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Posted by on Jun 13, 2013 in Advice for Women, Dating | 16 comments Tags: , , ,

5 Things to Consider When He Still Lives with His Mother

he lives with his mother

Boys live with their mother and men have their own… but is this always the case?  Society has placed a very negative stigma on adult men who still live with their mother/parents. Jokes have been made and many men have been shut down by women who disapprove of their living situation. Should it be so cut and dry? Are men who have yet to go out and get their own all losers? Here are a few things to consider before you draw any conclusions due to the fact that he still lives with his mother.

Is He Just Trying to Save Money?

There is nothing wrong with a man being smart with his money. It can be a very smart move financially to hold off on paying rent when you can stay home and save for your own house. So if he has a plan in place, the fact that he lives with his mother may start to look better. On the other hand, if he is dead broke and mooching off his mother; well, that’s a different story. There is no need to entertain a man who isn’t trying to do something with his life.

Is He There Because His Mother Needs Him or Does He Need His Mother?

In some cases, men choose to live with their mothers because their mothers need them. Maybe she has some health issues or is in transition. I’ve even read where Hangover star Bradley Cooper moved his mother in with him after the death of his father. I think those are valid reasons for a man to live with his mother, and most would agree. Now, if he is there because he simply can’t take care of himself (i.e. can’t cook, do laundry, clean a house, pay his own bills, etc.) then passing him over is understandable.

Is He a “Momma’s Boy?”

We should all love and respect our mothers, but some men refuse to cut the umbilical cord! No matter what the reason, if he is still at home and he has “momma’s boy” tendencies, then you should proceed with caution. Men who demonstrate these traits are far more likely to place the desires of their mother  before their wives. I believe that the wife’s needs must be the main priority in a marriage or else the relationship may suffer. I’m not saying that all “momma’s boys” are men who will struggle in marriage, but they are very risky.

Is He Just in Transition?

Maybe he is still in college. Maybe he just moved to a new city and is trying to get situated. Maybe he is in the process of divorce and is at his mother’s for the time-being. If the latter describes his circumstance, you still shouldn’t deal with him romantically because HE IS STILL MARRIED! The other two scenarios could be valid explanations for his living arrangements. Again, as long as he has a plan and is doing what he is supposed to do to work through his transition, then all should be fine.

Is He Viewing His Mother’s Home as His Investment?

Some of you may be thinking, ‘what’s wrong with him wanting to inherit the house?’ Well, the problem is that if he is still living with his mother, he may have no plans on moving out at all! He may be thinking he is better off staying put and waiting for the inevitable or for his mother to relinquish the house. Both courses of action could take a very long time to materialize, but if you are willing to deal with it, then so be it. If you are hoping not to be there with his mother, you may not want to entertain trying to be with him at the moment.

Women should always take a moment to understand why the man they are interested in is living with his mother before making any decisions. There is nothing wrong with women wanting men to have their own, but eliminating a man as a potential partner for the sole reason of living with his mother, may be a mistake. Focus on building a friendship and you will find out if he truly isn’t worth your time or if he has qualities with which you can build a beautiful future with.

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About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

  • http://rumpunchdrunk.blogspot.com/ Rum Punch Drunk

    So true Stephan. There are so many issues that need to be explored before a woman jumps the boat because a man lives with his mother.

    If a woman is truly interested in a man then she will take the time to do her homework. Enjoyed the post as usual.

  • laura

    wowwww thank u.I needed to hear this

  • http://eapost.com/ Philos Mudis

    I agree with you that the moment a woman finds out that a man still lives with his mother, they shouldn’t immediately think of fleeing. The best thing to do is to see this as an opportunity to ask the right questions.

  • Romi

    I dated someone that was living with his mom at 24 because he was saving on rent and she allowed it. Guess what, ten years later I hear he still lives in that house, and hasn’t really done anything with his life. I agree with some of these points but disagree with him being smart because it’s not really about being smart. I feel it’s more about taking advantage and not having drive. Those are not good qualities.

  • cininhouston

    I am dating a man who lives with his mother. He is 53 yrs old and has been single for 3 yrs. I think everyone needs help now and then and temporarily living with mom is acceptable but he should be working toward being on his own. His mother is in her 70′s but for the most part healthy. She lived alone until he moved in with her. He tries to say it like she lives with him and he is helping her ( I guess this is the manipulative way to word it, making him sound like the great son!) but the real truth is that he lives with her, He tells me he pays her rent and pays for some groceries. She cooks for him and Im sure enjoys him being there. He is at her disposal, which I feel is part of the deal. Don’t get me wrong, I agree we should all help our parents and there is a part of me that respects the fact that he mows her yard and does things for her but another part of me wishes he was his own person, lived alone. Him living with his mom and seeing nothing wrong with it worries me. It does not make me feel like he could ever take care of me….living at home with Mommy makes me feel like he really can’t take care of himself so how in the world could he take care of me.

    I am a strong independent woman, I own a beautiful 5 bedroom home that is paid for in full and I work three jobs on and off to supplement my income. He has no problem coming over and spending the night with me and although he won’t admit it, I think he hopes I will one day let him move in. I do not see that happening. I would eventually like to move in with a man and maybe sell or rent my house so I can contribute to the relationship but not be the primary. Still I am confused why men today do not have the desire to be the provider or at least an equal.

    • kl

      Boy, if anyone figures out why men today are not willing to even support themselves sometimes, much less a family, let me know. And what is funny, most of these deadbeats with no job and living with mom still think they are a great catch just by virtue of being male. I am an independent woman, also, and figure that If I can take care of myself, at least they should be able to take care of themselves as well, or else how could I have any respect for them? No respect, no attraction.

  • Lisa

    Have you ever thought that he might stay with mom cause he can’t afford his own place because he has 6 kids. Mom don’t work and they both are dependent on the other. Not a good choice for a husband. Mom and 2 many kids. Sorry. There’s no way he saving.