black couple say yes to marriage

I Say Yes!

Guest Post by Troy Spry: Okay so check it out…I’m a little less than a month away from my wedding and it’s finally dawning on me that I am about to be married….I can see it now…all the ladies reading are like “awwww!” and all the fellas are like “you sure you want to do that?”  Surprisingly enough my answer to that question is “YES.” Let me explain….

As men society tells us we are not supposed to be excited about marriage; we are supposed to be victims of our own sexual appetites that we lustfully desire to feed with a plethora of women.   Still yet, ultimately we are left still hungry for this little thing called SUBSTANCE! As a result, as men, we fight this internal battle of sex vs. substance and while we are busy fighting we usually end up losing the substance we wanted, while searching for the sex we desire, just to look back and say…”damn I lost a good one.” Man how many times have I seen this scenario?!  Thus I am choosing the substance over the sex so with that said…I say YES!

Now with saying “yes” to the substance there comes a responsibility. The responsibility is the one that says that I will embark on a journey that is bigger than me and my own selfish desires so that I may lay a foundation that will build a legacy. As men we must come to a point where we realize that our legacies are built not by the number of women we conquer, but by the impact we have on our families and the people around us. There are many men who are now 50 years old-looking back regretting the fact that they never did right by their family, or that they never had a positive impact that they will be remembered for, and now they are trying to make up for lost time.  I don’t want to build my legacy reactively; instead I want to build it proactively so with that being said…I say YES!

Another reality that men won’t admit to is that just as women desire stability and security, men do too. This whole idea of “ride or die chick” is just a cool way of saying “I want and need someone to be here for me when times get tough. I need someone to share the sunny days and the rainy ones with me.  I need someone to encourage me, support me, and believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself.  I need someone who I can count on to represent me and our family the right way. I need someone to pick me up when I fall!” Ultimately we all just need someone that’s going to have our back! With that being said….I say YES!

Ok so let me rewind for a second.   Earlier I mentioned “sex vs. substance” and it brings me back to a conversation that I had with an old head where he said “you have to think beyond the sex.” Being a male one of the hardest things to do is “think beyond the sex.” We desire women from a young age, we learn to embrace the chase, and our identities become rooted in sexual conquests. As a result of the time and energy we invest into validating our manhood through sex many of us never learn how to validate our manhood through character and family. Now don’t get me wrong we will always be physically attracted to other women, but it is only after we have learned to “think beyond the sex” that those thoughts don’t manifest into actions. One thing every guy knows is that if there is no substance behind the sex then after the orgasm there is no more desire to really even be in her presence. I know every lady believes he wants to stay around and cuddle, but the reality is that no substance=no cuddle=”why are you still here?!”

Every day that I tell someone I’m engaged inevitably I hear the same thing…”you sure you want to do that”….”you’re too young”…”why would you give up the single life?” Being that I am only human I can’t lie and say that consistently hearing those things doesn’t have an impact on my thought process. Some days I can’t help but wonder, what if, or if it is the right decision, or would the streets be more “fun.” I think this though is where God gave me the gift of vision. The experiences he has put me through in my life have aided in my growth and I now value this idea of life being about something bigger than me.

I don’t want to get too philosophical and I won’t sit here and act like it’s always just this easy. What I will say though is that what makes “saying yes” so easy for me is very simple. It’s the fact that God put someone in my life with so much substance, that’s so genuine, so loving, so selfless, and not to mention beautiful. She brings out everything good in me, while accepting the bad in me, all while believing in the great in me that has yet to come. With that being said….”I say yes!”

So you may be asking…Troy what’s the point or what’s the message? My point and message is this: choose substance over sex and that will allow you to embrace the responsibility of being bigger than yourself so that you may begin to build your legacy now instead of trying to rebuild it later when it’s too late. Lastly, when you do decide to say “yes” do it with someone who makes it easy to do so!

Read More from Troy @ www.xklusivethoughts.com

29 Comments
  • Joelle Paule
    Posted at 15:48h, 12 October Reply

    I SAY YES to this article… Beautiful post. Waiting on GOD to send me that man who will say yes with no doubts…. 

    • Xklusive5
      Posted at 22:47h, 14 October Reply

      Thank you all for reading and for the kind words! I hope that you will continue to follow my work and to share it. I just created the new fan page at http://www.thefacebook.com/xklusivethoughts

  • Guest
    Posted at 18:31h, 12 October Reply

    Well said, great article.

  • Guest
    Posted at 21:42h, 14 October Reply

    one of the best, logical blogs I’ve ever read about marriage…

  • Myrnald
    Posted at 09:10h, 15 October Reply

    Beautiful and encouraging post!! God bless!!

  • Kelli Frazier81
    Posted at 14:11h, 16 October Reply

    Kudos to you!

  • Older&Wiser
    Posted at 08:43h, 18 October Reply

    I really, really, really, really, really hope your relationship never ends….but if it does, make sure you document how you feel also.

  • TheTruthKills
    Posted at 19:15h, 31 October Reply

    Frame this article in your home. It will either be a monument to your happiness or your misery. Either way remember that you said yes. If you found a woman that’s actually has that substance (so few women actually have it) that you speak of then more power to you. I wish you well brother.

  • Soosootasty
    Posted at 09:25h, 28 December Reply

    Love it! I have been married 21 years if my 41 years. I am a Ride or Die Chic for my husband. Men and women should read this. Wishing you a long life with your fiancée. Tastefully SoSo

  • Skyfall®
    Posted at 14:47h, 21 January Reply

    Seems like the idea of marrying for love is dead. Society really tells us to marry someone who has a good job, good credit, and someone who will make kids without a disability. 

  • Claudiakeisha
    Posted at 22:40h, 31 January Reply

    Inspirational!

  • Kayanna81
    Posted at 13:15h, 19 February Reply

    Great thoughts, just remember that no matter how great she is you will experience some tough times together. Continue to love her, embrace her and encourage her!

  • vic
    Posted at 07:55h, 12 March Reply

    wow,, very nice article…hopefully itcan open the eyes of those guys who are still hesitating and delaying marriage..           

  • Angel@Play
    Posted at 13:51h, 15 March Reply

    Old Playas need to peep this…OG=zero God when you’re out there all alone.

  • Troy Spry
    Posted at 09:49h, 15 May Reply

    Thanks so much to everyone for commenting on and reading my blog! I actually wrote a sequel to this blog after one year of marriage and you can find it here… http://www.xklusivethoughts.com/2013/04/10/i-say-no-tales-of-a-young-husband/

  • Amanda Eversley
    Posted at 02:43h, 05 February Reply

    I want and need someone to be here for me when times get tough. I need someone to share the sunny days and the rainy ones with me. I need someone to encourage me, support me, and believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself. I need someone who I can count on to represent me and our family the right way. I need someone to pick me up when I fall!” Ultimately we all just need someone that’s going to have our back! #BeRealWithYourself

  • Amanda Eversley
    Posted at 02:44h, 05 February Reply

    I want and need someone to be here for me when times get tough. I need someone to share the sunny days and the rainy ones with me. I need someone to encourage me, support me, and believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself. I need someone who I can count on to represent me and our family the right way. I need someone to pick me up when I fall!” Ultimately we all just need someone that’s going to have our back! #BeRealWithYourself

  • Eb Cocoagirl Sims
    Posted at 06:53h, 05 February Reply

    Love it

  • Robin
    Posted at 02:10h, 05 February Reply

    Thanks !!

  • Julie Martin
    Posted at 19:16h, 05 February Reply

    congrats! and yeah…aaaawww! proud of you! God bless your marriage!

  • Vanessa L. Caesar
    Posted at 17:03h, 06 February Reply

    Why some guys act like giving up their single life to make a family, and stay committed to one person is just a problem for them is foolishness. We (MEN & WOMEN) are both human and have the same feelings, you are NOT a victim!! It is NOT every woman's dream and fantasy to commit to one man, take his last name, bear children for him and lose her shape, stay at home nursing & growing a child is a blessing, but a huge stress for women as well. Also, on that note I say, "when I have my family we are taking turns!" Men: YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM. In fact, women give up more than you do so get over yourselves.

  • Dashiell Williford
    Posted at 22:59h, 27 April Reply

    Yaaaaaayy that's what's up, coming from an Man..

  • Gutierrez Gutierrez
    Posted at 09:26h, 28 April Reply

    Good read for women too

  • Troy Spry
    Posted at 02:43h, 30 April Reply

    Dashiell thanks so much for reading my piece. I am glad you enjoyed it. You can find more of my work by liking my page at http://www.thefacebook.com/xklusivethoughts

  • Renee Rachelle Williams
    Posted at 23:59h, 02 July Reply

    Stephan Speaks Relationships Please explain what men define as "substance". Thank you.

  • Brie Joana
    Posted at 15:11h, 02 November Reply

    hm

  • Deidra Marsh
    Posted at 15:55h, 02 November Reply

    Truth!

  • Antoinette Gillam
    Posted at 21:25h, 02 November Reply

    Very good read. I pray that all men would come into that realization. Its not about the "sex" its far deeper than that and there comes a time in life that we must consider what it is we truly value in our lives. Thank u for your story.

  • Min Jamika Jazzie Lawson
    Posted at 01:42h, 03 November Reply

    God Bless You with your old soul 🙂 It's kinda hard for people with an old soul to be excepted by people that's not because our spirits are from another time. I found myself enjoying the company of older people and getting very bored with younger folks and their ideas. Well Mr. I saying "Yes", I applaud you for your wisdom in realizing that know matter how old you are, real love is something to abandon nonsense for to embrace a life worth living which wisdom has showed you that. God Bless you and your Wife to be with Happiness, Agape love, and a friendship that's unbreakable

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