all along that he couldn’t do anything so here I am very sexual woman at 57 and that part of my life is over because he can’t and it’s not that important to find out why because he is content with the fact. And I hate him for this because I have felt it me and that’s why I hate him because he left me to believe that we can’t because I don’t try enough and he is always trying to paw and me

    • fran123
      Posted at 08:25h, 18 September Reply

      Why would you put up with that for 45 years?!! yep I agree, so obviously gay.

    • Annie
      Posted at 05:12h, 12 October Reply

      I have been married for 49yrs there has been no intimacy at all only lust when and that is when he was drunk I always cried mystery to sleep when he retired from work he took his own bedroom .he invites his friends I have to wait on them like they are dinning out

    • Marcy
      Posted at 11:42h, 05 December Reply

      Hi I know that it has been 5 years ago but have you left him or do you still see him or have things changed I am so sorry about that really I am or is he gay… God bless you in every way keep your head up he wasn’t good for you anyway a******

  • Nel2308
    Posted at 02:51h, 29 January Reply

    I have been married for only 4 months and the bedroom activity is less than “honeymoon” stage.I try all sorts of things to get him to be more interactive in the bedroom, I walk around the house naked, wear chamisoles not pjs, even shave smooth the “love area”, nothing seems to work, then today he tells me I need to be careful of what I’m eating as its not heathy??WTF.. I’m a 44yr mother of 4 kids, I work in construction for 50hr per week. I’m not masculine looking, I have near waist length hair, I do my nails and 16DD bust so I’m far from manly. He won’t talk to me about whats going on and I’m sick of double guessing.I did catch him cheating on me 6 weeks before we got married and gave him the option to back out but he didn’t.I’m really over trying and making the moves all the time, I’m sure there are men out there would appreciate their wives doing what I try and do, Or am I just a selfish cow?

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 09:58h, 29 January Reply

      Obviously I can’t see how you look so I’m going to go based off your comment. I find it interesting that him telling you “be careful of what you’re eating as its not healthy” was taken as a comment of you looking “manly”. I would have assumed he was implying you could lose some weight so did you take it as a possible issue of looking “manly” because he has made other comments before in regards to that? The cheating 6 weeks before marriage is definitely a concern. It’s one thing to move past that but it seems the issue was never properly addressed. If there is no understanding as to why it occurred it makes it difficult to avoid it happening again. He seems detached and no I do not believe you are being selfish. When you try to talk to him, have you taken a calm and open minded approach or has it usually come off as negative? Making that adjustment may help in him opening up about the real issues here.

    • Lotti
      Posted at 17:42h, 24 October Reply

      You except his cheating? I tried that once, but it does not work for me. I can forgive once, but I never can forget! It is too hurtful! How often do you want to forgive until you go? You are not a selfish cow, you are silly, when you allow him do that to you and hurt you all the time! There are really no nice words for a person like him!

      • Lotti
        Posted at 17:43h, 24 October Reply

        sorry, meant accept

    • Wide Awakening
      Posted at 14:56h, 02 December Reply

      He cheated and you gave HIM the option of backing out of the wedding? Shouldn’t he have given YOU the out (and you should have taken it)?

  • amethystdreamer
    Posted at 10:25h, 01 April Reply

    First of all, and I hate to sound picky, but I can’t believe an author of a book has the grammar issues on here (brang, your instead of you’re, etc…) that being said, the one issue that is left off, is the overuse of internet porn and mastubation which seems to render many men less likely to want real sex beacuse the fantasy and easy quick self pleasure is more appealing.

    • Stephan Labossiere
      Posted at 15:28h, 01 April Reply

      I respect and welcome you pointing out the grammatical errors. Honestly I am not a great writer and I never thought I would ever in my life write a book and all these articles lol. I’m in the process of getting an editor to help with my weakness but I will see if I can do some more cleaning up on this on today……You make an excellent point. Porn and masturbation do play a huge role in this issue. I mentioned the masturbation at the end of #3 but I do plan to do a whole article on this topic alone.

    • Chris
      Posted at 22:55h, 01 November Reply

      That’s true if where not getting sex why not fuck are selfs better then cheating write.

    • jan bergmann
      Posted at 12:53h, 05 February Reply

      I agree with you, I have been married for 10yrs my husband wants nothing to do with me in the bedroom. Through out the years I have seen porn on his phone and just recently he had been on a porn site on facebook, we share FB it came up in my notification. I think he would rather pleasure his self then be with me I am about ready to leave him.

  • Ted Augustin
    Posted at 09:27h, 18 December Reply

    WORD

  • Cheryl Gladhillaka Tibbs
    Posted at 10:34h, 10 April Reply

    Maybe he is lazy

  • Shaun Harrod
    Posted at 10:59h, 01 May Reply

    Personally if I get the notion the relationship has stop growing stop evolving has lost ambition it turns my carnal urges off because my spirit feels trapped.

  • today
    Posted at 00:22h, 18 May Reply

    Where is porn addiction on this list? What about sexual abuse during childhood?

  • Nicole Margarete
    Posted at 01:15h, 23 August Reply

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  • watcher
    Posted at 16:14h, 26 September Reply

    It might be because your vagina is loose or too big. He might be thinking about that “tight girl” he had before you.

  • 2up
    Posted at 22:19h, 06 October Reply

    Actually porn and a lack of sexual attraction are the two top reasons men don’t want sex with their wives. Being Gay is probably at the very bottom of the list. A Gay husband make make the wife feel better knowing that “it’s not her” but the sad truth is the chances he is Gay are slim and it is either lack of attraction or porn or both.

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    Posted at 04:59h, 18 October Reply

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  • Lotti
    Posted at 17:30h, 24 October Reply

    I never experienced before what I experience with my now-husband. He does not want to have sex with me and always blamed his diabetes. There were times that I blamed myself, but whatever I tried, it failed. He kept me away from his body as if I had a bad sickness and it was hurting and offending. But now I found out whats wrong with our sex-life, it is not me, it is him and him alone! He has strange desires and I believe that no normal woman his age our a bit younger can fulfill that.

  • Susan Spick
    Posted at 11:46h, 11 February Reply

    My husband masterbates every night even after we have sex I found out four years ago I came how from work he had porn on computer and forgotten he left it on he told me he has done this for a long time and I was not around he hurt me so bad now four years later knowing how I feel about it and how it hurts me he lies to me and does it in our bed every night I tell him I know what he I'd doing he lies then he tells me I am making stuff up you can smell the stuff he is using the bed moves but he still lies what can I do

  • Laura Crotty
    Posted at 19:08h, 21 September Reply

    yeah, agreed, the author should stick to subjects he knows about

  • Sad
    Posted at 19:29h, 29 September Reply

    My partner n I have been together 10 years n don’t have sex at all anymore. We used to a lot first few years n it dwindled a lot since then. I dote on him have dinner ready for him when he gets home house cleaned. I’m dressed nice almost every day I work six days a week n still I tried seducing him hinting around n to not sound naggy not brought it up for awhile. I love him n he loves me but I believe he’s cheating or something cuz he’s obviously still into sex if he chats on sex boards n jerksoff but in guess just doesn’t with me. What more can I do..

  • Samantha Dalton
    Posted at 04:24h, 27 November Reply

    I try to have sex with my husband being pregnant and he just won't do it why not he use to and now he won't

  • Suzanne Coffindaffer Bowles
    Posted at 19:24h, 07 December Reply

    I will have been married to this man for 3 years in March,6 months after our mairrage I found out he is a porn freak had down loaded 247 porn sites on his phone,had pics of old girlfriends and he put a picture of his penis on my computer! Then I found out he lied numerous times to make himself look better,all this makes me sick,we are raising my grandson. If I would have known what this man was all about,thier would be no marriage. We never have sex,he won't talk about any of this with me,he gets mad if I bring it up. I have gone through so much in my life,I really trusted this man,I am so depressed and hurt and he acts like nothing happened…

  • BossChick Rawlings
    Posted at 10:25h, 05 February Reply

    Hello , I been married for 19 years now and I didn't know that for the first 12 years of my marriage my husband was into porn and use to masterbate every night. I always knew it was something , I truly was thinking oh wow he doesn't touch me , maybe its my weight gain. Well I was up to about a good 264 lbs smh but o always had a very , very strong sex drive.nim five years older than my husband I'm 43 and he is now 38 and at the time I found out he was using porn I sat on the bed and I said what in the hell is going on it was our 12 year anniversary just past the other say and I was feeling very horny , in I'm sorry I wanted some. Something told me to go into the fourth bedroom in which that is where he keeps his clothing because me being a woman the closet in the master bedroom is a size of a Babys nursery , but only big enough for my clothes alone , but we both agreed that it would be enough for my clothes alone, but back to my husband the porn star. Now I walked down to the room , and he was shutting off the computer and I happen to see this woman behind from the back and she looked like me and I said is that me bc the computer was shutting off but some things popped up and I seen her and heard her moan and seen the man and it didn't look like my husband and I said what in the hell is this and he lied of course and said I don't even know. So if you know me at all I'm a got dn drill sergeant and I said well the baby in the other room and she is only 6 and my mom across the hallway and there ain't no one else in the entire house that could put this on the computer but your nasty ass, now explain , then he gets all nervous and say okay ,okay I was looking at it. I said u want to run that by me one more got damn time, he said I was , well have been looking at this for some time now and when you makes me mad I normally come in here and look at it and relieve myself. I said look you lying piece of shit , don't use me for no got damn excuse dammit , bc me mad n u mad has nothing to do with each other , bc y'all men don't care if a woman bleeding u still wanntto fuck , so u want to run it by me again because I'm no dummy now got dammit bc mad as I'm I can beat the living hell out of u and that computer and how long this shit been going on when he told me it was for over 12 years of our marriage I was fucking livid. I swear I went in sane . I said u mean to tell me all them lonely horny ass nights u comes n here to beat off and then think it is okay to get into bed with me and I'm not please , muther fucker , I rather you told me that I was fat and needed to lose weight. So we solved that issue because months later I was going down and his ass was going up now I'm today standing 5'5 and about 149 lbs and he was at the time about 5'8 standing 179 lbs. Now today he is 243 lbs and what's his excuse he is the fat one now , in I still wants to have sex and now since he taking all sorts of meds I still can't get none. Smh so I want to know what is the problem I'm smaller way smaller and look back like my old self but wayyyyy minute I meant much better than my old self and now I want to get tapped all day and night and inbetwen u know what I mean. But for some reason this fool can't seem to want too. I think he back into porn again and that right now will cause me to chest bc I'm tired of passing life by and not getting satisfied. I told him if I don't get some stiff hard dick I'm going dick shopping . I'm sorry I don't mean to sound so blunt but I'm 43 years young and I'm not sugar coating a got damn thing. Either u want this wet hot juicy kitty box or u want to make your hands strong forever bc someone will want my fine sexy black in Japanese ass. He knows it but feel like bc I never have I won't. I'm sorry u live once and my jucies are overflowing with needs. Help me what to do please.

  • Sadnconfused
    Posted at 11:30h, 02 June Reply

    I have been with mine for 5 yrs, I had a cyst taken out which totally took a toll on my lips to my vagina, at first it was awesome, he’s a diabetic so he says, his personal hygiene is not what it used to be, he goes days without brushing his teeth. This last yr 1/2, he has not bothered with me at all, we ve argued so much, he’s even said he hates me doesn’t love me but yet is all up my ass always questioning where who I’m with how long I’m going to and makes sure I go with him everywhere. What is the point to all of this if he can’t he begin to have sex. The last time I was trying to do a hand job and it just wouldn’t get erect, but when he did to himself it waz solid as a rock. I’ve given up hope and honestly I’m just not that interested in him as a man anymore. A blast from my past has appeared and I just so want to get him to test myself if I can still arouse him nd give him pleasure since I can’t seem to do it with my boyfriend.

  • Karana Reece
    Posted at 18:56h, 13 July Reply

    My husband only wants sex once every 2-4 months yet madturbates every day several times to teen Porn on his phone. This bothers me because we have a teenager daughter and all the porn he watches is daddy/daughter scenarios. I'm starting to think he wants sex with our daughter.

  • Christine Carlson
    Posted at 22:30h, 18 October Reply

    I really need you to use “you’re” where appropriate. It will help you sound more credible.

  • Mardbh
    Posted at 09:03h, 26 October Reply

    Been married for 15 yrs. My husband is digusted by me. I’m not pretty, i look old, im ugly. Im not sexy enough (because im not sexy hahaha)
    Anyways we dont really have sex that often, to date-6 months. Because i couldnt turn him on anymore. Planning in going to the dr to ask for “horniness” reducing drug
    I wish someone would understand me.
    Now i realized im not alone. Thank you.

  • Deyaniris Mote Rodriguez
    Posted at 14:48h, 05 November Reply

    Been with my husband 2 years. Married for 2 weeks. And we never had sex on our wedding night. And we havent since, or weeks before wedding. Im 27, he is 33. Ive asked him if theres anything wrong. He says hes sorry for not attending to his wife, but his apologies are just that, apologies. He says it isnt me. But idk. Im just in disbelief and confused. Idk what to do. Help ladies !

    • Wide Awakening
      Posted at 14:53h, 02 December Reply

      I would have called off the wedding when the sex stopped sorry to say.

      I was married for 13 years and the sex never waned, 3-4 times a week before and after getting married.

      Crazy why so many people stick around in extremely unhealthy and imbalanced situations.

  • Jess
    Posted at 23:51h, 15 November Reply

    I have been married 2 years,I’m 28 years old 5’4 and weight 140, I do not consider my self over weight or bad looking. My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me,I’m a very passionate person but he keeps on pushing me away, I don’t know what to do, sometimes I think he may have a problem (sickness) or sometimes I think he might be gay. He says is the fighting,but the fighting is because of him pushing me away.

  • pie
    Posted at 18:02h, 06 December Reply

    My husband and I have been married for a month today. We have had sex one time since we’ve been married. I look no different than the first day we met, and in the beginning, sex was a big conversation in our relationship. We talked about our needs, wants, and desires ..and had awesome sex on a regular basis. I understand that all relationships go through a honeymoon period..so I was not that surprised that our sex life dwindled some before he asked me to marry him. He has heart issues and we are both older (53/49), so I have not pressured him overmuch. But he no longer initiates sex, and turns me down when I do. I have told him that the sex part of our relationship doesn’t have to be a big deal, because I understand health issues. But two days ago, I found out that he was watching porn while I was away for the night. I’m not so naive to believe that this was his first time. We discussed the issue of porn in the very beginning of our relationship, and he said he didn’t watch porn. And he knows that I consider it cheating. When I tried to discuss it with him and let him know how hurt I was, he claims there is nothing wrong with it and he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I married this man til death do us part….is the marriage over now?

    • Taty
      Posted at 20:41h, 16 November Reply

      Seems like it..sorry to say. If he doesn’t want to have sex, he is definitely not pleasing his wife. He failed you as a husband.

  • PankaAndrea
    Posted at 01:00h, 11 December Reply

    After my child birth me and my husband have not done any sexual activity yet but after yet because am not with joy hubby buy myotaut serum after applying it in ten minutes when I put my finger it so tight . It ” a good buy

  • Bob
    Posted at 06:16h, 13 December Reply

    I can relate to #’s 2 & 8. Unfortunately, my narcissistic other half refuses to accept any responsibility. My wife is the only woman with whom I have lain, and the honest truth is that after years of disappointment, I am simply not interested in any women any more.

  • Heidi
    Posted at 12:59h, 18 December Reply

    I need help. My husband says he can’t have sex with me because he can’t ejaculate with me. He goes to another room to masterbate. This has been going on for months and when I try to talk to him about it he comes up with so many different reasons. The last one was that I caught him watching porn and told him that was cheating on me. So now he says he can’t be with someone that is going to accuse him of cheating. He should just go out and actually cheat on me. He says he loves me and that I turn him on and he tells his family how much he loves me. Should I just stop trying to be affectionate with him and stop trying to have sex with him. I am very affectionate and always going down on him. But he just says that he can’t and that he would help me and then he will finish himself off later. I have decided to show him that what he is doing is not effecting me in anyway but now feel like I should just stop trying to get him in the mood. What can I do?

  • Chelle
    Posted at 05:58h, 02 January Reply

    Hi I just wanna ask what can you do if your husband is a gay.

  • Anchilla Rouse
    Posted at 09:28h, 26 January Reply

    My husband and I have been together for 7 years now, in the beginning we really struggled with sex, he didn’t want it with me no matter how much I tried. I dressed up sexy for him in stunning lingerie a few times, I even gave him his own private lap dances, but nothing. I stayed with him assuming it was medical, we both thought that, but overtime things got worse with name calling and belittling me for wanting sex with him. Now years later finally he wants it from me and nags me for it, but I don’t want it from him anymore. I don’t want to leave him cause I love him, but that fear that he might shout at me again or tell me that no would want it me again, I can’t bare it. I need help, he is much better now, but I’ve shut that part of me down now and I know that even if I did leave my confidence in myself is so low. How do I fall back in love with my husband? I do I make myself want him again? How do I gain respect back for him?

    • Caveman
      Posted at 06:35h, 07 September Reply

      Now that he wants it, give it to him, silly woman!…. You were complaining when he didn’t want it. Now you are complaining that he wants it. Would you prefer that he never ever wanted it ever again.
      Honey, don’t complicate the matter with your emotions. Don’t hold grudges and play tug-of-war. Forgive, forget and strive on to build a the relationship (isn’t that what it’s all about?) Spread it, ride it and enjoy it (just don’t show TOO MUCH of you enjoying it). Now that he’s finally coming out of his shell, just play it tactfully without giving him pressure or scaring him back to his shell

  • Disgustedbythisarticle
    Posted at 22:25h, 29 March Reply

    This is the worst fucking advice. You suck. So condescending and pretentious! I hope your genitals dry up, fall off, and maybe then you can seriously think about the message you’re spreading to women struggling with involuntary celibacy with someone they love. Next time you are rejected by a woman I hope she straight up says, “it’s you.” Asshole.

  • Zoe
    Posted at 21:50h, 02 April Reply

    hi

    I have bee married for 8 years and I initiate sex like 80 percent of the time. just recently like 5 months ago, my husband has been struggling with his erection. Now he told me that he can not keep up with my libido, meaning I demand for sex too much, It really hurts my heart. Am I suppose to help him or something, I just feel helpless.

  • Dawn Michael PhD ACS
    Posted at 03:11h, 09 April Reply

    Wow just came across this. The article I wrote several years back on Squidoo. Anyway I turned it into a book… Here is the link https://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Wont-Have-Sex/dp/981097177X

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  • Unhapppy in Connecticut
    Posted at 06:50h, 19 July Reply

    My husband and I are both in our fifties, empty nesters, my husband has diabetes severely that he is insulin resistant. We both were diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I got rid of my disease with weight loss and diet and have been free from it for five years now. My husband has kept his disease for 18 years now. He has severe mood swings our sexually life is just about at non existence, he suffers from memory loss, no consistency in anything except work and from what he’s telling me he s failing there too. He is lethargic, lazy, no inspiration, everything in life is a painful pill to him except eating and sleeping. I don’t want to give up on him and our 27 year marriage….but I don’t know what to do, talking didn’t work, being the aggressor isn’t guaranteed, giving up my needs and likes to share his only didn’t work, and leaves me drained, is so depressing to me. H.E.L.P.??????

  • Gracie1
    Posted at 00:19h, 27 August Reply

    Well this is enough to make someone want to kill themselves. Great, thanks.

  • maximusandrewday
    Posted at 21:19h, 28 August Reply

    My husband soon to be ex was LOUSY in bed and only cared about his own orgasm. I tried to get marriage and sex counseling but he refused!

    • Caveman
      Posted at 06:14h, 07 September Reply

      Counseling will not help. Only person qualified to help is you (the wife). Few possible reasons a wife is not able to help and they are:-
      1) She’s not willing to dig deep enough to identify the root of the problem.
      2) Pride or ego is stopping her from execution of certain possible solutions.
      3) Husband has health issues (rarely the case)
      4) Husband has an affair (50-50 chance)

      The moment you accept the idea that you need someone other than your spouse or yourself to solve your marital problems, you have lost half the battle

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 09:03h, 26 September Reply

    I got married 5 months before and my husband has become least interested in being physical after two months of the marriage. We got physical once or twice a month that too after I force him for. I don’t know what to do. I am getting emotionally and mentally hurt. Please help me to come out of the problem.

  • Terry Weitz
    Posted at 12:30h, 07 November Reply

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  • Brooklyn
    Posted at 12:29h, 10 November Reply

    Okay my husband and i have been married for 2 years now. We were always in the bedroom. Now that we are married he claims to “not like sex anymore” so i decided to bring another women in for bedroom fun and the mintue she would come over he would hop right to it but the second she would leave he didnt want to touch me. Is it because im not good enough or is it because he would rather be with someone else. I just want to figure this out cause im getting tired of the neglect. We are always aruging he is always short-tempered and doesnt seem to have patience for anything or anyone. Just looking for some type of answers thank you!

  • Dot
    Posted at 01:11h, 19 November Reply

    I think the writer of this article has some serious aggression issues towards women because he essentially blames women throughout this article. I think he needs to undergo some serious counseling to find out why he has so much hatred and resentment towards women because it comes out continuously in this article.

    • Wide Awakening
      Posted at 14:46h, 02 December Reply

      Because Dot it is an article about why a man is not having sex with his wife. When it’s an article about why a woman doesn’t want to have sex with her husband you’ll see the reverse “aggression.”

    • Jon
      Posted at 03:16h, 04 February Reply

      Because it is always the woman’s fault. Woman use sex to manipulate men. Just admit it; you know it’s true. Many men have discovered that not having sex gives them power and freedom. So get used to it – after all you created this problem.

  • Allisonjoyce
    Posted at 02:41h, 04 December Reply

    My husband and I have been married for two years and have been together a total of 9 years on and off. Before we were married we had amazing sex.. but now, not so much. In fact, since we’ve been married we haven’t had sex once (not even on our wedding night!) I haven’t gained weight, he certainly isn’t gay… but he does struggle with depression, he is clinically diagnosed. I have been supportive, but what gives? I have had conversations with him, we’ve talked about sex but when it comes to the act, it never happens. Even tonight, we’ve been so flirty… but the night ended with him passing out and me in tears.. searching for answers on the internet which ultimately brought me to this blog. I know this sounds selfish, but what about me? Not having sex and being wanted in that way is the most hurtful thing to go through. I have never felt so unwanted or insecure even UNATTRACTIVE in my life. Everyday I tell myself “it’s his depression…” but how long am I supposed to wait this out? I am reaching my breaking point. We are both in our early 30s and I’m the only one (between all my friends who are in relationships) who isn’t having sex. My husband and I talk about getting help, I’ve set appointments up.. only for him to cancel. I just feel like he isn’t taking this as serious as I am. Other then our sex life, our marriage is great. But, I don’t know if I can stay in this, I need that connection… am I wrong?

  • Matt Smith
    Posted at 00:01h, 03 January Reply

    Hormonal changes having to do with aging or other issues. Testosterone goes down when you age. A guy who once wanted to buck like a stallion can change drastically with age. My argument with all of this stuff is that you don’t have to be “in the mood” as a man to please your wife or g/f sexually. You see, there is this little thing called oral sex that most women need in order to orgasm anyway. If you really love your partner, it doesn’t take that much effort to go down there to please her. Men in this culture get so wrapped up in this idea that sex is about intercourse. Sexual intercourse is just one small part of sex. You can have sex without having any intercourse. Also, we need to start accepting as a culture that it is biologically possible for a woman to have a higher sex drive than her male mate. We must stop shaming males with the countless testosterone pill and Cialis ads that communicate that there is something wrong with them if they can’t match their girlfriend bout for bout in the bedroom. It is okay to be male and not be in the mood for sex or to not want to have sex as much as your gal. I 100% believe a lot of these issues have to do with the pressures that males are put under right from the moment they become sexually aware as teens. At some point they just give up and want to throw in the towel. They aren’t even allowed to experience their entire sexual self. It’s all about their penis and penetration and nothing else. It’s nonsense. Naturally, nothing about this gets discussed in larger society because it is “unmanly” to do so. It’s gotta stop.

  • John
    Posted at 03:14h, 04 February Reply

    Because all women use sex as a tool of control, and he’s had enough. Men: Take back your power by refusing to have sex with any woman, even your wife. Don’t let them manipulate you, because you know they will. If she asks why tell her it’s none of her business, and she’s not entitled to sex with you.

  • Harva Shaffer
    Posted at 00:29h, 05 February Reply

    I caught my husband looking up porn and when I confront him he denies it

  • Rglide
    Posted at 14:01h, 05 February Reply

    I have been married for 23 years now when we first were married I wanted to have sex all of the time and she turned me down most of them and even told me that I should only want to have sex when she does because she doesn’t want it that much and that I was not normal because I wanted it so much,now that really helped my 25 year old self esteem. I am 48 now and have put up with rejection from my wife for along time the last few years my desire for her has left and I no longer want to have sex with her. She thinks that it is something physical wrong with me but I have no problem in the shower it is just with her she was mad at me this morning because she now wants to have sex and I rejected her I have waited a long time for this and it really feels good to not have the pressure of sex on my shoulders anymore I would like to know why sex is only important in a relationship when she wants it and my wants and needs don’t matter

  • Biznik Rockwell
    Posted at 11:03h, 27 April Reply

    I am at the point where it all is just pointless! I am looking at the issue with my wife from all angles trying to understand her. She will never initiate, but tells me we can have sex whenever I want. Most of the time that starts with a question, “How quick can you be?” I have never been one to enjoy just taking care of myself. I love the foreplay and tending to her needs. Of course the occasional quickie is nice, but that shouldn’t be the norm.

    As a man that works and takes care of his family, does most of the cooking, spends time with his kids, and treats his wife special, it would be nice to be desired once in a while. Marriage has turned into exactly what I thought it was. A show! Let’s pretend that all is great, when in actuality it is horrible. I have never been more sad in my entire life. I have approached her several times about it and here we are. She says that she loves sex and I laugh. She will admit that she prioritizes several other things over it. I could work my full time all day and go to my business all night, but walk in late and see her in certain clothing and I’m ready to go.

    Now I have been transformed into some type of deviant! I look at every girl and woman imagining them in bed. She talks about us retiring together and all I can think about is getting out. I always said I would never stay for the kids, but now I’m staying for the kids while I plot my escape. So sad. My last words for her were that she shouldn’t do anything she doesn’t want to. Everyone has the right to be happy with their choices in life without pressure from others including your husband.

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