going through his phone

Why I Go Through His Phone

Guest Post by Only One Heaven: Before I start this post, I want to say that what works for one person may not work for another. This is my spin on things… I’m entitled to express what works for me and you’re untitled to disagree…. Are we clear? Good… Here I go.

So….. I think it’s ok to go through your companion’s phone. Not because you feel like they are cheating or you don’t trust them….. but sometimes…. you’re just curious. I know I am. I’m not dumb, naïve, insecure, envious or possessive. I know that my husband is capable of cheating just like every other human on the planet. But I don’t go through his phone expecting to find some dirt. I do it because I’m curious and nosey… that’s it.

How often do I check? There is no set schedule. Sometimes I check it once a month and then I will go six months without even touching his phone. I can honestly say the last time I went through his phone it was about four months ago. I check it when something in me tells me to do so. Something called intuition and instincts that I follow each and every time. So if my intuition tells me to check three times next week, guess what… I’m checking. I’m sorry but I’m not going to ignore my womanly intuition. And I don’t even do it behind his back…. Sometimes I will go through his phone while we are sitting right on the sofa watching TV. Of course he doesn’t like it…. but oh well! That’s not going to stop me.

Long before we got married, a pastor once told us that when you are in a committed, healthy, monogamous relationship, there is no reason why you should have lock codes on your phone. There should be no reason why you can’t leave your phone in the living room while you use the restroom. Your personal phone shouldn’t be something that you have to hide from your companion. And if you do, there might be a problem.

The pastor also said that your companion should also be able to answer your cell phone anytime you are not available to. Now I don’t answer my husband’s cell phone when it rings, but I wouldn’t have a problem doing so if I needed to. I figure that at this point we have been together eight years and married for three… EVERYONE that he knows should know that he has a wife, right?? But still, I’m not going to answer his phone… but I definitely wouldn’t hesitate to if my intuition told me to do so.

And this isn’t just a nosey black woman thing either. There have been times where I’ve gone to take a shower and left my cell phone in the room with the light flashing (indicating that I had a message). When I came out the shower, the message wasn’t checked, but the light wasn’t flashing either…. Which let me know that he went through my phone.

And I ask him straight up, “Did you go through my phone?”

He keeps his eyes on the TV, “Yup.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I wasn’t looking for anything.”

“Then why did you go through it?”

“I don’t know.”

I really got a kick out of his response. Because this let me know that he is equally curious and just as nosey as I am. I didn’t feel violated or worried at all. (Especially because I know there was nothing in my phone for him to trip about.) I felt like we were on the same page… as if we have an understanding with one another. The understanding is that we’re not a paranoid, insecure, pessimistic, jealous couple that constantly needs to check up on each other. We are a happily married couple that knows that sometimes, people change and s**t happens… And sometimes it happens right underneath your nose.

The older we get… the longer we are together… the deeper we fall in love… the stronger our bond grows. This will probably translate into us checking on one another less,  but the older we get, the stronger our intuition will be too. Although I trust my husband, I will always trust my intuition a little more and pay attention to my gut feeling.

To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.

Be honest… Do YOU go through your mates phone? I know I can’t be the only one that’s willing to admit it…

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Related Article: Why You Should NOT Go Through Your Man’s Phone

  • Dalma Antoine

    This is the best quest post so far. Yes I did go through my ex husband’s phone because I got that woman intuition and the gut never lie, and what do you know he was cheating.

  • Devil Dog 1775

    As a man, I got that same gut feeling and low and behold, she reached out to someone who she had an affair with many years ago, a fellow service member and just because it was 11 years ago and we have gotten so much closer, I am supposed to be okay with that. I really dont think so… It has been a lie for many years that I had refused to keep on living!

    • StephanLabossiere

      That is unfortunate that she chose to cross that line, and hold on to that lie for many years. I completely understand your position but I feel compelled to tell you to reconsider walking away or holding on to this pain. I in no way want to minimize the severity of her actions but we all make mistakes. If your relationship had truly gotten to a place where you felt happy, fulfilled, and in the right place then consider not throwing that away. Regardless of what your decision will be, I encourage you forgiving her. It does not mean you condone her actions, but forgiveness is necessary for you to be able to move in the right direction and into a better place for yourself. 

  • Phermyaphrost

    Indeed we are all human and possess that natural instinct to survive and protect ourselves, but sometimes being nosy is just an excuse for paranoia and insecurity. As much as one may deny it, that nosiness can be synonymous with lack of trust. Regardless, when things start to go wrong in a relationship, its best to try to discover the source(s) and fix it/them. If you fail to find the source or if your companion won’t open up making it difficult for you to resolve the problem, then you have to do so through other means. Normally these can be clear warning signs indicating that you may find something that completely crushes you and the trust between you and your companion. Sometimes what you don’t know can’t hurt you, but the age old philosophy is that everything that is in darkness shall come to light, much like the scenario mentioned by Devil Dog 1775.

    • StephanLabossiere

      Excellent comment Phermyaphrost, I could not have said it any better.

  • Becky

    I go through his phone though he get pissed each time i check, but I don’t give a fuck! atleast that’s how i found out he was cheating.

    • StephanLabossiere

      Are you still with him and did finding that out cause you to leave him?

  • KK

    No, I can honestly say that I have never gone through my boyfriend’s phone.  I have never felt compelled to do so in the past, nor do I feel the need to do it now.  That may change in the future, but I don’t think so.  I have good intuition, but I’m not nosy…never have been.  I’m not even sure if it’s my inherent lack of nosiness…maybe it’s the fact that I just trust him. If the relationship is worth having there has to be trust.  Bottom line.

    That being said, I whole-heartedly expect reciprocity.  He should trust me enough to not go through my phone either.  I usually don’t have anything to hide…except when I do.  For example, my calendar/to do list is on my phone — if he had chosen to go through my phone then he would have found out about a surprise that I was planning.  That would have been unfortunate.

  • Rog2199

    So…if a woman’s “intuition” tells her to check her man’s phone and she finds NOTHING, was that really intuition? Smh

    • StephanLabossiere

      Great point Rog2199. I would love to see how the women respond to that question.

    • Heavenwbc

      Then the woman feels good about finding nothing…unless buddy is just good at constantly deleting his phone info of course… But if he isn’t doing any dirt, on to regularly scheduled programming…

    • honey

      its not always intution that makes you check your mans phone…sometime we are just being nosey…and why the hell should you care if the phone is getting check if you have nothing to hide

    • solo

      it was our intuition that told us to check the phone the last time we found something…the reason why we didnt find nothing this time is b/c you enrased that shit b4 we could get to it..smh rog2199 post of a cheater

      • h1tter

        That doesn’t mean anything. She never found anything but still checks. Obviously she is more than nosey if she goes check his messages

      • Easymoneyet

        so when you dont find nothing/what your looking for, u are still upset because you think he is still guilty because he “must have erased it b4 u could get to it”…..your accusing him of something you have no proof of. you go through his phone and find nothing and are still mad….YOU ARE INSECURE!

    • Beautyunmatched75

      Exactly! She contradicted herself. That’s not woman’s intuition because she never found anything
      That’s insecurity and insanity.

      • Geoffry Evans

        Yep, sounds like insecurity to me.

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    • Poet Shay Butter

      Just because she didn’t find anything in his phone doesn’t mean it isn’t there. . Womens intuition existed way before the invention of cell phones. Keep looking ladies!. 🙂

      • James Tuthill

        Or respect privacy, you know, like a good person. It’s not your phone you nosy sycophants. Amscray!

  • Noda_2_much_4_u

    Well with me I went thru my sister phone n found out about her n the guy I ws dating 8yrs. They continue to lie but I never had proof. Well recenlty. I took pictures of the texts n sent it to both of dem. Sometimes u now! Myself I knew bcuz they way he acted as well as her n the pain for me is hard to bear. Two ppl I loved more than anything betrayed me n I don’t know how to handle d pain, bcuz not its hard to trust I forgive dem but now I’m forever stuck with this pain

    • StephanLabossiere

      That is unfortunate that you had to experience that and I completely understand your pain and disappointment. I don’t know enough of the story to say much but I can tell you that you  are not stuck with this pain forever. If you allow that to happen then you will block the blessings that are waiting for you on the other side of this situation. I say “allow” because the choice is yours to hold on to this pain, or to let go. I know that is easier said then done, but it also does not have to be as hard as you think. What they did to you is not a reflection on you, but on them and the issues they need to resolve within themselves. Pray for the strength to truly forgive them because as human beings we have all done things that may not have been the best. You don’t have to learn to trust them, just learn to trust GOD and that will take care of the rest. 

  • Karmah2012

    I think it is a violation of privacy just like reading your spouses mail. I have 4 daughters who constantly go through my things and my phone is my personal property and it should not be violated, married or not. In my opinion the only time a person feels the need to go through their spouses phone is when they have a “feeling” about something. Its sad that couples do not hold on to their individuality anymore.  

    • frankyrizo

      individuality… thats funny. you mean like individual couples right… wait…..

  • Kwarren2010

    I couldnt have said it better….this has been my thought process for awhile! I feel that this should only matter in a serious committed relationship. If your husband/BF, wife/GF is honest from the beginning and lets you know if there is anything going on then the results of you going through a phone..should be exactly what you expect…If not then of course, its the obvious, you have a problem, why wasite your time? I totally agree with this post….MY OPINION

  • Kavonnelewis91

    This is soooo good and soooo true. Nice way to explain it!

  • Claudiakeisha

    I think being able to look into your companion’s phone / his things in general, without having to hide or making it seem like you doing something forbidden helps built the trust. Women constantly feel the need to be reassured they’re the only one in their man’s life and this is no matter how much he says “I love you” we want the facts, to acknowledge it on our own sometimes. I personally haven’t done it in the past but also believe I haven’t met the person that will understand where I’m coming from by doing it to. Only time will tell!

  • Tarenia

    Great post about keeping it real. Truth be told there is no right or wrong in this scenario. Obviously her husband has no issues with it and GETS HER curiosity. I would however, sit down with my spouse before going through their phone just so they know where I am coming from. Open dialogue about why, whether from curiosity or insecurity should be discussed so the other person will understand that it is not about them being untrustworthy, its about self seeking to gratify the little voice inside. Marriage is honorable, great, and yes it has it’s ups & downs so hold on for the ride!!

  • Jane Doe

    I go thru my boyfriends phone. and idc guys are sneaky so if I need to know ehat goes on in his phone im gonna go thru idc what anybody has to say. If it takes me goin thru your phone to helps me trust you then I dont see nothin wrong with that

  • somelady

    I do. And I tell him that I do. He does the same!  Why?  Just because I feel like it!  I don’t expect to find anything incriminating at all. If I thought there was dirt in his phone (or his inbox) I would be much more nervous to check it. But since I know it is clean, I feel free to peruse.

  • Julianworks

    ima a dude and i can feel u on this …..i went from having alot of women to just her and wen i get gut feeling i check lol

  • Celebex

    This proves nothing except that he may have a burner phone.

  • MrsCharlieB30

    I thought I was the only one who went through their other half phone for no reason at all. My husband does the same thing too. Its cool as long as I don’t run across no nonsense.

  • Es

    Woman’s intuition hasn’t failed me yet

    • Torrey Holman

      Neither has mine! Neither has mine.

  • Valante Grant

    To me, it is really cool when a man voluntarily GIVES you access, rather than just taking it. That speaks volumes about the LADY.

    • StephanLabossiere

      Now that right there is how I feel it should be done. 

  • heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll noooooooooooooooooooooooooo, til she pay my bill she better not touch my damn phone

    • StephanLabossiere


    • Ky_shaye


  • Nkreseknowledge

    you’re pathetic…

  • Salontna

    I don’t need to look at my man phone and he better not look at my phone!!!!!! I never been that girl to look at a guy phone!! Lady look what in the dark will come to light. DUH! Your man might have a side phone anyway lmao

  • Beautyunmatched

    This is a clear example of people wanting ownership and not love. Our insecurities makes us want to own. I don’t have anything to hide from my mate but if you privately go in my phone when I leave the room then you are the one that can’t be trusted. Why be sneaky? Probably because you aee everybody as yourself. Its a violation in my opinion and it feels horrible when someone goes through my things without my permission. Love is not ownership. If a person is gonna do something they are gonna do it regardless.

    • Dannie

      She clearly said he knows she goes through his phone, where is she being sneaky ?? Lolz. Some girls, I totally agree. But not this one. If she does it when she’s sitting right next to him, I think that takes the sneak factor completely out of it, she has his permission. This is not a good example of the type of situation you’re describing.

      • Jim

        she does not have his permission did you miss the part when she said he does not like it but it is not going to stop her

  • Peachessuga

    I did that a few times. Nothing was discovered until I found out he had a back up phone one day when I came home early and he forgot to put it back in its hiding place!! Lol now we are separated. He was into some nasty stuff! For my safety I split

  • MarathonGirl

    My ex-husband gave me his email password after a year of dating and 2 years later we got married. I probably checked it once or twice in the 4 years we were together. The last year I felt he wasn’t telling me everything and thought it REALLY weird that his friends husband kept asking me if I was ok. I couldn’t sleep one night while on vacation to his hometown and went into the bathroom and logged on to his email to find he was having an affair with his friend. His friends husband knew all about it and was making sure I was doing ok. Ultimately I found everything I needed from his email and his friends husband and NOT from my ex-husband…sad to say he wasn’t a man for that fact. His friends mother emailed him and told him how she feels it’s SO wrong for “people to violate others privacy.” I wasn’t just a regular person on the street I was his wife. After getting back home I started checking his phone after him saying he wanted to work it out with me…I found 1 thing in a month until I got the phone bill and saw all the calls and how long they were-all that time he deleted everything before coming home. My ex-husband was just using myself and my family until he got the money to leave and move back home across the country…which took him longer once I found out. AZ is a community property state:) We went to counseling and my pastor said the same thing about spouses should have all passwords. If you have nothing to hide-why not? If you don’t share or allow/like them to look then something is wrong. My ex-husband had all my information and I didn’t care-I have nothing to hide. My pastor said I did nothing wrong in going in his email or phone. I agree with this post:)

  • @M

    I feel this article 110%!!! Although I went thru my man’s phone for more reasons than just being nosey; I still checked if often nonetheless.  When you look for things; you find them, however you have to be prepared for what you may find.  I was always questioned why I couldn’t give 100% in the relationship. Perhaps it was the messages from random females, but the fact is, if he couldn’t keep it 100 with me; checking his phone kept my love at bay.  It protected me for fall so head over heels in love and be so open meanwhile, he’s not even being truthful…So I say to all my nosey women out there, keep checking, until you are secure enough in your relationship that you don’t have to check or you check less often.

  • Altynes16

    I rarely go through it… But when I do I tend to find something I dont like or agree with…

    • StephanLabossiere

      That doesn’t sound good

  • Pooblyshus39

    IF you really want to know what going on. Pray!! God see it all and in strange ways he will give you your answer..Thats the best PI I know…lol

    • Torrey Holman

      Most definitely!

  • Pooblyshus39

    Seriously, why go through all that trouble, its a waste of energy. Trust me! What’s in the dark always comes to the light…In the meant time, Live and be happy because life is too short.

  • Zachembranjess

    I’m afraid so. It’s usually not good. You go looking, you usually find.

  • Lynnhan77

    Im 35; married 13 years; cheated n been cheated on; with the understanding that I got married to stay married to one man for life please understand this; yes yes n yes I check his phone n he checks mines, whenever where ever and around who ever. To me it’s just a little gesture of realizing that at least with our cell phones we trust each other. You may not agree with my post if you are not married (if you do not have a covenant). Being Married n locking phones, vm, brief cases, banks codes don’t coincide with the word COVENANT!! two become one… Notice I didn’t say a perfect ONE but a ONE non the less.

  • Lynnhan77

    Im 35; married 13 years; cheated n been cheated on; with the understanding that I got married to stay married to one man for life please understand this; yes yes n yes I check his phone n he checks mines, whenever where ever and around who ever. To me it’s just a little gesture of realizing that at least with our cell phones we trust each other. You may not agree with my post if you are not married (if you do not have a covenant). Being Married n locking phones, vm, brief cases

  • Sk8QueenSlim

    Yes I do. As a matter of fact, I did so last night. I check his phone for confirmation. In the event his behavior changes, I check his phone to see what he’s been up to. *shrugs* Jealous, insecure or whatever, I have a right to know about the things that are causing behavioral changes in him. Especially those that directly influence our marriage.

  • Saraholiver77

    I haven’t except for one guy. But I knew he was cheating, and he always went thru my phone and wouldn’t admit it. When I did, I told him right after!! And guess what, everything I thought, plus more was true!! He was only guy I did that to, and he started it in first place. And I left him

  • Meenabee0118

    I’m a baby techie…so I’m glued to my phone at times…its like a mini entertainment station. So, for myself…I’m so in love with my own phone…I don’t bother to look at another’s. Unless…my spidey senses tell me something is wrong. In my case there was. My ex was receiving inappropriate photos from an admirer…which I previously told him to set straight. Once I saw that he was still receiving pictures and texting her…I let him go. Luckily, we didn’t live together.

  • Victoria_hopkins

    This is something I never did…

  • Crystal3baby

    I busted my man talking to girls while I was AT WORK helping to pay OuR bills and put food on OUR table….. I listened to my gut instinct that he was doing dirt and BiNGO the dirty dog was….. if you are in a committed relationship I believe you should be able to go through his phone for ANY reason….

  • Oh hell no.  “To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.”

    There is NEVER any need to check someone’s phone, and if there is? Then you don’t need to be in that relationship PERIOD, as there is no trust.  As a WOMAN, I’ve never ONCE had the urge to go through someone’s phone that I was dating, lived with, engaged to, OR married.  

    BECAUSE, and I 
    +1,000,000,000,000,000 the comment listed below, “That’s insecurity and insanity.” FOR REAL.

  • KR2012

    Oh hell no.  “To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.” 

    There is NEVER any need to check someone’s phone, and if there is? Then you don’t need to be in that relationship PERIOD, as there is no trust.  As a WOMAN, I’ve never ONCE had the urge to go through someone’s phone that I was dating, lived with, engaged to, OR married.  
    BECAUSE, and I  +1,000,000,000,000,000 the comment listed below, “That’s insecurity and insanity.” FOR REAL.

    • RU-Responders Unite

      my father texts me back from my mothers phone, and my mother will do the same from his phone. They will openly lend eachother their phones when they need to. The ones who HATE the idea of having their phone looked at, are usually the ones trying to hide something. I have a pattern lock on my phone. My husband knows it. I have his password lock for his phone. The only reason they are locked? We have curious kids who like to make phone calls. I’ve given him my phone when his was dead on days he was driving in dangerous weather. I have NOTHING to hide, but like the idea that I can get ahold of him when I need to.

      Trust is being able to openly hand eachother a private piece of us, and KNOWING they won’t find anything even if they looked. If you have nothing to hide, there is NO NEED to be defensive over something so DUMB!

  • MWalk

    A phone should not be treated as some sort of diary. Its a form of communication. In the days of a house phone and answering machine people didn’t treat those like diaries. Your reflects your integrity so what is in it should not be any hidden secret. If you get angry when someone checks your phone then keep it protected at all times, but if you do this then don’t get upset when your significant other starts thinking you have something to hide. My phone gets misplaced all the time in my house and at no time am I worried about who finds it before I do. My five year old plays on it, and my bf can use it if his is dead or lost or just because. 

  • Rach3lwagn3r

    i do it if i feel like theres a reason to.. and  do it right infront of him 

  • Brianna

    I go through my boyfriends phone just cause i’m curious.. not even to see if he’s cheating just to see what’s on his mind.. i mostly like to read our messages from each other, which ones he locks and which ones are still there and which pictures are still there… idk… he goes through my phone too….same reasons..

  • Kojjak88

    My whole thing is if you feel like you can go through your mans phone why sneak. If you go through his phone and find something you’re going to confront him, if u don’t find anything you won’t even tell him you went through his phone. That’s not trust that’s manipulation

  • this blog is dumb as hell , i wouldn’t check my girls phone if i wasn’t jealous or possessive or suspicious of her character …the intuition you are talking about is called ur trust issues..  and if you really love your husband why would you want to piss him off by checking his phone , you said it yourself “Of course he doesn’t like it…. but oh well! That’s not going to stop me.” …sadly checking phones is normal in most relationships but that doesn’t mean it should be glorified.

  • The most important point about this post is that both partner’s know their phone may get checked.

    This won’t work for most couples because there is probably a large lack of communication in the relationship. One person is checking because they are looking for information their partner isn’t willing to offer.

    If you are checking your partner’s phone and hiding the action, it’s a breach of trust. 

    When you check your partner’s phone and your partner knows and doesn’t mind, it’s an act of trust.

  • Beautiflnytemare

    I dont have time for that. If I feel like I need to check your phone I don’t need to be in your face. I have a life to live. I’m not knocking any woman that does it. Been there done that and it’s old. I have $$ to make.

  • Obb1437

    Yeah I go through my man’s phone and he goes through mine too. No problems except for I have a facebook so he does question me about random men messaging me heir phone numbers and what not [thirsty fools) there’s pictures of me and my man all over it so what do yu look like messaging me your number haha. But he knows that if I was to persue another man he’d notice. We’re too close not too. And I don’t worry about it bc everytime I’m in his phon he’s right next to me and never says a thing. I love him 🙂

  • Joewoods73

    If you go through my phone, even though I have nothing to hide them you are sneaky, have trust issues, and disrespectful. If I have to do this to do, then you are not the woman for me.

  • Tokam3545

    some women walk in the toilet together to powder their nose and all that.. guys dont needa escort each other.. not because we are hiding anything, but because, generally, we have different concepts of privacy.. there is nothing on my phone, and i allow anyone to go through my pics and messages, esp my girlfriend, ONLY after i ask her why she or they want to.. nothing to hide, but i find it rude if you dont get permission first.. nosey or not doesnt make a difference to me.. and thats why some people wont let you go thru their phone.. not because they are hiding, but because they feel dosrespected.. disclaimer: cheaters are not covered by this comment..

  • kn

    An individuak can say random curiousity caused then to check a phone. But, it has to be something deeper. Maybe a prior bad relationship, not enpugh trust, etc. No one is perfect and if it doesn’t cause an issue, why worry.

  • Homer

    i think it is perfectky healthy for a couple to be able to go through each others phone. f a party is doingt bc they feel they are being cheated on then thats an entirely different issue and probably only done bc one of the party is making the other feel as though they are hiding something and thats never a good feeling… however for a couple to be happy in their relationship especially marriage they should both have no worries as to what the other finds in their phone .. when ur married ur supposed to be one.. so if your doing something that you dont want your mate to find then thats the problem.. not the person finding out what your doing! 

  • Kae Carter

    Lol! I liked learning about this perspective, but I wonder if she knows that many men have two separate phones and they may hide another phone elsewhere as the “backup phone”! Lmao! Keep digging sister!

  • Poet Shay Butter

    I go through his phone when i need an excuse to leave

  • trista

    Nope because i know hes a player and I dont go looking for trouble just to hurt myself emotionally

  • K.Mathis

    I would never date or get married to a woman like this. Everyone needs their privacy and it may not be cheating that I don’t wont you to see it might be me have a private convo with a friend or family member that didn’t give me the ok to tell you about it. Trust is a big part of a relation ship and no matter how a person man or woman try to make there self feel better about doing things like this its just there insecurities. But that’s just my opinion.

  • Yendi

    To b honest…if u r checking on the regular there is an obvious streak of insecurity and controlling issues. I believe that both parties should be open to going through each others phones if a question surfaces, but doing it all the time is not healthy. Its obvious that this womans relationship is a comfortable one based on their reactions n communication level. I been on both sides of the field, it takes nothing but that delete button. So the phone checking is cool, but the root of the relationship problems doesn’t stem from a text.

  • JohnBoy

    First, I’d like to say that I know that I’m really late on this post lol. And I’ll be honest, I’m young and by young I mean I’m really young compared to everyone and haven’t had
    in the least a sliver in the amount of dating experience as the adults. With me just turning 18.
    But at the same time wouldn’t it be better to ask or at least let the significant other know that, ” Hey! I’m going to check something that I’m probably not paying the bill for?” With myself and my girlfriend of 3(going on 4) years that’s how we do and until we separate will do.
    I trust her and she trusts me, heck, she has my passwords to my cell, e-mail and social networking sites. The only thing she doesn’t have are my bank codes and my social! lol

  • phil

    maybe a nigga just like his privacy.

  • James Tuthill

    You are a garbage human being. You never have the right, clean and simple, every time you do, you’re betraying and acting like scum.

  • Teresa997

    I went through my man’s phone and found that he had been looking at some pictures on a site called smoking hot selfies. I have not spoke to him about it partially because I want to see if it continues and partially because he will be upset that I was snooping. My question is what to do? I feel hurt that he was looking at sexy pictures of other women. He says he loves me and to trust him but if he is looking at other women, does he not appreciate me? I want to be the only woman he wants to look at. Is this considered cheating? It’s definitely not something he would do in front of me. These aren’t women he has any contact with but it’s just the fact that he was looking at them… Stephan, what do you think?

  • Torrey Holman

    I’m with your pastor. I know a lot of women jump on the “secure” bandwagon, and that’s okay. If they’re that ‘secure’ in their trust in their man- I’m happy for them. But MY GOD said trust NO MAN! (male or female).
    Soooo, you’re all secure in your man that you don’t question his actions, whereabouts, you don’t check his phone, etc- so what happens if that ‘security’ lands you in the hospital, or worse dead- because he indeed was hiding something, but you with your ‘secure’ behind didn’t have a clue- or worse you did, your womanly intuition kicked in- but you didn’t want to appear anything undesirable as say ‘insecure’. What then???
    Well, anyone that wants that can have that. When what God blessed me with starts tingling all over the place and punching me in my gut like there is no tomorrow- best believe I’m about to start ‘snooping’. Hopefully it’s a false warning and I don’t have to snoop- that me sharing with him my feelings doesn’t provoke a defensive attitude in him, and he willingly and gladly helps me alleviate my ‘concerns’. So what if it turned out to be nothing that time??? IT’S THERE FOR A PURPOSE, OR GOD WOULD NOT HAVE ENDOWED YOU WITH IT. SO INSECURE, INSANE, WHATEVER..IT’S MY LIFE I’M THINKING ABOUT.

  • Ashley Schluterman

    I have went through my boyfriend of 6 years phone/Facebook and every time I have…..I have been hurt to the core! If you go looking for something you will find it….He has always said that he’s not doing anything but come to find out (on Christmas no less) that he was trying to hook up with numerous females! Should we stay together? Should we just let it all end? That’s still up for debate but at this point our kids and I live in our own home away from him. We are trying to work things out but I have NO trust in him and don’t know if I can get past this AGAIN! But his phone is locked all the time and hidden for sure now. So I know I will always have doubt that he is faithful to me so at the end of the day he is free to do him and I will be fine with our kids and not having to worry about what he is doing

  • Antoine Randolph

    I never have anything to hide but i feel that if im the one paying the bill for my phone what gives you the right to go through it without asking. ask me first and i wil let you.

  • Rebecca Freeman

    true story… recently i have become part of serious relationship…still early days but as soon as i knew for certain and for sure He’s the one i want to be with…i deleted EVERYTHING…photos, chats, filed and saved messages, numbers, names, the works…everything and anything related to previous boyfriends/lovers…why?…so my boyfriend can and will be able to go through my phone and not find anything related to anyone that may “pose a threat” (even if only in his mind) to our relationship…he didn’t ask me to, i just thought it was the right thing to do…and it felt cleansing too…some of that stuff had been precious to me once…some of the pics etc were years old…but..FULL DELETE was the appropriate way to deal with it….cause i wouldn’t like to stumble upon private stuff that would make me wonder and cause unnecessary problems..i wouldn’t want him to feel insecure about previous guys..my PAST..when he is my present and future..hes in a league all of his own..and deleting the ‘PAST’ was one way of confirming that …cause he is the first man i have done that for..erasing them and all possibility of contact from my end is part of my commitment…oh..i have the lock code etc to his phone too and i have full access to it…so yeah..if you have nothing to hide…you have nothing to fear..and if your spouse wants/needs to check every now and then…let them 🙂

  • Dre

    My thought on this is that if spouses have to check each other’s phone it to me signals lack of trust and or immaturity. Now answering the phone is ok if the spouse is not able to, even by chance noticing something unusual on phone by accident resulting in U checking is ok; but the deliberate act to take up the phone to check calls, messages etc. unwarranted is evidence of insecurity or trust issues and it mobile is 479 4537may be so for justifiable reasons; then in that case get help and move on. Checking your spouse phone won’t change your feelings,therefore deal with the issues that will affect that change if there is a change at all

  • Joffre Roberts

    The person who wrote this article is STUPID!!! that is all.

  • Rob79

    So…. Yea… Let us go through their phones and all hell will break lose

  • Krissie

    I am a woman and I don’t touch my man’s phone because for one I trust God, secondly, I trust him, and thirdly I respect his privacy. He on the other hand, stays in my phone. I am as faithful and loyal as they come, he tells me the same thing about being “curious” but it is all an insecurity issue and maybe too much time on your hands if you ask me regardless of if you are a woman or man. I feel as individuals you are supposed to have a certain level of personal space and privacy no matter what kind of relationship you have. I’ve had past relationships where I’ve been that crazy woman, gotten those instincts, checked the phone, and found nothing because it was all erased (he was a dog) but in due time and with my trust in God all was revealed without me being an investigator. Personally I am the best woman I can be to my man and on the strength of my confidence, I doubt he is doing anything or going anywhere. No need to check his phone, I have a life lol.

  • Listen2InnerVoice

    When I was an adolescent, my mother had a friend who died at 30 years old due to an AIDS related illness. She was a hard-working, faithful, and loving woman, and she was dead a year after her HIV diagnosis. I am now a physician in training, so this event was not during the eighties when the time from diagnosis to death was ten years or less. Her death was swift despite the array of antiretroviral drug combos that have been available for the last couple of decades.

    I was a child when this woman died, but I will NEVER forget the words of wisdom she gave my mother and aunt. This once beautiful, industrious young woman with AIDS cachexia wasted down to 80 pounds and needed a diaper to collect her bodily waste. On her death bed, she begged my mom and aunt to not stay in a relationship with someone who could not stay faithful. This was her downfall. She pushed aside her mental voice when it told her something was wrong in her marriage. She felt it was a breech of trust if she went through his phone, so she decided to trust him instead of listening to her inner voice. Her dying wish was that my mother and aunt would never discount their intuition, because the wages of sleeping with an unfaithful spouse can be death.

    I would never tell anyone to spy on his/her spouse, but do not ignore your intuition. Countless studies have shown that when a spouse suspects his/her partner of cheating, the suspecting spouse is frequently correct. After the death of my mother’s friend, her only child gave up on herself. I honestly do not know if she is alive or dead since I left my hometown shortly after I completed high school. To make a long story short, it may not be prudent to listen to people online who speak of the invasion of privacy when it pertains to your spouse. Yes, your boyfriend or girlfriend has a right to keep things private, but marriage cannot work if there is not transparency.I believe couples should have access to their spouses’ email accounts and phone passwords. However, I do not believe in frequently checking your spouse’s info is a wise thing to do if you are trying to build trust. You check this info if the following occurs: 1. There is a family emergency, and you need to contact some of his/her close friends or family. 2. There has been a drastic change of behavior, and you have tried everything possible to lovingly get your spouse to communicate with you, or 3. Your intuition is simpl telling you something isn’t right. If your spouse is starting an argument when you simply pick up his or her phone to look at stocks, check the weather, etc., something could be wrong.

    Use your instincts, and protect yourselves ladies and gentlemen. If you feel like you have to investigate, do so only after you have tried every avenue to get your spouse to open up to you. Furthermore, do not feel guilty if you ask your own spouse to get tested and/or use protection while you are intimate. Think of the consequence of NOT listening to your inner voice versus going against your intuition. On the other hand, if your spouse repeatedly proves over and over again that he is trustworthy, then take a step back and let him or her know that you love and appreciate his/her dedication to the marriage.

  • QuirkyGamer99

    My boyfriend and I know each other’s passwords to each other’s phones, and I sometimes look through his messages, mostly cause his conversations with his friends are funny. But the reason why is not cause we don’t trust each other, but because we do trust each other and we have nothing to hide. And he’s perfectly fine with me looking at it, even if he’s around or not, as long as I don’t reply. And I’m perfectly fine with him looking at mine. My point is that when someone looks through your phone, it’s always about insecurities or trust issues. It’s just genuine curiousity. You don’t have to agree with me, but that’s just how we see it.

  • Faith

    Dr Mack is the truth…. He is the only man who can…turn your heartbreak to joy…. he is the right person to contact Email:dr.mac@yahoo. com if you want your Ex-lover…

  • RChanel

    Hello good people! So this article and discussion is very relevant to my current life, as I recently ended a seemingly promising relationship, which was exclusive due to the fact that I not only checked his phone, but also found that he’d recently added Tinder to his phone and had new matches on it. I confronted him as soon as I saw the notifications on his phone, and he was stunned. He really had no explanation for it except” I was just swiping”. Since that was his first response, and that he admitted that he had intended to meet someone while on a recent trip to Atlanta, I felt like the best decision was for us to end. He also admitted that he added it during our relationship and not before. Shortly after ending the relationship he began to flood my voicemail, my email, my video apps and calling my mom in the hospital….blaming me! He said that due to my insecurities that led me to check his phone, that that was the reason he added Tinder. That’s ludicrous because I only checked his phone that morning. It would be one thing if my intuition led me to check the phone and there was nothing there. But because I felt the intuition, it was the morning after having sex, I figured there was a good reason why I was led to check it. And I was right. Now that we’ve been apart for some time I still hold to that decision. I like this article because it validates that intuition and reaffirms what I already felt about myself, that I’m not crazy, or deeply insecure, but rather that I was following something that was leading me to the truth I needed to see. Do I miss him? yes. But not enough to put myself back in a relationship in which I had to go digging for potentially dangerous truth when all he had to do was be honest and say that he was still looking for something outside of our relationship.