black couple moving on from heartbreak

Heartbreak: Do Women Move On Faster Than Men

Personally I don’t believe women move on faster than men from heartbreak. I know many would disagree with that and I understand why they feel that way. You always see situations where the man just won’t let go. It could be years since the breakup and that man is still trying to get her back and make something happen.

Of course we see women struggle too but on the surface they seem to reach a point where they have moved on a lot quicker from the heartbreak. They shed  plenty of tears, and experienced many sleepless nights, but now they have accepted that it’s over.  So why would I still say that women don’t move on faster than men? Are men actually better at letting go? Why isn’t the visual evidence enough for me to change my position?

In my opinion many women eventually learn the skill of “managing their emotions”. They have enough experiences of being emotionally vulnerable that they understand how to deal with them (in a way that they are “comfortable” with). They also learn how to take greater control by not putting themselves in emotionally vulnerable positions. In many cases when that woman experiences heartbreak with a man she is truly in love with (has a deep and genuine connection with him) there is only so much she is willing to deal with emotionally. She has addressed her feelings to a certain extent but she isn’t willing to deal with it anymore and wants to get her “emotional control” back. When she reaches that “this is enough” point it would seem to others that she has moved on. What is actually happening in many cases is that she is simply stuffing her feelings away in an emotional closet. She will then lock the door and find enough distractions (work, kids, another man, etc) to allow her to believe and portray that she is “over it”. In reality the feelings are still there and the right kind of moment/event can bust that door wide open. The thing is other people may never witness when that moment occurs. That woman may do everything in her power to not let anyone see what is going on inside of her (maybe a very close friend will catch a glimpse). She will have her “moment” and then she will proceed to place everything back in that closet, lock the door, and get back to her distractions.

With men it is a little different. Men are not typically raised to be in touch with their emotions and many struggle with learning how to manage them. They are taught to “suck it up” “man up”  and simply suppress what they feel without addressing it at all. Add that to the fact that a lot of men don’t find themselves “in love” with a woman many times in their life. So when it does happen this emotional vulnerability is very foreign and rare to them. So for this to occur and end in heartbreak, the man may find it all very difficult to handle. Some will wear it on their sleeve because they don’t know, haven’t learned, or believe they shouldn’t contain this emotion that they are now experiencing. Others will just attempt to suppress the pain because that is what they know how to do. They will pretty much attempt the same stuffing of the emotional closet that I stated with the women. The difference is when the door bust wide open it is likely to be seen one way or another. They haven’t learned the same “emotional control” that a lot of women have because they are not accustomed to dealing with emotions like this. Not to mention all of the other things they may have already stuffed in their emotional closet. This doesn’t allow for this new situation to stay in it as easily. Basically because women are typically raised to deal with their emotions they learn how to organize their closet. They can keep more tucked away in it without it breaking the door down as quickly and easily. Whereas men are more likely to just throw stuff in there. This creates an inability to keep it all in as consistently and may generate bigger outbursts of emotion (verbal abuse, physical abuse, struggles with heartbreak, etc).

Ultimately I don’t believe either gender recovers faster than the other from heartbreak when it involves a person they had a genuine and deep connection with. I acknowledge that some cases may vary and sometimes the approach can be reversed. For the most part I just believe that men and women handle it differently and it produces different results from what we are able to see. It may seem that a person has “moved on” and on the surface they may have. I believe in many situations if we took a deeper look you would find that the feelings actually still exist and moving on never fully occurred.

24 Comments
  • Pooblyshus39@gmail.com
    Posted at 07:14h, 01 April Reply

    I really believe that you are right.. You can tell that some woman haven’t forgave and moved on.( good old fashion revenge.) Most woman feelings for the person that they were once in love with rarely goes away. That’s why most women find them selves sleeping with their ex. Some haven’t realize that it’s no longer feelings they have. If I’m wrong let me know. I think it could be hard to let go. Like you once said. He/she don’t want to let go for what ever reasons they may have. JAT but Great way of explaining both emotions. ;-)~smile~
    .

  • Sista42
    Posted at 07:47h, 01 April Reply

    As a woman I would say I can agree for the most part but in my opinion women/men’s views about relationships and love are coming from a different place. Woman are more driven by their emotions and are able to forgive sooner than men and still love. It’s more about the deception, lies and rejection in my opinion. I think that may be why their may be hope for reparation and reconnection. Women regroup after they work through the hurt and can take the necessary time to heal. Men rebound and as you say just throw their stuff in a closet and move quickly into the next situation to avoid addressing and dealing with the emotions. Women may never stop loving that man especially if it was genuine but eventually after the healing they may no longer be in love with that man. That’s the difference for me, I have a very low tolerance for deception in any relationship.

    • MsFreedommind
      Posted at 14:19h, 29 April Reply

      Amen! Sista42 I absolutely agree with you. Not that I can’t understand Stephan point of view that he has stated. I too have a very low tolerance for deception,lies and disrespect. I may still have love for him but once I have completely healed myself, being in love will no longer exist nor hinder me from falling in love with another man who appreciate and that is well deserving of my undivided attention and heart.

      • MONK MONASTRY
        Posted at 15:37h, 10 October Reply

        Agree to disagree…
        My ex was the one that lied, decieve, and lied, thing that makes it worse is, she lies to her kids, so many broken promises, than she calls me selfish and wonders why we didn’t get married. She tells the government she claims 100% care of our 4 kids, yet I’m at home 99% of the time, raising them on my own, she lives in a different state, works in a different state, and enjoys a single life style like she a teen again. So, its not only females that lock up their air quotes feelings…smh

  • Travon Poe
    Posted at 07:45h, 04 April Reply

    A year ago my ex gf broke up with me and I was not ready for it tried a lot to get back with her but she wasn’t having it. She said that one day I would get over her and I said that I never would and I still haven’t I always say if it was up to me I would still be with her. And of course I’ve had plenty of relations and girls since then and I’m over it and my favorite phrase is fuck it. But yeah like you say we never truly move on.

  • Sashafierce
    Posted at 23:57h, 21 June Reply

    I have to learn from being hurt before and put my defense up so it doesn’t happen like not getting comfortable quickly and open up to anyone.Its like they say when we cry its not one thing its a whole bunch of things we pushed back and it comes back to haunt us.We just know how to pretend to not be sensitive.

  • Phill
    Posted at 08:26h, 08 August Reply

    If you think men move on quicker than women then it says more about your choice of men than it does men and women as a whole. If you choose a good looking, well dressed, emotionally unavailable man then you’re going to feel worse than he does when you realise you’re going to miss out on showing him off to your friends.
    When a man is in love and hits hard times and the woman who used to say she loved him just ups and leaves, and every single woman they meet isn’t interested because he doesn’t appear to be successful. Then I can guarantee that he feels more heartache than any woman ever has. Some men will fight to become successful again, so that they won’t be lonely any more. Other men will wonder if it’s even worth it.
    The next time you meet an ugly and unsuccessful man and he is nice to you, try talking to him, be nice to him & if he asks you out then say yes. If you can’t do that, then what you are looking for is not love and you deserve all the heartache you get.

  • Amibroker
    Posted at 11:27h, 04 January Reply

    Nah. Men are by nature meant to be confident, funny, and have big egos, or they’ll go right out of the gene pool.

    Men love on average almost every got damn woman with some looks, but research shows that men use longer time to feel deeply attached to women.

    it is more the case with men than with women, that they go into relationships with no deep feelings towards the woman. This is because men are already very attracted to the female, but not necessarily attached.

    When men eventually get attached they are vulnerable and invested.

    When the relationship breaks down men will take it on their self-worth and ego.

    They will tend to not vent their feelings because this will also feel as degrading to their ego.

    This is by nature, because men are meant to be confident and strong.

    Men can’t just run by appereance, or they’d be out of the gene pool back in the paleolithic and beyond

    Men already love women long before they open their mouth.

    Take for instance the most egalitarian society in the world, Norway, where women and men are basically equal in most aspects of life. This is because of strong feminist movements and long reigning socialistic(social democratic) goverments over 60 years.

    Men in Norway under the age of 25 are 5 times as likely to commit suicide than women.

    This by the way tends to be the case in other developed countries as well.

    The point here, and the probable explanation, is that men are far more volatile in all aspects of life. Women are more balanced.

    This is why men tend to be more represented as the worst, and the best – still, today in society such as Norway, Sweden, Denmark, which are highly gender equal.

    For men, taking big risks would give a greater advantage over other men. The chance of dying increased, by the chance of spreading ones genes increased more.

    This is not the case with women, where balance and stability is of great importance in the nurturing of her offspring.

    The wild card is inprinted in the male genome.

    This is why far more women should be in leader positions today.

    This unpredictable wild card behaviour is an increasingly less desirable trait of leadership in today’s society. Science on the other hand is a good area for such, imo.

  • Josephine Heck
    Posted at 22:17h, 05 February Reply

    I think your right. I myself have been dealing with breakup grief off and on for 10 months. I still love him but he has moved on. So i too am trying to move on. Just cant seem to get to the spot where it doesnt hurt badly sometimes

  • Wanya
    Posted at 17:22h, 05 February Reply

    I know this to be true for myself….I experience a major bending of the heart in 2006. I never gotten over it but I knew I had to move on…So I did…That’s why I can identify with this blog. 🙂

  • Roberta Lynn Sutton
    Posted at 02:19h, 06 February Reply

    That was interesting !

  • Catherine Luanda
    Posted at 03:54h, 06 February Reply

    You are so right that " you are a good woman deserving of an equally good man worthy of your time and effort" kicks in and it becomes a matter of pride, dignity and self worth. Emptions get tucked away. They do tend to peep out from time to time. These are the times when we no "smile knowingly" pause for a few seconds and immediately get back to business as usual; being a woman.

  • Ruthy Nyaga
    Posted at 13:31h, 04 March Reply

    Yes Sista42 i agree with you 101%. I have a low tolerance for lies and deception. Been in a relationship with someone who seemed to be so loving "in words". He had made everybody to believe he does not have children due to the nature of his "profession" as i may call it. Only to discover that he has two children whom they abandoned with their grandma back home sometime ago, the "wife" came to town and gave birth with another man, who disappeared, but this man usually connects with the mother of his children. I had asked him about it and he denied completely. After my scrutiny and with information from a very reliable source, i decided to quit and have comfortably moved on with my life. But point to note: I never ask men to support me in any way, i comfortably pay my rent, electricity, my daughters school fees, and all my upkeep – until and until that day when i will decide this is the man to keep. Meanwhile, God's love is enough for me.

  • Margaret Ngangu
    Posted at 13:35h, 04 March Reply

    Walking with Jesus Christ makes ALL the difference.

  • Iris Cody-Stewart
    Posted at 05:11h, 27 March Reply

    WOW………..SOUND ABOUT RIGHT……

  • Liah Magatsu Geen Zulu
    Posted at 20:06h, 23 April Reply

    Going through a heartbreak, Wow its mo lyk rejection.

  • LaRonda Paden
    Posted at 17:30h, 09 June Reply

    This is so true!! You really KNOW how women deal!! That door gets harder and harder to close….

  • mi2thami
    Posted at 18:15h, 17 November Reply

    The key here is being ‘deeply in love’ with someone, and that person breaks your heart! If unfortunately you find yourself in that situation, I don’t think most people ever truly get over that (be it man or woman), but you have to move on! Someone who truly loves you would never deliberately hurt you … and if by chance they did, they would do everything in their power to try to right the wrong, and never hurt you again. But time heal all wounds, it may take a little or a long time but eventually the sun will shine again! Hurt is hurt, its not gender specific …it’s about being human!

  • Linda Kay Hornbeak
    Posted at 23:47h, 17 November Reply

    No

  • Mark Skaggs
    Posted at 19:01h, 24 December Reply

    Its easy for most … they just go have sex and it seems to feed them emotionally
    Sad,,,,,

  • Mark Skaggs
    Posted at 21:21h, 21 January Reply

    Yes they move on… they cut it off and go out to meet there needs… Men over analyze the why? how and and the mistakle they made wayyyyyy too long…. its not even about sex anymore…..for me about the emotional connection that a woman can fulfill with KINK…

  • Karen Gaffney
    Posted at 18:59h, 12 August Reply

    You say that they overanalyze their mistakes way too long, then you say that they are able to just go out, have sex and it feeds them emotinally. This seems contradictory. What do you mean? And are you talking about when a guy has a real deep connection/love and becomes heartbroken? Or just a relationship?

  • Simon Stevens
    Posted at 11:14h, 28 December Reply

    My ex kicked me out, pushed and pulled me when I’d moved out, inevitably broke up with me a week or so later after swapping and changing her mindset many time’s and now just won’t talk to me at all, blocked on everything.

    Now she gives the appearance of someone who just doesn’t care at all, I’d say I’ve never been here before but that would be a lie, though it’s never been this bad with anybody else.

    This article is pretty decent, it’s a nice bit of insight to have and reflect on, cheers.

  • George Henderson
    Posted at 13:56h, 14 May Reply

    If you mean who goes out and gets laid first it depends on who is more attractive in the former relationship.

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