I am sure by now most of you have heard that saying. Some of you may have actually read the book. If you have done neither, well let me shed some light on it. “Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars” expresses the belief that women and men operate in two different ways. Men are known to be creatures of logic, and women are seen to be driven more by emotion. So is this really the case? Are we really built differently? My answer is an emphatic YES!
We are most certainly two different types of people, and these differences are what has led to the ongoing communication gap that plagues our existence, which therefore hinders our relationships. I know what some of you may be thinking “well, if we know we are different should we not be able to use that to our advantage in creating more harmony and better communication?” If only it were that simple! But wait, it actually is that simple. We have over complicated this issue for far too long. We continue to have unhappy men and women dragging along in their relationships simply because neither truly understands the other. So how do we begin to put an end to this travesty? How do you we take the necessary steps to finally rectify this issue? Well I am glad you asked : ). Here are some tips to getting on the same page as your partner, and to begin to have a much more fulfilling relationship.
It’s not them, it’s YOU
Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that your partner has done plenty to make you mad and contribute to a negative situation. I realize that you may have made many efforts to fix things yet they seem to resist them and nothing has worked. Despite those facts, we as men and women will never be able to understand each other if all we do is point the finger at the other person. When you are just focused on defending your actions and pointing out their shortcomings, you have effectively put yourself in a position where you will not be able to properly understand their reasoning, their needs, or their issues. You are simply too caught up in yourself to see things clearly. So, the first step is to focus only on what you can control, which is you. Yes you may have done plenty already, but can you honestly say you have continued to be the man or woman THEY need you to be? You may have been great as far as you’re concerned, but you need to focus on what they need from you. Hold yourself accountable for your actions, and trust that by putting your best foot forward you will give yourself a much better chance at beginning to understand your partner and giving them the example they need to be a better partner.
Communication is key, but why do we continue to mainly apply that to verbal communication? Men and women already speak different languages (men speak English, and women speak “womanese” lol), so we can talk all day and still have a lot misunderstood or misinterpreted. Could you imagine a Latin person and an Asian person trying to speak to each other in their own languages? They could actively listen, they may make out a few things here and there, but at the end of the day they still won’t understand each other. So let’s try to include things like body language more, as well as just paying attention to how our partner handles and reacts to things. A lot of times it is more obvious than we realize that what our partner likes and dislikes can be based on their actions. Yet, we are so caught up in other things that we simply overlook the obvious. So open your ears and your eyes. Also, realize that both men and women have things that they will just have a hard time fully expressing. Women may not tell their partner everything because she figures you should know on your own, and she shouldn’t have to tell you. Men will hold things back because they don’t want to deal with certain backlash they feel they may receive. Actions though, can many times be more telling and we need to pay more attention to all of it.
We live in a time where we like things fast and convenient. If we have to wait too long, we abandon what it is we are looking for and move on to the next. Well, understanding people just does not work that way. You are involved with a person who has been through years of programming (life). To break all that down and truly understand who they are is not race, it is a marathon. We have to realize that these things take time, and it takes even longer the more we do things to damage the situation and create a bigger gap between us. At times, some people don’t even fully understand themselves, so how do you expect to get it right so fast? Be patient and embrace the progress as it comes, which will breed more progress, and before you know it you will be at the finish line a lot quicker than most.
Of course there is more to understanding your partner, but I believe these are some core concepts you have to embrace in order to set yourself in the right direction. Your goal isn’t to understand all men, or all women, it is simply to understand the one you are with. That is your focus, and doing that will create a relationship so full of love, enjoyment, and fulfillment that every step you take in this process will be well worth it.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate