We live in a society where men having a side chick a.k.a mistress happens way too much. To some men having a woman without a side chick is like having a meal without a drink. Not good in my personal opinion, but there are plenty of women who go along with this dynamic. Sometimes it’s the part they choose to play and other times it is given to them and they try to deal with it. So why is that particular woman finding herself as just his side chick and not the main woman in his life? Well let’s take a look at some reasons why she may choose or be chosen for this role.
Because She Allows It
I always say that if you accept less than you will get less. Many who are side chicks simply allow themselves to be put into this category. They accept the game this man runs on them even when they say they want better than this. If she isn’t aware of the other woman then that is different. Plenty women are aware of the main chick and still choose to go along with the situation. The reality is that many side chicks will eventually if not initially want the top spot and most will never get it.
Side Chick Benefits
Let’s face it, some guys give a great benefits package to their mistress. Lavish gifts, bills paid, and all the two-minute sex sessions she could dream of. For many women this is worth the trade-off of not being the main girl. We can discuss whether this is right or wrong but I’m not getting in to that today. The benefits that the woman will receive including having more flexibility on when she does and does not want to deal with this man makes this arrangement work in her mind. She isn’t truly into him either so for her it’s less hassle and more fun as far as she is concerned.
She Fears A Real Relationship
The truth is our world is filled with damaged and hurt individuals. The disappointments in love and relationships have caused many people to operate with walls up. For some, what better wall to protect yourself than knowingly not being the only woman in that man’s life. Some women figure being the side chick is safer for their heart and emotions, while still providing them companionship at some level. Of course this is risky business because eventually many still develop an unhealthy attachment. Yet and still this situation is appealing to some who think they are “protecting themselves”.
She Only Offers Good Looks & Sex
Unfortunately many women have yet to reach their potential. They haven’t evolved as a woman and they simply get by on great looks and sex. For a lot of men, this is all they want in their side chick, so this woman is a perfect fit. If she wants to truly hold a higher position in a man’s life she then you has to provide much more value than this. For some guys this may be enough to get their top spot but she likely won’t be able to maintain it. A woman has to bring more to the table or be prepared to only get another woman’s sloppy seconds.
She Gets A High From Dealing With Another Woman’s Man
Obviously there is a deeper rooted issue here but at the surface this is an ego boost to many. She likes the fact that she has the next girl’s man running after her. She enjoys doing something that others view as wrong (forbidden fruit). There may be a bitterness factor at play because she has been burned and hurt in the past so this makes her feel like she is in control. It’s just a thrill for her and she really isn’t ready or willing to embrace something with real substance and effort (see #3).
He Can’t Bring Her Home To His Mother
Just because a man wants to have sex with a woman, that doesn’t mean he can ever see himself being with that woman. She will only be his side chick because of that fact and because he knows his family would not accept her as anything more. The specific reasons why can vary with each person and family. Ultimately she provides enough benefits to keep around but that man has to give his family a main chick they can embrace.
She Doesn’t Value Herself As More Than A Side Chick
Low self-esteem can drive people to deal with a lot less than what they deserve, and in this case accept the role of being a side chick. She may have bought into the lie that she can’t do better than this man. That she should appreciate the left over scraps that he feeds her rather than embrace that she deserves receiving a full meal of a man. Maybe she started off not knowing and after it was revealed she found it hard to walk away. Knowing and embracing her worth would help her find the strength to not accept this situation that she knows she is not happy with. This woman should not let that man set her value. She has to realize she is worth much more than this.
There are more ways to look at this topic of women being a side chick / mistress and other reasons to discuss. I will definitely be diving in to them in the future. I couldn’t possibly cover them all in one post but I figured this was a good place to start. Gaining clarity on why people do some of the things they do can help move everyone in a better direction. Make sure to comment and share what you feel are some of the reasons she is just his side chick.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate