As a child I was mentally, physically and sexually abused by my mother’s husband and found myself without a home my junior year in high school. For years, he would fondle against my vagina until he would ejaculate.
I would hide whenever I knew he was coming home, but he would always find me hiding in the closet and molest me. He delivered newspapers as a form of employment so he would make me go on his routes with him and have me sit on his lap while driving in order to get sexually aroused. Whenever I misbehaved, my punishment required for me to remain home from school in order for him to molest me even more. School was the only place I loved and felt safe because I could escape from my dysfunctional family. My mother was physically and verbally abusive as well and emotionally unavailable.
To make matters worse, when I was about 14 years of age, I was sent back to Haiti because my mother and her husband no longer wanted me to live with them. I was told that I would never return to the United States. Thus, I spent over one year in Haiti living with people I barely knew and jumping from one house to another. While in Haiti, I found out the perpetrator who I thought was my father was actually my stepfather (I was kind of happy about that). I also dated a much older man because he was providing me with food and other basic necessities. The lady I lived with at the time encouraged this type of behavior because she was benefiting from everything he was providing. In other words, I was being exploited and did not even know it. Finally, my mother felt sorry and brought me back to the United States. When I returned, I became very defiant and made a lot of irrational decisions.
Nonetheless, although the sexual abuse had ended, the verbal abuse got even worse. My mother always complained about my lack of respect for her husband so one day I asked her” why should I respect someone who touched me? I had no idea at the time what he had done was considered as molestation. Her response to me was “it takes two.” She also mentioned that I should never tell anybody because it would make the family look bad. She even told me I should respect him regardless of what he has done because he brought the family to America. Those words resonated with me for years and made me think that I was actually responsible for what he had done.
During My junior year in high school, my mother kicked me out of her home. To fill the lack of love and emotional support I wanted from my mother, I started dating men. Unfortunately, I dated men who were physically and verbally abusive and looked at me as a mere sex object. I was even more broken. Though deeply hurt and feeling emotionally distressed I wanted to die, but I decided not to give up on me. As a result, I developed a pattern of working several jobs and attending college simultaneously in order to keep my sanity. I guess that was not a bad habit to develop after all .The psychological implications that come from being sexual abused is very complex and it is a topic that I wish to study further in order to gain an even more understanding in order to educate society.
Here I was thinking that it was my determination and motivation that kept me going all these years, but it was really God who gave me the strength and courage to go on. For 22 years of my life, I was a depressed soul, blamed myself for being abused and looked for love in all the wrong places. Feeling very lonely due to lack of emotional support, there were days, I would literally cry all day and night and developed a drinking habit. I was in a very dark place and heading towards self-destruction.
Now at the age 26, I am completely healed and filled with joy. God has been my therapist. He has totally transformed my life! For once, I love me. Hence, this blog is for all the broken men and women out there. The best way to break free is to seek therapy and ask God for healing. Once you let it out, trust me, you will feel a whole lot better. At first, you will feel a bit awkward, but it’s worth it. Also, use your situation as a mean to motivate yourself to reach your goals and true calling(s). I have utilized my situation to empower young women and men who have gone through similar trials and tribulations.
However, you must forgive those who have done you wrong in order to move forward with your life.
Blessings and peace.
26 thoughts on “Her Story On Rising Above Sexual Abuse”
Awesome read Thanks for sharing. I’ve been there and still working on getting past it completely
You will get through this. Believe me…Visit us at http://www.joaneinspires.com if you need assitance on your journey to healing and finding joy that surpasses all understanding..
Thank you for sharing your story. I am happy that you found peace through God and may you continuously be blessed.
That sounds like a very lonely and hurtful childhood. I’m glad you have found your saving grace in God. I also hope that you can continue living a life full of comfort, success, and joy.
Hello TJ! Yes, I had an extremely lonely childhood…But thank God, I am now normal…lol!!
Thank you for sharing God bless you! You are a testimony for many!
I truly can relate and thank God for your story as well Im in therapy and on my way to healing.
I’m from Haiti as well (I was born there) and have been molested and statutory raped. I do not think I owe god anything. My mom was verbally abusive and physically abusive. The family always came first. Everything pushed under the rug. I saved myself with the help of a few angels. It’s fine to take the credit for something you did yourself. How did god save you? I could say that the guys I was with saved me from my horrible upbringing because all I did was think about them as a teenager because I was so lonely and cried and rocked myself to bed as well. But none of them did that. It was sheer will, sheer survival, and adaptability that keeps us going.
“I saved myself, with the help of a few angels” Angels work for God. JS
To answer your question: God healed me because I asked to be healed. I was tired of pushing everything under the rug and pretending everything was fine when they were not. Although I was excelling academically, but internally I was broken and hurt. I was tired of crying myself to sleep at night and hating my mere existence. One day I said ” God, I want to experience pure joy, I am tired of crying and feeling less than a human being.” A day or two after that conversation with God, I joined a church and that’s where my journey of healing started. By the grace and mercy of God, today I am a second year law sctudent filled with joy and looking forward to all the amazing things that God has in store for me.
My friend, I am no better than you, if he can do it for me, he can the same you. God is more than able to turn your tears into tears of joy.
If you have more questions, please feel free to contact me at http://www.joaneinspires.com
Sounds familiar to me, thanks for sharing and I am proud of you for letting God do the work in you and for the forgiveness you have.
sjoeeee wht a tear recking story remember god wount put u thru sumfing he knws u cnt handle he knws his ways he loves all of us while reading i was listening 2 i wasnt easy but it was worthed great testemony may godbless u
Thank you for your kind comment. God bless 🙂
WOW ! This story resonates for so many women and even children in this country. Thank you for writing it.
God bless you. Thankful for your story.
Kinda similar to my story except I was raped for 4 years by my stepfather. I was told every father and daughter did it. It was perfectly normal! I was 11 when or started. No one knew it was happening. It still messes with me til the day in my relationships and stuff I'm so scared to go anywheres on my own. I had a gun pointed at my head later on while that was going on cause I threatened to tell my mom and he took a gun to my head and told me I better not tell anyone or he would kill me and or my family.
It is my pleasure. I would love to connect with you on fb:
Thank you Victoria!!! I will be praying for your healing. Please feel free to keep in touch with me via FB…
Thank you Shawn!!! 🙂
I am so sorry that you had to endure such pain. I pray that you find healing. Please feel free to connet with me on FB…….XOXO
Thank you for sharing your story ! you are extremely strong and the best why to get though this is telling your story so others will know they aren’t alone!
Thank you Bella!!! 🙂
The story is so amazing I believe if you could make it to all of this then there's hope for me and my own personal story thank you for sharing this
Yes Patricia, you can make it too Hun!!! The road to healing can sometimes get very lonely and painful, but if you remain persistent, you too will be healed. To be frank with, this is only a summary of all the trials and tribulations I went through as a child. It was worst. I will put everything in a book with the hope to inspire and motivate others. No matter what happens, you can always rise above your circumstance. Too many of us get stuck in the past, but we most move forward if we wish to reach joy and prosperity.. You got this Pat!! Please be sure to stay in touch by liking my page..
Thank you Shonda!!! Please stay in touch by liking my page..
Thank you for sharing, reading this brings back memories for me but it also puts light on lies I have believed for so long.