I live in the bay area with all the hustlers, dope dealers, killers, strippers, and go getters. Being an Asian Woman growing up in Oakland is hard. It’s the path I chose and I know what I’ve done and I know what I accepted. I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but they were all puppy love. It was nothing serious, just an experience of what love would be like. Now I’m in this fast life where a woman’s husband comes to me when they are having trouble at home, or just need a “quick fix”. I am with someone at the moment, been with him for almost 2 years now. He does what he has to do to bring money home, and I do what I have to do to bring money home. We both feel like what is love when the bills are due?
I feel like there’s no other man out there for me, and I never had a real chance to just LOVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY FOR ME. A lot of MEN out there in the BAY AREA. ( I’m not speaking for all, I know there are some good one’s out there hopefully) that always depend on some woman. TRUST ME I TRIED LEAVING THE MAN I’M WITH NOW, I TRIED CLOSING THE DOOR AND LEAVING “THE GAME BEHIND ME” I dated other men but it’s like every man I meet, is ALWAYS PLAYING SOME MIND GAMES! Always has some baby mother at home and try selling me these fake ass dreams just to help him and his family! All these men now a days see women as DOLLAR SIGNS. I feel like a lot of men these days gave up on them self as a person, and just look to depend on any woman. Every guy I meet is some PIMP. There’s a lot of men out here that is telling these woman anything just to have a few dollars in their pocket! There’s a lot of men who got their heart broke and decide to now pimp on females and get money just to go back and show their ex girlfriend they are actually worth something.
The reason why I’m still holding on to mines is because he is all I know. I know there are times we go thru our little ups and downs but what’s the point of leaving the one I know then to go out there and meet another man that’s about bulls**t? The relationship I have with him is no romance, no telling either other I love you, and when I do tell him I love you his response is “THANKS”. No kissing, no hugging, it’s all about the money and feelings always come LAST! When it comes to him being there when stuff is falling apart he will always be there for me no matter what. He never ever put his hands on me, but there are times when he has disrespected me and makes me feel so insecure about my self. I feel like he is not depending on me because he brings his own money in too. My problem is, what is it? Is it just me? Is it the type of men I chose and the type of men I’m in to? Am I the one who is afraid to be loved…………………..???