Guest Post by Only One Heaven: Before I start this post, I want to say that what works for one person may not work for another. This is my spin on things… I’m entitled to express what works for me and you’re untitled to disagree…. Are we clear? Good… Here I go.
So….. I think it’s ok to go through your companion’s phone. Not because you feel like they are cheating or you don’t trust them….. but sometimes…. you’re just curious. I know I am. I’m not dumb, naïve, insecure, envious or possessive. I know that my husband is capable of cheating just like every other human on the planet. But I don’t go through his phone expecting to find some dirt. I do it because I’m curious and nosey… that’s it.
How often do I check? There is no set schedule. Sometimes I check it once a month and then I will go six months without even touching his phone. I can honestly say the last time I went through his phone it was about four months ago. I check it when something in me tells me to do so. Something called intuition and instincts that I follow each and every time. So if my intuition tells me to check three times next week, guess what… I’m checking. I’m sorry but I’m not going to ignore my womanly intuition. And I don’t even do it behind his back…. Sometimes I will go through his phone while we are sitting right on the sofa watching TV. Of course he doesn’t like it…. but oh well! That’s not going to stop me.
Long before we got married, a pastor once told us that when you are in a committed, healthy, monogamous relationship, there is no reason why you should have lock codes on your phone. There should be no reason why you can’t leave your phone in the living room while you use the restroom. Your personal phone shouldn’t be something that you have to hide from your companion. And if you do, there might be a problem.
The pastor also said that your companion should also be able to answer your cell phone anytime you are not available to. Now I don’t answer my husband’s cell phone when it rings, but I wouldn’t have a problem doing so if I needed to. I figure that at this point we have been together eight years and married for three… EVERYONE that he knows should know that he has a wife, right?? But still, I’m not going to answer his phone… but I definitely wouldn’t hesitate to if my intuition told me to do so.
And this isn’t just a nosey black woman thing either. There have been times where I’ve gone to take a shower and left my cell phone in the room with the light flashing (indicating that I had a message). When I came out the shower, the message wasn’t checked, but the light wasn’t flashing either…. Which let me know that he went through my phone.
And I ask him straight up, “Did you go through my phone?”
He keeps his eyes on the TV, “Yup.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
“I wasn’t looking for anything.”
“Then why did you go through it?”
“I don’t know.”
I really got a kick out of his response. Because this let me know that he is equally curious and just as nosey as I am. I didn’t feel violated or worried at all. (Especially because I know there was nothing in my phone for him to trip about.) I felt like we were on the same page… as if we have an understanding with one another. The understanding is that we’re not a paranoid, insecure, pessimistic, jealous couple that constantly needs to check up on each other. We are a happily married couple that knows that sometimes, people change and s**t happens… And sometimes it happens right underneath your nose.
The older we get… the longer we are together… the deeper we fall in love… the stronger our bond grows. This will probably translate into us checking on one another less, but the older we get, the stronger our intuition will be too. Although I trust my husband, I will always trust my intuition a little more and pay attention to my gut feeling.
To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.
Be honest… Do YOU go through your mates phone? I know I can’t be the only one that’s willing to admit it…
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Related Article: Why You Should NOT Go Through Your Man’s Phone