Previously I wrote a blog post titled “Why How Many Men She Slept With Shouldn’t Matter” and it has received a lot of attention. The premise of the post was to simply say we should not judge a woman on her past. Who she was then is not necessarily who she is now. There were many those that greatly appreciated the article but there were also many who blasted it. Some referred to women who have been promiscuous as nothing more than “sluts” and “whores”. I made mention in the article that it shouldn’t be ok for men while women get chastised, slandered, and disrespected. One reader stated “Yes there is a double standard. It is expected of women to value themselves more highly then what we expect of men.” I wasn’t surprised but it was a little disappointing.
America is the place for freedom, liberty, and equality…unless we are talking women, sex, and relationships. Honestly we don’t do a great job of it in many other areas but let us focus on women, sex and relationships. Women continue to get the short end of the stick and have to deal with an unfair double standard that has been around for centuries. We men are allowed to “sow our oats” while if a woman dares go down that path she better be ready for some backlash. Though I will admit that things are not as bad as they used to be we still have plenty of room to grow. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I want to see everybody go out and be all over the place sexually so to speak. I am a firm believer in waiting being the best thing to do. I just understand that most of us don’t make it that far, and I do not believe women should receive harsher judgment than men. If women are expected to value themselves I believe the same should apply to men. What is interesting is when people of any specific religion buy into the double standard. Last I checked I have yet to see any spiritual text stating “thou shall not fornicate, unless you’re a man”. So why does this double standard continue? Why won’t it go away?
For starters, women won’t let it. Yes, you heard me correctly. Some of the biggest supporters of the double standard are women themselves. That same article I referenced had plenty of negative comments made by women. Do you need more proof? Pay attention as female friends get together and slander the next woman for what she chooses to do. Watch as mothers raise their daughters one way, and not apply the same standards to their sons. Let’s take it even further with the kids. The children see and hear how other women are judged by their own families, yet the actions of the men do not get the same treatment. All of these things play into the continuation of the same double standard that so many women are upset about. If you want to put an end to it then it must start with yourself. You can’t play along with it and expect it to somehow go away. Women should be mindful of this but I can’t let the men that push the double standard off the hook.
Many men have no desire whatsoever to end the double standard. It works to their advantage and gives them the freedom to get away with a lot more than women. In my opinion, what some people fail to realize is that the biggest factor driving men to push the double standard is not an issue of equality or certain beliefs. It is really about control and ensuring that more women do not cross the lines that a lot of men prefer they did not. As it pertains to sex and relationships, many men can be egotistical and territorial. They love the idea of having the woman who nobody else had or only very few can say they have had. So to keep more women in that box, making you feel horrible is a great way of doing that. Slandering any woman who crosses the line of promiscuity will make the next woman think twice about doing the same. I have seen men use this tactic on women in so many ways and I have seen it work to perfection. What some of these men fail to realize is that it doesn’t always work the way they think. Plenty of women still explore their options sexually more than men realize; they simply hide it better and are not as willing to be forthcoming about their “adventures”. So this double standard has actually crippled relationships because now many women don’t feel they can be open and honest about things for fear of being judged. That inability to open up can at times lead to other issues and in the end a failed or unfulfilling relationship.
I’m not sure if we can ever be rid of the double standard. For every man and women that is against it there are just too many that are for continuing it. We can still make a decision as individuals to take a different approach. Again my message in this article is not about whether it is right or wrong to live how we please sexually. It is about holding both men and women to the same standard of character. Though I feel the roles that men and women play in a relationship do have its differences for the most part, it does not diminish the fact that we are of equal value in a relationship. We should both strive to be the best individuals we can be and double standards just don’t help the cause.
Related Article: Why How Many Men She Slept With Shouldn’t Matter
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate