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Posted by on Oct 21, 2011 in Advice for Women, Dating, Intimacy | 29 comments Tags: , , ,

What Men Want When Dating

No this sign above is not a porn ad, nor is it a promotion for a male enhancement drug. This is the answer to the question I was recently asked to write about; “What do men want?” I’m actually a bit surprised this is still being questioned. Have not the years, decades…scratch that. Since the beginning of time has it not been obvious that men are driven by their desire of having a lot of sex? Seriously, we could say that men want power, respect, and success but that’s simply to allow them to get and have more sex : ). I’m not saying this is a good thing, or the way it should be, but it is what it is. So why are so many women still puzzled by what men want? Why aren’t many women putting this into proper perspective? Well, let’s see if I can answer those questions and help bring some clarity to those of you that have not figured it out yet. Side Note: though sex is important to a lot of men during any relationship phase, we will discuss this more within the frame of dating. Husbands value sex too, but men want and need more than that for a long-term commitment like marriage.

8 out of 10 men you meet just wants to get that ass!! 

I really want to say 9 out of 10, but I haven’t done any official surveys so I’m going to take the conservative route : ). This is what I mean by putting this whole what men want (sex) issue into perspective. At what point will many of you women understand that you should not be shocked or appalled when a man just wants you for some sex? This should be expected, and therefore allow you to understand that if you’re not on that same page you need to take the necessary precautions. Understand that there will be some that start off just wanting sex, and your personality may actually make them want you for more, but that is the exception not the rule. Most men will play the game of wanting more from you, but at the end of the day sex is what’s on his mind and in his agenda; not your feelings, your desires, or your great personality. Most men you meet aren’t truly best for you, so most men you meet will not want the same things you want This brings me to the next point.

Lying to yourself about what men want won’t change the facts. 

It’s as if so many women would rather convince themselves that the men they meet are actually about more than getting a piece of ass, then accepting the signs and facts before them that say otherwise. Then after they get burned from the situation, they completely put all the blame on the men (it makes them feel better about their bad decision) rather than be accountable for the blatant overlooking of what was slapping them in their face. I know some men play the game very well, but many aren’t typically that smart (sorry guys) to have really fooled you. Women are very smart (intuition) but unfortunately they outsmart themselves. So as a woman, you need to improve your screening process if you know you are trying to avoid a relationship built on sex. Also, women like companionship and having someone around. Therefore many have no issue using men as their personal mental / companion whore (friends with no benefits). Be honest with yourself and that man if you’re OK with having that sexual relationship in exchange for satisfying that need. Just understand what you may be setting yourself up for. Don’t turn around months or years later convincing yourself and claiming you’re in love when it was never about that, and has never truly become that. I don’t care how much time you put in, learn to walk away from a bad investment.

With all that said, I acknowledge that not ALL men are like this. Please just stop acting like this isn’t the case the majority of the time. Men LOVE sex, this is what men want, and this truth should be accepted once and for all. Even when it isn’t all that men want, it is still high on the list if not #1 for many. Married, single, it makes no difference. More women would be just as enamored with sex if they actually reached climax as often as men do (and if they can get out of their own way from reaching orgasm…we shall discuss that later). As for those of you who have accepted this, and have even done very well in the art of pleasing a man sexually, but wonder “if it’s that important, why isn’t it enough to keep him?” Well, that will have to be answered when I release my next book : ). If what men want as mentioned in this article isn’t what you truly desire right now, then don’t settle for less. Stay focused on what you need to do, and there will come a man who wants the same things as you.

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

29 Comments

  1. You make a lot of since lol!

    • thank you Msvfoster0606 : )

  2. Wow well spoken

    • thank you : )

  3. Well put.. My fav line…”I don’t care how much time u put in, learn to walk away from a bad investment”…..

    • thank you Trina and I mean that line with all my heart. It happens way too much.

  4. Amazing!.. My question was going to be that I have been in and out of a “thing” for four years. Despite the fact that I barely call or text the individual, the fact that we have never so much as been to the movies or to any outings, how can he fix his mouth to tell me he loves me? Could it be the sex or is he confused? Is there a way to discuse this matter in detail so that I could get better feedback? Thanks…..

    • My first thought is that he says it to keep you giving him the sex. Unless he is actually making an effort to be in a real relationship with you then I would have to think that was his objective. Yes you can email me at contact@StephanL.com to discuss this further.

      • women have ‘relationships’ … men just have women that want to have sex with them……….if they don’t want to have sex….. that’s up to them… don’t expect the ‘relationship’ to last very long…..

        that’s why it’s called a ‘sexual’ relationship doh !

    • I have been in a relationship like this before.. The guy loves you as a person, not as a relationship partner, but he does love you. You give him what he wants, when he wants it without nagging about a commitment, and for that he thinks you are the most beautiful, down to (his) earth, and willing person ever! Change up the dynamics of the relationship if you are really interested in testing him. 8 out of 10 (I’m being conservative too) times he will NOW become confused, ask what you’re going through, why you’re trying to change things, etc. and leave..

  5. My significant other LOVES sex! But, of course, that’s not all he wants from me. Men need comfort and affection just as much as women, no matter how much they deny it. But aside from needing comfort and affection, men also need and want SEX, SEX, SEX, AND WHOLE LOT MORE SEX! I am a grown woman in a committed relationship and I will gladly give him all the sex he wants. I want it just as much as him. (Let’s not play games ladies. We want sex just as much as men. I can understand if you haven’t known this person very long and you don’t want to be another piece of ass or come off “easy”, but when you’re in a relationship there’s nothing wrong with admitting you like sex and you want sex. You’re in a relationship and proven you’re not a whore. Drop the panties for him and give him a nice treat for being such a good man lol.) Anyway, he’s already proven that it is not the reason we’re together. So, why deprive him and myself of great pleasure? Relationships are built on more than just sex, but it is a major part. Sex is more than just an act when you are in a relationship. It builds comfort and a closer bond between the two of you–not to mention it brings the beautiful gift of life into the world. What good is being in a relationship with someone you feel uncomfortable around?

    • “Drop the panties for him and give him a nice treat for being such a good man” lmao that was too funny, but I like that. You are very correct, men do need more than sex and I will definitely address that in the future. Many of them just focus on that one aspect and fail to acknowledge themselves how much they need the other things. Another great line by you is “What good is being in a relationship with someone you feel uncomfortable around?” definitely a topic I plan to dive in to.  

      • I know I am 2 years late but just saw this, I want to say they tell us as Christians to wait until marriage but we have wants & needs to. How about you wait and the sea is horrible what then. His penis is small and he he do not know how to perform oral sex. I am a woman that study how to give it all, so yes I want to and love having sex. I would love to find that perfect relationship all around love, sex, affectionate, church going man but some of the church men are stiff, to holy to enjoy a woman like me. I want a good man with a very sexual appetite like mine. So I am a Christian that like sex but some will call me a heathen.

  6. Good Stuff. Now where is the article about men who want sex from the same woman F/t???

    • Thank you, and I have a whole book written for the men who want sex from the same woman lol. Check out “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”

  7. This article just shows that some men need to get out of bed and into an English class. If more time was spent learning to make subjects and verbs agree, maybe we’d have a better article to read. But I digress…

    • Thank you for pointing that out Karen. I apologize for the errors in the article, I will make some necessary corrections. Your approach isn’t necessary, but your input is definitely appreciated.

  8. well put sir so true

  9. Sex is just starting to turn me off because of this issue. It’s like they don’t even ask you out to dinner anymore , it’s when can I see you. Or it’s like they don’t even have anything intelligient to say , it always ur so sexy ur so fine etc. even the older ones it makes no difference so what do you do at this point turn them down ? Then you find yourself alone cause no one meets up to your expectations..

    • Yes you turn them down if this isn’t what you are looking for. Being alone is a good thing when you take that time to truly become the woman you need to be. If you allow yourself to be patient and be the “right” woman, then you will come across a man that meets your expectations. What’s the point of not being lonely if the person you are with doesn’t truly fulfill you.

    • you wanted equality… welcome to a man’s world… if you wanted to be treated like ladies…shouldn’t have started up all that feminism (aka. masculinisation of women.) women want equality, they wanted to be treated like men… then they should look at the gay world for what their sex life is going to turn into….

      • ^^^ I’m only 26. I didn’t march for women’s equality. Lol. And are you saying men only want sex because of women’s rights & equality ? Lol. Hilarious.

  10. I’m glad this was said, but I just want to add a cent or two.
    First of all, it’s true. Men want sex because men are visual. When they see a woman for the first time, they don’t know their name, or anything about their personality. They only see what they’re attracted to, i.e. what they want to have sex with.

    Women, please just accept this as a fact. Don’t ask for the truth, and then get mad because it’s presented to you.

    As a woman, I’m flattered that I’m approached by a man because he finds me attractive. What I dislike is the assumption that he should have sex with me because he approached me. I know there are more men then women in this world, so I know the odds are not in my favor. But if I settle for anything, that’s exactly what I’ll get. And I definitely don’t want that. So just because you approach me, and take me out a couple of times does not mean you have a guaranteed foot in the bedroom.

    Just wanted to point that out. :-)

  11. Sex,Sex,sex and more sex! am Thirty something and for the most part of my sex life. sex as always seem to be my focal point when ever i seem to be in a relationship ” or sexlationship lol . Barley have i gone beyond sex. And relationships seems to be meaning less to me. My friends say the day will come when i’ll meet ‘Da One”. 

    Lil Advice please!

    • Well maybe you need to give yourself an opportunity to really see if you are drawn to a person because of who they are, and not what they provide sexually. Try not rushing into sex, and take the time to get to know the person first. If they aren’t for you, move on. If you feel a connection then you may finally have found the necessary foundation for a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. You will eventually comes across “da one” but if you continue to blind yourself with sex, you will make it harder for you to know they are right in front of you.

  12. I just have to say, I am a man of honesty. I believe go through instead of around the bush is proper. There is no need to sugar coat or lie your way to get in them jeans. Guys im sorry but if she or you just dont have a bond or attraction, Move on and save yourself and that woman some trouble. Yes I have had only desire to get some but I don’t waste my time in hopes I will get one for the check list. We all want sex, but in the end, Its that companionship that makes bonds come together.

  13. So are u saying its bad to blame the guy for wanting as many ass as possible? When u like a person, u want exclusivity… I can never take it if a guy i like tells me he wants to fuck her and her and her… The guy i dated was a very handsome tall player type… I almost knew what i was getting myself into… But still i hoped – i hoped he will see how much i like and respect him and expect only best from him and that it would magically change him… It didnt… I ended up hurt, wounded, crushed… My heart, my ego… Maybe too much expectation for the wrong guy…

  14. me and this guy broke up i took it really hard.. he cut all communication of with me… i chased and begged him to come back.. he didnt he got more distant. well after 8 months of being seperated i decided to leave him alone and focus on me. well 3 months after i stopped chasing him out of the blue he texts me saying he missed me so much and loved me to death then he said even though he loved me to death he just didnt see his self giving me all the love i needed!! i dont understand. why come back around if u felt that way… this was a mixed signal and im still hurt and confused to as what he meant

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