Guest Post by Crisnatha Derosier: When considering whether or not you should get into a relationship with someone, take an inventory. Inventory is used to have a balance of the stocked goods. It reveals what is needed more of and if there is too much of an item as well. The same should go with relationships. Use the categories below to do a self-inventory of yourself.
More of commitment, less of outside distractions
Do you allow yourself to be pulled in so many different directions? Are you a ‘jack of all trades and master of none?’ If you want to be in a long term, committed relationship there must be focus in your life. What do you want to do? How do you plan to make that happen? Put an action plan in place. The amount of focus you apply to your life is the same amount of focus that you will grant your relationship.
Love is a beautiful thing. However, love alone does not keep people in relationships; commitment does. I strongly believe that if someone struggles with commitment in other areas of their lives, it will be difficult for them to display commitment in a relationship. Why? It is not something that this individual is used to doing. They may be accustomed to quitting when things become difficult. If this is the case, I find it quite difficult to believe that they can commit when it comes to love.
More of compromise/understanding and less of selfishness
Becoming one with someone in marriage is far more than sex. It’s a tearing of some of yourself to fit the needs of your spouse. Decisions are made for the growth of the relationship. Selfishness cannot exist within a healthy functioning relationship. Out-love one another. Out-serve one another. Constantly ask yourself, “What can I do to please my significant other?”
One of the best qualities that I cherish in a relationship is thoughtfulness. For instance, I cough and the man in my life shows up half an hour later with cough drops and cold medicine. How attentive! He heard me cough and thought that since I was probably getting sick he should get some medicine. Thoughtfulness goes a long way.
More of understanding, less of unforgiveness
When someone harbors unforgiveness, it can affect the relationship. There are instances where a couple will go through a very difficult time in the relationship then reconcile without ever forgiving one another. This is dangerous because if anything ever comes up that triggers the same emotion associated with what caused the problem in the first place, it will be brought up again. This can open up a past wound that seemed to be healed. But the truth is, it never was because there was no forgiveness. Forgive today. It will set you free.
More of action, less of just words
Talk is CHEAP! Anyone can whisper sweet-nothings in your ear but it takes great character and integrity to keep your word and do what you promise. You want your significant other to take you seriously. The only thing that others can use to judge you is history. If history says you never follow through with what you say then that is what others expect. You do not want to be labeled as a flake. Act on what you promise.
More communication, less excuses
We are all adults here. At the end of the day, if you want anyone to take you seriously then you must be a person of action. Do you make excuses for why you do not get things accomplished for yourself? Do you make excuses every time something goes wrong instead of taking responsibility for your actions? If so, this is a clear indication that you are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. You have some growing to do.
More communication, less silence
With today’s advanced technology, many individuals do not believe that they need to speak as much on the phone. Newsflash: text messaging does not substitute calling someone on the phone and having a meaningful face-to-face conversation. Furthermore, if there is something on your mind are you able to express it? Are you afraid of what others may think about what you have to say? You must be able to express yourself effectively and be confident in how you feel. Own your emotion, share your thoughts. Communication is key, it clears up any confusion.
More time spent together, less time apart
Life is so hectic. We are pulled in so many different directions. However, it is imperative to spend time with your significant other. How busy are you now? Are you willing to make time to spend with your significant other? It may require some adjusting in your current schedule but it will help the relationship tremendously. Relationships take work so if you want to be successful in love, spend time together.
**Click on the link to get a copy of my book, Make it Last Forever: building relationships that lasts a lifetime.**