side chick watching couple toast champagne

Side Chick: 7 Reasons Why She Is Just His Mistress

We live in a society where men having a side chick a.k.a mistress happens way too much. To some men having a woman without a side chick is like having a meal without a drink. Not good in my personal opinion, but there are plenty of women who go along with this dynamic. Sometimes it’s the part they choose to play and other times it is given to them and they try to deal with it. So why is that particular woman finding herself as just his side chick and not the main woman in his life? Well let’s take a look at some reasons why she may choose or be chosen for this role.

Because She Allows It

I always say that if you accept less than you will get less. Many who are side chicks simply allow themselves to be put into this category. They accept the game this man runs on them even when they say they want better than this. If she isn’t aware of the other woman then that is different. Plenty women are aware of the main chick and still choose to go along with the situation. The reality is that many side chicks will eventually if not initially want the top spot and most will never get it.

Side Chick Benefits

Let’s face it, some guys give a great benefits package to their mistress. Lavish gifts, bills paid, and all the two-minute sex sessions she could dream of. For many women this is worth the trade-off of not being the main girl. We can discuss whether this is right or wrong but I’m not getting in to that today. The benefits that the woman will receive including having more flexibility on when she does and does not want to deal with this man makes this arrangement work in her mind. She isn’t truly into him either so for her it’s less hassle and more fun as far as she is concerned.

She Fears A Real Relationship

The truth is our world is filled with damaged and hurt individuals. The disappointments in love and relationships have caused many people to operate with walls up. For some, what better wall to protect yourself than knowingly not being the only woman in that man’s life. Some women figure being the side chick is safer for their heart and emotions, while still providing them companionship at some level. Of course this is risky business because eventually many still develop an unhealthy attachment. Yet and still this situation is appealing to some who think they are “protecting themselves”.

She Only Offers Good Looks & Sex

Unfortunately many women have yet to reach their potential. They haven’t evolved as a woman and they simply get by on great looks and sex. For a lot of men, this is all they want in their side chick, so this woman is a perfect fit. If she wants to truly hold a higher position in a man’s life she then you has to provide much more value than this. For some guys this may be enough to get their top spot but she likely won’t be able to maintain it. A woman has to bring more to the table or be prepared to only get another woman’s sloppy seconds.

She Gets A High From Dealing With Another Woman’s Man

Obviously there is a deeper rooted issue here but at the surface this is an ego boost to many. She likes the fact that she has the next girl’s man running after her. She enjoys doing something that others view as wrong (forbidden fruit). There may be a bitterness factor at play because she has been burned and hurt in the past so this makes her feel like she is in control. It’s just a thrill for her and she really isn’t ready or willing to embrace something with real substance and effort (see #3).

He Can’t Bring Her Home To His Mother

Just because a man wants to have sex with a woman, that doesn’t mean he can ever see himself being with that woman. She will only be his side chick because of that fact and because he knows his family would not accept her as anything more. The specific reasons why can vary with each person and family. Ultimately she provides enough benefits to keep around but that man has to give his family a main chick they can embrace.

She Doesn’t Value Herself As More Than A Side Chick

Low self-esteem can drive people to deal with a lot less than what they deserve, and in this case accept the role of being a side chick. She may have bought into the lie that she can’t do better than this man. That she should appreciate the left over scraps that he feeds her rather than embrace that she deserves receiving a full meal of a man. Maybe she started off not knowing and after it was revealed she found it hard to walk away. Knowing and embracing her worth would help her find the strength to not accept this situation that she knows she is not happy with. This woman should not let that man set her value. She has to realize she is worth much more than this.

There are more ways to look at this topic of women being a side chick / mistress and other reasons to discuss. I will definitely be diving in to them in the future. I couldn’t possibly cover them all in one post but I figured this was a good place to start. Gaining clarity on why people do some of the things they do can help move everyone in a better direction. Make sure to comment and share what you feel are some of the reasons she is just his side chick.


    Great post! This is a topic that I’ve had many many discussions about,
    and posted about. I have to (sadly) add so much of this comes from today’s celebrity
    idolizing. Too much crap from the radios and TV’s. Starting with music, esp a
    lot of the Rap/Hip-Hop arena.  Time and
    time again, today’s young adults adopt what rappers/singers put on the air. A
    rapper says his bitch likes getting slapped, so then it’s the latest fad, so
    all the 15-17 year old accept this as OK. A rapper has chicks everywhere he
    lands, so then many chicks  see that as a
    way to get in the Clique. An NBA player has his girl in his home state, and all
    other places he ballin, so there the chickenheads go wanna fuck a baller….. An
    NFL 3rd stringer has chicks in every state in his Division, and gets
    to punt ass in 4 states, one for each day he’s in practice.  Then add these reality shows. I ban them shits in my house. And I’m from the Bronx, grew up in the Bronx
    River Projects, Sound View, Fort Apache, Hunts Point, Willis, Barretto, all of that when it was at its
    worse. I still listen to rap, and understand  it’s just story telling. I also can’t blame
    rappers for putting out what they do or wanna do, or reality show (Actors?), they’re not raising my
    children. But a fire will exhaust if there’s no oxygen. This is just one
    aspect, but truth. Let the fallout begin. MOSES

  • Joelle Paule

    All the reasons u stated are valid yes but I will say this, if men would just stay away from other women that are not their wives! Maybe side chicks would not exist and would not take that role. Too many men are emotional pimps and a lot of women accept the side chick role to avoid the hurt.
    I was a side chick a long time ago and for a year trust me that man loved the shit out of me! I was even scared after a while that his wife would come and kill me one day. I didnt date him cuz of gifts etc… i liked his personality and the fact he was married never bothered me! It started to bother me later when he was talking bout he wants to divorce his wife!?

    • Jacquie

      You mean if you know a man is married YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Married men are that NOT AVAILABLE.

      • Red

        Married men should stay away from single women. If you’re not the “ONLY” woman, then the main chick isn’t any better than the side chick. So, when do we hold the men accountable for their actions?? After all there wouldn’t be a side chick if the man didn’t pursue the lady. I know men that have been married for 10+ years and has had several extra marital affairs. I guess you’ll still blame the other woman in that case too??? Married or not, you should want to be the “ONLY” woman. It’s time for you all to stop making excuses for these men and hold them accountable…

        • MsNicaBuGG


          • Tanner

            That goes vice versa as well. I’ve been a side chick three times and not by choice. Sadly men are predators, they’re like animals in the jungle they hunt and seek out the easiest prey. I’m not stupid but when you’ve been hurt so many times you become so desperate for affection and attention that you become in denial. That’s what happened to me I saw the signs, I could sense the lies but without proof all you can do is trust your man’s word and give him the benefit of the doubt. Sadly in my case(s) Their word was B.S. and all they did was tell me lies. When a man, no a boy in my case, lies to you from day one why should you be held accountable. Many people want to blame the female but I’m sorry hun it takes two. I never went out searching for someone else’s man, and I never had an interest in being a side chick but I was hunted and unfortunately I fell for the bait. I have four brothers and several male friends but still can’t figure out why men are the way they are. Why do they seek out these other women knowing they’re in a committed relationship and they never tell the whole truth. Some of them say “I don’t want a relationship right now.” But what they mean to say is “I have a girlfriend and I’m just going to use you until I get tired of it.” and others actually feed you all these lies about how they want to be with you or how they are with you knowing there’s another woman or women that they put before you. Smh the whole situation is sad thats why I’m single. You can’t trust these hoes.

          • tanner

            AND I’m sorry but it isn’t just about what you have to bring to the table because I’m attractive, smart, I have goals, I have things going for me, I’m in school, etc. etc. I’m a great catch but guys just fail to see what they have in front of them until its gone. I’ll admit though, I did give it up a little too soon but we’re all adults and I like to indulge why should I be judged for that? Why is it ok for men to jump into bed on the first date but not women? What kind of world do we live in…oh yeah a man’s world because they’re justified in all of their bull but anytime a woman decides to have some fun she’s ridiculed. smh

          • CornFedWhiteGuy

            Not always true, what if the woman isn’t aware? Logic flawed. The man makes the choice to sneak around and vice versa.

          • Dionna Spicer

            Yes i agree because at one point i fell in love with this man And certain things was wired but i just said watever too. I was talking to him and we have been talking for 5 years and the situation happend where the girl called my phone talking shit but am like well he told me he was single. So i questioned him and he came up with a big lie and then later that day he finally told me. Him and his baby mother been off and on then they moved back in together. I tired to let him go its so hard when your feelings got attached and you wasnt intended to look for a man in a relationship. Its so hard and Am fustrated because i should have followed my instinct and i wouldnt have been in that situation. Am one of those girls that i believe you should not mess with men in relationship and i would tell my friends dont do that because one day you will be married and you dont want that happening to you. This is a hard situation but am slowing moving myself away and i tell god to take away this situation. Because if i knew he was in relationship of what it id i wouldnt have talked to him.

          • CornFedWhiteGuy

            If people don’t learn from their mistakes they need to look at themself and what they attract. You attract what you are. It’s very simple. Change can be good remember that.

          • Rose Confetti

            “You attract what you are” by that statement if a woman attracts a rapist, a serial killer does that mean she wants to be killed or raped? Logic flawed. True some things we do attract but married male predators is not something women put out into the universe as something they want in their life.

          • CornFedWhiteGuy

            Don’t take it literally.

          • CornFedWhiteGuy

            look deeper in the words. you’re being too critical.

          • PurpleTantrum

            Actually yes, women put it out there that they can be used. Not consciously, but in order to date someone who is already in a relationship, you have to be willing to accept things that dont add up. You accept dumb excuses for why he suddenly can’t talk, why he always has to call back. You accept that your instincts and his behavior are both warning you that something is not right. You ignore it because you dont want to face it. You wonder why you arent being introduced to his friends and family, why you’re being isolated from the rest of his life. You tell yourself it’s nothing and everything is fine. Some women will accept all of this and others will not. Cheaters know which woman you are. They are like sharks who can smell one drop of blood in the water from 2 miles away. They know a woman who is wounded and who will ignore the signs and keep seeing him. They know, and like sharks they circle around the woman who is willing to be the prey.

          • Rose Confetti

            First and foremost I love when people try to blame a woman for a cheaters actions. Let’s make one thing clear, before all the signs and the games and the lying one thing a cheater always knows before they pursue someone is that they are in a relationship, always. They start their approach living a lie, this is undeniable. They hide their relationship status, why? It’s because they already know the person their pursuing would not be with them. So let’s focus where the blame should be completely. It’s one thing if a woman knows but it’s another thing if she’s being approached with deceit so let’s not get things out of perspective here. Secondly, if you really think that a user or rapist is considering your feeling in the matter then I guess signs could work but I’m not sure any woman could tell you what signs they put out even subconsciously that says she wants to be raped or used to day but this is how people that contribute to rape culture think. She looked like she wanted me, she looked like she wanted a married man to come and talk to her? Really, this type of blind belief is simply delusional. Lust and selfish desires and make you believe someone wants you even if their not giving you any signs if you want someone bad enough and selfishness makes you act on that desire when you have a broken moral compass. We can assume all of these relationships are as you said, all these signs are in place so basically it’s a woman’s fault for not knowing she was dating a cheater because and it’s her fault for being the type of woman that attracts cheaters lol. Good to know and with that logic along with other logic you’ve used to come to your conclusion you honestly shouldn’t have wasted your time. We can assume all day theirs signs and so forth but deception is not so black and white and it doesn’t happen the same in every relationship. Their guys that know their friends are cheating and would never rat them out. Theirs women who aren’t quick to meet a mans family because they don’t want to move that fast. What I find the most disgusting about all this is that you are trying to blame a woman for why a man cheats bottom line and theirs no justification and their no human being that can make you do anything you don’t want to do, period so lets stop with the nonsense and actually hold cheaters accountable for their choices. No when can force someone to cheat, it’s called rape and none of these men are being raped.

          • CornFedWhiteGuy

            Lady no offense, go.back to school

          • PurpleTantrum

            But you know now. You know.

        • PurpleTantrum

          Excuse me, but you don’t hold a man accountable by continuing to be a side chick. During the time that you thought you were the only one, it’s all on him for being a lying MF. Once you discover that you are, in fact, a side chick, then what you do about that is all on you. You don’t get to continue seeing him and dismiss responsibility because, oh well, you’ve been duped. Now you know, so it’s time to walk away, because you are too smart and valuable to be a side dish for a lying, cheating 2 timer. If you stay, then you are no damn better than if you knew the entire time. You think you’ve invested too much to walk away? Well then how much do you imagine his main lady has invested? No, you are NOT on the same level as the main lady, you are lying to yourself and trying to justify your bullshit. It sucks that you got played and got your heart broken, but now it’s time to do the right thing and WALK.

      • Shannon

        Then they shouldn’t make themselves available, men are weak.

    • Realher_xo

      I agree. I think it’s funny that society actually believes that a man will have a side chick for just sex. I’ve seen men leave their wife for their side chick and they are beyond happy. Men tend to fall in love with these side chicks. So I don’t think y’all should bash a side chick.

      • leyy14

        Think we just found the “side chick”

        • Natalie Cannon-Webb

          Of course she is

      • LA

        Men don’t fall in love with anyone but themselves. The side chick should fall in love with herself and want to be in a relationship where she is valued enough to be the ONLY ONE that she knows of in that relationship.

      • Lisa Ang

        You don’t know ANY MAN that will actuall LEAVE their wives and be happy with that side chick. That is a myth MOST of the time. When it does happen on the rare occassions, it’s about less than 10% of the time. Let’s not bring society into it…what do you think you are there for if not for sex? That’s how it starts out and that is a fact it’s sex THEN you may catch feelings behind that (and this too could have a few exceptions to the rule). Number one…keep your legs closed to MARRIED MEN! What else needs to be said? The bashing of the side chick is petty however warranted so the side chick will and should be bashed verbally she put herself in this prime position to get whatever bashing is coming to her be it physically or verbally. You need to really THINK about your decision to be in a relationship with ANY MARRIED man! Nothing about being the OTHER WOMAN, CLEAN UP WOMAN, and/or SIDE CHICK is funny, it’s sad and everyone involved in this mess should be held accountable. Let’s be serious here, we must stop bashing ourselves in the head with these idiotic notions that we can do other people wrong and NOT expect for that come back on us in some form or fashion. Grow up!

      • thewife1908

        I will bash a side chick in a min. a women knows better. Karma does come back and the false sense is security of your relationship will crumble. Men leave their wives because they like that in love feeling. Love having something they can just snap up. That is why… Not because its real or the one. That is bullshit. The one is the person who you stick by. Not a feeling in your pants or in a delusional mind.

        • tanner

          That goes vice versa as well. I’ve been a side chick three times and not by choice. Sadly men are predators, they’re like animals in the jungle they hunt and seek out the easiest prey. I’m not stupid but when you’ve been hurt so many times you become so desperate for affection and attention that you become in denial. That’s what happened to me I saw the signs, I could sense the lies but without proof all you can do is trust your man’s word and give him the benefit of the doubt. Sadly in my case(s) Their word was B.S. and all they did was tell me lies. When a man, no a boy in my case, lies to you from day one why should you be held accountable. Many people want to blame the female but I’m sorry hun it takes two. I never went out searching for someone else’s man, and I never had an interest in being a side chick but I was hunted and unfortunately I fell for the bait. I have four brothers and several male friends but still can’t figure out why men are the way they are. Why do they seek out these other women knowing they’re in a committed relationship and they never tell the whole truth. Some of them say “I don’t want a relationship right now.” But what they mean to say is “I have a girlfriend and I’m just going to use you until I get tired of it.” and others actually feed you all these lies about how they want to be with you or how they are with you knowing there’s another woman or women that they put before you. Smh the whole situation is sad thats why I’m single. You can’t trust these hoes.

          • tanner

            AND I’m sorry but it isn’t just about what you have to bring to the table because I’m attractive, smart, I have goals, I have things going for me, I’m in school, etc. etc. I’m a great catch but guys just fail to see what they have in front of them until its gone. I’ll admit though, I did give it up a little too soon but we’re all adults and I like to indulge why should I be judged for that? Why is it ok for men to jump into bed on the first date but not women? What kind of world do we live in…oh yeah a man’s world because they’re justified in all of their bull but anytime a woman decides to have some fun she’s ridiculed. smh

          • CeeCee

            You’re just born in this world, you didn’t make it. In 2015, the rule still is this, if you find a guy you want as your future hubby, be a feminine creature like no other and MAKE HIM WAIT for the sex, If you’re a girl who has to have regular sex, then sex up that next dude that you know you’ll never want to be with, meanwhile, you’re making Mr. Right wait. Again, if you want a long-term relationship – then marriage, make him wait…a good 4 months and/or about 7 good dates, or more of getting to know one another besides biblically. No matter what he says, he will never Wife you if he knows your Vee before the color of your eyes. Don’t always be available, don’t blow up his phone, don’t chase him. Instead, flirt with him, laugh with him, get to know him, be interesting, mysterious, smart, sexy and HOLD OUT ON YOUR GOODIES!! GOT IT?!? Class dismissed!!

          • Tess Hanson

            My first husband I slept with on the second date. I divorced him. I was to young and didn’t love him. 7 years of not seeing him, I ran into him. He told me if I ever wanted to come back I could.

            My second husband I slept with on the first date. His family was in shock cause he was never going to marry. He shock them all when he asked me to marry him.

            When you sleep with someone shouldn’t matter. It didn’t in my case. I wasn’t considered a hoe. And I pushed my second husband into having sex that first night. He wasn’t going too. LoL. But he did shock me when he asked me to marry him cause I wasn’t thinking about it (for once). LoL.
            5 years later…… happy!

          • jboog

            Tanner you answered your own question, you basically admitted your fast and like to indulge, men dont want a hoe as a wife or a girl or even the appearance of one. Hold your self in a higher regard and maybe guys will take you serious.

          • Kristen Whiting

            I disagree. Quick sex is a double edge sword. There have been people you wait to sleep with and the p/or/d is wack. Wasn’t worth the wait and then disappear. Some people want to find out asap, especially if sex if a vital component and one of the determining factors. The bigger issue is boundaries. Discuss it and take it from there. Adults communicate effectively. Not play “keep away” for the sake of a man’s appraisal, or “respect” cuz he could be dogging your ass too (and have yet to find it out). Some women wait to sleep with a guy and still his ass is a deadbeat. So sex is t the end all be all, BOUNDARIES are! I say know yourself, trust yourself and get educated about men, egoism and conditioning and set and adhere to boundaries.

          • Kristen Whiting

            Wait…so you saw all the signs but said you aren’t stupid? Denial is definitely a form of stupidity.

          • ladyblack

            I agree it takes two. Can’t blame nobody. Men cheat because they make that decision.Women or men become side relations because they choose to. I recently connected back with my first love from middle school and high school
            I was married but I been divorced for 7 years now. He still is married with young children. Mine are all grown and I am a grandmother. I often thought and dreamt about him over the years.After 20 years are feelings is the same. We love each other. I continue to see him for the rest of my life if I can.We our soul mates. Didn’t understand that when we were young . Now middle age it’s different and I am not a side chick.I am more of the girlfriend and mistress in the bedroom.What we feel is real and I believe I will have the top spot because of how we feel about each other.

        • LadyBlack

          You rite but sometimes you may run into your first love and you mite rekindle something great.And you both in your hearts realized you married the wrong people.Why can’t you be together until you both are free.Cant be mad at side chicks side men . Love is a strong valuable thing when it revolves around the heart.You can’t help who you fall in love with and who conquer your soul.

      • Man

        I believe even in marriages you make mistakes and choose the wrong spouse. Having an extramarital affairs are horrible. But I rather be single and happy and free to date at my leisure. Then be in a marriage that I am not happy in. I got no need for sides. I can have it my way……

        • Tlady

          My husband started cheating on me with a side chick and I knew it from the beginning! Some women know and decide not to do anything….they stay lazy, don’t want to have sex, stop being attractive! Not Me! I hurried up and divorced him and I hope he made a better choice, because what I needed and wanted, and deserved he was unable to provide. I had settled for him, because he was the father of my kids. I was trying to stay faithful and do the right thing. Somehow, him cheating empowered me to follow my heart and leave him for good!!! I’m still thanking the side chick today!!!! I care about him and love him, but I hope she takes good care of him like I would have done!! It’s a lot of women feel like me! We are really settling ladies, they just don’t know it! Do you think we really want to be cooking, cleaning, washing your clothes, taking care of you, if we could have elegant dinners, hot sex, men always giving compliments, egos on high ALL THE TIME! Sometimes we have Side Hustlers, we keep them around, so we can take care of husbands that stink and watch football all day! ? Don’t ever get it twisted, we are so much better at it then you!!!

      • Mariah

        And how do that bullshit last til he back with the wife or a another bitch

    • realesst

      He dont love women if he does that hes not right only pain will come if u marrie him he will do u the same way.all that love u feel another women will feel put u will suffer the pain part like u did his wife

    • The New 2014

      Sounds like your stroking your ego, smh. Trust me when he “gets” you in front of his wife, there would have been another side chick. Men just like the thrill to feel real as possible. Don’t flatter yourself. Numbers and statistics don’t lie. Upgrade yourself honey!

    • IIlI

      in many countries like saudi arabia, iran, indonesia, a man can have more than one wife. she will be treated fairly, at least by law. no side chick required. it’s simply accepted if the man can afford it.

    • Natalie Cannon-Webb

      Child please, are you serious?

    • Vic Kidd

      Email (B I R D E Y E dot H A C K at G M A I L dot C O M) if you wanna have remote access to your partner’s cellphone. I know this because he helped me hack my ex and i got to find out who he was cheating on me with and also helped me get money out of his account and put it in mine. Email him today and i promise you wont regret working with him….He’s different from all those fake hackers out there!

  • I agree with everything that you said and especially the point that “she allows it.” Too many women go for the “Okie-Doke” for the sake of saying that she has a man, even though he is only a “piece of man.” I really wish women would wake up but if the aren’t looking for a serious relationship and only interested in the benefits, I guess that works for her. However, if a woman doesn’t “know” for a fact that she is a side chick, her intuition tells her so by the way that he treats her.

    • Women need to stop chasing the same men. Lets keep it real, there are a group of men that can sleep with an unlimited amount of women (seconds, thirds, etc.)

      • Divya

        And it goes the other way as well. The only difference is that for women it’s easier to get many guys at once, and the guy usually is the one who’s chasing the girl not the other way around since women r naturally the finer sex. So it’ll take more time for him to chase multiple women while all the woman has to do is say yes. If you’ve taken AP Bio as a science, you’d know that intrasexual selection is when the girl of a species chooses who she wants and intersexual selection is when the male fights with another male to win over the female. So females have an easier with sleeping with multiple guys as they’re more open to u know what. So it’s quite the contrary my friend. Females r much more capable of cheating than u r, but they don’t since they have higher morals.

        • Divya


        • PurpleTantrum

          Women have higher morals because of the way they are treated if they don’t. We have self control so we aren’t picked apart by vultures. Men have way less self control because they don’t have to have it. People make excuses for men to be as big of whores as they can, because “they can’t help it.” When you act helpless to control your sexual urges, you get a bunch of winks, a round of pats on the back, and people call you a player and a stud. It’s sucess if you wallow in fulfilling your needs.

  • so true

    • SelenaJae

      If they will do it with U, they will do it to U!!

  • this kinda hurts my heart so much. i have a soft spot for the second chick, especially the one who likes taking another womens man or insecured…the man benefits not the woman. when i was in this kind of relationship, i woke up.  i realized  he benefited and plus it’s all about sex. he gets what he wants. i dont. so i got out, and hve not been back since. but i understand why i stayed.  one of the 7 reason fit me.  it felt so good to be loved. it just so happen to be a man with a ring.  but that is not fair to the other woman at all. i wished women saw them selves better. i wished young girls and boys saw relationship as a thing to protect and not hurt. you know. but you cant save a fool. i was foolish but i’m no fool. wake me up and i’m out. wake up a fool and they only go deeper. i consider myself wiser.

    • jacquie

      You are not loved if he has 2 women you are used and deserve better. I have limited compassion for any female that wrecks a marriage a married man is that off bounds. However sometimes you don’t even find out they are married until it is too late.

  • An Honest Person

    i bet a woman wrote this, woman have men on the sidelines sometimes they just don’t get caught 

    • Actually a man wrote this (me). I agree with you that plenty of women have men on the side. I plan to write about that as well but that is a separate issue from what this article is discussing. We have to learn to stay on topic if we ever want to properly address the issues many people face.

    •  You need to change your logic, being just as stupid as men gets you what exactly?

    • Angchronicles

      You’re funny. While I was reading it, I thought how many men do women have on the side.

      • Raquel Jo

        They have a lot. Not to bash but I remember my mom doing that behavior and still do. Its pathetic

  • TruthBTold

    Sometimes your post really makes me wonder….. Anywho what defines a side chick I really wanna know because many people dont know they are the side chick. First off let’s address the men that tell these women one thing and then tell the other women another. Men manipulate women into thinking that they are the only ones or that they are in horrible relationships and really want out because certain circumstances allow them not to like marriage, kids, finances etc. And when you start off as a man’s friend and he comes at your with the sob stories it makes it very easy to be a side chick lol. And then there’s the women that like other people’s men okay we dtermined they are less than women and they in my opinion are fatherless women. I dont know no normal woman that would enjoy sharing a man. Now to my main point if there is a main there is another woman okay. It’s like a meal you have the main dish and sides or you can have two main dishes lol.  There needs to be a clear word for one and only. Two main dishes has to explained because a majority of women are in this situation and dont know. Now one women may know about the other but they will always think they are higher than them, when actuality they are on the same level. Two mains are two women that are sharing a man equally now the man is obviously telling these women the same things and giving them the same perks they just arent aware of what he is exactly saying.  A broke man can have two main but the most common is a man with money so ladies be aware. I cant stand the term side chick because most women arent side chicks they are the other main. I ‘ve seen husbands spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with the second main honey so please understand men are manipulative creatures that are unfornately not alway able to practice monogamy. And yes it comes back to old times where men had wives. They like to have more than one this is a man’s freaking problem not the majority of women.

    • I agree completely that many men lie and manipulate the woman into thinking she is the only one and all the other things you mentioned. I just wanted to focus more on the women in these situations with this specific article but I do plan to focus on the men as well n the future. Now the woman who knowingly go along with this are not always fatherless women. Sometimes there are other issues at play that contribute to their willingness to be apart of these situations. Nice try on the “two main dishes” lol. That goes against the definition of the word “main” so I think it would be more accurate to say that there can be two side dishes/chicks but not two “mains”. I understand your dislike for the word but I do feel it describes what is really going on a little better. I feel both men and women can be very manipulative. I agree that too many men have embraced not being monogamous and this needs to change. At the end of the day both men and women (those who know whats going on) play a part and bear some responsibility in situations like this. This article was simply trying to discuss and help others understand why many women go along with it. With a better understanding we have a better chance at making the necessary corrections. 

      • Stace

        What makes a person the side chick if he does all the same things with both women. For instance, bring them around friends, family members, sleep overs, buy them things, go out on dates and take vacations etc?

        • Whoever comes after the first woman would be considered the side chick. Treatment doesn’t change the fact that he was already in a relationship with another woman. So being treated just as good or better would not change the perception by most that the 2nd woman to enter the picture is the side chick.

          • jacquie

            Any female that knows a man is married or living with someone gets all they deserve for trying to steal someone else’s partner – he is simply not available and instead of calling them side chick sex chick is more appropriate because that is all you are a bit on the side. If you like him you tell him to leave the relationship and when he is free to contact you but in most cases he won’t so find one that is single and respect yourself.

          • jhene

            I’m involved with a guy with a gf not a wife and I didn’t know about her at first. I don’t see myself as a side chick I’m pregnant with his child and he does for me financially

          • orls

            I agree my ex recently left me for his female friend of 5yrs we were happy planning a future together she was a single 26yr old that text him constantly he went away for nights with her one being to a beer fest and stayed over at his parents he came back and dumped me and we living together my heart is completely broken never thought this would happen to me. I hope they both get their hearts broken coz they deserve too. Found out on fb that their in a relationship he was too big of a coward to tell me she posted a pic of them together and it made me want to throw up he then says we wants to be friends no chance anyone got any advice on how to get over him.and learn to trust another man.

          • Divya

            Be single. You don’t need no man.

          • Lisa Ang

            Wow the fact that you have to explain what a side chick is speaks VOLUMES. How would you not know that you are the side chick just based on the trips he takes you on, bringing you around his family and friends, really? Unfortunately, those things don’t necessarily imply that you are not the side piece, because family and friends will lie to the main girlfriend to cover for him and the fact that he’s sleeping around. A lot of men like having a girlfriend or a wife +1. And that 1 could be his girlfriend if the one he TRULY LOVES doesn’t work out but more than likely won’t be the one he truly loves most of the times (there are some sad exceptions to this rule but more than likely the wife or MAIN girlfriend is the one his heart belongs to)…everyone else is alot of fun and he may even claim to care about them. I don’t understand any of it…stop playing games with people and just leave both of them alone or let both parties know about the other one so that everybody is on the same page and there are no secrets. SMH…messy and ridiculousness!

          • slim

            What about chicks lying to the other chicks face like she is a relative.. people go further than you think… They could be living together and you think it’s family.. manipulation in all forms!

          • Tress

            What advice do you have when a woman been involved with a married man for 6 years. Within the six years the man has been married twice and currently married and he cheats on the wife and the mistress. The mistress wants out of it but it’s hard to pull back because they work together. What advice do you have?

          • PurpleTantrum

            Dump him. You can’t fix a lying, self absorbed 3 timer. He is not sorry, but if you press the issue, he will pretend to be sorry until you are willing to stop talking about it. Then he’ll go back to playing all 3 women and allowing them to blame each other instead of him. He feels like a stud when women fight over him, and the fact that he’s got to make 3 women suffer to feel good about himself is not keeping him awake at night. As long as he can have all 3 women, that is what he will choose.

        • PurpleTantrum

          The side chick is number 2, the woman who lies to herself and believes that she’s got a real relationship because she’s with a man who has so little respect and concern for either woman that he makes no effort to hide what a gutter slut he is from his own family and friends. She thinks she isnt doing anything wrong at all because according to her assessment, # 1’s Christmas gift was exactly the same gift as hers. # 2 thinks this means that she is every bit as loved as #1, but if she would wake up and smell the dog shit on her own knees, it would occur to her that this man is just too self centered and pathetic to be bothered with having to shop for 2 different gifts. He wants to grab 2 of the same damn thing because he knows you will eat it up instead of recognizing that you chose a dumb excuse for a man.

      • dee

        A main is not the main without the sides (if that makes sense). A main still has to share and in most instances, she is in no better position than the side chick. I would never want to be a main I want to be an only…

        • Agreed and that makes perfect sense.

        • a wife should be the main course in a mans life….and his sides should be his passions, hobbies, and interests. if those passions, hobbies, or interests are other women……then he’s not digging whats being served anymore….and eventually he will start throwing you under the table to the dogs. we deserve better than this ladies. do better for yourselves. 🙂

          • PurpleTantrum

            It isn’t that a man gets a side because he isn’t digging the main dish anymore. It’s that the man digs the main AND he digs the side. He would sample every dish in the entire restaurant as long as nobody catches him and gives him grief. It isnt even that one dish is better, it is that there are dishes he hasnt tasted yet. He wants to taste the entire cookbook, but he doesn’t want to get the bill.

      • Lala Coetzee

        When it comes to a married man its a diffrent situation but when you are both still girlfriend then there is no one who is a side chick they are both his chicks and if he is playing then he is playing both of them. period.

        • PurpleTantrum

          And you see this as evidence that you should keep doing what you’re doing? As long as he’s shi**ing on 2 people and not one then you’re all good with it?

    • dee

      OMG! Thank you… my sentiments exactly!

  • Most women are side chicks, they just don’t know it. Ladies you can’t have it all, if you care about things that are not all that important like looks and money you will be a side chick whether you like it or not. Basically if you don’t want to be a side chick you need to do two things. First, Close your Legs and make sure he knows he will have to earn it, or move on. Second, make it clear you better put a ring on it, if he can get it for free, it will always be free.

    • jacquie

      I totally agree.

  • Raquel Jo

    You nailed this one!! Women need stay away from another woman’s husband PERIOD! they are TAKEN! he is not theirs. Even if he is not married what make them think he’s not lying. I respect relationships and marriages. I even want a marriage one day. I would hate to see my husband with another woman and that’s what most women fear when they do get married. It is too mny side chicks and if they stop interfering they will stop breaking up homes and at least have somebody

    • Stace

      Oh boy!!! I would never blame another woman. If the man isn’t interested there will not be any side chicks or breaking up of homes. Pretty sure many have turned that same man down before but he won’t stop trying till he gets exactly what he wants. Stop blaming other women and put the blame where it belongs.

      • Lisa Ang

        You make no sense, Stace, because YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BLAME BOTH PARTIES there is no one more at fault here! Let’s be clear, as an adult man or woman, you should have some SELF-RESEPCT for yourself to not knowingly sleep with another woman’s man or another man’s woman let alone her husband or his wife. As for these women, they are usually desperate and stupid to believe that they are NOT the side chick and you shouldn’t need a definition of what a side chick is if you know that the man is married or in a relationship with someone else especially if he’s told you that he has a girlfriend or that he’s married. Men like choosing a woman on the side because they CAN and they have plenty of opportunity to do so. So stop justifying & making excusatory remarks about being the other woman, jumpoffs, side chicks, and all out whores who don’t care about who they are hurting. This is exactly what you & that cheating man/woman wife/husband, have allowed yourself to be and allowed this ingrate to put YOU in that position. We are all adults and we all make choices, choose wisely but call a thing a thing, you are the SIDE CHICK in layman’s terms, get over it and stop playing yourself! AND the only reason a man/woman would pursue you is because they know that you can BE CAUGHT, PERIOD! You attract men who want side chicks because that’s who you are and he knows you are gullible enough to take the bait eventually so he waits and pursues until you break because that is what hunters DO. These men are hunters always looking for that gullible side chick woman who will oblige their wishes; he knows you better than you obviously know yourself, you know why because you are are the OTHER WOMAN NEVER TO BE HIS ONLY WOMAN.

    • Neasie

      You can’t break up a home that wasn’t already breaking when you got there. When you actually get a Husband maybe you and all these other sanctified sinners can about own flaws instead of telling others who they shouldn’t or should not be with. If that spouse is not yours then don’t concern yourself.

      • Lisa Ang

        No one is implying that we are not all flawed, here. If you know that the house is broken THEN why are you there to watch it continue to crumble…get over yourself with this ridiculously warped thinking. Your mindset should be RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN before the home collapses on you! OMG! And really this is a topic for any & everyone to discuss rationally whether you agree or disagree with the statements…and from your post you are clearly not married nor in a helaty mongamous relationship and you also must share a mindest of “If it feels good then do it, damn everybody else.” If so, then WOW, because if you were married or in a monogamous relationship then you would understand the depth of hurt that goes on with these type of scenarios in relationships. You don’t have to be sanctified to know right from wrong…it’s a littel rule I learned in grade school I’m sure you’ve heard of it, it’s called the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s logical and simple in nature but still applies to do and applicable in all cases. You ought to try it sometime and see if your mindset changes or better yet get married and see how it feels to have your spouse or significant other have a side chick/dude…then come share your experience and post here again. I’m sure all could benefit from your story.

      • ROFL!!

        A study was done that found that men generally report not having an issue with the spouse when cheating, so to them the home was not broken. Too often this narrative is used to justify side chicks mentality. Truth is cheaters cheat because they can.

  • Weareourmothers

    Sigh, when are we going to confront these men so that they have to be accountable for there wrong-doings? Tragic–we really live in a patriarchal society, and many of us don’t sense the societal programming of specific gender roles. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is sacred because no one is held accountable. Men, stop slingin’ that d$*#! And stay true to your vows! Women, if you find out your man’s cheating, take a few moments to think about…LEAVING! He would definately leave your ass if you were cheating–hell, he’s already “left” if he is cheating. It hurts so bad to see women suffer, exile to deal with the pain, then go right back to hum. To me, the man, more often than not, STILL benefits–he wins again! Maybe I souund like I hate men, but I can assure you that I do not. I just feel that both parties should be equally responsible for their actions.

    • You are correct that both parties should be held accountable. This article is simply addressing one part of the overall issue but it is not attempting to dismiss what you have stated. Both men and women should stop engaging in this behavior if we are going to make things better in relationships. 

  • who cares

    you know what i think… WHO CARES!!… MEN CHEAT! WOMEN CHEAT… MEN Marry the WOMAN that wouldn’t put out… then cheat on that woman with a woman that will fulfill fantasies that the other woman put her self too high on the pedestal to do!!… face it we are all SLUTS AND WHORES just like my friend on youtube JAYSTAR said. so find that person that you love…. who cares who they are or who they are with right now or how much money they have and JUST LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE and try TO BE UNDERSTANDING BECAUSE THOSE WHO JUDGE WILL BE JUDGED. PEACE YALL LOVE AND HAPPINESS

  • blahblahblah

    women don’t “allow” it so much as they are trained to accept the ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense we’re all brainwashed with. many women are raised with the idea that they have to do anything to keep a man happy, including putting up with utter BS, or allowing another woman to be a part of the picture. women were conditioned to do all of the above until the sexual revolution. more women are being taught to be independent now and figure themselves out so hopefully, this will translate into more women chosing situations that FULFILL them – so they don’t cheapen themselves and get pimped. men who do this type of thing lack empathy and rationalize why this behavior is appropriate because it is a social norm.

  • chickadee33

    Good article but you need an editor to review for grammar and spelling. Too many mistakes in this text …..

    • thank you and you are correct. I actually just found one and they are in the process of cleaning up all of my articles. hopefully from here on this will no longer be an issue.

  • Mrs. Spock

    All of this is interesting.

  • Romi

    To “who cares”. There’s a difference between accepting someone the way they are and allowing yourself to be treated as a doormat and completely throwing your morals and principles out the window. If something is wrong and can potentially hurt another person, choose to take no part in it. I know sometimes we fall in love and want to be loved but, trust me, these types of relationships do not go anywhere significant. You are wasting your time with a man that has those values to begin with.

    • lina bels

      Unfortunate But amazingly exact point!

    • Divya

      Again, when will we hold guys accountable?

    • Divya

      Oh, like guys aren’t shallow at all. If guys can date good looking women, then it should be the other way around too. Smh.

  • 4eva_virtuous

    I love all your posts …but I think that you forgot a reason… #8 because she has no idea that she is a side piece. She’s oblivious to her status in his life

    • True but I left that one out because if she doesn’t know then there isn’t much to explain. We could only discuss the possible reasons she was chosen to be his side chick in that situation.

      • lina bels

        That’s how I feel being as classified as a side chick because essentially I am… And start feeling bad about it because all the concepts and aspects that come along, in my mind somewhere I get that idea but deep in my subconscious whether it is egotistical or illusive.. I don’t feel like a side chick, I don’t ask to be, I don’t expect gifts or somewhat loved or whatever. I just essentially do it for sexual pleasure because chemistry bonds us very well even in a salubrious way… Rarely do I get these attached emotions or expectations. I just do it to do it, it’s convenient for both of us. The main problem you didn’t tag along is, to what extent does being the primary source of a cheating partner damage future relationships. I stopped believing in marriage and love all together. Every time I encounter a couple I get a repulsive feeling that their relationship is fated to doom due to cheating, either from the woman’s or man’s perspective. It’s not entirely the men’s fault, it’s just women aren’t programmed to be strong enough to know that they deserve better and not engage in relationships with men that are taken, and that’s just our problem and excuse. The other argument society should develop and evolve is that people aren’t goddamn possessions and if one doesn’t keep a promised commitment, you should consider realizing that the person isn’t right for you and it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Commitments aren’t taken serious in relationships and that’s a hidden fact people have to face with harsh experience because it’s so stealthy.

  • Woman of Great Faith

    Thank you for bring this out and up. I struggled for years on trying to figure out why every year in our relationship there was some form of cheating in it. What I finally realized was I was only good enough to him to be the main chick for show but when it came down to having a relationship or marriage that is not what he really wanted. In the end I realized he was still searching for someone or something and never really happy with what he had found so I left because he turned me into a side chick. After the separation he was just letting me know I was just a side chick he would only come by and see me late in the night after everyone else had gone to bed and no one could know he was here, when he was with her and I would text him or call him it would go to voicemail or auto reply busy, he would not call me in the day time so his family would not know that he was still dealing with me, yet she was the one going on family trips. I accepted this because I was trying to make my failing marriage work he accepted it because he was getting his cake and eat it to so I stopped it all together and felt a lot better about myself. Christians wives don’t let him turn you into a side chick because you feel like you are obligated by your faith know you deserve better.

    • Sherry G

      Woman of Great Faith I can relate to being turned in to the side chick in my marriage. I left too. Thanks for sharing.

      • lina bels

        How do you go from being the ‘main chick’ (the wife) to being a “side chick” (the mistress) … ???

    • Lastly

      Bitch Shut up. They’re blaming the “other woman” for a reason. Basically it’s like
      She doesn’t have her own mind she’s letting HIM completely control her. THAT’S WHY SHE’S THE ONE TO BLAME !! dumb ASS!

  • jhene

    If a man isn’t married he is single I don’t feel one can be a side chick unless she’s dating a married man

    • Lisa Ang

      I can see this point, but a man does not have to be married to have side chicks. LOL. If he’s stated to a woman that they are in a monogamous relationship, he introduces her as his girlfriend to all that are important to him but then has females that he’s clearly just dating and these females know about his girlfriend however the girlfriend doesn’t know about any of them…then those females he’s dating are the side chicks and that woman he’s introducing as his girlfriend is just that his girlfriend or MAIN one Unfornately she’s not not the ONLY ONE…So no matter what him & the other females are doing, they are not the girlfriend period, those females are the side chicks, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. But its sad and funny how we all like to define bad behavior by justifying our bad decisions. Hilarious!

  • Lina

    If society advocated these ideas of women valuing themselves more than side chicks, like you have done in an objective way, I think less woman would want to actually fall under the category of being side chicks. Most women, like myself, don’t realize what they got into before they start having mixed emotions about it, rather they get swayed away by hormones and rash and selfish reasoning. Your points made me accept the ugly truth and through mistakes either our own or others.. we learn. I’m just saying If society advocated women strength instead of frugality it would’ve been better. If the idea of love wasn’t convinient marriage that is most likely to fall apart, peer or family judgement, and illusive attachment that becomes possessive… Cheating wouldn’t be an interest. It sucks.

    • Lina

      Peripheral note/question: beside stereotypical side chicks descriptions such as; “cheap” and “slut” or even that they choose to be a mistress for the gifts, unlikely chance to get hurt … Etc. (love triangles always have a looser, so less chances of getting hurt is spurious …) Essentially my question is, what if the “side chick” has no intentions of possessing the man for herself, no intentions of falling in love or being a bitch about their relationship and to too this all, doesn’t actually receive or even ask to receive gifts, and does this for strictly beyond belief amazing sexual pleasure… On what levels is this side chick a dumb twat?

      • LA

        Any woman that subjects herself to ONLY SEX with an attached MALE believing that she will not gain SOME type of feelings for him is DELUSIONAL at best. Women WILL NEVER be able to have sex with someone that they are interested in for merely just the pleasure sexual favors without having some type of feelings pop off in the direction of wanting that man for herself. You are a “dumb twat” for putting yourself in this position KNOWING the person is attached or married and you allow him to use your body for just sex or the friends with benefit scenario. No justification needed just know you’re setting yourself up for failure and heartache. We have to mature to a level of understanding why would do things like this.

    • LA

      Why does society have to help you value yourself? At what point to you just use common sense and not get yourself in these situations with men who are attached or married? We have to have some type of discipline and moral fabric in our own lives to say NO I WON’T CARRY ON A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO’S MARRIED OR ATTACHED IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. What’s wrong with that? If you don’t know they are attached or married then I understand but it’s really as simple as ask the question and check out their behavior to find that out. You don’t eat of the forbidden tree’s fruit…period! We can’t blame society although they instigate alot of this foolishness with glorifying the SIDE CHICK mentality with shows like Scandal and Being Mary Jane. When do you shut off society’s weak opinions and look at the heart of the matter…do I want to inject this drama into my life and would I want someone to do this to ME? Crickets…a resounding NO…would be the answer to that question. Let’s be honest with ourselves, forgive ourselves for these mistakes and repent of them to make the same mistake twice.

  • Cory N Cara

    Idk… Im a man, and in my experiences its the women who messes around on the man!!

  • Cokey2u

    I honestly believe if you don’t make your leaf available to a man or woman that’s in a relationship then it can only force them to do 1 out 3 things. 1. Find another willing participant or 2. Deal with 1 woman or 3. Divorce or leave his “messed up” relationship as he/she would make the outside person believe. We are human and life is just one great test of right and wrongs. We are being asked about our integrity, how ambitious we are, what drives us but most of what will our sacrifices be to another. If all can do is put themselves first, then like most of you said God will deal with it. Karma plays a great part of life too. What he/she have done will fall back on them or their offspring and only then will they see the errors of their ways.

  • jer

    I’m so sick of women blaming the other woman for cheating with their husbands!! I met a men who didn’t have the dam decency to let me know he was married! His wife worked the graveyard shift so I didn’t have a clue, he lied to me that he wasn’t involved with anyone. Then 6 months later I find out the ass is married! Wives, blame your husband’s for cheating on you, they married you and made a commitment with you, now if the don’t keep it stop blaming other women because you can’t handle the fact that your husband lies and cheats on you. Basically both women are victims! I’m so sick of people blaming the other women when they don’t know the lies these men tell us!

    • LA

      If you didn’t know he was married you are the exception however once you found out did you still see him? Probably so for a minute…I don’t know. But in your case obviously it’s different because you didn’t know…honesty does not relieve you of your infidelity with this married man. If the wife calls you to “discuss his actions” you should be able to explain what it is you knew and didn’t know. However, when woman KNOW that this men are married or attached and they STILL carry on a relationship, that’s different. BOTH parties are to blame and BOTH should get whatever is coming to them.

  • Maria

    I wonder, does the “Side Chick” even feel the slightest bit guilty about what she has done? And I know it isn’t just the Chick at fault, I do, but that doesn’t take away what she’s doing. And some don’t even know they’re the”Side Chick”! But yeah, anyway, do they feel guilty?

  • FourGenerations Wooding

    Way too many labels….relationships require maturety and honesty regardless of the circumstances…deal or no deal…take it or leave it…everything happens for a reason or a season…do the math with honesty to yourself first and with communication always…however it all turns out and flows is how it was meant to be…real life…human is human…flesh is flesh..and if you are spiritually inclined it will work it self out for the good.

  • MsNicaBuGG

    That is the first thing that actually is good and wasn’t really emotionally charged..

  • imjustsaying

    People always go to the bible in these situations even then men had multiple women they were called wives in other countries they allow it maybe if it wasn’t consider illegal he would be able to marry the other women and she would no longer be known as the side chick

  • beautiful



  • imadime

    sure these reasons can be true, but what can also be true is that she just doesn’t want to be a “main chick”. the assumption that everyone is out here looking for true love is patronizing and naive. some people just like to date, some just want to have sex, some are just focused on themselves (career, family, etc.) and don’t want to be bothered with one more person’s needs and wants. in any of those cases, being the side chick works out just fine, and wanting something other than “finding the one” is not because of a lack of self respect or because a woman is letting a man get away with anything. sometimes it’s just a matter of choice.

  • jussayn

    I dated this guy off and on for 3 years, he is not married but he plays with women’s feelings promising each of them a key role in his life, I’m sure I frustrate him because I won’t play the game the way he wants me too. He goes through a lot of emotion trying to find out which one will make me do what he wants. I find myself fascinated with watching his antics. You can tell he’s been hurt and he goes for women he feels he can manipulate. I do engage him enough to make him come back to see what else he’s got. It seems that he needs to feel powerful and disrespecting women is how he see’s himself strong. Sad case really. He exists in a world surrounded around himself quoting bible verses and praying like God really hears his lying self SMH.

    Ladies, re-evaluate how we see men.

  • terri

    The way you get him is the way you lose him. I don’t know any side chick who is truly happy once they finally move into the same position as the former wife! Hint hint God does not bless cheating, becoming the wife after you help breakup something sacred to him!



  • angelkay

    Unfulfilled needs are what forces people to cheat.someone will cheat not because they enjoy the sex but just that they like a certain characteristics of someone eg nice j Truth is very few people are in love we are just obsessed with the idea of being in love. If people truly love each other they wd never hurt each other.its a pity that only in rare circumstances will u find someone who is just as madly in love with you as u are with them.

  • lexxanna

    Reason 8. Shes a transsexual woman of color

  • Jennifer Rangel

    Actually all to often sex isn’t involved in the begining conversation and a breathe of fresh air is the reason most of the time the 1st chick often is to much work (drama) they changed from the person he fell in love with. From experience the 2nd chicks get way more out of the relationship then the 1st. He’s often happy and stress free with the second they usually really do love each other they share intamacy conversations laughs dinners everything but doesn’t leave #1 because she puts up with everything chances are he knows if the 2nd knew about the 1st she would be gone or maybe she knows about the first and doesn’t care whatever the reason she stays cause she two loves him .the more good he sees in the 1st he will continue to do what he is doing until its time to choose and I’m %100 sure the longer it goes on the harder the choice will be

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  • J

    I dont understand society nowadays.. it seems that we are sending an expression to young generation that its ok to do bad things since we are just human and as human we are not perfect. We hate people making comments to those who committed something bad but we forgot those people involved in that situation who tried their best not to hurt others but end up devastated by other people who did not want to take responsibility of their own action. Not only adults are involved in this kind of situation. Let us not forget the children. Someone told me that to create a better society. Lets us start it with our own family. #justsaying#.

  • Rose Confetti

    Lol so are we just going to not state the obvious? Despite how people may feel a person outside of your relationship owes your relationship nothing and thats the sad truth. People talk about side people but it’s your partner who made the commitment to you and is stepping out of that commitment to be with someone else. At that point does it really matter who they’re doing it with or does it matter that your partner has a problem with fidelity? Does it matter whats going on with the side person, their personality, their self esteem? Their single and if a person makes the sex available what’s stopping them, your feelings on how they should feel about your relationship? That makes no sense and not realistic in how people think. Why should someone sleeping with your partner respect your relationship if your own partner doesn’t respect it? Yes you have morals and ideas about marriages because you have personal experiences but that doesn’t translate to someone whose a stranger to you. I’m not condoning anything but I just don’t understand why people get upset with someone on the side, a stranger you have no history with when you should actually be upset with your partners betrayal. It doesn’t matter about whose a side chick/dude, at the end of the day if your partner is going to cheat it could have happened with anyone giving the right situation and thats the root of the issue. Thats my logic on it and I think more people in the comments are speaking more out of emotion then logic because it is an upsetting topic. Even if you confront the person your partner cheats with and you take your partner back and they cheat again, how many lovers will you confront until you realize the problem isn’t some home-wrecker but whats going on in-house. I think it’s easier for people to hate and confront the side chick/dude then it is to confront your partner/then it is to acknowledge that that they have fidelity issue/ then it is to admit maybe you’re partner was the one pursuing the person they cheated with/ then it is to admit they are the problem and not whose on the side. Keep in mind no one can make your partner cheat, life is full of temptation and it’s a choice to act on that temptation, it’s unfortunate some people just make the wrong choice.

  • Rocio

    Ibe forgiven my many way too many time for being young and dumb but my forgiveness means nothing to him and he has a way of controlling almost everything in my life, if I wanted to leave I can’t I’m trapped with two boys, recently I found that a week ago he was at it again offering a woman money from his phone but again he won’t admit it even if it’s in black and white on his phone, the only way is to talk to her and get her on my side make her understand that I’m not mad at her I just need the truth but I don’t know how to go about doing it plz help me

  • deep

    i just cud never love one woman; i feel capable of loving more than one of these fine creatures of god

  • Idk Riley

    A man is the side piece if he has a wife. See a single person isnt locked down to a title. The single person isnt obligated to follow any rules, they are just going with the flow and most likely he is just another accessory. So while the woman is being perceived as this weak minded emotional cripple, you might want to rethink that. For the record I am neither against nor for this arrangement. I am just correcting your misconception about women that would never be applied if it was a married woman stepping out in the marriage. Would he then be a side peace with so many misguided issues? Hummm

    • Rose Confetti

      Exactly, unfortunately theirs a lot of sexist misrepresentation of these relationships and plenty of bias but to think outside of the box doesn’t fit the narrative. People really have to be careful with what their believing because I agree if this was about a man who was sleeping with a married woman no one would be blogging about how many things are wrong with him, they would talking about how the married woman was deeply flawed still, it’s all about the narrative but women all always what’s wrong in a relationship some how.

  • CornFedWhiteGuy

    I’ve never cheated on a woman, half way one time, I was on drugs and whipped my cock out in front of this girl and guy.

  • Lina

    Just stumbled upon your blog and your reasons are valid, but there’s more than just black and white here. I was a side chick just until now and yes, probably it’s got something to do with your first and last point: I allowed it and I didn’t value myself enough… but these were only the reasons why it did last for so long.
    It started being just his friend. I knew he was married and I really did not want anything more than friendship… until he started to flirt and telling me how much he likes me. Then I fell in love with him. Emotions are terrible little Leprechauns which I – at some point – just couldn’t control anymore. I fell so hard for him, that I was thinking I’d rather be his “side chick” than to never see him again. And so he took the chance and I became his mistress. Even though I wished for so much more, I stayed quiet and patient in the background, happy when he found a tiny timeslot to spend an hour or two with me. Hoping some day “he will get it” and will leave his wife for me… I was so dumb. And at the same time I felt so sorry for his wife. But that’s how it is: when the heart kicks in, the brain turns off.

  • Andrea


  • Carmen Reyes

    Why is the side chicks viewed as a thot..she can definitely be of value to the man,educated, beautiful and great in bed maybe the wife is the mess..

  • Detra Lupe

    This is tough for me because I have been married and am now divorced. I swore to never, a word one should never use lol (pun intended) date a married man. Well, while I do not choose intentionally to be a side chick, I have been one. I never wanted to destroy the man’s current lifestyle but after numerous horrible dates with single men, he treated me the best. The perks and $ wasn’t it either although he had that I enjoyed the time. Needless to say, these situations do not end well because as long as you’re plan b, c, or d, the wife will always be A. All women that know their worth deserves to be A. Not First Lady as that implies there is a 2nd and 3rd, but the ONLY LADY!

  • Detra Lupe

    One more thing, I guess at the core of my thoughts about relationships is the question of whether monogamy is natural anyway. But, that is a whole other subject. I know what we’re trained and raised to abide by but, does that make it right. Just one of my many thoughts.

  • Nina

    I recently got involved with a married man. I broke up with a guy I was head over heels for about 2 months prior to this and I had made up my mind that I don’t want to do relationships any time soon but I still want to go out and enjoy things with other people. It’s quite refreshing to know I can have a good time with him but not have to deal with ANY of his emotional baggage. For myself, for now, this is the perfect arrangement.

  • Chris

    I didn’t I didn’t know that I was a side I was a side chick side chick until I fell in love then he told me he was in another relationship and that relationship was serious

  • Laria

    I dont agree …the side chick is usually better sexually,usually looks better than the gf or wife and has a totally different personality and lifestyle than the main …sometimes its about how the side makes the man feel …alive,exciting ,wanted and desired …most cases side chicks are sucessful women …and these men love how they make them feel.

  • Brooke

    I feel like I’m the good girl he wants as his wife. I have a great job, don’t party or do drugs. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week and manage our home while he works away. But every now and then I happen to see a text pop up on his phone from another woman and he has explanations for it. Usually it’s someone from his past that he says they had a fling and she won’t let go. He says she knows he is in a relationship but still persists. I hate to think this is what’s happening to me but I think it might be. He tells me he wants to be married by spring to me. I don’t know what to do to ensure this isn’t happening. I don’t want to ruin my relationship if it’s just something I’m viewing wrongly.

  • Scarlet

    So what about this scenario? The man in question is your exboyfriend who you split up with because dealing with the other women got too much for you, but then you realised as the years went on and you were apart that you actually really loved him with a love so intense words could not do it justice. Then he comes back into your life but now he has a girlfriend who he is only with because she provides a roof over his head. Is it possible for a chronic Casanova to actually ever fall in love with someone, or are all women the same to him?

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  • Rose Confetti

    If it’s so much easier to confront 10 side chicks then it is to confront/leave your cheating husband/boyfriend/fiance then sure this is valid to those individuals who are just as “insecure” as the side chick to stay. I never understand why women tolerate cheaters and even make excuses for them. “Stay away from my (cheating) husband!”. Are you really that weak that you live defending your husbands cock from slipping into someone else? When you’ve compromised your standards of what you deserve (a faithful and honorable male) putting being in a relationship tainted with infidelity first it’s a weakness equal to a side chick who will take back a man after she found out he lied about being married. Dating a married man, staying with a cheating husband. Low key polygamist out here in these streets. How easy it to rage at a mistress because I’m too scared to leave/ too scared to start over. No deep analysis of a “side chick” is going to mansplain why you’re husband cheated and keeps cheating, theirs no translation. Sure side chicks are insecure but like someone said earlier, theirs plenty of emotional pimps feeding on these side chicks and even emotional pimps to their wives convincing them to take their sorry behinds backStand your ground and don’t compromise on what you deserve, ladies we need to do better and stop “allowing” bad behavior on both sides. Until that stops this will continue.

  • Melissa_K

    It’s not always the man pursing the side chick, I’ve seen it a lot when the woman knows the guy is married and she just keeps going after the guy until the guy gives in and cheats on the wife or girlfriend! I most definitely am not saying the that men are innocent but that there are women who know and go after the guy even when the guy tells them he is married. In this case the man and the other woman are both to blame, the only innocent one here is “the wife, the girlfriend, the main chick”