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Side Chick: 7 Reasons Why She Is Just His Mistress

side chick watching couple toast champagne

We live in a society where men having a side chick a.k.a mistress happens way too much. To some men having a woman without a side chick is like having a meal without a drink. Not good in my personal opinion, but there are plenty of women who go along with this dynamic. Sometimes it’s the part they choose to play and other times it is given to them and they try to deal with it. So why is that particular woman finding herself as just his side chick and not the main woman in his life? Well let’s take a look at some reasons why she may choose or be chosen for this role.

Because She Allows It

I always say that if you accept less than you will get less. Many who are side chicks simply allow themselves to be put into this category. They accept the game this man runs on them even when they say they want better than this. If she isn’t aware of the other woman then that is different. Plenty women are aware of the main chick and still choose to go along with the situation. The reality is that many side chicks will eventually if not initially want the top spot and most will never get it.

Side Chick Benefits

Let’s face it, some guys give a great benefits package to their mistress. Lavish gifts, bills paid, and all the two-minute sex sessions she could dream of. For many women this is worth the trade-off of not being the main girl. We can discuss whether this is right or wrong but I’m not getting in to that today. The benefits that the woman will receive including having more flexibility on when she does and does not want to deal with this man makes this arrangement work in her mind. She isn’t truly into him either so for her it’s less hassle and more fun as far as she is concerned.

She Fears A Real Relationship

The truth is our world is filled with damaged and hurt individuals. The disappointments in love and relationships have caused many people to operate with walls up. For some, what better wall to protect yourself than knowingly not being the only woman in that man’s life. Some women figure being the side chick is safer for their heart and emotions, while still providing them companionship at some level. Of course this is risky business because eventually many still develop an unhealthy attachment. Yet and still this situation is appealing to some who think they are “protecting themselves”.

She Only Offers Good Looks & Sex

Unfortunately many women have yet to reach their potential. They haven’t evolved as a woman and they simply get by on great looks and sex. For a lot of men, this is all they want in their side chick, so this woman is a perfect fit. If she wants to truly hold a higher position in a man’s life she then you has to provide much more value than this. For some guys this may be enough to get their top spot but she likely won’t be able to maintain it. A woman has to bring more to the table or be prepared to only get another woman’s sloppy seconds.

She Gets A High From Dealing With Another Woman’s Man

Obviously there is a deeper rooted issue here but at the surface this is an ego boost to many. She likes the fact that she has the next girl’s man running after her. She enjoys doing something that others view as wrong (forbidden fruit). There may be a bitterness factor at play because she has been burned and hurt in the past so this makes her feel like she is in control. It’s just a thrill for her and she really isn’t ready or willing to embrace something with real substance and effort (see #3).

He Can’t Bring Her Home To His Mother

Just because a man wants to have sex with a woman, that doesn’t mean he can ever see himself being with that woman. She will only be his side chick because of that fact and because he knows his family would not accept her as anything more. The specific reasons why can vary with each person and family. Ultimately she provides enough benefits to keep around but that man has to give his family a main chick they can embrace.

She Doesn’t Value Herself As More Than A Side Chick

Low self-esteem can drive people to deal with a lot less than what they deserve, and in this case accept the role of being a side chick. She may have bought into the lie that she can’t do better than this man. That she should appreciate the left over scraps that he feeds her rather than embrace that she deserves receiving a full meal of a man. Maybe she started off not knowing and after it was revealed she found it hard to walk away. Knowing and embracing her worth would help her find the strength to not accept this situation that she knows she is not happy with. This woman should not let that man set her value. She has to realize she is worth much more than this.

There are more ways to look at this topic of women being a side chick / mistress and other reasons to discuss. I will definitely be diving in to them in the future. I couldn’t possibly cover them all in one post but I figured this was a good place to start. Gaining clarity on why people do some of the things they do can help move everyone in a better direction. Make sure to comment and share what you feel are some of the reasons she is just his side chick.

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258 thoughts on “Side Chick: 7 Reasons Why She Is Just His Mistress”


    Great post! This is a topic that I’ve had many many discussions about,
    and posted about. I have to (sadly) add so much of this comes from today’s celebrity
    idolizing. Too much crap from the radios and TV’s. Starting with music, esp a
    lot of the Rap/Hip-Hop arena.  Time and
    time again, today’s young adults adopt what rappers/singers put on the air. A
    rapper says his bitch likes getting slapped, so then it’s the latest fad, so
    all the 15-17 year old accept this as OK. A rapper has chicks everywhere he
    lands, so then many chicks  see that as a
    way to get in the Clique. An NBA player has his girl in his home state, and all
    other places he ballin, so there the chickenheads go wanna fuck a baller….. An
    NFL 3rd stringer has chicks in every state in his Division, and gets
    to punt ass in 4 states, one for each day he’s in practice.  Then add these reality shows. I ban them shits in my house. And I’m from the Bronx, grew up in the Bronx
    River Projects, Sound View, Fort Apache, Hunts Point, Willis, Barretto, all of that when it was at its
    worse. I still listen to rap, and understand  it’s just story telling. I also can’t blame
    rappers for putting out what they do or wanna do, or reality show (Actors?), they’re not raising my
    children. But a fire will exhaust if there’s no oxygen. This is just one
    aspect, but truth. Let the fallout begin. MOSES

  2. Joelle Paule

    All the reasons u stated are valid yes but I will say this, if men would just stay away from other women that are not their wives! Maybe side chicks would not exist and would not take that role. Too many men are emotional pimps and a lot of women accept the side chick role to avoid the hurt.
    I was a side chick a long time ago and for a year trust me that man loved the shit out of me! I was even scared after a while that his wife would come and kill me one day. I didnt date him cuz of gifts etc… i liked his personality and the fact he was married never bothered me! It started to bother me later when he was talking bout he wants to divorce his wife!?

    1. Jacquie

      You mean if you know a man is married YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Married men are that NOT AVAILABLE.

      1. Red

        Married men should stay away from single women. If you’re not the “ONLY” woman, then the main chick isn’t any better than the side chick. So, when do we hold the men accountable for their actions?? After all there wouldn’t be a side chick if the man didn’t pursue the lady. I know men that have been married for 10+ years and has had several extra marital affairs. I guess you’ll still blame the other woman in that case too??? Married or not, you should want to be the “ONLY” woman. It’s time for you all to stop making excuses for these men and hold them accountable…

        1. MsNicaBuGG


          1. Tanner

            That goes vice versa as well. I’ve been a side chick three times and not by choice. Sadly men are predators, they’re like animals in the jungle they hunt and seek out the easiest prey. I’m not stupid but when you’ve been hurt so many times you become so desperate for affection and attention that you become in denial. That’s what happened to me I saw the signs, I could sense the lies but without proof all you can do is trust your man’s word and give him the benefit of the doubt. Sadly in my case(s) Their word was B.S. and all they did was tell me lies. When a man, no a boy in my case, lies to you from day one why should you be held accountable. Many people want to blame the female but I’m sorry hun it takes two. I never went out searching for someone else’s man, and I never had an interest in being a side chick but I was hunted and unfortunately I fell for the bait. I have four brothers and several male friends but still can’t figure out why men are the way they are. Why do they seek out these other women knowing they’re in a committed relationship and they never tell the whole truth. Some of them say “I don’t want a relationship right now.” But what they mean to say is “I have a girlfriend and I’m just going to use you until I get tired of it.” and others actually feed you all these lies about how they want to be with you or how they are with you knowing there’s another woman or women that they put before you. Smh the whole situation is sad thats why I’m single. You can’t trust these hoes.

          2. tanner

            AND I’m sorry but it isn’t just about what you have to bring to the table because I’m attractive, smart, I have goals, I have things going for me, I’m in school, etc. etc. I’m a great catch but guys just fail to see what they have in front of them until its gone. I’ll admit though, I did give it up a little too soon but we’re all adults and I like to indulge why should I be judged for that? Why is it ok for men to jump into bed on the first date but not women? What kind of world do we live in…oh yeah a man’s world because they’re justified in all of their bull but anytime a woman decides to have some fun she’s ridiculed. smh

          3. CornFedWhiteGuy

            Not always true, what if the woman isn’t aware? Logic flawed. The man makes the choice to sneak around and vice versa.

          4. Dionna Spicer

            Yes i agree because at one point i fell in love with this man And certain things was wired but i just said watever too. I was talking to him and we have been talking for 5 years and the situation happend where the girl called my phone talking shit but am like well he told me he was single. So i questioned him and he came up with a big lie and then later that day he finally told me. Him and his baby mother been off and on then they moved back in together. I tired to let him go its so hard when your feelings got attached and you wasnt intended to look for a man in a relationship. Its so hard and Am fustrated because i should have followed my instinct and i wouldnt have been in that situation. Am one of those girls that i believe you should not mess with men in relationship and i would tell my friends dont do that because one day you will be married and you dont want that happening to you. This is a hard situation but am slowing moving myself away and i tell god to take away this situation. Because if i knew he was in relationship of what it id i wouldnt have talked to him.

          5. CornFedWhiteGuy

            If people don’t learn from their mistakes they need to look at themself and what they attract. You attract what you are. It’s very simple. Change can be good remember that.

          6. Rose Confetti

            “You attract what you are” by that statement if a woman attracts a rapist, a serial killer does that mean she wants to be killed or raped? Logic flawed. True some things we do attract but married male predators is not something women put out into the universe as something they want in their life.

          7. CornFedWhiteGuy

            Don’t take it literally.

          8. CornFedWhiteGuy

            look deeper in the words. you’re being too critical.

          9. PurpleTantrum

            Actually yes, women put it out there that they can be used. Not consciously, but in order to date someone who is already in a relationship, you have to be willing to accept things that dont add up. You accept dumb excuses for why he suddenly can’t talk, why he always has to call back. You accept that your instincts and his behavior are both warning you that something is not right. You ignore it because you dont want to face it. You wonder why you arent being introduced to his friends and family, why you’re being isolated from the rest of his life. You tell yourself it’s nothing and everything is fine. Some women will accept all of this and others will not. Cheaters know which woman you are. They are like sharks who can smell one drop of blood in the water from 2 miles away. They know a woman who is wounded and who will ignore the signs and keep seeing him. They know, and like sharks they circle around the woman who is willing to be the prey.

          10. Rose Confetti

            First and foremost I love when people try to blame a woman for a cheaters actions. Let’s make one thing clear, before all the signs and the games and the lying one thing a cheater always knows before they pursue someone is that they are in a relationship, always. They start their approach living a lie, this is undeniable. They hide their relationship status, why? It’s because they already know the person their pursuing would not be with them. So let’s focus where the blame should be completely. It’s one thing if a woman knows but it’s another thing if she’s being approached with deceit so let’s not get things out of perspective here. Secondly, if you really think that a user or rapist is considering your feeling in the matter then I guess signs could work but I’m not sure any woman could tell you what signs they put out even subconsciously that says she wants to be raped or used to day but this is how people that contribute to rape culture think. She looked like she wanted me, she looked like she wanted a married man to come and talk to her? Really, this type of blind belief is simply delusional. Lust and selfish desires and make you believe someone wants you even if their not giving you any signs if you want someone bad enough and selfishness makes you act on that desire when you have a broken moral compass. We can assume all of these relationships are as you said, all these signs are in place so basically it’s a woman’s fault for not knowing she was dating a cheater because and it’s her fault for being the type of woman that attracts cheaters lol. Good to know and with that logic along with other logic you’ve used to come to your conclusion you honestly shouldn’t have wasted your time. We can assume all day theirs signs and so forth but deception is not so black and white and it doesn’t happen the same in every relationship. Their guys that know their friends are cheating and would never rat them out. Theirs women who aren’t quick to meet a mans family because they don’t want to move that fast. What I find the most disgusting about all this is that you are trying to blame a woman for why a man cheats bottom line and theirs no justification and their no human being that can make you do anything you don’t want to do, period so lets stop with the nonsense and actually hold cheaters accountable for their choices. No when can force someone to cheat, it’s called rape and none of these men are being raped.

          11. CornFedWhiteGuy

            Lady no offense, go.back to school

          12. PurpleTantrum

            But you know now. You know.

        2. PurpleTantrum

          Excuse me, but you don’t hold a man accountable by continuing to be a side chick. During the time that you thought you were the only one, it’s all on him for being a lying MF. Once you discover that you are, in fact, a side chick, then what you do about that is all on you. You don’t get to continue seeing him and dismiss responsibility because, oh well, you’ve been duped. Now you know, so it’s time to walk away, because you are too smart and valuable to be a side dish for a lying, cheating 2 timer. If you stay, then you are no damn better than if you knew the entire time. You think you’ve invested too much to walk away? Well then how much do you imagine his main lady has invested? No, you are NOT on the same level as the main lady, you are lying to yourself and trying to justify your bullshit. It sucks that you got played and got your heart broken, but now it’s time to do the right thing and WALK.

      2. Shannon

        Then they shouldn’t make themselves available, men are weak.

    2. Realher_xo

      I agree. I think it’s funny that society actually believes that a man will have a side chick for just sex. I’ve seen men leave their wife for their side chick and they are beyond happy. Men tend to fall in love with these side chicks. So I don’t think y’all should bash a side chick.

      1. leyy14

        Think we just found the “side chick”

        1. Natalie Cannon-Webb

          Of course she is

      2. LA

        Men don’t fall in love with anyone but themselves. The side chick should fall in love with herself and want to be in a relationship where she is valued enough to be the ONLY ONE that she knows of in that relationship.

      3. Lisa Ang

        You don’t know ANY MAN that will actuall LEAVE their wives and be happy with that side chick. That is a myth MOST of the time. When it does happen on the rare occassions, it’s about less than 10% of the time. Let’s not bring society into it…what do you think you are there for if not for sex? That’s how it starts out and that is a fact it’s sex THEN you may catch feelings behind that (and this too could have a few exceptions to the rule). Number one…keep your legs closed to MARRIED MEN! What else needs to be said? The bashing of the side chick is petty however warranted so the side chick will and should be bashed verbally she put herself in this prime position to get whatever bashing is coming to her be it physically or verbally. You need to really THINK about your decision to be in a relationship with ANY MARRIED man! Nothing about being the OTHER WOMAN, CLEAN UP WOMAN, and/or SIDE CHICK is funny, it’s sad and everyone involved in this mess should be held accountable. Let’s be serious here, we must stop bashing ourselves in the head with these idiotic notions that we can do other people wrong and NOT expect for that come back on us in some form or fashion. Grow up!

      4. thewife1908

        I will bash a side chick in a min. a women knows better. Karma does come back and the false sense is security of your relationship will crumble. Men leave their wives because they like that in love feeling. Love having something they can just snap up. That is why… Not because its real or the one. That is bullshit. The one is the person who you stick by. Not a feeling in your pants or in a delusional mind.

        1. tanner

          That goes vice versa as well. I’ve been a side chick three times and not by choice. Sadly men are predators, they’re like animals in the jungle they hunt and seek out the easiest prey. I’m not stupid but when you’ve been hurt so many times you become so desperate for affection and attention that you become in denial. That’s what happened to me I saw the signs, I could sense the lies but without proof all you can do is trust your man’s word and give him the benefit of the doubt. Sadly in my case(s) Their word was B.S. and all they did was tell me lies. When a man, no a boy in my case, lies to you from day one why should you be held accountable. Many people want to blame the female but I’m sorry hun it takes two. I never went out searching for someone else’s man, and I never had an interest in being a side chick but I was hunted and unfortunately I fell for the bait. I have four brothers and several male friends but still can’t figure out why men are the way they are. Why do they seek out these other women knowing they’re in a committed relationship and they never tell the whole truth. Some of them say “I don’t want a relationship right now.” But what they mean to say is “I have a girlfriend and I’m just going to use you until I get tired of it.” and others actually feed you all these lies about how they want to be with you or how they are with you knowing there’s another woman or women that they put before you. Smh the whole situation is sad thats why I’m single. You can’t trust these hoes.

          1. tanner

            AND I’m sorry but it isn’t just about what you have to bring to the table because I’m attractive, smart, I have goals, I have things going for me, I’m in school, etc. etc. I’m a great catch but guys just fail to see what they have in front of them until its gone. I’ll admit though, I did give it up a little too soon but we’re all adults and I like to indulge why should I be judged for that? Why is it ok for men to jump into bed on the first date but not women? What kind of world do we live in…oh yeah a man’s world because they’re justified in all of their bull but anytime a woman decides to have some fun she’s ridiculed. smh

          2. CeeCee

            You’re just born in this world, you didn’t make it. In 2015, the rule still is this, if you find a guy you want as your future hubby, be a feminine creature like no other and MAKE HIM WAIT for the sex, If you’re a girl who has to have regular sex, then sex up that next dude that you know you’ll never want to be with, meanwhile, you’re making Mr. Right wait. Again, if you want a long-term relationship – then marriage, make him wait…a good 4 months and/or about 7 good dates, or more of getting to know one another besides biblically. No matter what he says, he will never Wife you if he knows your Vee before the color of your eyes. Don’t always be available, don’t blow up his phone, don’t chase him. Instead, flirt with him, laugh with him, get to know him, be interesting, mysterious, smart, sexy and HOLD OUT ON YOUR GOODIES!! GOT IT?!? Class dismissed!!

          3. Tess Hanson

            My first husband I slept with on the second date. I divorced him. I was to young and didn’t love him. 7 years of not seeing him, I ran into him. He told me if I ever wanted to come back I could.

            My second husband I slept with on the first date. His family was in shock cause he was never going to marry. He shock them all when he asked me to marry him.

            When you sleep with someone shouldn’t matter. It didn’t in my case. I wasn’t considered a hoe. And I pushed my second husband into having sex that first night. He wasn’t going too. LoL. But he did shock me when he asked me to marry him cause I wasn’t thinking about it (for once). LoL.
            5 years later…… happy!

          4. jboog

            Tanner you answered your own question, you basically admitted your fast and like to indulge, men dont want a hoe as a wife or a girl or even the appearance of one. Hold your self in a higher regard and maybe guys will take you serious.

          5. Kristen Whiting

            I disagree. Quick sex is a double edge sword. There have been people you wait to sleep with and the p/or/d is wack. Wasn’t worth the wait and then disappear. Some people want to find out asap, especially if sex if a vital component and one of the determining factors. The bigger issue is boundaries. Discuss it and take it from there. Adults communicate effectively. Not play “keep away” for the sake of a man’s appraisal, or “respect” cuz he could be dogging your ass too (and have yet to find it out). Some women wait to sleep with a guy and still his ass is a deadbeat. So sex is t the end all be all, BOUNDARIES are! I say know yourself, trust yourself and get educated about men, egoism and conditioning and set and adhere to boundaries.

          6. Kristen Whiting

            Wait…so you saw all the signs but said you aren’t stupid? Denial is definitely a form of stupidity.

          7. ladyblack

            I agree it takes two. Can’t blame nobody. Men cheat because they make that decision.Women or men become side relations because they choose to. I recently connected back with my first love from middle school and high school
            I was married but I been divorced for 7 years now. He still is married with young children. Mine are all grown and I am a grandmother. I often thought and dreamt about him over the years.After 20 years are feelings is the same. We love each other. I continue to see him for the rest of my life if I can.We our soul mates. Didn’t understand that when we were young . Now middle age it’s different and I am not a side chick.I am more of the girlfriend and mistress in the bedroom.What we feel is real and I believe I will have the top spot because of how we feel about each other.

        2. LadyBlack

          You rite but sometimes you may run into your first love and you mite rekindle something great.And you both in your hearts realized you married the wrong people.Why can’t you be together until you both are free.Cant be mad at side chicks side men . Love is a strong valuable thing when it revolves around the heart.You can’t help who you fall in love with and who conquer your soul.

      5. Man

        I believe even in marriages you make mistakes and choose the wrong spouse. Having an extramarital affairs are horrible. But I rather be single and happy and free to date at my leisure. Then be in a marriage that I am not happy in. I got no need for sides. I can have it my way……

        1. Tlady

          My husband started cheating on me with a side chick and I knew it from the beginning! Some women know and decide not to do anything….they stay lazy, don’t want to have sex, stop being attractive! Not Me! I hurried up and divorced him and I hope he made a better choice, because what I needed and wanted, and deserved he was unable to provide. I had settled for him, because he was the father of my kids. I was trying to stay faithful and do the right thing. Somehow, him cheating empowered me to follow my heart and leave him for good!!! I’m still thanking the side chick today!!!! I care about him and love him, but I hope she takes good care of him like I would have done!! It’s a lot of women feel like me! We are really settling ladies, they just don’t know it! Do you think we really want to be cooking, cleaning, washing your clothes, taking care of you, if we could have elegant dinners, hot sex, men always giving compliments, egos on high ALL THE TIME! Sometimes we have Side Hustlers, we keep them around, so we can take care of husbands that stink and watch football all day! ? Don’t ever get it twisted, we are so much better at it then you!!!

      6. Mariah

        And how do that bullshit last til he back with the wife or a another bitch

    3. realesst

      He dont love women if he does that hes not right only pain will come if u marrie him he will do u the same way.all that love u feel another women will feel put u will suffer the pain part like u did his wife

    4. The New 2014

      Sounds like your stroking your ego, smh. Trust me when he “gets” you in front of his wife, there would have been another side chick. Men just like the thrill to feel real as possible. Don’t flatter yourself. Numbers and statistics don’t lie. Upgrade yourself honey!

    5. IIlI

      in many countries like saudi arabia, iran, indonesia, a man can have more than one wife. she will be treated fairly, at least by law. no side chick required. it’s simply accepted if the man can afford it.

    6. Natalie Cannon-Webb

      Child please, are you serious?

    7. Vic Kidd

      Email (B I R D E Y E dot H A C K at G M A I L dot C O M) if you wanna have remote access to your partner’s cellphone. I know this because he helped me hack my ex and i got to find out who he was cheating on me with and also helped me get money out of his account and put it in mine. Email him today and i promise you wont regret working with him….He’s different from all those fake hackers out there!

  3. I agree with everything that you said and especially the point that “she allows it.” Too many women go for the “Okie-Doke” for the sake of saying that she has a man, even though he is only a “piece of man.” I really wish women would wake up but if the aren’t looking for a serious relationship and only interested in the benefits, I guess that works for her. However, if a woman doesn’t “know” for a fact that she is a side chick, her intuition tells her so by the way that he treats her.

    1. Women need to stop chasing the same men. Lets keep it real, there are a group of men that can sleep with an unlimited amount of women (seconds, thirds, etc.)

      1. Divya

        And it goes the other way as well. The only difference is that for women it’s easier to get many guys at once, and the guy usually is the one who’s chasing the girl not the other way around since women r naturally the finer sex. So it’ll take more time for him to chase multiple women while all the woman has to do is say yes. If you’ve taken AP Bio as a science, you’d know that intrasexual selection is when the girl of a species chooses who she wants and intersexual selection is when the male fights with another male to win over the female. So females have an easier with sleeping with multiple guys as they’re more open to u know what. So it’s quite the contrary my friend. Females r much more capable of cheating than u r, but they don’t since they have higher morals.

        1. PurpleTantrum

          Women have higher morals because of the way they are treated if they don’t. We have self control so we aren’t picked apart by vultures. Men have way less self control because they don’t have to have it. People make excuses for men to be as big of whores as they can, because “they can’t help it.” When you act helpless to control your sexual urges, you get a bunch of winks, a round of pats on the back, and people call you a player and a stud. It’s sucess if you wallow in fulfilling your needs.

    1. SelenaJae

      If they will do it with U, they will do it to U!!

  4. this kinda hurts my heart so much. i have a soft spot for the second chick, especially the one who likes taking another womens man or insecured…the man benefits not the woman. when i was in this kind of relationship, i woke up.  i realized  he benefited and plus it’s all about sex. he gets what he wants. i dont. so i got out, and hve not been back since. but i understand why i stayed.  one of the 7 reason fit me.  it felt so good to be loved. it just so happen to be a man with a ring.  but that is not fair to the other woman at all. i wished women saw them selves better. i wished young girls and boys saw relationship as a thing to protect and not hurt. you know. but you cant save a fool. i was foolish but i’m no fool. wake me up and i’m out. wake up a fool and they only go deeper. i consider myself wiser.

    1. jacquie

      You are not loved if he has 2 women you are used and deserve better. I have limited compassion for any female that wrecks a marriage a married man is that off bounds. However sometimes you don’t even find out they are married until it is too late.

  5. An Honest Person

    i bet a woman wrote this, woman have men on the sidelines sometimes they just don’t get caught 

    1. Actually a man wrote this (me). I agree with you that plenty of women have men on the side. I plan to write about that as well but that is a separate issue from what this article is discussing. We have to learn to stay on topic if we ever want to properly address the issues many people face.

    2.  You need to change your logic, being just as stupid as men gets you what exactly?

    3. Angchronicles

      You’re funny. While I was reading it, I thought how many men do women have on the side.

      1. Raquel Jo

        They have a lot. Not to bash but I remember my mom doing that behavior and still do. Its pathetic

  6. TruthBTold

    Sometimes your post really makes me wonder….. Anywho what defines a side chick I really wanna know because many people dont know they are the side chick. First off let’s address the men that tell these women one thing and then tell the other women another. Men manipulate women into thinking that they are the only ones or that they are in horrible relationships and really want out because certain circumstances allow them not to like marriage, kids, finances etc. And when you start off as a man’s friend and he comes at your with the sob stories it makes it very easy to be a side chick lol. And then there’s the women that like other people’s men okay we dtermined they are less than women and they in my opinion are fatherless women. I dont know no normal woman that would enjoy sharing a man. Now to my main point if there is a main there is another woman okay. It’s like a meal you have the main dish and sides or you can have two main dishes lol.  There needs to be a clear word for one and only. Two main dishes has to explained because a majority of women are in this situation and dont know. Now one women may know about the other but they will always think they are higher than them, when actuality they are on the same level. Two mains are two women that are sharing a man equally now the man is obviously telling these women the same things and giving them the same perks they just arent aware of what he is exactly saying.  A broke man can have two main but the most common is a man with money so ladies be aware. I cant stand the term side chick because most women arent side chicks they are the other main. I ‘ve seen husbands spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with the second main honey so please understand men are manipulative creatures that are unfornately not alway able to practice monogamy. And yes it comes back to old times where men had wives. They like to have more than one this is a man’s freaking problem not the majority of women.

    1. I agree completely that many men lie and manipulate the woman into thinking she is the only one and all the other things you mentioned. I just wanted to focus more on the women in these situations with this specific article but I do plan to focus on the men as well n the future. Now the woman who knowingly go along with this are not always fatherless women. Sometimes there are other issues at play that contribute to their willingness to be apart of these situations. Nice try on the “two main dishes” lol. That goes against the definition of the word “main” so I think it would be more accurate to say that there can be two side dishes/chicks but not two “mains”. I understand your dislike for the word but I do feel it describes what is really going on a little better. I feel both men and women can be very manipulative. I agree that too many men have embraced not being monogamous and this needs to change. At the end of the day both men and women (those who know whats going on) play a part and bear some responsibility in situations like this. This article was simply trying to discuss and help others understand why many women go along with it. With a better understanding we have a better chance at making the necessary corrections. 

      1. Stace

        What makes a person the side chick if he does all the same things with both women. For instance, bring them around friends, family members, sleep overs, buy them things, go out on dates and take vacations etc?

        1. Whoever comes after the first woman would be considered the side chick. Treatment doesn’t change the fact that he was already in a relationship with another woman. So being treated just as good or better would not change the perception by most that the 2nd woman to enter the picture is the side chick.

          1. jacquie

            Any female that knows a man is married or living with someone gets all they deserve for trying to steal someone else’s partner – he is simply not available and instead of calling them side chick sex chick is more appropriate because that is all you are a bit on the side. If you like him you tell him to leave the relationship and when he is free to contact you but in most cases he won’t so find one that is single and respect yourself.

          2. jhene

            I’m involved with a guy with a gf not a wife and I didn’t know about her at first. I don’t see myself as a side chick I’m pregnant with his child and he does for me financially

          3. orls

            I agree my ex recently left me for his female friend of 5yrs we were happy planning a future together she was a single 26yr old that text him constantly he went away for nights with her one being to a beer fest and stayed over at his parents he came back and dumped me and we living together my heart is completely broken never thought this would happen to me. I hope they both get their hearts broken coz they deserve too. Found out on fb that their in a relationship he was too big of a coward to tell me she posted a pic of them together and it made me want to throw up he then says we wants to be friends no chance anyone got any advice on how to get over him.and learn to trust another man.

          4. Divya

            Be single. You don’t need no man.

          5. Lisa Ang

            Wow the fact that you have to explain what a side chick is speaks VOLUMES. How would you not know that you are the side chick just based on the trips he takes you on, bringing you around his family and friends, really? Unfortunately, those things don’t necessarily imply that you are not the side piece, because family and friends will lie to the main girlfriend to cover for him and the fact that he’s sleeping around. A lot of men like having a girlfriend or a wife +1. And that 1 could be his girlfriend if the one he TRULY LOVES doesn’t work out but more than likely won’t be the one he truly loves most of the times (there are some sad exceptions to this rule but more than likely the wife or MAIN girlfriend is the one his heart belongs to)…everyone else is alot of fun and he may even claim to care about them. I don’t understand any of it…stop playing games with people and just leave both of them alone or let both parties know about the other one so that everybody is on the same page and there are no secrets. SMH…messy and ridiculousness!

          6. slim

            What about chicks lying to the other chicks face like she is a relative.. people go further than you think… They could be living together and you think it’s family.. manipulation in all forms!

          7. Tress

            What advice do you have when a woman been involved with a married man for 6 years. Within the six years the man has been married twice and currently married and he cheats on the wife and the mistress. The mistress wants out of it but it’s hard to pull back because they work together. What advice do you have?

          8. PurpleTantrum

            Dump him. You can’t fix a lying, self absorbed 3 timer. He is not sorry, but if you press the issue, he will pretend to be sorry until you are willing to stop talking about it. Then he’ll go back to playing all 3 women and allowing them to blame each other instead of him. He feels like a stud when women fight over him, and the fact that he’s got to make 3 women suffer to feel good about himself is not keeping him awake at night. As long as he can have all 3 women, that is what he will choose.

        2. PurpleTantrum

          The side chick is number 2, the woman who lies to herself and believes that she’s got a real relationship because she’s with a man who has so little respect and concern for either woman that he makes no effort to hide what a gutter slut he is from his own family and friends. She thinks she isnt doing anything wrong at all because according to her assessment, # 1’s Christmas gift was exactly the same gift as hers. # 2 thinks this means that she is every bit as loved as #1, but if she would wake up and smell the dog shit on her own knees, it would occur to her that this man is just too self centered and pathetic to be bothered with having to shop for 2 different gifts. He wants to grab 2 of the same damn thing because he knows you will eat it up instead of recognizing that you chose a dumb excuse for a man.

      2. dee

        A main is not the main without the sides (if that makes sense). A main still has to share and in most instances, she is in no better position than the side chick. I would never want to be a main I want to be an only…

        1. a wife should be the main course in a mans life….and his sides should be his passions, hobbies, and interests. if those passions, hobbies, or interests are other women……then he’s not digging whats being served anymore….and eventually he will start throwing you under the table to the dogs. we deserve better than this ladies. do better for yourselves. 🙂

          1. PurpleTantrum

            It isn’t that a man gets a side because he isn’t digging the main dish anymore. It’s that the man digs the main AND he digs the side. He would sample every dish in the entire restaurant as long as nobody catches him and gives him grief. It isnt even that one dish is better, it is that there are dishes he hasnt tasted yet. He wants to taste the entire cookbook, but he doesn’t want to get the bill.

      3. Lala Coetzee

        When it comes to a married man its a diffrent situation but when you are both still girlfriend then there is no one who is a side chick they are both his chicks and if he is playing then he is playing both of them. period.

        1. PurpleTantrum

          And you see this as evidence that you should keep doing what you’re doing? As long as he’s shi**ing on 2 people and not one then you’re all good with it?

    2. dee

      OMG! Thank you… my sentiments exactly!

  7. Most women are side chicks, they just don’t know it. Ladies you can’t have it all, if you care about things that are not all that important like looks and money you will be a side chick whether you like it or not. Basically if you don’t want to be a side chick you need to do two things. First, Close your Legs and make sure he knows he will have to earn it, or move on. Second, make it clear you better put a ring on it, if he can get it for free, it will always be free.

  8. Raquel Jo

    You nailed this one!! Women need stay away from another woman’s husband PERIOD! they are TAKEN! he is not theirs. Even if he is not married what make them think he’s not lying. I respect relationships and marriages. I even want a marriage one day. I would hate to see my husband with another woman and that’s what most women fear when they do get married. It is too mny side chicks and if they stop interfering they will stop breaking up homes and at least have somebody

    1. Stace

      Oh boy!!! I would never blame another woman. If the man isn’t interested there will not be any side chicks or breaking up of homes. Pretty sure many have turned that same man down before but he won’t stop trying till he gets exactly what he wants. Stop blaming other women and put the blame where it belongs.

      1. Lisa Ang

        You make no sense, Stace, because YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BLAME BOTH PARTIES there is no one more at fault here! Let’s be clear, as an adult man or woman, you should have some SELF-RESEPCT for yourself to not knowingly sleep with another woman’s man or another man’s woman let alone her husband or his wife. As for these women, they are usually desperate and stupid to believe that they are NOT the side chick and you shouldn’t need a definition of what a side chick is if you know that the man is married or in a relationship with someone else especially if he’s told you that he has a girlfriend or that he’s married. Men like choosing a woman on the side because they CAN and they have plenty of opportunity to do so. So stop justifying & making excusatory remarks about being the other woman, jumpoffs, side chicks, and all out whores who don’t care about who they are hurting. This is exactly what you & that cheating man/woman wife/husband, have allowed yourself to be and allowed this ingrate to put YOU in that position. We are all adults and we all make choices, choose wisely but call a thing a thing, you are the SIDE CHICK in layman’s terms, get over it and stop playing yourself! AND the only reason a man/woman would pursue you is because they know that you can BE CAUGHT, PERIOD! You attract men who want side chicks because that’s who you are and he knows you are gullible enough to take the bait eventually so he waits and pursues until you break because that is what hunters DO. These men are hunters always looking for that gullible side chick woman who will oblige their wishes; he knows you better than you obviously know yourself, you know why because you are are the OTHER WOMAN NEVER TO BE HIS ONLY WOMAN.

    2. Neasie

      You can’t break up a home that wasn’t already breaking when you got there. When you actually get a Husband maybe you and all these other sanctified sinners can about own flaws instead of telling others who they shouldn’t or should not be with. If that spouse is not yours then don’t concern yourself.

      1. Lisa Ang

        No one is implying that we are not all flawed, here. If you know that the house is broken THEN why are you there to watch it continue to crumble…get over yourself with this ridiculously warped thinking. Your mindset should be RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN before the home collapses on you! OMG! And really this is a topic for any & everyone to discuss rationally whether you agree or disagree with the statements…and from your post you are clearly not married nor in a helaty mongamous relationship and you also must share a mindest of “If it feels good then do it, damn everybody else.” If so, then WOW, because if you were married or in a monogamous relationship then you would understand the depth of hurt that goes on with these type of scenarios in relationships. You don’t have to be sanctified to know right from wrong…it’s a littel rule I learned in grade school I’m sure you’ve heard of it, it’s called the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s logical and simple in nature but still applies to do and applicable in all cases. You ought to try it sometime and see if your mindset changes or better yet get married and see how it feels to have your spouse or significant other have a side chick/dude…then come share your experience and post here again. I’m sure all could benefit from your story.

      2. ROFL!!

        A study was done that found that men generally report not having an issue with the spouse when cheating, so to them the home was not broken. Too often this narrative is used to justify side chicks mentality. Truth is cheaters cheat because they can.

  9. Weareourmothers

    Sigh, when are we going to confront these men so that they have to be accountable for there wrong-doings? Tragic–we really live in a patriarchal society, and many of us don’t sense the societal programming of specific gender roles. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is sacred because no one is held accountable. Men, stop slingin’ that d$*#! And stay true to your vows! Women, if you find out your man’s cheating, take a few moments to think about…LEAVING! He would definately leave your ass if you were cheating–hell, he’s already “left” if he is cheating. It hurts so bad to see women suffer, exile to deal with the pain, then go right back to hum. To me, the man, more often than not, STILL benefits–he wins again! Maybe I souund like I hate men, but I can assure you that I do not. I just feel that both parties should be equally responsible for their actions.

    1. You are correct that both parties should be held accountable. This article is simply addressing one part of the overall issue but it is not attempting to dismiss what you have stated. Both men and women should stop engaging in this behavior if we are going to make things better in relationships. 

  10. who cares

    you know what i think… WHO CARES!!… MEN CHEAT! WOMEN CHEAT… MEN Marry the WOMAN that wouldn’t put out… then cheat on that woman with a woman that will fulfill fantasies that the other woman put her self too high on the pedestal to do!!… face it we are all SLUTS AND WHORES just like my friend on youtube JAYSTAR said. so find that person that you love…. who cares who they are or who they are with right now or how much money they have and JUST LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE and try TO BE UNDERSTANDING BECAUSE THOSE WHO JUDGE WILL BE JUDGED. PEACE YALL LOVE AND HAPPINESS

  11. blahblahblah

    women don’t “allow” it so much as they are trained to accept the ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense we’re all brainwashed with. many women are raised with the idea that they have to do anything to keep a man happy, including putting up with utter BS, or allowing another woman to be a part of the picture. women were conditioned to do all of the above until the sexual revolution. more women are being taught to be independent now and figure themselves out so hopefully, this will translate into more women chosing situations that FULFILL them – so they don’t cheapen themselves and get pimped. men who do this type of thing lack empathy and rationalize why this behavior is appropriate because it is a social norm.

  12. chickadee33

    Good article but you need an editor to review for grammar and spelling. Too many mistakes in this text …..

    1. thank you and you are correct. I actually just found one and they are in the process of cleaning up all of my articles. hopefully from here on this will no longer be an issue.

  13. Mrs. Spock

    All of this is interesting.

  14. Romi

    To “who cares”. There’s a difference between accepting someone the way they are and allowing yourself to be treated as a doormat and completely throwing your morals and principles out the window. If something is wrong and can potentially hurt another person, choose to take no part in it. I know sometimes we fall in love and want to be loved but, trust me, these types of relationships do not go anywhere significant. You are wasting your time with a man that has those values to begin with.

    1. lina bels

      Unfortunate But amazingly exact point!

    2. Divya

      Again, when will we hold guys accountable?

    3. Divya

      Oh, like guys aren’t shallow at all. If guys can date good looking women, then it should be the other way around too. Smh.

  15. 4eva_virtuous

    I love all your posts …but I think that you forgot a reason… #8 because she has no idea that she is a side piece. She’s oblivious to her status in his life

    1. True but I left that one out because if she doesn’t know then there isn’t much to explain. We could only discuss the possible reasons she was chosen to be his side chick in that situation.

      1. lina bels

        That’s how I feel being as classified as a side chick because essentially I am… And start feeling bad about it because all the concepts and aspects that come along, in my mind somewhere I get that idea but deep in my subconscious whether it is egotistical or illusive.. I don’t feel like a side chick, I don’t ask to be, I don’t expect gifts or somewhat loved or whatever. I just essentially do it for sexual pleasure because chemistry bonds us very well even in a salubrious way… Rarely do I get these attached emotions or expectations. I just do it to do it, it’s convenient for both of us. The main problem you didn’t tag along is, to what extent does being the primary source of a cheating partner damage future relationships. I stopped believing in marriage and love all together. Every time I encounter a couple I get a repulsive feeling that their relationship is fated to doom due to cheating, either from the woman’s or man’s perspective. It’s not entirely the men’s fault, it’s just women aren’t programmed to be strong enough to know that they deserve better and not engage in relationships with men that are taken, and that’s just our problem and excuse. The other argument society should develop and evolve is that people aren’t goddamn possessions and if one doesn’t keep a promised commitment, you should consider realizing that the person isn’t right for you and it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Commitments aren’t taken serious in relationships and that’s a hidden fact people have to face with harsh experience because it’s so stealthy.

  16. Woman of Great Faith

    Thank you for bring this out and up. I struggled for years on trying to figure out why every year in our relationship there was some form of cheating in it. What I finally realized was I was only good enough to him to be the main chick for show but when it came down to having a relationship or marriage that is not what he really wanted. In the end I realized he was still searching for someone or something and never really happy with what he had found so I left because he turned me into a side chick. After the separation he was just letting me know I was just a side chick he would only come by and see me late in the night after everyone else had gone to bed and no one could know he was here, when he was with her and I would text him or call him it would go to voicemail or auto reply busy, he would not call me in the day time so his family would not know that he was still dealing with me, yet she was the one going on family trips. I accepted this because I was trying to make my failing marriage work he accepted it because he was getting his cake and eat it to so I stopped it all together and felt a lot better about myself. Christians wives don’t let him turn you into a side chick because you feel like you are obligated by your faith know you deserve better.

    1. Sherry G

      Woman of Great Faith I can relate to being turned in to the side chick in my marriage. I left too. Thanks for sharing.

      1. lina bels

        How do you go from being the ‘main chick’ (the wife) to being a “side chick” (the mistress) … ???

  17. Missy Dontbelievethehype Thang

    people cheat. people do the easiest thing to get pleasure on their terms. if it means using somebody else, many will do it. some of these women do this out of bitterness but some just simply enjoy this type of situation because for them, it's less headache than dealing with the typical dating mess out here. i think it's risky and not worth it but as long as folks get something they want from a situation, they will continue to do it. men AND women get used on the side. men don't mind being the side piece at all. many seek it out as well. so it is not just women. the only women doing this i feel bad for are those who don't know they can do better. not every woman doing this feels this way. in fact, some are in relationships and dipping with the married dude on the side.

  18. The side chick my ex started with had a man living right across the street ,where he chose to leave me an move in with his sister, whom was helping him cheat .He started staying out all night, sleeping on his sister's floor to be with this tramp.. I at the time had no idea when I was still dealing with the sister introduced this woman to me as her friend that lived across the street. I felt so dumb when I figured out this was why my man wasn't coming home. I immediately informed the side chicks man of what was going on. .SO now my ex is the side dude, husband- in- law or whatever term you want to call it..An, he seems more than willing to play this role. He recently got an apartment around the corner from where his couple lives. Even with having run ins with the husband-in-law, he continues to try an make me believe that there is nothing going on with this woman. Even though I've walked in his sister's apartment an seen her asleep on the floor on the twin mattress he slept on. I think he gets a thrill out of knowing he's with someone else's woman. I'm just waiting til all hell breaks loose, cause Karma is still right around the corner. Living, Breating an Ready to Pounce!

  19. In my opinion, "side chicks, home wreckers, whore mongrels, worthless females" that KNOW they're just a piece of A** have absolutely, positively NO love for self. We could debate back & forth about the different reasons females indulge in such degrading activity but what's the use?! Again, this is just my opinion BUT in order to continually hurt the "main WOMAN" without regard for the domino effect it may have for the main Woman's family means they obviously have no self worth. If the side Jawn thinks for one moment that she could EVER be the Main Woman…….she's setting herself up for a HUGE disappointment. No male wants a side Jawn to EVER be his Main Woman simply because he KNOWS that she doesn't know her worth, or she wouldn't be the side piece!

  20. I have been a side chick but not to a man who has a girlfriend but because I am in a wheelchair. Men tend to view me as a sexy blowing machine. I don't want this, I hate it. I want a husband.

  21. Analyn Braza-Stull

    My husband doesn't need a side chick when I AM his side chick. Meaning we are always doing something together. After work we watch documentaries or go out to karaoke bars, go camping on the weekends or things that will keep both of us satisfied that there is no time for other side chicks.

  22. A recovering Side Chick. Ladies Low self Esteem is the reason I was a Side Chick. I didn't Love myself enough to know that I DESERVE BETTER ! Steve mentioned Low Self Esteem in the 7 reasons of being a Side Chick / Mistress etc. After Much Prayer, Counseling, and Mentoring. I can TRULY say I'm No Longer that Person. I have a Healthy self esteem, I'm going to school, getting my Masters, Pursuing better jobs, and developing New interests. I realize Self Love is the BEST Love ! Once you know better you will do BETTER. If any man comes my way he must come correct or keep on Stepping. In GOD's Own time he WILL give me my Boaz. Until then I will be happy and FREE from being Nobodys SideChick Mistress etc !

  23. Angy LampkinBloodline King

    So much is left out of this. Now, both women get to meet the family. This too has been going on since the beginning of time. Some men just want two women and treat them both the same. This topic can be discussed forever and there'll never be a summed up explanation.

  24. Martisa Yvette Rogers


    1. Lastly

      Bitch Shut up. They’re blaming the “other woman” for a reason. Basically it’s like
      She doesn’t have her own mind she’s letting HIM completely control her. THAT’S WHY SHE’S THE ONE TO BLAME !! dumb ASS!

  25. Jene Tillis

    I know women who unknowingly took on this role but by the time they found out they were emotionally invested, then it was hard for them to pull out.
    To the author-you said you are going to address men later but why weren't they your first choice? Men should be the head and not defile the marriage bed. They should also cover their wives. So in my opinion they should have been the chosen topic of your choice first. Many women are looking to be led, be covered. That is the natural order but we have had to take on harder emotional shells because of the BS we've been given. Men know a women's vulnerability and will play on it persistently. For the ladies on here hating on the side chicks your man is the homewreacker an
    .unfortunately its a hateful world and stop looking to them to owe you respect. They aren't the ones who took the vow your man did he's ultimately responsible

  26. I agree with some of this but I personally believe that when a man has a side chick he is more to blame then then the side chick like let's be clear it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out… It's been a tradition for centuries that women stay home to take care of the kids and the man provided and in the mist of this it's also been ok for man to have other women look at the minority countries the man out there can have 7 wives and it's ok but because it's America and we do live DIFFRENT it is still the same thing…. The wives can be mad at the mistress but in all reality be mad at your man cause he's the one that choice to step out the marriage so in other words your man is the HOMER WRECKER at the end of the day a man is gonna be a man it don't matter how much he loves you I always believed that a women can't change a man I always think that you have to let a man grow on his own and figure things out on his own after all he is a Man lol the moral of the story is ladies stop blaming the side chicks step your cookie up and check your man ladies don't no women wanna be rolling around in the grass with another women over a man it's not worth it know who your dealing with ladies!!!!

  27. Porche Hatten Mensah

    I love the post and I agree on it

  28. Yes I have been there, as a matter of fact I just broke it off because of guilt and lies. I believed him when he said he was leaving, I believed him when he said he loved me and I believed him when he said I am his Queen. Then I realized how dumb can I be to allow this snake to enter in and make me believe so many lies that felt so good when he belonged to someone else and Will never be mine. Facing reality is real and can hurt but I feel better knowing I could face the fact I allowed this to happen and I am better than what I have accepted myself to be. Don't believe what man says when he is showing you all along the truth. A side chick is a role I will never play again.

  29. I somewhat agree. And then there is the man that plays the role as well you can't just blame a low life woman when the main chick's man has lied continually keeping her thinking she is his main chick. The main chick is just as stupid for keeping a cheating man in her life but then again she may not know it herself. When two souls are tied together it doesn't matter which spouse is cheating because in the end you both are due to the souls being tied. When a man lays down with another, or lies, or steals and the spouse knows these things then she is just as guilty and she is basically doing it too.

  30. Side chicks are usually women who are starving for love, therefore, they'll fulfill that need and eat anywhere

  31. Glenda Cosenza

    I waited all my life — until the age of 66 — to meet the man of my dreams and I had given up ever finding him. I've made do with friendships and short term relationships, being a cheerful person with an optimistic view of life. I've developed myself — got a PhD, had a wonderful wonderful working life. And then — at the age of 66 — he came to me. Out of the ether (internet) and he told me he was divorced and raising a son on his own. He lives 1200 miles away. We communicated for hours every day — texting, on Skype, email and even phone. I knew him for 6 months. My partner of 20 years left me as a result. Our whole lives were broken apart because I believed I had finally found my soul mate. I do not need to tell you the outcome. You've guessed. He WAS divorced — true. But he had remarried — and not told me. I found out by searching him out using Google. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. Perhaps there were warning signs and I ignored them. That was 4 years ago. We've struggled through a lot of phases and now, we are passionate friends. He is 26 years my junior and nothing — but NOTHING at all the man I'd envisioned all my life. But I love him dearly and I've tried my best to honor his marriage and never never has he talked badly about his wife and nor have I. We have learned to respect one another. Perhaps our relationship is wrong — I do not claim to be perfect. However, having waited for so long — so many arid years — for this man, I'm deciding to have some fun with it in my declining years — and enjoy the fun we still have together…mostly online, sometimes I fly out there to see him. It's weird — we're both weird. We love that about one another. There are many many paths that lead to the mountaintop. 🙂

  32. Carol Arndt

    finding out after falling in love with him and realizing I wasnt forever-sucks, but i DO deserve so much more!

  33. Speak on it. Men, particularly Black men are well aware of themselves as a hot commodity. They know that the odds are on their side and act accordingly. There's plenty of advice for the "main chick" as well as the side chick" on how to please their man and submit to him. But as you mentioned this "husband" leaves his wife uncovered. Unprotected….from God knows what. The saying goes, "You gotta pay the cost, to be the Boss." So yes it's his responsibility FIRST.

  34. jhene

    If a man isn’t married he is single I don’t feel one can be a side chick unless she’s dating a married man

    1. Lisa Ang

      I can see this point, but a man does not have to be married to have side chicks. LOL. If he’s stated to a woman that they are in a monogamous relationship, he introduces her as his girlfriend to all that are important to him but then has females that he’s clearly just dating and these females know about his girlfriend however the girlfriend doesn’t know about any of them…then those females he’s dating are the side chicks and that woman he’s introducing as his girlfriend is just that his girlfriend or MAIN one Unfornately she’s not not the ONLY ONE…So no matter what him & the other females are doing, they are not the girlfriend period, those females are the side chicks, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. But its sad and funny how we all like to define bad behavior by justifying our bad decisions. Hilarious!

  35. i don kno on yo side of the world bt in Zimbabwe i wld say don be so sure.i hev been there n believed that wen the reality hit me,it hit me so hard that i toppled frm my castle into the dusts

  36. agreed, it was great ,i think the side chick has to blame herself not anyone else ,we live with our choices

  37. Imeil S Prophet

    Everyone is going hard on the sidechicks. MOST of the time- it happened to me:men lie about their relationship status and are good at it. AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT-it ended. You can't be mad at someone for being deceived.

  38. Anonymous

    Actually This isn't low self esteem from my end. This is what i want at the moment. Been sheltered an control my whole life an leaving my soon to be ex. It isn't self esteem issue if you are happy with it. I don't want to be serious. I don't want a Boyfriend. SO for me this is perfect.

  39. Anonymous

    It mutual an he's not Married..

  40. Anonymous

    People/men treat a woman the way she allows him to. Men and women disrespect themselves and the relationship. Women we have to be responsable for our part in the childish game and men do also. Women do get the worst deal because eveyone look at her as the bad guy. Men need to realize what is really important, wife and family!! Women we need to see what is real, that this man isn't leaving home and that you are just a side piece.

  41. Ebony DC

    You sound like the typical weak female that a man can run a snow job on for his excuse to cheat, and also accept that his relationship with the side chick was her fault. Between 1,2,and 3 he is the common denominator in the scenario. The self worth lies in the so called main woman willing to tolerate such disrespectful behavior from a man and then justify it.

  42. My personal definition of a side chick in this generation is a female putting her self in that category herself. if i am dealing with someone that had a girlfriend or wife even i would simple call my self dating him. he doesn't belong to me and i don't belong to him. we are to be two individuals that found comfort and became friends. i would never want to hurt another female feelings but it isnt my fault. All men cheat no matter who they have at home and because of that every body can be considered a sidekick. everyone wants to be happy. it a shame that it has to come like this so i guess that is why pologomy is at an all time high.

  43. Lina

    If society advocated these ideas of women valuing themselves more than side chicks, like you have done in an objective way, I think less woman would want to actually fall under the category of being side chicks. Most women, like myself, don’t realize what they got into before they start having mixed emotions about it, rather they get swayed away by hormones and rash and selfish reasoning. Your points made me accept the ugly truth and through mistakes either our own or others.. we learn. I’m just saying If society advocated women strength instead of frugality it would’ve been better. If the idea of love wasn’t convinient marriage that is most likely to fall apart, peer or family judgement, and illusive attachment that becomes possessive… Cheating wouldn’t be an interest. It sucks.

    1. Lina

      Peripheral note/question: beside stereotypical side chicks descriptions such as; “cheap” and “slut” or even that they choose to be a mistress for the gifts, unlikely chance to get hurt … Etc. (love triangles always have a looser, so less chances of getting hurt is spurious …) Essentially my question is, what if the “side chick” has no intentions of possessing the man for herself, no intentions of falling in love or being a bitch about their relationship and to too this all, doesn’t actually receive or even ask to receive gifts, and does this for strictly beyond belief amazing sexual pleasure… On what levels is this side chick a dumb twat?

      1. LA

        Any woman that subjects herself to ONLY SEX with an attached MALE believing that she will not gain SOME type of feelings for him is DELUSIONAL at best. Women WILL NEVER be able to have sex with someone that they are interested in for merely just the pleasure sexual favors without having some type of feelings pop off in the direction of wanting that man for herself. You are a “dumb twat” for putting yourself in this position KNOWING the person is attached or married and you allow him to use your body for just sex or the friends with benefit scenario. No justification needed just know you’re setting yourself up for failure and heartache. We have to mature to a level of understanding why would do things like this.

    2. LA

      Why does society have to help you value yourself? At what point to you just use common sense and not get yourself in these situations with men who are attached or married? We have to have some type of discipline and moral fabric in our own lives to say NO I WON’T CARRY ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO’S MARRIED OR ATTACHED IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. What’s wrong with that? If you don’t know they are attached or married then I understand but it’s really as simple as ask the question and check out their behavior to find that out. You don’t eat of the forbidden tree’s fruit…period! We can’t blame society although they instigate alot of this foolishness with glorifying the SIDE CHICK mentality with shows like Scandal and Being Mary Jane. When do you shut off society’s weak opinions and look at the heart of the matter…do I want to inject this drama into my life and would I want someone to do this to ME? Crickets…a resounding NO…would be the answer to that question. Let’s be honest with ourselves, forgive ourselves for these mistakes and repent of them to make the same mistake twice.

  44. Śuper Ńova

    Hmm interesting an sad but yet very true 🙁

  45. Śuper Ńova

    If a man is nit married but has side chicks then are they just his female friends his got in his life or being a player?

  46. Atiragram Avetsark

    First of all I'm not chick, I am human. And if I am single, I don't do anything wrong. If he is in committed relationship from any type, it's his fault. He needs to stay next to his partner, not being outside looking for someone else. The term side chick is too ugly.

  47. Linda Bravo

    Fornication is a sin. If you are not married to the man God says you should not be having sex with him. PERIOD NO EXCUSES

    No need to be defensive confess your sins and repent

    Oh sorry – thus is my nick name Bible bully

  48. Jenny u couldnt have said it better.. They are both in it together it does not make a woman any less important or worthy. There is a very low possibility of getting a guy without a girlfrnd,, and if he has the "so called main chick" why is he going around looking for another woman?

    The way guys perceive women makes me sick. labelled all these names and all, as long as the man is not married there is no guarantee he'l eventually marry his partner. So can all these nasty names given to women just stop and respect us as much as we respect guys….

  49. Super you right, he is playing both ladies so in this case there is no side chick or whatever they call it.

  50. Jennie Larry Johnson

    While you make valid points concerning the other adulterer involved, Jenny, there is still no excuse for a woman being willing to settle for less than what God can bless. As I understand it, marriage was one of the first things God blessed. And, we've been messing it up every since.

  51. Jennie Larry Johnson

    Wrong. Wrong. Wrong, Atiragram. We really need to hold out for something better for ourselves. Otherwise, it's our fault for falling for his game. Period.

  52. Jennie Larry Johnson

    He is a player. Even if you, as the Side Chick, get him….can you keep him? This question will dog you until he moves on to the next one.

  53. Jennie Larry Johnson

    Matseliso Khotseng "But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." 2 Timothy 3:2-7 Just say "No!" No excuses.

  54. Cory N Cara

    Idk… Im a man, and in my experiences its the women who messes around on the man!!

  55. Cory N Cara

    I am a man and in my experiences its the women who messes around on the man. Happens quiet a bit actually. Probably just as much as the other way.

  56. Jenny-Lynn Maddox

    Jennie when you come down to it. Some of the roles of woman and men have got mixed up.
    Look I have seen men settle for less. They put their emotional needs aside and think more about how they can use that woman to gain what they want. Be it a place to stay. Money, gifts from the woman. A lot of the time it's not about love anymore. It's about what a person can get from the other person. Be it man or woman.

  57. Jenny-Lynn Maddox

    God sends people in our lives for a reason. Sometimes to bring us down, so that he can lift us back up. The other woman was placed in that mans life by God and the woman placed in that mans life by god. How can one or the other be taking less thin what gad has planed for them, if God had placed to two people I. Each other's lives? God will not let us hurt without a reason. God will not give us more thin we can bear. God has a plan for us all. It's not up to anyone to find fault with God's plan and who he sets in a person's life.

  58. Jenny-Lynn Maddox

    Same can be said for a man. We are all born into this world as sinners. We all will die and face god with our earthly sins. It dose not make one person better thin the other. Or a sin worse thin another sin. God is all for giving and he loves us. Sins or no sins.

  59. Cokey2u

    I honestly believe if you don’t make your leaf available to a man or woman that’s in a relationship then it can only force them to do 1 out 3 things. 1. Find another willing participant or 2. Deal with 1 woman or 3. Divorce or leave his “messed up” relationship as he/she would make the outside person believe. We are human and life is just one great test of right and wrongs. We are being asked about our integrity, how ambitious we are, what drives us but most of what will our sacrifices be to another. If all can do is put themselves first, then like most of you said God will deal with it. Karma plays a great part of life too. What he/she have done will fall back on them or their offspring and only then will they see the errors of their ways.

  60. Jennie Larry Johnson

    God does not lead us into adultery. God will send people into your life to make you better/stronger. However, we should not confuse that with us going out and dragging a dog home with us. We do that on our own. We enter into adulterous relationship in disobedience. That is what causes the pain. But, it makes us feel better the next day if we can turn back and blame it all on "God's Will". According to His Word, (Genesis thru Revelations), adulterers are always judged and called to confess before the thrown of grace in need of God's forgiveness. So, if one things that God would lead us into painful sin just so He can turn around and forgive us…wouldn't that make God irrational and cruel? What I do believe is that we suffer pain from disobedience and while living outside of God's will. Like any good father, He punishes us for our sins while we're out there to lead us back to the right path. Once the pain becomes unbearable, we repent and turn back to Him, He forgives our sins. To me, it's like looking at fire, knowing it's hot, but sticking your finger in it anyway. Ouch. God sees your pain, pulls your finger back, kisses it, puts a Bandaide on it knowing that you will think twice before putting that finger in the fire again. But, God never told you to stick your finger in that fire and that's why you know better now. Don't mess with married men. Adulterer normally don't really love either of the women. He usually only loves himself. Been there. Know that. Eye Witness News.

  61. Jenny-Lynn Maddox

    Jennie for a woman of God. You have some balls to judge others and call them names. I was not married to my child father. So what? Dose that make me less of a woman because God gave me the gift of my child?? I say give me a big fat A thin and when i meet god. I will not bow down in sin! I will hold my head high as a child of God and thank him for my child. Sorry but I don't need to answer to a woman who clearly calls her self a woman of God, but in the same breath has the nerves to call a person a dog! My adultery gave me my gift from god!

  62. Jennie Larry Johnson

    Jenny-Lynn Maddox It was not my intent to hit you where it obviously hurts. My comments were of a general nature. But, since you have taken my posts personally, let's examine your response. It is God's Word that judges on this topic. Not me. ("Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul." – Proverbs 6:32) ("Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." – Hebrews 13:4) ("Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." -1 Corinthians 6:18) ("To preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life. Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?" – Proverbs 6:24-29) (“You shall not commit adultery." – Exodus 20:14), and so on…and so on…and so on… My intent, as a witness, was to give my testimony based on the judgement I received and the penalties I paid. ("Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God.") I can't change my past. But, I no longer play with fire because of it. Repent, ask forgiveness, then move on to enjoy the life and love He left you with. (If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.)

  63. Linda Bravo

    WOW what scorned women we are.

    Man against Woman – Woman against Man – this is exactly what the devil wants

    My sisters in Christ let us not battle against each others differences of opinion but let us pray one for another

    I have had more then my share of painful relationships, let us focus on the only relationship that really counts the one with our LORD CHRIST JESUS

    I also want to say how sorry I am for the pain we women have to endure due to the men who have entered our lives and did not love us as Christ loves the Church.

    Ladies have a BLESSED Saturday – JESUS LOVE US

  64. I don't understand how a woman can knowingly have relationships with a man who has a woman. If the man really likes you make him end it with his current, you're only selling yourself short anyway. I've never been a side chick, I even hate it when a man looks my way while he has a woman on his side

  65. jer

    I’m so sick of women blaming the other woman for cheating with their husbands!! I met a men who didn’t have the dam decency to let me know he was married! His wife worked the graveyard shift so I didn’t have a clue, he lied to me that he wasn’t involved with anyone. Then 6 months later I find out the ass is married! Wives, blame your husband’s for cheating on you, they married you and made a commitment with you, now if the don’t keep it stop blaming other women because you can’t handle the fact that your husband lies and cheats on you. Basically both women are victims! I’m so sick of people blaming the other women when they don’t know the lies these men tell us!

    1. LA

      If you didn’t know he was married you are the exception however once you found out did you still see him? Probably so for a minute…I don’t know. But in your case obviously it’s different because you didn’t know…honesty does not relieve you of your infidelity with this married man. If the wife calls you to “discuss his actions” you should be able to explain what it is you knew and didn’t know. However, when woman KNOW that this men are married or attached and they STILL carry on a relationship, that’s different. BOTH parties are to blame and BOTH should get whatever is coming to them.

  66. Maria

    I wonder, does the “Side Chick” even feel the slightest bit guilty about what she has done? And I know it isn’t just the Chick at fault, I do, but that doesn’t take away what she’s doing. And some don’t even know they’re the”Side Chick”! But yeah, anyway, do they feel guilty?

  67. I don't get how people joke around about having a "side chick". Todays society disgusts me

  68. Married 18 years going through this right now with a "side chick" that is the ultimate of Skank as I know from all of the graphic things she sends me and our son. This is sick and disgusting. Yes I blame him that is why I am divorcing, but it is her fault when she commits this knowing there is a wife and family involved. So yes this happens way to often and in my opinion after hearing so many stories I wish men would spend more time making decisions with their big head and not their little head. It causes alot of major heartache and pain to the wife and kids. So it's both at fault in my situation. But not all are the same. It makes me never want to trust again!

  69. FourGenerations Wooding

    Way too many labels….relationships require maturety and honesty regardless of the circumstances…deal or no deal…take it or leave it…everything happens for a reason or a season…do the math with honesty to yourself first and with communication always…however it all turns out and flows is how it was meant to be…real life…human is human…flesh is flesh..and if you are spiritually inclined it will work it self out for the good.

  70. I can't repent on what you call a sin, when that so called sin. Granted me my child. Sorry but I believe in god and all his glory. However I do not believe in marriage any more. It doesn't stand for what it use to stand for.

  71. Jennie. We are to learn from God's word's. Not use them to be little another and pass judgment a pond them. Maybe you miss took what I said. I don't blame god for anything. In fact I thank him for all that I am. All that I've been blessed with. From the good to the bad. Sorry but who I sleep with and my so called sins. They are between me and god. The only being who has the right to judge me in all HIS glory. You saying that God's teaching gives you the right to judge. You obviously failed to learn his teachings, because if you had learned from him. Thin you would know he is the only one who can judge. Do not take gods teachings and use them to justify your judgmental ways.

  72. Matseliso Khotseng if you think more about it. It's time us woman stop with belittling each other and stand strong for each other. If your so called man is cheating. why call the other woman names, blast her out and make her look bad? why not blast the man out and make him look bad? I do have to hand to it men tho. no matter how many woman they sleep with, or even if they cheat. you never hear a man put another man down the way us woman put each other down. truly the sister hood that woman use to have with each other. is a thing of the past. from early times. men could sleep around before marriage and during a marriage. where as if a woman had done that. she would be shamed, marked with an A and even beheaded for her sin's. So you see. it dose not matter the time period we are in now. our own past has show us that men will cheat, and a woman will always be the easy way out for a man, because the wife/ girlfriend will turn on another woman before there own man. however, if woman start to stand up for each other and place the blame on the man himself. thin maybe men can change.

  73. the thing is hun. He was just your boyfriend not your husband. There was never an affair and with out a ring. You have done a taboo and changed a persons own free will. that is not love. that is entrapment. black magic and if what you are saying is true. it will end and both you and the dark spell caster will suffer the price by 3 folds. tho i just think your post is a troll post.

  74. Men have always had other woman, other than his wife. go back and look at men of the past. most if not all of them has not just a wife, but a mistress. hell even Elizabeth was a bastard until the church legitimized her and she took the crown.

  75. At some point the woman (side) has to love herself MORE than she loves that man. Obviously he loves himself more or else he would end his relationship with the main. But in the instance where she is fine being the side bc she doesn't have the hassle of a relationship or the obligations to that man is understandable to a degree that's where men need to be addressed. You'll put limitations on the woman who see to your wellbeing but the woman who really and truly could care less about your life outside of the forbidden sex dinners gifts or money you give all the freedom. SHAME ON YOU! And you're not realizing your over protective actions and insecurities are your own fault. But who you lay it on? The loyal woman, mother of your children and in some cases the bread winner/bacon bringer.
    Any woman that would take pride in hurting another family for a man is less than a real woman. Regardless of whatever reasons he gives as to why he's cheating once you know it's on you. Any self respecting human male or female would not stand for second anything.

  76. I will like to hear anyone opinion on my situation I been with my kids father for 12 years we been living together 10 years we have been having our ups and down last pass 3years we already had two kids just had the 3rd he is 8Mnths I found out he was dealing with another female while I was pregnant and he had her thinking he was going to be with her future wise then when I had the baby he broke things off with her so I forgave him we tried to work it out but once again found out he doing the same thing again we decided 3Mnths ago to take a break and he was suppose to be moving out but haven't left yet I dint think he telling the sidechic what's really going on

  77. Both the side piece and wife wants a man. The wife that hold on to an unfaithful partner desperately wants her marriage to work. The mistress is desperate for love and believes if he loved his wife he wouldn't be building with her. Men exploiting the male shortage in the black community.

  78. Actually its ur fault just as much as it is the guys fault. If u knew he was taken & was persuing u then u r wrong there r no if ands or buts about it. And if more females sat down,kept their legs closed & actually behaved like women/ladies there would be a lot less cheating as it takes 2 willing participants. As a grown up u should know that guys will tell u WHATEVER they feel they have to in order to get what what they want (da pum pum). If u don't like being called a side chick then change the ways u think & behave. Stop acting like a desperate hoe. U know Damn well if that was ur man a female was persuing u wouldn't be having any of it. Seek God instead & he will help u change ur life & mindset. I know it gets lonely sometimes but the wait is worth it. We reap what we sow. If u want a good , faithful,honest…. man then start treating urself with respect & realize ur worth do much more then being a side chick….

  79. Jenny-Lynn Maddox People will judge you for mistakes and they judge you for accomplishments. That is life. You are way too defensive for someone who repented.

  80. All of his points are valid but I also agree with @Jenny-Lynn Maddox. Doesn't make it right by any means, but women are not just this no self esteem sub human that waits around for a man to service her. Truthfully, most women know what their getting into and are getting something from it too. She's using him more then he's using her. What does it say about a man who appears to have everything and still isn't happy?

  81. I don't think all other woman are less of a woman. Clearly most time's. The 2end woman has the man's best interest at heart. How does her love for the man make her less of a woman? It doesn't. That's how. Like I said. Woman want to place the blame on the 2end woman, but fail to see the bigger picture. If the man truly loved the 1st woman, than there would had never been the 2end woman. I'm sorry but I don't believe that the 2nd woman suffers from any kind of low self esteem. If anything maybe it's the man who does. Hint the 2nd woman who can give him the boost he is looking for. 9 times out of 10. The man will stay with the 1st woman. Not for lack of love for the 2end woman, but because he doesn't want to leave the kids/ comfortable living/ life he has. Knowing the 1st woman will forgive him the first time. Who is to say she would not forgive him the 2end and 3rd time. The first woman suffering from her own issues and the marriage/ relationship will end in time. While the 2end woman may lose the man she loved, but in the end. She will move on and be happy.

  82. No one can say how deep and emotional issues go. Be it the man the 1st woman or the 2end woman. I just find it sad that there has to be something wrong with the 2nd woman and why she did this. Odds are. She cared for the man and there was never anything wrong with her. 7 times out of 10. The 2end woman risks her own aheartache and that is all she gets out of it, because she loved the man, but he was to scared of change/ did not feel she was worth it to leave his wife/ girlfriend. No one knows the real facts. Each man and woman are different. Each Situation is it's own and can not be doctor up with the other woman has no self esteem or she is trying to get something out of it. It's not that simple of a subject. Like I said. Each situation is complete different and while it may end the same way. It is still different in every way.

  83. Please dont call the 2end woman the side chick. Right now the both of you are not with him. The 2end woman is more respectful to call her.
    he is not tell you or the 2end woman what is going on. Odds are he is telling you. What you want to hear about her and telling her what she wants to hear about you. See a man will always paint the 2 woman a bad picture of each of them. Right now he is living with you and his kid's. Why leave that? Especially if you both are on a so called brake and why would he stop seeing the 2end woman if he is on a brake with you? You agreed to this brake with this man, thus setting him free to see who he wants to see and sleep with. If you are content with this. He will never leave. If you are not ok with this. Give him a notice to move out.

  84. Indeed woman are just as bad at this as a man is. Men and woman are not so different when it comes to cheating.

  85. When people call a man a player. It feeds his ego. This is not him being a player of a bored game and the woman are not game a peace. As for you question. If a man is or is not married doesn't make a difference. If he has a 2end woman than he just is cheating. Now this 2end woman could of been a friend and things moved forward and sex came into play. They both may never had intended for that to take place, but it did. Thus not making him a player, but a cheater. If he was a player. He would not have a wife or a girlfriend. A player is all about the game of sleeping with many woman and adding them up while playing with more than two or three woman at a time. Making them think they will have a relationship with this single man, but the man has no interest in making any woman his girlfriend/ wife.

  86. Who said I have anything to repent for/ would repent ??? My child was a gift from God and due to my earthly I’m sin. I will not repent on God's gift to me. If it was not for my child. I would had ended up dead.. a sin can be a blessing from God and was for me. No I don't need to repent for that. I thank God for my sin that gave me my child. Witch saved my life and made me into a better woman and child of God. 🙂 God truly saved my life throw a sin I will forever thank him for and never ask for forgiveness. I think you have the wrong idea. I'm not defensive about anything. O.o

  87. Sorry as for my prior commitment. I will not repent, but thank God for my sin. For he saved my life throw the act of a sin. Each person has there own relationship with God and while some may never know another's relationship with God. They should not attempt to interfere with that relationship. For each relationship with God is indeed different and should not be judged.

  88. Jenny-Lynn My precious sister and God's beloved. I am so sorry for what has happened in your past and praise GOD for your gift of motherhood. There must be a reason that months later you comment again – the Holy Spirit is amazing like that.

    I only repeated what God's Word has instructed us. His Words and instructions not mine.

    Repent is an action word regarding how we move forward with Him in this sin filled world

    2 Corinthians 12:21
    lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced.

  89. Jenny-Lynn My precious sister and God's beloved. I am so sorry for what has happened in your past and praise GOD for your gift of motherhood. There must be a reason that months later you comment again – the Holy Spirit is amazing like that.

    I only repeated what God's Word has instructed us. His Words and instructions not mine.

    Repent is an action word regarding how we move forward with Him in this sin filled world

    2 Corinthians 12:21
    lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced.

  90. Ms. Dania, it is my opinion that your mate is comfortable within your relationship, but something went lacking which caused him to step outside of it.. Many men will create"home", (this is a security blanket for them)a place of refugee when the world has weighed heavily on him… If you have not helped to secure or maintain this home, he will create a home somewhere else… Please keep your house in order in every aspect of the word… Keep God first and His Will will be done.. Good luck

  91. MsNicaBuGG

    That is the first thing that actually is good and wasn’t really emotionally charged..

  92. Ms Lisa LuvBugg Fisher I really appreciate your opinion and everything you said is true I take the blame for part of the problems we are having and the major problem between us is me getting back on my feet and giving him that 50/50 that we use to have among one another trying to get back employed after having new baby and he is an awesome father to our kids and he been trying to make it work and he is a good provided he takes care of home andi can tell he don't wAnna leave his family but everything is left up to me to make it right

  93. Everything you said is true Jenny-Lynn Maddox because basically things are going in that order just as you word it

  94. imjustsaying

    People always go to the bible in these situations even then men had multiple women they were called wives in other countries they allow it maybe if it wasn’t consider illegal he would be able to marry the other women and she would no longer be known as the side chick

  95. beautiful



  96. imadime

    sure these reasons can be true, but what can also be true is that she just doesn’t want to be a “main chick”. the assumption that everyone is out here looking for true love is patronizing and naive. some people just like to date, some just want to have sex, some are just focused on themselves (career, family, etc.) and don’t want to be bothered with one more person’s needs and wants. in any of those cases, being the side chick works out just fine, and wanting something other than “finding the one” is not because of a lack of self respect or because a woman is letting a man get away with anything. sometimes it’s just a matter of choice.

  97. Well thank you for seeking and hearing advice.. I know how hard it can be to juggle motherhood, work (lack thereof), and a healthy relationship… Share your feeling with him… Let him know daily how he's appreciated as a father and YOUR MAN.. Things will work out for the best

  98. If you are aware of the other woman then you're just a f***ing chump. Sorry if the truth hurts but it's the f***ing TRUTH.

  99. jussayn

    I dated this guy off and on for 3 years, he is not married but he plays with women’s feelings promising each of them a key role in his life, I’m sure I frustrate him because I won’t play the game the way he wants me too. He goes through a lot of emotion trying to find out which one will make me do what he wants. I find myself fascinated with watching his antics. You can tell he’s been hurt and he goes for women he feels he can manipulate. I do engage him enough to make him come back to see what else he’s got. It seems that he needs to feel powerful and disrespecting women is how he see’s himself strong. Sad case really. He exists in a world surrounded around himself quoting bible verses and praying like God really hears his lying self SMH.

    Ladies, re-evaluate how we see men.

  100. terri

    The way you get him is the way you lose him. I don’t know any side chick who is truly happy once they finally move into the same position as the former wife! Hint hint God does not bless cheating, becoming the wife after you help breakup something sacred to him!



  102. angelkay

    Unfulfilled needs are what forces people to cheat.someone will cheat not because they enjoy the sex but just that they like a certain characteristics of someone eg nice j Truth is very few people are in love we are just obsessed with the idea of being in love. If people truly love each other they wd never hurt each other.its a pity that only in rare circumstances will u find someone who is just as madly in love with you as u are with them.

  103. Well I became the other woman not because of life self esteem but because he was sexy, great in bed, loves his family and he was really into me because he kept coming back for almost 4 years until I stopped it because I love him and wouldn't want him to lose his family because I don't want an unfaithful man on my team. He came to me I didn't go after him, he bought me stuff and we went out and had a great time. I also stopped mainly because I do believe in and love God and I know I was grieving Him with my actions. We met at church and both served in a ministry together for a couple years before he ever approached me so we had a kind friendship that was taken to another level.

  104. Its a difficult thing for society to embrace, the idea that a "side chick" isn't the damaged, insecure, self loathing creature, everyone who opposes her existence would prefer we believe her to be. No one is being lied to, no one is being taken advantage of, in that or any situation. People fall short and opportunities are born from the complacency of marriage. Its all about perspective, responsibility and reciprocity. There seems to be such a viciousness when people discuss the mistress. So much gaslighting, its truly disturbing. Not everyone who takes a lover, wants the title of wife or girlfriend, etc. I have been all of them at least twice 🙂 I've settled on lover, and I'm not broken or bitter. I just find it to be far more exciting.

  105. Should also add, I am not a "side chick" But, if it happened that way…I believe every experience is a lesson. Just stop the hate and try introspection tion. No one is without fault, if any fault is to be considered.

  106. lexxanna

    Reason 8. Shes a transsexual woman of color

  107. I had assumed that was what women wanted from me, I had no main, just side chicks who I told about the other side chicks. They were cool with it, seemingly wanting the forbidden fruit as said above. I broke up with them all.

  108. I found myself in a relationship like this for over ten years after high school. I was never interested in him when he was serious with another woman, but when he was in between relationships and single. I cared very deeply for him as a friend as well and always hung on to the hope that I would prevail and be the last woman standing and win his love once he finally "calmed down" from behaving like a playboy. Yet every time I was passed over for another woman he deemed as more "appropriate" to date. I finally realized I knew this relationship was never going anywhere and that I had "chosen" it as a safety measure to prevent heartache but in the end was still heartbroken anyway. I do know this man had strong feelings for me too but he realized and appreciated the friendship and support I offered "too late" when I was already giving up on him and a perilous romantic situation. Looking back it is not something I recommend, but I believe sometimes people have to learn in their own way and time. Once I was ready to face it, I did. Then I met and married the man who was truly meant for me.

  109. Jennifer Rangel

    Actually all to often sex isn’t involved in the begining conversation and a breathe of fresh air is the reason most of the time the 1st chick often is to much work (drama) they changed from the person he fell in love with. From experience the 2nd chicks get way more out of the relationship then the 1st. He’s often happy and stress free with the second they usually really do love each other they share intamacy conversations laughs dinners everything but doesn’t leave #1 because she puts up with everything chances are he knows if the 2nd knew about the 1st she would be gone or maybe she knows about the first and doesn’t care whatever the reason she stays cause she two loves him .the more good he sees in the 1st he will continue to do what he is doing until its time to choose and I’m %100 sure the longer it goes on the harder the choice will be

  110. This was me: (she started off not knowing and after it was revealed she found it hard to walk away.) But i got the strength to walk away.

  111. Jenny-Lynn Maddox read again what Jennie Larry Johnson wrote. That is the word of God and it's clearly and plainly stated.

  112. Jenny-Lynn Maddox it's NOT God that brought you into an adulterous relationship you got the wrong one. It was Satan that brought you there because you profess a form of godliness but do not actually follow God. So I think your confusing God's will with your own free will.

  113. Jenny-Lynn Maddox Jennie Larry Johnson never, not once, called you names. She's giving you the truth and you don't want to hear it because you still want to be worldly and do your thing I guess. But wether you like it or not it's the truth and becoming defensive of your sinful lifestyle won't help you.

  114. You're also correct Elizabeth and the reason why these types of men put limitations on their wives and main girlfriends is out of displaced guilt over the fact that they are cheating liars.

  115. Jenny-Lynn Maddox what you fail to understand is that these types of men don't just have only you as their (as you put it) 2nd woman. You're one of many. Could be 5-10 or more others just like you and you're all getting played with by that man. So instead of getting mad at the other women (especially the main one) for not getting out of your way address the man's behavior. That's the root cause of your pain.

  116. Jenny-Lynn Maddox I have to say you're right about men though but as women we should've evolved past their dumb games. You're a very beautiful woman you shouldn't ever have to settle for a man that only can be a part time boyfriend. And you seem to be very intelligent too so don't settle for less than you deserve…..ever.

  117. Well, from what I know is that God will not lead someone to an adultery path, so he will not put a side chick to a married person's life because He clearly said "let no man separate what God has join together", if he puts a side chick it would be like God playing the devil's role, instead of saving the marriage He tempts them, but we know God does not do that. Now many people can say "but isn't He in control of everything?" Yes He is indeed but the sinful things that happens does not come from God. If someone grabs a side chick while he's married, the blame is not on God but on the person himself because God did not give this person a side chick BUT what I know He will do is that since the person did something bad, God will take this evil thing and turn it into something good for you and for His glory (no, not giving that side chick). He will use this evil thing to break you down so that you come to repentance but mostly so that you come to resemble His son, Jesus Christ. After the breaking down the person will let go of the side chick and go back to being attach to his wife.

    we should keep in mind this verse “but as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Genesis 50:20)

    that is another reason why God is awesome, while we are heading the wrong path, he will use that situation to brings us back to the right path. We may be unfaithful but He remains faithful 🙂

  118. I'm having this side chick issue with my husband of 5 years been together 13 years on n off he has a side chick he just told me about and wants me to accept it cuz he has a problem allegedly lol..if I walk away I'm letting this girl have him and I'm the one that's been here for him 7 years while he's been in jail we both gone tru a lot neither one of us is perfect n have cheated on each other but I thought us getting married he was done with all that now 5 months before he's coming home he wants to tell me this supposedly for stepping out 3 years ago n he supposedly for gave me now he says he can't n it won't be the same ,should I walk away n let him stay with this hoe or stay n fight for my marriage n hope she gets sick of n she walks away when she sees he's not leaving me? Men suck you do so much for them and they forget but Rember the bad and throw it in your face when the time is convent..ugh hopefully what should I do?,,

  119. I dont understand society nowadays.. it seems that we are sending an expression to young generation that its ok to do bad things since we are just human and as human we are not perfect. We hate people making comments to those who committed something bad but we forgot those people involved in that situation who tried their best not to hurt others but end up devastated by other people who did not want to take responsibility of their own action. Not only adults are involved in this kind of situation. Let us not forget the children. Someone told me that to create a better society. Lets us start it with our own family. #justsaying#.

  120. Rose Confetti

    Lol so are we just going to not state the obvious? Despite how people may feel a person outside of your relationship owes your relationship nothing and thats the sad truth. People talk about side people but it’s your partner who made the commitment to you and is stepping out of that commitment to be with someone else. At that point does it really matter who they’re doing it with or does it matter that your partner has a problem with fidelity? Does it matter whats going on with the side person, their personality, their self esteem? Their single and if a person makes the sex available what’s stopping them, your feelings on how they should feel about your relationship? That makes no sense and not realistic in how people think. Why should someone sleeping with your partner respect your relationship if your own partner doesn’t respect it? Yes you have morals and ideas about marriages because you have personal experiences but that doesn’t translate to someone whose a stranger to you. I’m not condoning anything but I just don’t understand why people get upset with someone on the side, a stranger you have no history with when you should actually be upset with your partners betrayal. It doesn’t matter about whose a side chick/dude, at the end of the day if your partner is going to cheat it could have happened with anyone giving the right situation and thats the root of the issue. Thats my logic on it and I think more people in the comments are speaking more out of emotion then logic because it is an upsetting topic. Even if you confront the person your partner cheats with and you take your partner back and they cheat again, how many lovers will you confront until you realize the problem isn’t some home-wrecker but whats going on in-house. I think it’s easier for people to hate and confront the side chick/dude then it is to confront your partner/then it is to acknowledge that that they have fidelity issue/ then it is to admit maybe you’re partner was the one pursuing the person they cheated with/ then it is to admit they are the problem and not whose on the side. Keep in mind no one can make your partner cheat, life is full of temptation and it’s a choice to act on that temptation, it’s unfortunate some people just make the wrong choice.

  121. Rocio

    Ibe forgiven my many way too many time for being young and dumb but my forgiveness means nothing to him and he has a way of controlling almost everything in my life, if I wanted to leave I can’t I’m trapped with two boys, recently I found that a week ago he was at it again offering a woman money from his phone but again he won’t admit it even if it’s in black and white on his phone, the only way is to talk to her and get her on my side make her understand that I’m not mad at her I just need the truth but I don’t know how to go about doing it plz help me

  122. deep

    i just cud never love one woman; i feel capable of loving more than one of these fine creatures of god

  123. Idk Riley

    A man is the side piece if he has a wife. See a single person isnt locked down to a title. The single person isnt obligated to follow any rules, they are just going with the flow and most likely he is just another accessory. So while the woman is being perceived as this weak minded emotional cripple, you might want to rethink that. For the record I am neither against nor for this arrangement. I am just correcting your misconception about women that would never be applied if it was a married woman stepping out in the marriage. Would he then be a side peace with so many misguided issues? Hummm

    1. Rose Confetti

      Exactly, unfortunately theirs a lot of sexist misrepresentation of these relationships and plenty of bias but to think outside of the box doesn’t fit the narrative. People really have to be careful with what their believing because I agree if this was about a man who was sleeping with a married woman no one would be blogging about how many things are wrong with him, they would talking about how the married woman was deeply flawed still, it’s all about the narrative but women all always what’s wrong in a relationship some how.

  124. CornFedWhiteGuy

    I’ve never cheated on a woman, half way one time, I was on drugs and whipped my cock out in front of this girl and guy.

  125. Lina

    Just stumbled upon your blog and your reasons are valid, but there’s more than just black and white here. I was a side chick just until now and yes, probably it’s got something to do with your first and last point: I allowed it and I didn’t value myself enough… but these were only the reasons why it did last for so long.
    It started being just his friend. I knew he was married and I really did not want anything more than friendship… until he started to flirt and telling me how much he likes me. Then I fell in love with him. Emotions are terrible little Leprechauns which I – at some point – just couldn’t control anymore. I fell so hard for him, that I was thinking I’d rather be his “side chick” than to never see him again. And so he took the chance and I became his mistress. Even though I wished for so much more, I stayed quiet and patient in the background, happy when he found a tiny timeslot to spend an hour or two with me. Hoping some day “he will get it” and will leave his wife for me… I was so dumb. And at the same time I felt so sorry for his wife. But that’s how it is: when the heart kicks in, the brain turns off.

  126. Carmen Reyes

    Why is the side chicks viewed as a thot..she can definitely be of value to the man,educated, beautiful and great in bed maybe the wife is the mess..

  127. Detra Lupe

    This is tough for me because I have been married and am now divorced. I swore to never, a word one should never use lol (pun intended) date a married man. Well, while I do not choose intentionally to be a side chick, I have been one. I never wanted to destroy the man’s current lifestyle but after numerous horrible dates with single men, he treated me the best. The perks and $ wasn’t it either although he had that I enjoyed the time. Needless to say, these situations do not end well because as long as you’re plan b, c, or d, the wife will always be A. All women that know their worth deserves to be A. Not First Lady as that implies there is a 2nd and 3rd, but the ONLY LADY!

  128. Detra Lupe

    One more thing, I guess at the core of my thoughts about relationships is the question of whether monogamy is natural anyway. But, that is a whole other subject. I know what we’re trained and raised to abide by but, does that make it right. Just one of my many thoughts.

  129. Nina

    I recently got involved with a married man. I broke up with a guy I was head over heels for about 2 months prior to this and I had made up my mind that I don’t want to do relationships any time soon but I still want to go out and enjoy things with other people. It’s quite refreshing to know I can have a good time with him but not have to deal with ANY of his emotional baggage. For myself, for now, this is the perfect arrangement.

  130. Chris

    I didn’t I didn’t know that I was a side I was a side chick side chick until I fell in love then he told me he was in another relationship and that relationship was serious

  131. Laria

    I dont agree …the side chick is usually better sexually,usually looks better than the gf or wife and has a totally different personality and lifestyle than the main …sometimes its about how the side makes the man feel …alive,exciting ,wanted and desired …most cases side chicks are sucessful women …and these men love how they make them feel.

  132. Brooke

    I feel like I’m the good girl he wants as his wife. I have a great job, don’t party or do drugs. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week and manage our home while he works away. But every now and then I happen to see a text pop up on his phone from another woman and he has explanations for it. Usually it’s someone from his past that he says they had a fling and she won’t let go. He says she knows he is in a relationship but still persists. I hate to think this is what’s happening to me but I think it might be. He tells me he wants to be married by spring to me. I don’t know what to do to ensure this isn’t happening. I don’t want to ruin my relationship if it’s just something I’m viewing wrongly.

  133. Scarlet

    So what about this scenario? The man in question is your exboyfriend who you split up with because dealing with the other women got too much for you, but then you realised as the years went on and you were apart that you actually really loved him with a love so intense words could not do it justice. Then he comes back into your life but now he has a girlfriend who he is only with because she provides a roof over his head. Is it possible for a chronic Casanova to actually ever fall in love with someone, or are all women the same to him?

  134. Rose Confetti

    If it’s so much easier to confront 10 side chicks then it is to confront/leave your cheating husband/boyfriend/fiance then sure this is valid to those individuals who are just as “insecure” as the side chick to stay. I never understand why women tolerate cheaters and even make excuses for them. “Stay away from my (cheating) husband!”. Are you really that weak that you live defending your husbands cock from slipping into someone else? When you’ve compromised your standards of what you deserve (a faithful and honorable male) putting being in a relationship tainted with infidelity first it’s a weakness equal to a side chick who will take back a man after she found out he lied about being married. Dating a married man, staying with a cheating husband. Low key polygamist out here in these streets. How easy it to rage at a mistress because I’m too scared to leave/ too scared to start over. No deep analysis of a “side chick” is going to mansplain why you’re husband cheated and keeps cheating, theirs no translation. Sure side chicks are insecure but like someone said earlier, theirs plenty of emotional pimps feeding on these side chicks and even emotional pimps to their wives convincing them to take their sorry behinds backStand your ground and don’t compromise on what you deserve, ladies we need to do better and stop “allowing” bad behavior on both sides. Until that stops this will continue.

  135. Melissa_K

    It’s not always the man pursing the side chick, I’ve seen it a lot when the woman knows the guy is married and she just keeps going after the guy until the guy gives in and cheats on the wife or girlfriend! I most definitely am not saying the that men are innocent but that there are women who know and go after the guy even when the guy tells them he is married. In this case the man and the other woman are both to blame, the only innocent one here is “the wife, the girlfriend, the main chick”

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