first date mistakes black couple on a date

10 First Date Mistakes He’ll Judge You For

Guest Post by Kevin Carr: I recently celebrated a birthday; along with the fun and festivities, came a pivotal time of reflection. As I began to think about my year past and my life as a whole, measuring where I am to where I want to be, I had an epiphany of sorts. Or, maybe I just finally noticed the obvious. For the past ten years I have been a serial dater and have been on plenty of first dates. Dates are a tricky thing, especially first dates. They can be nerve wrecking, leaving men and women alike full of anxiety and confusion as they try to formulate a way of making a good first impression. I lived for these moments.

The prospect and challenge of meeting someone new, and seeing where it could lead, was an exhilarating feeling that often fueled my pursuit of several women simultaneously. Those many conversations, over coffee, ice cream, vodka etc. has had a hand in shaping me. In essence, ten years of experience coupled with extensive research has helped me to release a book and to become an expert on the subject.

I guess it was true when they said, working with the negatives could make for better pictures; well actually Drake said that, but it works for the point I am making. Though I am currently in a loving and committed relationship, it is my not so recent past that has helped teach me that how a woman interacts with a man on the first date can determine how he perceives and ultimately treats her for the remainder of the relationship however long it may be. With that said, Here Are 10 First Date Mistakes He’ll Judge You For:

1. Location, Location, Location! – Absolutely no first dates in the living room, yours or his. This sends the wrong message to a man. It tells him that you are entirely too comfortable too soon. If you spend the first date on his couch, where will you spend the second?

2. What Time IS It? – Grandma said it best, “Ain’t nothing open after a certain time but legs.” The later the hour the more relaxed you become making it especially hard to pay attention to detail, which is imperative on a first date. Also, dates earlier in the day allow for more flexibility. For example, if you hit it off you may want to add another activity to the date that wasn’t originally planned.

3. Clothes are Necessary. – Men are visual. The first thing we see often determines the first thing we think. So, remember to dress appropriately. Yes be sexy! But don’t let it all hang out. Leave something for the imagination; guessing is good as it adds to a man’s intrigue.

4. No Job Interviews. – “Where do you work?” “How much do you make?” “What are your future plans?” No one likes to be bombarded with a ton of questions during a first encounter. Cultivating conversation and listening intently will reveal everything that you need to know about him.

5. Attitude. – Believe it or not men are often nervous on first dates, so smile, be approachable. He is busy trying to make a good first impression, so throw him a bone [unless, of course, he’s a dog.]

6. Don’t get too cozy. – Refuse to be blinded by his charm and your attraction to him. Don’t become too comfortable. No sensual touching or hugging and cuddling on the first date. Men will often test you in this to see how far they can get which we, at times, use to measure how easy it will be to get you in bed.

7. Marriage!? Yikes! – Take it easy. Too serious and intimate of a conversation can potentially scare him off. Slow walk it (him).

8. Let’s Talk About Sex.Just not on the first date. Your conversation tells a lot about where your mind is, revealing a piece of your character. Men observe this and act accordingly. Conversation goes a long way in creating the perceptions of the mind. Remember that.

9. Insecurities. – Insecurity is either a turn on or a turn off, either way you lose. It is important to be sure of yourself and to project that. Confidence is contagious but the absence of it cannot be hidden. Be confident in who you are! Real men find that sexy!

10. Go Home…..Alone! – We are all adults and have the right to do what we please with our bodies, but when looking to establish a healthy relationship, sex on the first date is not the way to go. If you give him all of you on the first date, he has no incentive to pursue you how you truly deserve to be pursued.

Get your copy of my bestselling book God Where Is My Boaz: a woman’s guide to understanding what is hindering her from receiving the love and relationship she deserves – on  Kindle, Paperback, or Audio Book format HERE. You can also get the PDF version HERE  

12 Comments
  • Tash
    Posted at 18:55h, 16 September Reply

    I think the same is true with respect to guys – even the marriage one! Yes, there are the guys who would start off with how well he can take care of you, or he’s looking to settle – too much, too fast!
    The location one is on point as well – I never go out with a guy if his first suggestion is to “come over and relax”. While I get that some guys are looking for that “chill” type of chick, I think the more respectable thing is to go somewhere neutral.Others: women are visual – guys make the effort and look good please! Also, don’t get too cozy either! Some guys want to move to too much touching on the first date!!

  • Nttell
    Posted at 08:29h, 25 November Reply

    I agree with this list.

  • MarshallTalk
    Posted at 05:07h, 28 November Reply

    Ladies, just say NO to any close contact in the beginning, and make sure he knows he will NOT be getting anything for a long time. This WILL work if you want a serious relationship, this will NOT work if you just want to get laid. Now for the Good Part, if he survives and you believe he is Honest LOYAL, then you give him as much as he can handle for as long as you can!

  • Via Negativa
    Posted at 21:43h, 13 January Reply

    Ladies, talk about subjects that are not trending worldwide. Most men like a knowledgeable woman that’s versatile in her thinking. 

    • bibi
      Posted at 13:19h, 28 March Reply

      I believe we are more diverse than we are known for.

  • Nunya
    Posted at 09:57h, 14 January Reply

    Oh god quit acting like your vagina is rare. All women have one. and if it wasnt for our DNA telling us to go for it, we wouldnt even bother.

  • Cupidsconcepts
    Posted at 01:57h, 28 January Reply

    ALWAYS follow your gut, meet in a public locations during the day, and have a GREAT attitude. Oh and don’t ever show insecurities (especially not in the beginning). Be who you are. As long as you are engaging in meaningful interaction and being your authentic self you are own your way. Dating is about discovery, have FUN and don’t take it too seriously. @veraciousvixen

    • bibi
      Posted at 13:21h, 28 March Reply

      last is real important: dont take it too seriously thank you

  • G.l. Campbell
    Posted at 03:01h, 09 June Reply

    #7 is so funny. When I went on a first date with a guy last year, he started talking about serious relationships and wanting to see me all the time. And I was thinking "I don't know you!"

  • Deforis Bonner-Dolford
    Posted at 15:11h, 12 July Reply

    This is so true

  • Lisa Parsons
    Posted at 01:58h, 28 August Reply

    Which begs the question: why do we go on dates with people we don't know?

  • bibi
    Posted at 13:22h, 28 March Reply

    in europe we have a lotally different dating culture…:-(

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