woman with arms out embracing celibacy lifestyle

Celibacy: A Lifestyle Change for the Better

I compare my decision of practicing celibacy with cleaning my house in anticipation for a long-term house guest. When someone comes to visit, you do your best cleaning, you prepare their space, you consider their dietary needs and you make sure things are in order for the time they are visiting. If you desire an amazing and fulfilling relationship, then get your copy of my bestselling book God Where Is My Boaz

I made an active decision to embrace celibacy, and change my life in preparation for someone whom I have yet to meet (my husband). Whom I consider important enough to not only dust and mop out my place, but get my “ish” pressure washed in anticipation for his lifelong stay. I’ve been celibate for going on two years now and it’s been the most amazing experience. My celibacy decision was prompted by my wanting to rededicate my life to God in preparation for my husband. I needed to clear my space inside and out. I’ve been able to heal from old wounds and just get in a better place on every level. Embracing celibacy has allowed me to gain clarity on myself. It helped me reflect and make space for the type of bond and intimacy I look forward to with my life partner. I’m healthier, happier, more in tune with what makes me tick, my relationship with God has strengthened and that is the whole point. I’ve learned how to properly love myself and God. In turn, I can properly love others and add value to their lives in love. I still actively date and actually have been surprised at how supportive the men I’ve gone out with have been with it. I’m flirtatious, but also upfront. I let them know, so as not to lead them in on in case they’re intentions are something other than what I am willing to consent with. I don’t believe in wasting people’s time.

I will be honest; celibacy takes an incredible amount of self-discipline, prayer, and patience. I allow myself to feel naturally about being turned on and desiring to be sexually intimate sometimes. I don’t beat myself up for being attracted to someone I’m dating and wishing we could progress to another level physically and intimately. It’s natural. What I do is check it and remind myself of my commitment to God. God is my accountability coach. I’m accountable to him and his word. I’m honest with Him when I am tempted and I pray and ask for help to not act on the temptation. He helps me and I have learned to channel the energy into creative projects. It inspires me and as a creative, I can take the energy I would expend on sex and allow my imagination to act it out in craft, mostly writing. My most beautiful work has come out of my having to release the energy, but not wanting to slip up by giving into the temporary desire to have sex.

Celibacy is a lifestyle. I don’t do home dates anymore. While before I might be more apt to entertain at home and have men over for dinner, I realize the flesh is weak. If you can limit putting yourself in situations where the temptation is higher, you should. If for some reason we are in the same space overnight, I will sleep on the couch or ask for the spare room. It’s awkward, but let’s be real, if two adults who are attracted to each other…yup the rest is going to be history. Not dating during your time of celibacy I feel is a disservice to the experience. How can you grow in faith and dependence on God, if you don’t have opportunities to seek him when you are weak? It’s easy to be celibate when there is no temptation is present. Talk to me when you are able to grow and mature in your decision by resisting the temptation. It can be done. It’s being done and it is an extremely beneficial experience if you stay the course and know why you are doing it. Sometimes I get annoyed at the fact that I have to suppress an emotion which is as natural as breathing, but I also know the importance of what it means to me on a personal and spiritual level. I have no plans on being physically intimate again until my wedding night. By God’s grace I will be able to stay with celibacy. One day at a time. I celebrate all small victories! I’m excited about his arrival, whenever it may be and I know he will appreciate feeling welcomed in my space that’s already been cleaned and prepared especially for him.

Tips to Hold On to Your Celibacy:

– Stay connected to God and ask Him for help when you are tempted.
– Be serious when you make the decision and don’t try, decide and hold yourself accountable.
– Don’t put yourself in situations which make it harder for you to resist the temptation.
– If you fall off, get back on track. Ask for forgiveness and don’t beat yourself up if you fall off.
– Be truthful with yourself and God about your feelings and desires.
– Know why you’re embracing celibacy. It will be a more meaningful experience if you are deliberate about your decision.

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40 Comments
  • Cleopatra Huff
    Posted at 18:55h, 08 July Reply

    EXCELLENT! I, too, have decided to live a celibate lifestyle & I don’t regret it or feel as if I’m missing out ONE BIT!!! Praying our strength in the Lord!

    • C. Nzingha Smith
      Posted at 00:09h, 15 July Reply

      Hi Cleopatra,

      I’m doing the happy dance for you! Congratulations and welcome!! 🙂

      ~C. Nzingha

      • Cleopatra Huff
        Posted at 21:43h, 17 July Reply

        YAY!!!

  • Karamia33
    Posted at 20:36h, 08 July Reply

    Honestly I can’t even believe that this article was posted today. I have been celibate for 2 years, and everything that was written in this article is so true. I have, lately, been tempted by my what my flesh desires. Men have been coming out of the blue trying to get with me, and I have just stayed strong and stayed focused. Today, ironically, I was feeling very weak and wanted to give in, but I didn’t do it. This was a great article.

    • C. Nzingha Smith
      Posted at 00:04h, 15 July Reply

      Hi Karamia,

      Congratulations on staying committed for two years! That is something to be celebrated!! I’m so happy that this post was timely for you because had you given in to the temporary desire, I’m almost certain it wouldn’t have been worth the stray from your current lifestyle commitment. Stay encouraged and on your path. It is worth preserving.

      ~C. Nzingha

    • Antoinette Pack
      Posted at 20:40h, 23 December Reply

      I know exactly what you mean. .this was perfect timing

  • Akos
    Posted at 22:33h, 08 July Reply

    I love it! I wish more men would commit to and be more open to abstinence.

    • C. Nzingha Smith
      Posted at 00:07h, 15 July Reply

      There are more and more men making the decision to practice celibacy. Quite a few of my male friends have adopted the lifestyle and seeing the positive results translate in every area of their live. Slowly but surely! 🙂

      ~C. Nzingha

  • Pamela Cornes
    Posted at 10:58h, 13 July Reply

    I really enjoyed reading this article.

  • Karma
    Posted at 12:32h, 15 August Reply

    Great article. I’ll be approaching my 1 year mark next month! It’s been one of the most rewarding and liberating decisions that I’ve ever made.

  • Alwina Oyewoleturner
    Posted at 19:16h, 17 August Reply

    Awesome article! Thank you! I recently made the decision about 2 months ago but it’s been almost 5 months. I will wait until my wedding night as well. I like the analogy of preparing for a long-term guest. I will use that going forward. And by the way I have a friend by the same name Nzingtha Smith. Stay blessed!

  • Stacey
    Posted at 21:24h, 18 August Reply

    Great article. Ive been celibate for 4.5yrs. It is certainly difficult but I believe it is worth it.

  • T.B.
    Posted at 20:01h, 01 September Reply

    Very positive & uplifting I’ve just surpassed my 3 year mark & everything you’ve spoke on is what I’m going by Thank you & to all of you who have made the same decision God bless u & WE CAN DO IT !!!

  • Melissa Alleva
    Posted at 00:18h, 02 September Reply

    Awesome article! Its been almost a year for me, best decision ever 🙂 Stay strong all 🙂

  • KCar
    Posted at 20:15h, 20 September Reply

    This is such as a refreshing article. I too have made that commitment to spiritually cleansed, purify, and uplift myself. I will step up to the challenge of actually dating in light of my celibate lifestyle. That is truly another test in itself.

  • Jmeekz
    Posted at 08:02h, 30 September Reply

    I did it for over two years and messed up. I’m back now. I know who I want and I’ll wait for him. It’s better feel that way.

  • Princesses & Princes Pursuing Purity
    Posted at 21:39h, 30 September Reply

    LOVE THIS PRINCESSES/PRINCES!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Rebbekah
    Posted at 23:32h, 30 September Reply

    The only thing I don’t like about this article is when she says “you are not celibate if you have no temptation.” What is that? Who is she to say that putting yourself in a place to get tempted is the true test of celibacy? How does she know that everyone is tested in the same way with having to sleep with someone? Some people are tested by the thought of sex or images, etc. Just because a celibate person isn’t dating doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing true celibacy and can’t “talk to you” because they have no real test. She sounds high siddity.

  • BElinda Aurelien
    Posted at 12:33h, 02 October Reply

    I'm.celibate I love it. My boyfriend and I have been celibate for 8 months great reward and we got closer to GOD

  • Crochetah Joy
    Posted at 10:58h, 08 October Reply

    Amen!!! I have learned to embrace my celibacy. Thanks for sharing.

  • shy
    Posted at 01:47h, 08 December Reply

    I have been celibate for 2 yrs. I recently had a dream about giving it up. Thank you for posting s . It definitely inspired me. This was a sign from God

  • Beverly Victor
    Posted at 19:12h, 09 December Reply

    I love this article for so many reasons. As I read it I thought to myself well I could use this for blank blank & blank whatever your struggle to be true to yourself may be. Love love love it!

  • Adaykis Betancourt
    Posted at 14:02h, 11 December Reply

    wow. amazing article. thank u for writing it.

  • Jasamine Broody
    Posted at 07:09h, 12 December Reply

    I've been celibate for almost 5 years. It's very difficult, but I'm not dating because the men want to be with each other. Celibacy is not only a choice, but it's also because I cannot find a relationship.

  • Antoinette Pack
    Posted at 20:39h, 23 December Reply

    Wow this article came right on time.

  • Evidence Grace
    Posted at 08:23h, 11 January Reply

    I agree with you totally.

  • Nicole Darby
    Posted at 22:06h, 19 February Reply

    I'm going one year strong, one of the hardest but the greatest decisions I've made ! It's also helping me weed out the guys who only want me for my body or who wants to make love to my mind. I needed this especially leaving an abusive relationship and it's giving me a lot more time to grow stronger with god, now our relationship is way better than before !! 🙂

  • Lanelle Moore
    Posted at 00:05h, 20 February Reply

    4 years for me and its the best decision I ever made

  • Tiaja Fletcher
    Posted at 08:14h, 23 February Reply

    Thank you for sharing your experience and faith. I have embraced celibacy too and I can identify with much of what you have shared. I realize now more than ever that the decision to embrace celibacy cannot be done without spiritual motivation and a healthy perspective of my value as a woman. Thank you again for letting God use you to encourage others.

  • Tiaja Fletcher
    Posted at 13:15h, 23 February Reply

    Thank you for sharing your experience and faith. I have embraced celibacy too and I can identify with much of what you have shared. I realize now more than ever that the decision to embrace celibacy cannot be done without spiritual motivation and a healthy perspective of my value as a woman. Thank you again for letting God use you to encourage others.

  • Yolanda Cumbess
    Posted at 16:42h, 22 April Reply

    Amazing article.

  • Liah Magatsu Geen Zulu
    Posted at 19:56h, 23 April Reply

    l,v been celibate fr three yrs since l turned my life to Christ and am proud of myself coz am human l make mistakes as wel and God luvs m it was a perfect choice fr m to b Celibate until th chosen puts a ring on it.

  • Andrea Sweetness Smith
    Posted at 13:55h, 05 July Reply

    It's a challenge but working on it. 7 months

  • Idalia Rice-wilson
    Posted at 04:41h, 20 July Reply

    I have been on a 1 yr 7 month journey….not easy when feelings arise…but I feel it is so worth it….

  • Stacie D Wyatt
    Posted at 22:47h, 09 August Reply

    This is a beautiful post

  • Vicky Joyful Everett
    Posted at 20:35h, 02 October Reply

    This artical has some good info. It helping me as a Christian thats trying to live my life as holy as i can. Celibacy is very important for unmarried Christian but prayer and staying in GOD words will help out alot. If you mess up Repent and really ask for forgivness and move on from that mistake and go back at it again with a different approch.

  • Lita SoBlessed ByGod
    Posted at 02:37h, 03 October Reply

    nice!!!

  • Rodney Smith
    Posted at 06:01h, 03 October Reply

    I liked this because she was real about her feelings and desires plus knowing where her weaknesses are so she can avoid them.

  • Bleh
    Posted at 01:46h, 25 December Reply

    My question is what she will do when, after preparing so long for the man who will be her husband, she trusts and opens up to the next man who really, REALLY seems to be that men… and gives sex to him…

    And it turns out he will NOT be her husband.

    What then?

  • kennia mateo
    Posted at 17:23h, 08 September Reply

    WOW this article is me to the T. everything you posted word for word is me. I have been celibate for 2 years and proud. yes i get tempted by these fuckboys but Im so focused and lined up that i wont tolerate to get burned again. thanking Jesus each day.

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