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It Was All Love’s Fault: Understanding The Real Issue

love is to blame

Letting that woman run all over you. Following that man to see where he has been going. Impregnating her or letting him get you pregnant even when they aren’t aware of your intentions. The list goes on and on. Ask that person why they did it and many will utter the phrase “love makes you do crazy things”. I’m sure you have heard it before. It doesn’t matter how stupid or crazy you may feel a person’s action are because many will just lay the blame on love. I guess that makes sense since love is supposed to make you blind and therefore you can’t clearly see what your actions are really about.

Well love didn’t make you do any of the things I mentioned. Love is not responsible for any other “crazy” or possibly misguided things you have seen some people do. The reality is that fear and insecurity were the two main factors in you taking that action. Now this does not mean that I am implying you are not “in love” with that person. This article isn’t trying to question how genuine your “relationship” is. What I am saying is that those specific actions we take that typically have a negative impact on the situation are not born out of love. You don’t let that person run all over you because you love them. You do it because you are afraid you may lose them and what they represent in your life…this can be a problem. If you decide to sneak around and go through their personal things (phone, email, or simply following them) than that is insecurity setting in and you are acting on it. There have been men who have hit women and then say “you know I only hit you because I love you” and unfortunately the woman accepts it. Love is one of the most used cop-outs and honestly this needs to stop.

With so many people playing the “love card” what you now have is love being portrayed as the big bad wolf. This unpleasant and hurtful experience that many just want to steer clear from. Little do many realize that even some of the people who say they want love are like “oh hell no” when it actually comes their way. We have attached so many negative things to it that we have rendered love pointless and damn near evil. Many will embrace lust, excitement, and infatuation much more than they will love. To them love is too risky and they feel much safer emotionally with everything else. Even fear is embraced more than love but it won’t stop people from wrongfully painting their situation or action as one that is driven by love. The more we blame love the more it gets a bad and undeserving rap. If we don’t start placing these actions in their proper category (fear, insecurity, etc) then we will continue to traumatize others who will want no part of this love thing. Love is not what hurt you because it only wants to heal you.

If you don’t recognize an obstacle for what it is then you make it extremely difficult to truly overcome it. If we just blame love instead of accepting that we were just scared when we did what we did, then we won’t be able to properly address the real issue. I know how easy it is to blame love but we have to look deeper for the real answer. It is in our best interest to be more honest with ourselves and others about what is really going on. We are about to enter a new year and for so many it is time for a new approach. Love is a beautiful thing but when we contaminate it with so many negative feelings and actions we hinder its true value and power. Love is the key but we have to stop being afraid to unlock the door.

Side Note: Just a piece of advice I want to share. Never be afraid to lose them more than you are afraid to lose yourself.

Frustrated with your current situation? Trying to figure out what you next move should be? Ready to see positive results in your life? If yes, then contact me today to schedule a coaching session. For more details visit my Life & Relationship Coaching page or email me at

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11 thoughts on “It Was All Love’s Fault: Understanding The Real Issue”

  1. Joelle Paule

    The side note is my favorite!! Love is beautiful when shared by two people… Love doesn’t hurt at all and should not hurt as a matter of fact. Love it once again

  2. Great Blog Stephan, Love is beautiful, however so often it is not love, fear motivates us in relationships.  Both men and women need to be honest with ourselves and each other in our relationships 🙂

  3. Ms.Anaya

    Stephan I love the article, it’s like music to my ears, it brings joy and reassurance! My favorite is the side note thank you.for sharing your knowledge, it’s powerful!!

  4. LifeSecretLove

    This article hit close to home. The reality is whether you been in love or not, we all know that love isn’t suppose to feel like someone close to you just died, 3 times in a month for 5yrs or how ever long… Love may not necessarily be perfect but it is patient with the mind and kind to the soul. Fearing and/or denying the truth will keep you from finding that someone that truly loves you.

  5. Gaynelle

    Thank you for re-wrapping I think I’ll look good wrapped in love.
    You are extremely insightful.  And your delivery is palatable….You did it again.  Thanks Stephan.

  6. Nicole

    This is something I really needed to read .. I just got of an abusive relationship where they claim they love me but love doesn’t hurt. I had to learn how to love myself and not let this person define me, it is very hard because this person moved close to me so they can always keep an eye on me and if I do anything like not walk past there house I’ll be cheating … My heart always forgive so easily but I have to understand that this isn’t love, love doesn’t leave scars. To all my ladies take your time, if that person is showing visible signs then stay clear ! Don’t let the word love define the relationship

  7. Shauni

    The article was okay. But the issue is not only fear, it’s issues that go deeper than love. Most people don’t know what love is. Abuse, abandonment, rejection and the like are reasons why people hold on so tightly. That’s not love. Deal with the deeply rooted issues first then you can clearly see what love is and what it is not. By not dealing with those issues, one will never know what true love is.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    New International Version (NIV)

    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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