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3 Reasons Why a Man Shouldn’t Chase After a Woman


“Men are supposed to be the hunters” is what a lot of people will say. According to these people it is your job as a man to initiate the pursuit of a woman, and to put in maximum effort to show her you want her. To some extent I completely understand that perception, but it can reach a point where it becomes flawed.

A man should definitely be willing to do his part in the process of finding a good woman. However, he should not have to chase after any woman. So much wrong can occur for a man by over doing his pursuit to get to know someone, and create a relationship with them. This doesn’t mean every situation ends with negative results, but here are three reasons why in most cases it, chasing after a woman should be avoided.

A Thin Line Between Desire & Desperation

Everybody likes to feel desired. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing someone you want them and truly want to be with them. However, there is a line that gets crossed when your pursuit turns into chasing. At first it may not seem too bad, but as mentioned in the book He Who Finds A Wife,  a man will eventually start to look desperate (thirsty), and women do not find that attractive. As a man you to find the right amount of showing effort and desire, without taking things unnecessarily too far. If a woman isn’t receptive to your efforts, then she likely just isn’t interested. If she does have some interest, but thinks a man is supposed to chase after her, then take heed to what’s next on this list.

A Sign Of Trouble To Come

How you start can be exactly how you finish. When finding yourself in the position of chasing after a woman, you have to understand what you may be setting the stage for. If you succeed in getting her, are you prepared to have a dynamic where you are constantly expected to make more of an effort than she is? If not, then you may want to pump the brakes on this chasing thing. I am in no way saying this is how it always plays out for a man who chased after a woman, but it certainly is how things go for a lot of men who have. Many have found themselves in a relationship or marriage where the burden of effort is constantly placed on them, while the woman gets to take a wait and see approach. This only leads to bigger issues and more frustration later. A scenario you really will not want to deal with.

An Unnecessary Distraction

You know when you chase something, you become very focused on it. At times the desire to catch what you’re chasing will start to consume you. This is not going to be in your best interest. When you are chasing after a woman you have now taken your eyes off the bigger prize, which is your growth as a man. You will be so caught up in trying to find ways to get her, that you may essentially lose yourself in the chase. To make matters worse, if she isn’t truly the one for you, then you are only hindering your ability to receive the one who is. So one way or another you will now be getting in your own way, and if that chase doesn’t get you what you wanted, then you’ll likely end up hurt, damaged, and deflated from the process.

Ultimately you are better served staying focused on what you need to do in your life. If she is interested, then let her meet you half way. If she can’t do that, then she is either not ready, not interested enough, or simply looking to take advantage of your desire for her. Continue to work on being the best man you can be, and in doing that, you will be able to attract the woman who is truly best for you….and you won’t have to chase her, because you two will be running towards each other to build a great and special relationship.

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28 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why a Man Shouldn’t Chase After a Woman”

  1. KT

    I think if a woman is interested then yes we should let a man know, BUT, this concept of a man thinking he does not have to chase after you can lead to just downright laziness on his part, and depletes some of the romance. It’s like he is doing a tic for tac approach and I can’t stand that

  2. Sherendon

    Thanks Stephan. I’m glad men are also receiving sound advice. I think illustrating the difference between chasing and tastefully pursuing with wisdom is also helpful. There will be times where more effort and a more direct approach is necessary and a lot of people don’t know what that looks like.

  3. Eric Williams

    This is a cluster F*** of an issue because in today’s world a man is damned if he does or doesn’t pursue. The issue is always about control and today women feel like they are in more control and thus hold out for “something better”. They are constantly judging, assessing, seeing if you can play the part in their self directed production called My Life As A Queen. She’s producing, directing and of course wrote the entire production and you are auditioning for a key role in her play. This is the fundamental psychology of women today. There is no WE only ME in their minds, and a man is mostly judged by his looks and his status. If I was high up on the social pyramid, I would have more options and be auditioning more than once. Since I have the looks, I do receive opportunities to audition but the judgement feeling I get only turns me off. Don’t be fooled, its about a generation of women, and not the way it will always be, but they are shallow, selfish, and delusional. When they hit fifty and find themselves divorced and alone, they will blame everyone but themselves, because the director is always right. Just look at your single female relationships who are past forty and listen to their words. They will tell you if you listen. You don’t even need to ask.

    1. Ronda S

      What you’re speaking of is exactly how men treat women and have been so for years. Women just decided to catch up and play around.

      1. Hammond D

        Agree with Rhonda and Eric. In this new modern world higher levels of narcissism is at play for both sexes. No problem, it is what it is with respect to women and their new found “freedom”. They absolutely deserve to be with whomever they want to be with, stage their lives however the feel is right for them, and have sex when and with whomever they want. Here is the thing: DO NOT MARRY. Women objectify men now, they will not tolerate bad sex, and when they “evolve” a man doesn’t know what they are evolving into. Hell neither does she! But don’t worry guys, this is out of our hands and it should be! Do YOUR thing. Depend on a woman for both of your offspring, and be sure to have a paternity test at birth. This is the crux of what matters for now. Train your mind body and soul for an independent life. Become one hell of a MAN. A strong, fit and wise man with a clear mind will ALWAYS be attractive to women at any age. Focus on yourself! Clear your blind spots, learn about other cultures. Don’t concern yourself with the debates and concerns about women vs. men bullshit. Neither are monolithic groups. If you find a woman whereas you enjoy one another’s company, then enjoy the relationship for as long as it is fulfilling to you. And move on immediately when she demonstrates via behavior and vibe that it is no longer fulfilling for her. Man the fuck up and stop hanging your hat on what women, plural, think. Your biggest concern is having the government write a marriage contract for you. Don’t let THAT happen because now your life is a threesome.

    2. Emily

      Maybe we all need to be single for a long while.

  4. Lonnda

    I get it… Don’t make these chase sm idol. You will lose sight of what the real goal is. The goal is to find the one God has placed in your life to share, build, create, restore, and leave legacy for your family line and for the world to see. AND glean from. Don’t get so focused on the chase of cheese that you don’t see there’s a trap in some cases, Easy..Mr. Mouse (or Ms. Mouse) 🙂

  5. Lonnda

    I get it… Don’t make the chase an idol. You will lose sight of what the real goal is. The goal is to find the one God has placed in your life to share, build, create, restore, and leave legacy for your family line and for the world to see. AND glean from. Don’t get so focused on the chase of cheese that you don’t see there’s a trap in some cases, Easy..Mr. Mouse (or Ms. Mouse) 🙂

  6. Cosmo Archibald Topper

    A woman has to be clearly worth a man’s effort if he is willing to pursue her. That fewer men are so willing should indicate where the problem lies. Instead, women blame men, accuse us of being immature and irresponsible, and demand that we be what they want and step up and provide the solutions to their desires. That we refuse should tell them something,, but then you can’t tell Ms Always Right anything.

  7. BC

    @KT Women are not a prize that men must won. Your comment is hypocrtical and self serving. Why do you think you are so special queen and above him? So he is lazy if he is not pursuing you but you are not lazy if you dont do the same.? Both must show relatively equal interst and efforts. Hope you change your attitude.

  8. Honestly, I believe woman are really looking for leaders. Someone who can be strong minded but compassionate enough and sincere in their listening and actions. When it ultimately comes down to “status” every womans idea is simple….security. I’m not talking money specifically but they want to feel safe, that they will have someone who can hold his own has responsibility and can make her feel safe. Also, for me priority 1 is have a similar faith in Jesus. It affects every aspect of my life. If I can’t share that with a man despite how connected I feel or well we vibe, I have to follow my truest beliefs first.

    And as @stephanspeaks usually says is healing needs to happen.

    I know some woman are not really as ready as they think they are, they have all these walls up and are dismissive. Some woman are so unhappy with themselves they can’t even think straight…its like an emotional ADHD. So caught up in their own dysfunctions they are projection there issues.

    And there’s a best person out there for everyone. I do believe that. Patience and guidance are the 2 biggest keys.

  9. So what do you say about the Men that expect a woman to do the chasing or make the first move? This idea has caused men to not want to have to work for a woman he wants. He feels like if she doesn’t give in immediately its too much work for him. But women are moved by consistency because it demonstrates, in most cases, that you are truly interested. Its an art to the pursuit that has been around for years but over the recent years it seems both men and women are losing their way.

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  11. Ibrahim Murithi Gitonga

    Great insights. ✌️

  12. Cosmo Archibald Topper

    I allowed my ex to get away with a lot of untruths. The problems only grew. I could never get her to discuss her lies, because she denied ever saying the tings I would tell her, even when I had taken notes at the time she said them.

    AWALT, and no man should waste his life on a woman he can’t trust.

  13. Jack

    Don`t buy a cow if you just need a hamburger !

  14. Vee P

    I agree with you Ronda S. I am a successful, educated, and independent woman who has curves. I try to date online because when I meet men in person, they always tend to focus on how thick and curvy I am, instead of trying to get to know me and what I am about. With online and chatline dating, men will not give me that time of day unless they see a full body photo of me first. They do not take the time to find out what I can offer or bring to the table because they are so concerned with how thick I am, I try to connection with a man because of his personality, interest, and how effectively he communicates with me, when he is focused with sleeping with me. Many fail to even ask me what do I like to do for fun, where I am from, etc (the simple and basic questions when trying to get to know someone). With that being said, men are constantly judging women because of how we look prior to even approaching us with any type of stimulating conversation…and that itself is shallow.

  15. 80sCatAndGunAddiction

    We aren’t the ones who play head games of hard to get. Ill let women know i’m interested but to go through the mind games women play…no woman is worth chasing. Let her know you like her. If she turns the cheek…move on. Too many fish in the sea to waste your time on BS.

  16. Dale winter

    Ronda, although their is some credence in your remark I have to say woman have taken it to a whole new level as far as self empowerment goes to point of being delusional. I see many woman that were hot as hell when they were young but because they wanted to “PLAY” a little too much… they find themselves boobs sagging, crows feet like a mofo, cellulite city, thinning getting hair and all alone cuz they wanted to play games. Sorry Ladies this is a mans world … ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE!

  17. Hazeledivy

    Maybe that’s not the reason. What’s up with that? So, anyway if I cleared things up, I’m still looking for penpals.

    Every day there will be hundreds of new minxes to have casual fun with, so your sexual experience can be different with every new gal you get laid with. Chat Room Features:. Be smart, make a compliment, tell a nice joke and simply be yourself.

  18. Cosmo Archibald Topper

    There is no good reason for a man to form a relationship with a woman. As soon as she’s set the hook, she quits trying. He will never do anything to her satisfaction, and she will never admit when she’s wrong. Better to be lonely in solitude than to be oppressed in a crowd.

  19. Ann Marie I.

    Eric, wow… sounds like you are incredibly frustrated. While I don’t agree with the response from Rhonda, I know I have been approached alot but then they walk away. The man was shallow or easily swayed to the what’s next. But I also believe that comes with finding our match. There are a lot of emotions that can run with the “search”. I pray
    both of us rest in the knowing the Lord will always guide and always in His perfect timing… God bless…

  20. Women, why did God Almighty create you?
    Look it up in the book of Genesis.
    That, I’ll say it again, THAT is why you were created!
    Real talk, plain and simple!

  21. Ian Holmes

    If she’s not interested just accept it

  22. Rich Tamati

    The women who commented on this are basically saying the man needs to keep being a slave to women and chase….you guys are terrible

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