My name is Tremayne Moore and I’m a sexual abuse survivor living with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). When most people think of PTSD, they think of military veterans who have experienced this due to war. Well I did serve my country from 1994 to 1998 but my PTSD is due to being raped and physically abused. Many don’t want to discuss this because it’s a difficult topic for people to face. The truth has to be exposed and we should no longer keep rape and abuse “a dirty secret.” So here is my story.
My uncle came to live with us in 1982 when he was ten and I was eight. He was my mom’s half-brother and he made my life a living hell. He had me do things that were forbidden by my parents and then I’d have to submit to whatever he wanted so that he wouldn’t tell. Sometimes he’d still tell and get me in trouble. In August of ’84 he started sexually abusing me. When it initially happened I didn’t think anything was wrong (I’d actually didn’t mind it). But after about a few more months my uncle would use that against me (basically make me get in trouble and then I’d have to give in just so he wouldn’t tell my parents). I was of course scared to tell my parents because they would believe my uncle over me (if I told my parents the truth my uncle would punch me repeatedly). This carried on for about 8 months. So, here I am at the age of 10 thinking this is OK.
In March of 1985, my uncle wanted to go back home to his mom (my grandmother). Not long after that, I told a classmate what my uncle did. I thought it was all fun and games. That spread throughout the school and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in the principal’s office telling them everything that my uncle did and that’s how my parents found out about it. I initially lied and said that it only happened once because I was afraid that I’d get in trouble. My uncle was so good at manipulating me to the point that my parents considered me a natural-born liar.
Another family member (female) took my virginity from me in June of 1985. It happened when I was preparing to go swimming and I was playing with myself (use your imagination), and my cousin caught me doing this. She took me into the kitchen and started to initiate oral sex. I was so scared because of what my uncle had done to me (and vice versa). Then she took me down to the basement and said that she was going to teach me how to have sex (she used a different word). Again, I was scared (she’s 13 and I’m 11 at this point). After about 5 minutes I loosened up and surrendered to her. After that this happened about 3 to 4 more times during the two weeks my sister & I stayed with her. Looking at it now, I have to admit that I was addicted to her as a person.
The next year my uncle was failing at school again and my mother wanted to bring him back into the house. My sister and I protested but we lost. My mother told me that what he did wouldn’t happen again and I still had to love him. I was so angry with this. The sexual abuse did stop but he still physically and verbally abused me. I would tell my parents about the abuse but he would say something else and I’d get in trouble for lying. Well fast forward to 1996 (I was 22 at the time) I finally told my mom the truth of what my uncle did. She seemed so nonchalant about it. In fact, she said, all I can say is I’m sorry. Truthfully, I feel better not speaking to her. I love her but need to keep my distance because it does not bring peace to my spirit.
I’m 38 years old now and having shared this story with you I’m sure there are some things you may be wondering. Some ask do you still experience urges? Yes, but it’s totally under control. I learned how to manage them due to the spiritual quest I started in 1990/1991. I remember borrowing somebody’s Student Bible. And there was a small note that dealt with sex before marriage. When I read it (in the summer of 1992), I thought about everything I’ve been through and made a vow to God not to have sex until I’m married. And to this day, I’m celibate and very grateful to God for that. I also had to learn to embrace forgiveness (both myself and my family members). I went through a span of 8-12 years (because my uncle sexually abused me back in 1984) of holding on to guilt, shame, anger and bitterness (more towards my uncle of course). I embraced that this is where I needed to forgive him but I didn’t forget (only because this is now my survival story).
**For more on Tremayne’s sexual abuse survival check out his book CLICK HERE**
17 thoughts on “A Man’s Story of Sexual Abuse”
Wow. That’s sad. It’s good that he can talk about it, and that he has decided to save himself for marriage. Sexual abuse should certainly be a topic of discussion in sex education classes, sexual abuse and incest. It’s a kind of taboo subject, and it’s difficult for probably most parents to discuss it with their children, but it is very important that it is addressed, especially in light of frequent episodes of sexual abuse of children by authority figures, from the church ground to the school ground. I’ve had those discussions with my kids, and I’d like to know that it’s being corroborated during their formal education.
Sexual abuse is something that happens in many households and I feel that more things need to be done to get this ‘taboo’ subject out in the open. Everyone wants their children to be safe, but being at home can also be the most dangerous place.
Parents should teach their children at very young ages what parts are private and encourage them to speak out if certain things happen or even if they feel uncomfortable around a family member for any reason. Parents should not brush an allegation like this under the carpet.
Schools should also incorporate this and encourage children to not only tell their parents, but also speak to the staff at school. Children should be aware of organisations that can help, if needed. Churches ought to speak from the pulpit on this subject too. They have a duty of care to their congregations and they already spend too much time talking about sex before marriage and not enough time focusing on sexual abuse within the home.
I’m sorry that you had to go through all of abuse, and I’m glad that you were able to forgive.
I so agree with everything that you said. Forgiveness is a key to being able to thrive beyond the abuse.
Man now this is a story and you would never think this will happen to a male but it does but one thing I can say is GOD brought you through it and I went through this myself but I’m still here and GOD helped me to deal with it.
Amen & Amen. We’re still here and it’s part of our testimony. Be encouraged.
Thank you for being SO brave & sharing your story. I, too, was abused as a young child & by the grace, love & deliverance of Jesus, I’m healed, whole, forgiven & forgave. May God continue to bless you!
No problem Cleopatra (God’s Wonder Woman – smile). We are not only survivors, but thrivers as well. Much love.
Thank you for sharing. I am a multi rape survivor and I know how hard it can be to tell your story. I pray the best over you life as you help others heal as I am doing.
Bless you brother, & thank you for sharing a very intimate part of your life. I'm sure it has blessed many.
I'm curious to know if he received help. I currently work with children that have PTSD symptoms due to sexual abuse and I use Trauma Focused CBT to treat them. I really hope he saw a therapist to help him process what happened so he can have a good life.
Glad you shared your story children are often afraid of abusers and even adults fear judgement from others. More people sharing their stories and education will be a blessing to many.Stay focused on your journey and sorry u had to go through that.
I respect you for your honesty 100percent, you were bale to "free" yourself and move forward, stay "strong"
Jasmine, I thank you and I am in therapy. Look me up on FB.
I’ve ended with it. Just replaced. I Watch a lots of porn as https://camsloveaholics.com/ and so on.