happy couple love assessment

Love Assesment: Are You Ready for a True Commitment?

Guest Post by Crisnatha Derosier: When considering whether or not you should get into a relationship with someone, take an inventory. Inventory is used to have a balance of the stocked goods. It reveals what is needed more of and if there is too much of an item as well. The same should go with relationships. Use the categories below to do a self-inventory of yourself.

More of commitment, less of outside distractions

Do you allow yourself to be pulled in so many different directions? Are you a ‘jack of all trades and master of none?’ If you want to be in a long term, committed relationship there must be focus in your life. What do you want to do? How do you plan to make that happen? Put an action plan in place. The amount of focus you apply to your life is the same amount of focus that you will grant your relationship.

Love is a beautiful thing. However, love alone does not keep people in relationships; commitment does. I strongly believe that if someone struggles with commitment in other areas of their lives, it will be difficult for them to display commitment in a relationship. Why? It is not something that this individual is used to doing. They may be accustomed to quitting when things become difficult. If this is the case, I find it quite difficult to believe that they can commit when it comes to love.

More of compromise/understanding and less of selfishness

Becoming one with someone in marriage is far more than sex. It’s a tearing of some of yourself to fit the needs of your spouse. Decisions are made for the growth of the relationship. Selfishness cannot exist within a healthy functioning relationship. Out-love one another. Out-serve one another. Constantly ask yourself, “What can I do to please my significant other?”

One of the best qualities that I cherish in a relationship is thoughtfulness. For instance, I cough and the man in my life shows up half an hour later with cough drops and cold medicine. How attentive! He heard me cough and thought that since I was probably getting sick he should get some medicine. Thoughtfulness goes a long way.

More of understanding, less of unforgiveness

When someone harbors unforgiveness, it can affect the relationship. There are instances where a couple will go through a very difficult time in the relationship then reconcile without ever forgiving one another. This is dangerous because if anything ever comes up that triggers the same emotion associated with what caused the problem in the first place, it will be brought up again. This can open up a past wound that seemed to be healed. But the truth is, it never was because there was no forgiveness. Forgive today. It will set you free.

More of action, less of just words

Talk is CHEAP! Anyone can whisper sweet-nothings in your ear but it takes great character and integrity to keep your word and do what you promise. You want your significant other to take you seriously. The only thing that others can use to judge you is history. If history says you never follow through with what you say then that is what others expect. You do not want to be labeled as a flake. Act on what you promise.

More communication, less excuses

We are all adults here. At the end of the day, if you want anyone to take you seriously then you must be a person of action. Do you make excuses for why you do not get things accomplished for yourself? Do you make excuses every time something goes wrong instead of taking responsibility for your actions? If so, this is a clear indication that you are not mature enough to be in a serious relationship. You have some growing to do.

More communication, less silence

With today’s advanced technology, many individuals do not believe that they need to speak as much on the phone. Newsflash: text messaging does not substitute calling someone on the phone and having a meaningful face-to-face conversation. Furthermore, if there is something on your mind are you able to express it? Are you afraid of what others may think about what you have to say? You must be able to express yourself effectively and be confident in how you feel. Own your emotion, share your thoughts. Communication is key, it clears up any confusion.

More time spent together, less time apart

Life is so hectic. We are pulled in so many different directions. However, it is imperative to spend time with your significant other. How busy are you now? Are you willing to make time to spend with your significant other? It may require some adjusting in your current schedule but it will help the relationship tremendously. Relationships take work so if you want to be successful in love, spend time together.

**Click on the link to get a copy of my book, Make it Last Forever: building relationships that lasts a lifetime.**

 

33 Comments
  • Kerry-Ann MzEmpress Barclay
    Posted at 14:58h, 24 March Reply

    I can not agree more with this article. As a divorce woman often times I ask myself "did I really try all that I can to make things work"? I'm woman enough to now say "no, I did not". Chrisnatha touches on a lot of key points thats is essential to a successful relationship. She is a true proverbs queen who is teaching me a lot about understanding myself and utilizing my time to be in position to be a better wife and be in position for my future God sent husband. You can never have enough knowledge and never think you know it all, cause you don't. GET THE BOOK! you won't regret it.

  • Caleine A.
    Posted at 15:10h, 24 March Reply

    I really enjoyed this article. The information shared is filled with truths and practical wisdom.

  • Vicky S. Joseph
    Posted at 19:01h, 24 March Reply

    Well Written! Relationships are not easy! Both parties have to be ready to roll up their sleeves and put in the work! Loved this!

  • Idris Bozeman
    Posted at 21:27h, 24 March Reply

    Beautiful! I agree with the valid points you made in this article. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and advice. It is no needed in our culture today.

  • LeeVell Crayton
    Posted at 02:52h, 25 March Reply

    Well written… I jus like too say to the text versus phone call, when I was a kid in school much infasious was put on the ability to wrie your thoughts down in a manner that one could understand it. A principle I take to heart.. but I do understand somethings should be done face too face. Nothing replace the look in a man's eye when he is talking..

  • Ranada J Ryan
    Posted at 02:53h, 25 March Reply

    Amazing!! As a newly married woman I often think of things when certain issues arise in my own marriage ??? Was I really ready do o wanna really compromise this time around am I trying hard enough?? And other days I just ask myself was I really ready??

  • Rae McRae
    Posted at 03:06h, 25 March Reply

    If someone doesn't want a relationship, cause of how busy they are and their job will always be busy when winter comes, then there no point for him to go into a relationship when his job will be busy during winter times.

  • Chris Thompson
    Posted at 03:17h, 25 March Reply

    Wow….really like this article ….it breaks down the anatomy of a loving relationship.

  • Gracie Gracee
    Posted at 05:41h, 25 March Reply

    I couldn't agree More… Think a clear rejection is always better, than a fake promise as well

  • Carmen Mock Thomas
    Posted at 11:11h, 25 March Reply

    Love is and marriage #imo is a plus & minus, there's time when you will give less and take more, and times when your spouse will give less and need more, it's knowing and appreciating each other during those times, loved it

  • Chris Brizzy
    Posted at 11:55h, 25 March Reply

    Gad damn you are good. i was gona swipe past but i tought just read. Glad i did.

  • Kizzy Marie
    Posted at 02:22h, 25 April Reply

    Your speaking my mind . Love it 😉

  • Heather Davick
    Posted at 04:55h, 25 April Reply

    I can honestly say that I have what it takes to be in a long term relationship, unfortunately, I have not yet met the man God has for me as I have not met the man with these qualities. I have come to realize that I need to stop looking for the right man, and wait for God to bring him to me in His timing, not mine! 🙂 I pray we all are blessed with the life long partner that God has for us! ♥

  • Zamzam Basuuta
    Posted at 06:46h, 25 April Reply

    Yes i agree

  • Julie Sewell
    Posted at 09:51h, 25 April Reply

    Support each other through the hard times. A partner who is not there for you when you are ill, the going gets tough etc. is in fact a flake, as you use the term earlier. Imagine being married to a person who doesn't have your back….

  • Whitney Griffin
    Posted at 16:12h, 26 April Reply

    Something to think about… It's gotta be 50/50

  • Jonnette M Doran
    Posted at 19:47h, 13 October Reply

    My boyfriend and I are going through a difficult time when we first starting dating his mother hired a private investigator to investigate me we have been seeing each other for nine months now I love him very much and want him to be my husband however he has never been out on his own and he let's his mother have her say in our relationship he's thirty years old and still living at home his mother has continued to investigate me and she told my boyfriend that I lied about my job and what was going with my daughter and dhr he said that both places have never heard of me however I have the proof to prove it what should I do?

  • jdzs32
    Posted at 16:41h, 13 October Reply

    I’m in a situation I don’t know what to do

  • Matta Matta
    Posted at 20:45h, 13 October Reply

    As much as you love him, you need to love yourself and daughter more. Do yourself a favor and call off the toxic relationship… unless you want to be married to two people… him and his mother!

  • jdzs32
    Posted at 18:44h, 13 October Reply

    Thank you Matta Matta I needed to be sure

  • Jonnette M Doran
    Posted at 22:45h, 13 October Reply

    Thank you Matta Matta

  • Kenneth Blackwell
    Posted at 10:32h, 19 October Reply

    run this is a momas boy to the tenth level

  • Kenneth Blackwell
    Posted at 10:56h, 19 October Reply

    does he want a wife or a replacement mother run

  • Ayanna Asante
    Posted at 10:57h, 19 October Reply

    Good article much appreciated from a single woman with a special friend that she thinks she's not ready for the commitment

  • Keith Hoover
    Posted at 20:50h, 23 November Reply

    if you love him and he loves you you'll figure it out but he needs to put his mother in check, respectfully of course.

  • Jonnette M Doran
    Posted at 22:39h, 23 November Reply

    Thank you Keith Hoover him and are definitely going to have get things worked out especially after what I learned from my doctor

  • Karen S Gamble
    Posted at 09:17h, 14 December Reply

    It's a repeated cycle for us (women) that we must break. What I mean is when we try to convince ourselves that something is or is not what exactly what it presents itself to be. I know exactly what you're doing & thinking, but it's time you think about what is best for you & your child. You already know what to do. Overpower that fear lingers within. You'll be ok.

  • Jonnette M Doran
    Posted at 15:19h, 14 December Reply

    Thank you Karen S Gamble I do know what to do its going to take time for the hurt to go I finally thought I found the right one. Turns out he isn't and if he keeps letting his mother validate every relationship he has by hiring a private detective to validate her then continues to let his mother have her hand in his relationship hell never be married or have a relationship with any woman especially with me as much as I love him and always will he needs to grow up and tell his mother and father he can make his own decisions in his relationships until he does this hell never have a meaningful relationship.

  • Angel Voice
    Posted at 12:52h, 13 January Reply

    Well put together that many need to take in account for. (Self inventory=Self reflection )

  • Tressa Williams
    Posted at 21:41h, 13 January Reply

    dang…i understand cause my boyfriend a mothers by too

  • Gero Albs
    Posted at 17:33h, 14 January Reply

    Thank You!

  • Lisa Lee
    Posted at 22:39h, 14 January Reply

    This is definitely the truth and very insightful!

  • Yo Lon
    Posted at 08:53h, 11 February Reply

    Good article

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