I get a lot of emails from people wondering if they should get back with their ex. They at times feel confused about what they should do or how they should go about it. Some are sitting around analyzing every move their ex makes. They will stalk their twitter, facebook, and every person they think he or she may be dealing with romantically. Some of them are trying to move on, but in the back of their minds they are just waiting for an opportunity to get back with their ex. The thing is, most of them have no business trying to entertain getting back with their ex.
The relationship wasn’t what they want to believe it was and their minds are clouded by so many things. Don’t get me wrong, some situations I think have plenty of necessary hope and would be a good thing if it happens. People just need to be more honest with themselves and properly evaluate if getting back together is truly what’s best. So here are three things to be mindful of when trying to accept that you should not get back with your ex.
1. Your Ex Doesn’t Respect You or The Relationship
Let’s not kid ourselves here. Many people have been in or are in relationships where the person shows blatant disrespect. Not a mistake here and there, just a consistent disregard for you and this relationship. So when that person fortunately becomes your ex, what is there really to consider. If they didn’t respect you while in the relationship, why would they change when you keep allowing them to come back? There are plenty of things people can work through, but without respect you really have no relationship to begin with.
2. The Issues With Your Ex Have Not Been Properly Addressed
Saying “I’m Sorry” does not address the issue. Simply stating “Ok I won’t do that again” doesn’t do much in making sure the issue doesn’t come back up. If you two can’t sit down and get to the bottom of why the issue is happening in the first place then don’t expect for it to go away. Proper communication is necessary to overcome any issue. Without it you can’t really expect for things to change and improve. It is possible that by having this discussion you may come to realize that there is nothing you can do or are willing to do, and therefore parting ways is truly best. One way or another taking your ex back without properly addressing the issues is just a set up for more disappointment and frustration.
3. You are Not In Love With Your Ex, You’re Just Attached
The reality is nobody likes to be wrong. Nobody likes to feel like all the time and energy you invested was just a waste. We want to feel validated in the feelings we thought we had for this person and that is hard to do when we are faced with the relationship being over. So many times our desire to take that ex back isn’t because we are really “in love” with them. It is simply our way of holding on to the hope that we didn’t get this wrong. That we didn’t just fight all this time to get and keep this relationship when in reality that person was never meant for us to begin with. Fear is motivating us more than love. In some cases it’s just lust that reels us back in. I could name a few more reasons but at the end of the day none of them are truly about love. We just use that label to validate our actions. So if you are not truly in love, then why bother taking them back. You are only setting yourself up for you or them to leave again.
Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back. Your ex is an ex for a reason. Taking the time to truly understand those reasons will make it clearer if you should entertain getting back with them. Stop getting caught up in what you think you want and focus on what you really need. Regardless of what you decide to do forgiveness will still be needed. Because without forgiveness which allows for you to heal, your next significant other will simply become your next ex.