So for the past few weeks people have been submitting questions they need advice on. One question that has come up a few times is “how do I tell someone I’m not interested without hurting them?” This is something that many people have faced at some point in their lives. Nobody really wants to be the bad guy, but is there much way around that? There are so many ways you can go about showing you’re not interested but they won’t always be received correctly. That person may also choose not to accept what you thought was an obvious sign because they can find ways to justify interpreting it in a different way. So I am going to lay out the most effective ways to let a person know you’re just not interested.
Just Say You’re Not Interested
I mean really, it is that simple. I know some of you are thinking “well that’s just mean”, but is it really? No matter how you choose to let them down, you can’t prevent the fact that it will hurt them to some extent. You can say it a million different ways but it all still means you wish to not entertain them romantically. Now don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t be rude or nasty with it. You can deliver the message very nicely but it still must clearly state that you are not interested. When you choose to be vague for the sake of their feelings you actually risk hurting them even more. How you ask? By leaving any perceived open door that truly does not exist sets them up for a bigger disappointment. Not to mention when it isn’t clearly stated you allow them to try to interpret what you are trying to express. This can lead to countless hours of analyzing on their part which will still end in a way that leaves them unhappy with the fact that you just are not interested.
Another huge mistake that we make as people is telling a lie because we either : 1. Want to soften the blow 2. Afraid to reveal the truth for our own personal reasons or 3. We don’t say it because we don’t think that the reason will be accepted as valid or good enough. With number one, it is what it is. You only set themselves up for a false perception of what the issue is which in no way helps you or them. For instance, let’s say it’s because their breath stinks. If you don’t tell them that then how will they know to stock up on mouthwash and brush their tongue more thoroughly? Not to mention now they are up in the next persons face about to make them pass out. So you not only hurt them, but their next victim as well…shame on you! : ). For number two, well the truth shall set you free. Now that I think about it, 2 & 3 are kind of connected. Whether you reason is valid or not, it is simply your reason and that has to be respected. If there is something bad or invalid about your reason well you should still let it out because maybe there is something you need to learn and overcome. That will not happen by hiding your genuine reason. Lies are never good, but truth is always the key to progress and positive things to come. It may come off as harsh, but we all need tough love sometimes. Last thing about being honest, when you give a BS reason you leave the door open to nonsense in that situation. That person and other people may recognize it is BS because your words and your actions do not line up. Which now gives that person reason to dig deeper and that can turn into a bigger mess or a more persistent, relentless approach. Being honest will save you any extra drama and let that person know clearly that you are not interested.
There it is people; these are the two things you need to implement when trying to tell someone you’re not interested. It may never be easy nor will it be fun. Somebody being hurt cannot always be avoided, but we can manage how much “perceived” damage we inflict to them and to ourselves. Understand that some hurt is a good thing when it is wrapped in truth and a genuine attempt to handle things in the best way possible. Honesty is truly the best policy.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate