To start this off there is a quote I found online by Roger de Bussy-Rabutin which states “Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.” Let that marinate for a second. The topic of long distance relationships comes up all the time with people seeking advice and guidance. Is it a smart move? Can it really work? How should one approach entering into a long distance relationship? There are so many angles to discuss but today I’m just going to give a general overview on how I see long distance relationships.
In my opinion I am not a big fan of entertaining a long distance relationship. I feel people already struggle plenty with same city relationships and adding the distance just puts a strain that most can’t truly handle. This doesn’t mean that it can’t work. There is plenty one can do to increase their chances of success. If two people are truly committed to putting in the time and effort it requires then you can most definitely see that relationship do well and grow stronger. It is simply a lot to ask of each other especially if you have yet to establish a great connection/relationship with your partner. If two people already have poor communication then adding distance isn’t likely to help anything. If trust issues already exist then be prepared for that to possibly be multiplied by 10 when you are no longer living together in the same area. Any unresolved issues that exist may now be magnified if you decide to take that step. Which will likely lead to further damage of the relationship and it’s likely end at some point either during the long distance or after being back in the same area.
Now when people have been “together” for a while or have really laid down a great foundation for a relationship I feel this makes a huge difference. It still doesn’t make long distance relationships easy but it most certainly helps. They are in a much better position to remain on the same page and distance can create a stronger bond instead of more damage. People just have to be honest with themselves with the reality that they don’t have this foundation currently in their relationship. Some couples are just two people having sex and having fun. There is no genuine connection and they don’t likely stand a chance at being able to maintain a great relationship from afar. A person should also be honest with themselves about what their needs and desires are. Don’t attempt to hold on to someone when you know that physical intimacy is so important to you right now. You know that the distance will likely lead to you cheating so why take that risk. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s cool to entertain long distance relationships when you still operate from an “out of sight out of mind” mentality. Many people know they aren’t ready or committed to abiding by the “rules” of the relationship but use this as an opportunity to hold some level of control on their partner. Thinking that this will help keep them in their life for the long run. Understand that if you aren’t truly ready it may only guarantee you two will have no future together.
The quote at the beginning pretty much sums it all up. True love can be strengthened in the midst of long distance relationships. Everything else can simply be torn apart. There is nothing wrong with accepting the fact that your relationship isn’t strong enough yet to endure the long distance. I feel if you know deep inside you are not truly ready then just be friends. Instead of letting fear, selfishness, or dishonesty lead you into taking that step just take that time to build a great foundation (if there is truly one that can be built between you two in the first place). That way when you do come together again everything can be great and better equipped to handle any distance. If two people can’t even maintain a great friendship from long distance then what makes you think they will really do well in an actual committed relationship. Ultimately the choice is yours. Just understand what you’re truly going up against and if you’re really ready for that challenge.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate